/tv/ Roster

Name	Number	Position	Image	Description
STARTERS
HOWEVER	55	GK		"To all Gryffindors... Cheers. Cheers, my friends. It has been an honour. Cheers!" >Dumbledore fixes his eyes on the Slytherin table, completely ignoring Ravenclaw and the other one. "Now Slytherin... I know we have had our differences, but your ambition and hard work is truly something to behold. Admirable!" >the Slytherins are cautious. Dumbledore usually follows up a praise with some humiliation and injustice. "Indeed, I have a special treat for you all because of these traits. It's so good, that you'll love it despite its Muggle origin. It is a large apparatus which all of you can fit in which will confer all of you a deeply unique experience that shall benefit us all. A chamber of sorts. I have had that room over there fitted with the apparatus. Move along, children, shuffle into it now. You too, Snape." >the Slytherins flood into the room, some cautious and some excited. >Dumbledore slams the door shut and enchants it to be locked and airtight. He turns to the other houses. "And that special treat? That "unique experience" the Slytherins shall all experience and you all won't?" "..." "...Why, it's... DEATH! FUCK SLYTHERIN! THE FINAL SOLUTION TO THE SLYTHERIN MENACE BEGINS NOW! PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL, TURN ON THE GAS! YES, YES, WELL DONE, SLYTHERIN! WELL DONE SLYTHERIN FOR DYING SO WELL! SIX MILLION POINTS TO A HOUSE THAT SHALL CEASE TO EXIST IN 5 MINUTES!" >he said calmly. Dumbledore's mouth foams during his blood-crazed tirade, the hall erupts into applause and a massive, inter-house orgy ensues. The Slytherins begin dying in the gas chamber. As Malfoy chokes on his own blood, Harry proves himself to be a sexual dominant member of the orgy. >Dumbledore looks on with pride. >Years later Harry Potter tells recounts these events to his son, Albus, at bedtime, with Ginny smiling warmly at the memory. "And that's how Dumbledore exterminated the Slytherin scum. HEIL GODRIC! Dumbledore truly was the greatest headmaster of them all, and a good friend."
I'll Make a Man Out of You	2	CB		LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS TO APPEASE...XINJIANG. DISNEY SENDS ME DORRARS WE CUT OUT...SLAVE TONGUES THEY ARE LOYAL TO OUR PRESIDENT BUT YOU CAN BET, THE MOUSE WILL TOO DISNEY I'LL THROW SOME CASH OUT TO YOU
Classic Paul Dano	22	CB		Classic.
Dr. Ivo Robotnik	89	CB		You didn't expect him to play for /tv/...but you were expecting him not to expect him to play for /tv/, so it doesn't count. Despite his exile to the Mushroom Planet in early 2020, Robotnik signed for the team in the springtime after learning that his contract promised him a pre-game latte with steamed Austrian goat milk made by his assistant every week. And why wouldn't he accept that contract? HE LOVES THE WAY HE MAKES THEM!
Mike "Ampf" Stoklasa	8	DMF		AKA Mike "Pulling the Trigger on Every Nigger" Stoklasa, AKA Mike "Kike Killer" Stoklasa, AKA Mike "Gook Nuke" Stoklasa.
>the absolute and utter state of /who/	98	LMF		AYO I'S THE ORIGINAL DOCTA I AIN'T FINNA BE NO WHITE MAN NO MORE, LEZ DO DIS WIBBLEH WOBBLEH TIMEH WIMEH STUFF, DAS RITE.
Gul Dukat	9	RMF		MAKE CARDASSIA GREAT AGAIN
Anatoly Dyatlov	8	CMF		"How many goals have we conceded per game?" "3.6 per game, but that's as high as PES..." "3.6...not great, not terrible." Dyatlov did nothing wrong, fuck you CCCP.
Brendan Fraser	11	AMF		Officially unJUSTed on January 31, 2019, but still JUSTed as a striker (fuck you Pentacks).
Sheev	66	SS		UUUUUUUUUUUNLIMITED POWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
FOR YOU	4U	CF		U U U U
SUBSTITUTES
High Ground	12	GK		He has the physical high ground, as well as the moral high ground. It's like pottery.
Paul I "Muad'Dub" Atredies	15	CB		Father, I CRAVE the spice...
K I N O	15	CB		ABSOLUTE FUCKING KINOGRAPHY.
LYNCHED	19	CMF		>not understanding thought-provking and masterful Lynchkino LYNCHED
Really, Raimi?	23	CMF		>"What's the matter with you, kid!? You coulda stopped 9/11!" >"I missed the part where that's my problem." Jesus, Raimi. Don't bring this into the MCU later.
I'M GONNA SAY IT	5	RMF		*HUFF HUFF* MUR-RAY, I'M FUCKING BACK *HUFF HUFF* GUESS WHAT, I'VE *HUFF* JUST READ THE UPDATED CRIME STATISTICS, WANNA HEAR MY NEW JOKE? *HUFF* WHAT MAKES UP 56% DESPITE BEING 13%? *SCREEEEEEEEEEEE* *CRASH*
Kinoplex Robert	6	LMF		"Anon, I'm afraid the kinoplex is closed." >"Wh-what? Since when, Robert?" "Unfortunately, /tv/ has gone into a mandatory lockdown to combat this pandemic. You aren't wearing your mask." >"O-oh, I had no idea masks were mandatory." "Don't worry, Anon. Here's one, courtesy of the kinoplex. We'll be reopening soon. I've already reserved tickets for Tenet, F9, and Dune, just for you. See ya real soon, Anon." >"H-heh, I'll see you soon, Rob."
Watch It Chrissy	13	DMF		YOU'D BETTER WATCH IT, ANON.
Rick Deckard	8	LB		LONELY AND HORNY.
Real Human Being	1	LB		And a real hero.
Dan "I don't feel so good" Schneider	15	RB		AKA... Dan "Toes Are The Best On The Lolita Express" Schneider Dan "Delete All The Tweets About Little Kid's Feet" Schneider Dan "Getting Quite Keen With Jeffrey Epstein" Schneider Dan "Feet-Feet-Feet-F-Feetfeetfeet, Skeet-a-loadeon" Schneider Dan "Watch iCarly, Then iCummy" Schneider Dan "From Miranda Cosgrove to Miranda Rights" Schneider Dan "I Was Despicable Me Before Miranda" Schneider
Sneed's Feed and Seed	19	RB		The greatest meme of all time, and the destroyer of (((comfy Simpson's threads))) (formerly reddit outposts). Now stumping /leftypol/ cucks too.

