/hm/

/hm/
Last on the field, first in the locker room.
/hm/ - Handsome Men
Founded July 2012 IRL manager Managerless Team colors Chat color FFC0CC Pink Ranking 57 () Highest rank 31 (March 2013) Lowest rank 60 (5 May 2019) Top scorer Bearforce (6) Top assister Disturbia (3) Captain Ellen Website /hm/ - Handsome Men Nickname The Mars/hm/allows
Historic performance
W D L TOTAL EFFICIENCY 6 5 11 22 27.27%
GF GA GD 28 45 -17
Biggest win /trv/  0–3  /hm/ October 20th, 2012 Biggest defeat /hm/  0–6  /d/ April 13th, 2014 First match /h/  2–2  /hm/ 20 July 2012
Elite Cup Appearances 1 (First in 2013 4chan Winter Cup) Best result Retroactively disqualified*, 2013 4chan Winter Cup Babby Cup Appearances 4 (First in 2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup) Best result 8th, 2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup
Team music
Anthem In The Navy Victory Anthem Built This Pool Goal horn Soccer Practice - Jonny McGovern Alternate goal horn The Anthem - Bearforce1 Alternate goal horn Call On Me - Eric Prydz (for Zitler)
Kits
Home kit Away kit

In the back corner of 4chan, kicking its own can with fellow fap boards /s/ and /gif/ while visiting strange weeb cousin /y/ on the weekends, lies /hm/, a board of TRUE men. Big, Hairy, Loveable and Cuddly, the bears of this board bring their own force to the cup. They're masters of the art of drawing matches and leave entire stadiums hot and sweaty with their homo-erotic charge of hype, and always looking to up their game with a nice round of Soccer Practice. Even unmanaged, they've been able to march through to the Top 8 in the Autumn Babby Cup, and while some riggy diggy happened in the following Winter season followed by a huge hiatus throughout 2013, these men are primed, oiled, and ready to charge into the competition and wind up on top. >implying they'll play again

Team History

Forged in the Summer of 2012 and debuting their first performance in an exhibition against /h/, the Handsome Men of /hm/ started off their career on a high note. Marching into the 2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup unmanaged, a shaky Group Stage against /mlp/, /diy/, and /3/ had many questioning the legitimacy of the gay team against fellow newcomer and apparent strongman /trv/ in the Round of 16. A commanding match ending with a 3-0 trouncing of the Frequent Flyer board, and /hm/ placed in the Top 8 of the Babby tournament.

The next cup would forever seal the team as a top-tier player in the big leagues. Grouped with /d/, /v/, and /ck/, it was average fare for the stalwart squadron, hosting a new lead Center Forward with the loudest of roars. A win against the dickgirls and a loss against the vidya left new manager Falcon71 in a touch of a predicament against /ck/; win or be relegated. After two quick goals from fresh blood Bearforce, the /ck/ manager had a breakdown and gave up altogether on the match, letting /hm/ have their way with Nachos and friends. What followed was a record-tying run, Bearforce scoring a one-time-matched five goals and partner striker Disturbia earning her own brace. The Cinderella story would end there, as the one ebin meme /hm/ produced was disqualified from playing against /a/, and despite an early Bearforce goal, the team was sent tumbling out of the 2013 4chan Winter Cup.

The hard times wouldn't end there, as with the advent of Dragongate, /hm/'s Elite Cup run was deemed illegitimate, and the team was sent tumbling back to the babbies. Managerless for qualification, /vg/ was sent to play in the 2013 4chan Autumn Babby Cup in the team's stead while the handsome men were sent into a coma. For a year, the team would be silent. A spark on October 31st, 2013 in the form of Gayman Alpha re-ignited the team, swapping out old, tired players who had lost their relevance and bringing in a new squadron of fresh blood. Zayn Malik and Ryan Reynolds quickly earned their keep in Friendly matches against /fit/ and /y/, and they looked to the 2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup for their return to glory and a place amongst the top 10 teams. However, /hm/'s only win this season was 2-0 against /out/, with /fa/ taking themselves a 1-0 victory before successive 5-2 demolitions by /lgbt/ and /b/. /hm/ finished with 3 points and 36th out of 40 overall, only above /adv/, /out/, /d/, and /m/. Drawn into what many considered one of the tougher groups the 2014 Autumn Babby had to offer, /hm/'s time to shine would have to take a backseat once more.

A first match against /c/ proved a promising 0-0 thriller; with seven saves by the cute animu grills' keeper preventing an early /hm/ win. /c/ had performed decently against Group C titan /mlp/ before choking away a two-goal lead, and optimistic views for the seamen followed the match into the next day. Despite learning a bunch of technology while overseas, /hm/ could not best the boys from /g/ and lost 2-1 after a hopeful comeback goal from Madison Nicole. The next match would have them face the 2014 Winter Cup Champions /trv/ in a Fourth Founding strongman rematch from the original Autumn Babby tournament. After a 70' crash, Madison once again disturbed crowds with a goal, only for the admirable /hm/ defense to slip up and allow Couchsurfer Rapist a quick equalizer. With two draws and one loss in the bag, it was impossible for /hm/ to advance as they prepared for their final opponent, the dreaded 2013 4chan Spring Babby Cup Champions, /mlp/. Finally, the Ellen pitch was ready, and the men took to the field. Stalwart performances by eventual Man of the Match Zitler, 77 powerhouses STDSTDSTD & Daddy Issues set up many chances for /hm/ to put the ponies down while the gayboi's back line stood strong, barely allowing any chance for a horsecock to assume a dominant position over the bears. In the 50th minute, the queen of /hm/ and glorious team captain Ellen found her shot from a midfield lob by Bearforce and finally got past The Burdened, /mlp/'s top keeper. The match would remain in /hm/ control with some fluctuations towards the very end, but the scoreline stayed stagnant even through four minutes of injury time. Though they were still forced to play in Spring, all of /hm/ let out a mighty roar, knowing that they had stopped the horsefuckers from achieving the status of "12 Point Master Race", and did far better than their previous showing. As they look to the Spring Babby, trouble with management in the offseason has led to this particular cup being played by a /hm/ on autopilot.

The first two matches of autopilot didn't go well for /hm/; a 4-2 loss to /k/ and the biggest loss in the team's history (6-0 to /d/) have left /hm/ free of points after two matches. The handsome males suffered another blowout loss against /n/ and could only save some face in the end of the group stage with a 1-0 win over >/vg/. With 4 former managers now banned and next-to-no interest from any others, it seems unlikely /hm/ will get a manager again, and any future cups they may play will be on autopilot for the foreseeable future.

Roster

Main article: /hm/ Roster

No. Position Player 25   GK Twink 3   CB Jesse Starr 4   CB Str8cam Jeff 14   LB Anderson Cooper 23   RB Gayvid Beckham 6   DMF Zitler 8   CMF STDSTDSTD 20   CMF Versace Poptart 7   RWF Ellen 11   LWF Disturbia 1   CF Bearforce

No. Position Player 22   GK Full Homo 16   GK Bitchy Namefags 14   CB No Mods 2   RB Cut 17   RB Oakley Dokely 24   LB Uncut 10   CMF Corbin Fisher 12   CMF Daddy Issues 18   RWF Wincest Cousin 21   CF My First Time 9   CF Otter 19   CF Straight Best Friend

Match History

Official Matches

Results marked in grey have been struck from the record due to Dragongate.

Date	Opponent	Competition	Result	Scorers
September 9, 2012	/s/	2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup Friendlies	3-3 D	Jake Gyllenhaal 19' Anderson Cooper 37' Blonde Fernando Torres 88'
September 22, 2012	/diy/	2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup Friendlies	1-1 D	Blonde Fernando Torres 29'
September 29, 2012	/y/	2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup Friendlies	1-1 D	Blonde Fernando Torres 53'
October 13, 2012	/mlp/	2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	2-2 D	Anderson Cooper 68' Blonde Fernando Torres 88'
October 14, 2012	/diy/	2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	1-0 L
October 19, 2012	/3/	2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	2-1 W	Anderson Cooper 37', 78'
October 20, 2012	/trv/	2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup - Round of 16	3-0 W	Blonde Fernando Torres 16' Ellen 22' Anderson Cooper 61'
October 21, 2012	/wg/	2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup - Round of 8	3-1 L	Blonde Fernando Torres 84'
December 22, 2012	/cm/	2013 4chan Winter Cup Friendlies	1-1 D	Blonde Fernando Torres 8'
February 9, 2013	/d/	2013 4chan Winter Cup	1-0 W	Disturbia 81'
February 15, 2013	/v/	2013 4chan Winter Cup	2-1 L	Bearforce 81'
February 17, 2013	/ck/	2013 4chan Winter Cup	7-2 W	Bearforce 8', 32', 45+1', 65', 82' Disturbia 47', 90+2'
February 23, 2013	/a/	2013 4chan Winter Cup - Round of 16	2-1 L	Bearforce 5'
April 5, 2013	/k/	2013 4chan Spring Babby Cup Friendlies	1-1 D	Disturbia  34'
April 12, 2013	/fa/	2013 4chan Spring Babby Cup Friendlies	1-1 D	Bearforce  15'
July 19th 2013	/lgbt/	2013 4chan Summer Cup Friendlies	2-0 L
January 18th 2014	/fit/	2014 4chan Winter Cup Friendlies	2-1 L	Ryan Reynolds  45+'
January 19th, 2014	/y/	2014 4chan Winter Cup Friendlies	2-1 W	STDSTDSTD 21' Ryan Reynolds 83'
April 6th, 2014	/out/	2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup	2-0 W	Bearforce  32', 48'
April 12th, 2014	/fa/	2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup	1-0 L
April 13th, 2014	/lgbt/	2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup	5-2 L	Bearforce  7' STDSTDSTD 86'
April 19th, 2014	/b/	2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup	5-2 L	Bearforce  43' Moot's Jawline 90+'
June 6th, 2014	/gif/	2014 4chan Summer Cup Friendlies	0-0 D
June 7th, 2014	/s4s/	2014 4chan Summer Cup Friendlies	1-2 L	Bearforce  89'
October 19th, 2014	/c/	2014 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	0-0 D
October 25th, 2014	/g/	2014 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	2-1 L	Disturbia  57'
October 26th, 2014	/trv/	2014 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	1-1 D	Disturbia  74'
November 1st, 2014	/mlp/	2014 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	1-0 W	Ellen  50'
May 1st, 2015	/k/	2015 4chan Spring Babby Cup	2-4 L	Bearforce  45' Disturbia  62'
May 2nd, 2015	/d/	2015 4chan Spring Babby Cup	0-6 L
May 8th, 2015	/n/	2015 4chan Spring Babby Cup	5-1 L	Versace Poptart  21'
May 10th, 2015	/vg/	2015 4chan Spring Babby Cup	1-0 W	Bearforce  24'