Former players (WIP)

Name	Last Cup	Image	Description
*record scratch*	2016 4chan Winter Cup	File:Recordscratch.jpg	*record scratch* *freeze frame* Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got kicked off the team. Well, it all began back in 2016 when...
Andreas Lubitz	2015 4chan Spring Babby Cup		Crashed out of the team with no survivors.
Armond White	2013 4chan Spring Babby Cup	File:Armond.jpg	The official critic of /tv/, a man who appreciates film from the /tv/ point of view: contrarianism. Kicked off the team for bringing his contrarian ways to the pitch by not participating in the game, which he called "slavery to the rich white man".
BLACKED	2018 4chan Summer Cup	File:BLACKED.jpg	Removed from the team when the jannies came to investigate.
Capeshit	2019 4chan Autumn Babby Cup Qualifiers		Kicked off the team after coming into a 2.8 billion dollar windfall.
/cel/	2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup	File:Cel.jpg	Left in search of becoming a real board.
Cleganebowl	2017 4chan Summer Cup		Left the team to actually take place. Barred from coming back after occurring during the shitfest that was the final season.
Crab Legs	2013 4chan Spring Babby Cup	File:Crablegs.jpg	Caught and prepared fresh at Robert's Kinoplex. Lives on as part of Robert's spirit.
Eagles	2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup	File:LOTReagles.jpg	Let go after the manager decided that his unorthodox playstyle of "disappearing until the very end of the game to bail /tv/ out" was considered too risky.
FUCKEN DROPPED	2013 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	File:FUCKENDROPPED.jpg	Fucken' dropped.
George Lucas	2012 4chan Summer Cup	File:Georgelucas.jpg	Hired on the basis that he was the key to victory, but much like Jar Jar, was a major disappointment with the fans.
Ghost of Peter O'Toole	2015 4chan Spring Babby Cup		Left in search of his sticky.
Heat Legend	2013 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	File:Heatlegend.jpg	when were you when heat legend sacks i was sat at home eating crab leg when rob ring 'heat is sack' 'no' for you????????????
JDIMSA	2017 4chan Summer Cup		Died in his sleep.
Loner Cinephile	2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup	File:Lonercinephile.png	Failed to turn up at /tv/'s end-of-cup trip to Robert's Kinoplex and was subsequently fucken dropped. Reported sightings of him attending the kinoplex alone continued up until the COVID-19 pandemic.
Muhammad Bin Al-Ah'Falek	2016 4chan Winter Cup		Pursued the Muslim faith he defended after the embarrassing "German expressionist kino" that was Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.
Now This Is Podracing	2012 4chan Summer Cup	File:Podracing.png	Abducted by the Queen of Naboo. May have been in contact with High Ground recently.
Problem Child 2	2019 4chan Autumn Babby Cup Qualifiers		The greatest film of all time. Dropped after more than seven years of service.
Ron Perlman	2012 4chan Summer Cup	File:Perlman.png	Left the team for unknown reasons, no longer wanted after glimpsing his tweets to Donald Trump.
Skeksis Chamberlain		File:Skeksis.jpg	Acknowledging a so-called Gelfling genocide, hmmmmmm?
Super Leia	2019 4chan Winter Cup	File:Superleia.png	Returned to the Resistance after learning that...*sigh*, somehow, Palpatine returned. Not slated to return to the team until digitally reconstructed by the Mouse (again).
The REAL Captain Marvel	2019 4chan Spring Babby Cup		Everybody forgot about his movie after Endgame came out.
Uno Farto	2016 4chan Summer Cup	File:UNOFARTO.jpg	Farted too hard and shat himself against [s4s] after seeing Keksandra's feet, forcing a halftime substitution. Left the team when the replay went viral and "Uno farto @ 3:17" filled the comments section.
WITNESS ME	2015 4chan Summer Cup	File:WITNESS.jpg	Rode eternal, shiny and chrome, to Valhalla.
>YIFY	2015 4chan Summer Cup		Pussied out after the sheepfuckers slapped him with a lawsuit.
ZIMBABWE	2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup	File:Zimbabwe.jpg	Kicked off the team after his omnipresent forced laugh track proved too irritating even for /tv/.