Unofficial Matches

Date	Opponent	Competition	Result	Scorers
July 20, 2012	/h/	2012 4chan Summer Cup Exhibition Match	2-2 (3-2) W	Blonde Fernando Torres 70', 94'
January 17, 2015	/w/	2015 4chan Winter Cup Friendlies	1-2 L	Justin Bieber 70'
January 18, 2014	/n/	2015 4chan Winter Cup Friendlies	1-1 D	Bearforce 87'
August 22, 2015	/hr/	Lark's Madness	2-1 L	Versace Poptart 41'

Invitationals

Date	Opponent	Competition	Result	Scorers
September 13, 2014	/int/	Ved's 1.04 Test Cup	1-0 W	Bearforce 34'
September 14th, 2014	/r9k/	Ved's 1.04 Test Cup	0-2 L
November 28, 2014	/w/	Thanksgiving Bowl	2-1 W (a.e.t.)	STDSTDSTD 54' Corbin Fisher 111'
November 28, 2014	/a/	Thanksgiving Bowl	1-0 W	Bearforce 45'
November 28, 2014	/s4s/	Thanksgiving Bowl	2-5 L	Bearforce 18' Disturbia 39'
November 28, 2014	/u/	Thanksgiving Bowl	8-0 L
January 31, 2015	/a/	Good Try Bowl	1-1 (6-5) W	Bearforce 27'
January 31, 2015	/lgbt/	Good Try Bowl	2-1 W	Disturbia 33', 41'
January 31, 2015	/sp/	Good Try Bowl	1-0 W	Disturbia 17'

Player Stats

Note:	Players in bold are still on the /hm/ squad. Goals in parenthesis are totals including invitationals. Assists list may be incomplete due to game crashes and a lack of in-depth Friendly data.

Goals & Assists

Player	Goals	Assists
Bearforce	7 (11)	2
Anderson Cooper	5	4
Blonde Fernando Torres	4 (6)	2
Disturbia	3 (7)	3
Ellen	2	4
Ryan Reynolds	2	2
STDSTDSTD	2 (3)	0
Jake Gyllenhaal	1	0
Moot's Jawline	1	0
Versace Poptart	1	1
Corbin Fisher	0 (1)	0
Justin Bieber	0 (1)	0

Saves

Keeper	Saves
Twink	23
Full Homo	9
Hot Facebook Friend	0
Pearmode	;_;7

Team Honors

2013 4chan Winter Cup - Best Dressed, All Star Team (Bearforce)

Rivalries

/lgbt/ - Degenerate Derby	Gay porn vs gay discussion. It cant end well. And at the end, don't forgot to check your privilege. /hm/ has failed twice to best their little brother.
0-0-2

/y/ - Gay Off Derby	Lovers outside of the cup, rivals in the cup. This derby shows off new heights of gay abuse and bashing in the 4chan Cup. These two clubs have met twice on the field, most recently with a 2-1 victory to the mars/hm/allows. /hm/ doms with a win and a draw apiece.
1-1-0