Summary
Matchday 1
/h/ proved they could break the /toy/ defense, refball not withstanding. But /h/ simply could not keep the pressure up, and /toy/ literally walked in their second goal without much opposition. Despite some rigging by Bittenfeld, it was clear that the renowned maverick was not drunk enough to win. Orange Transparent Chainsaw, leading /toy/'s defense, shut down every /h/ attempt to push up the field while their offense, exemplified by Woody, Madoka Titus, and Optimus Prime, cut through /h/'s ranks like a hot knife through butter. Still, DFC managed to keep this from being a total blowout, and /h/'s half-time rigging managed to change the pace of the game from /toy/tal domination to a more even, interesting, exciting match. /h/ has two more games to make up for its mistakes, but it seems that /toy/'s new manager Dawgamus can take them back to the championships.
We began with a bugged stadium and a half-hour of re-rigging because of it. Perennial underdog /y/ began with a surprisingly strong offense that penetrated /co/'s defense multiple times, eventually securing them the victory. /co/'s traditionally lonely offense was completely stymied by the mob-style defense of /y/, with The Flash and Tucker constantly pushed out of position and forced into making longshots that could not find their way into the goal. A surprising upset victory. Might we see /co/ battling it's friendly rival /tg/ in the Spring Babbies? Only time will tell.
Matchday 2
Following some 0-second rigging by Dr. BorisG, we kicked off one of the most anticipated matches of the day. Mediocre conditioning on /co/'s forwards was matched by amazing conditioning on Woody, /toy/'s star player, while /co/ goalie Mogo was in the best condition of his billion-year life and /toy/ found themselves unwilling to allow a purple Ham Hands to retire to the bench. The game broke down into the midfield sandwich, but Woody found a way to use his touch to take a one-point lead in the first half. But Danger Zone rang through the stadium when Tucker, in a fit of uncharacteristic generosity, passed a thru-ball to Archer and allowed him to score for /co/. An amazing point-blank choke by the Flash (Wally West) at 63' 30" saw the ball bounce up and down on the goal line in the most ridiculous trollbar to we have ever seen. But a beautiful triple play by Hope Corgi, /co/lette, and a redirecting trollbar gave /co/ the victory exactly at the 90'. Almost 2 dozen interceptions were seen in this nail-biting, fully-rigged game that gave us a 6.0 Woman of the Match and left Group C in a very interesting position going into next Saturday.
In an ugly as fuck stadium, where half the players were unreadable and nobody could see the ball, /y/ proved that heterosexual hentai was the better hentai. /h/ dominated the match in terms of possession and shots, playing a strong midfield that left /y/'s completely wing-based offense on the back foot. SleepDeprivedAnon proved that on top of making shit stadiums, playing unusual formations and providing inappropriate chants for his team, his pitch and his tactics crash the game and he rigs even more than Bittenfeld. The forced restart utterly destroyed the conditions for both teams and resulted in the first game of the 4CC to feature absolutely equal conditions. Due to PES2014 preventing own goals, Asuka scored for /h/ in the new game, and we moved on to the second half after watching DJ BorisG play multiple songs over a field of confused AI players. /y/'s despearte all-out, 6 attacker tactics were easily exploited by /h/, who broke through /y/'s non-existent defense to score a flurry of goals in the second half, a flurry that /y/ simply could not match. /h/ won handily, as they deserved after the fuckup of /y/, and Group C enters the second week with all teams on the board and competing to advance. Get Hype!
Matchday 3
This game was fucking nothing. Disregarding a very drunk Bittenfeld trying to force the game into another draw in an already drawn group, the Blue and Purple forwards of /co/ let down a great set of midfield and defensive players, highlighted by Alan Moore, Brock Samson, and Aku. /h/'s own midfield would overwhelm the ill-conditioned forwards of /co/, and team punching bag The Trash would lead /co/ in choking on critical shots. /h/ was not immune from the epidemic of chokes that seemed to be afflicting PES, with /h/ player Kneesocks afflicted with a particularly bad case. This boring, shitty game would allow /h/ to go through, and leave /co/ clinging to the hope that /y/ would force /toy/ into another nil-nil draw, a hope that seemed that much less ridiculous for this game. One final note: Sack Wally West, get Jay Garrick in here.
In this group of draws, this would be the deciding match. The fate of /co/ rested on this game between group favorites /toy/ and group failures /y/. Well-conditioned strikers on /y/ and a Blue Woody seemed to give them the advantage, but Madoka Titus killed /co/'s sliver of hope by scoring 5 minutes into the game, stealing the ball from a spaghetti-ing Kawaii Neko. A second goal by Madoka Titus seemed to put the game in /toy/'s favor and prompted /y/ to start throwing players out of formation and rig like Bittenfeld. Gold defender Yaranaika managed to outwit and outconfuse /toy/ 78' into the game to score and then...PES crashed. The curse of /y/, perhaps a child of the curse of /x/, would see commissioner Dr. BorisG flail about like a limbless paraplegic trying to play PES2014 for the very first time. Amid protestations of "I don't play PES!" and "Boris, X is shoot!" sides disappeared around the world as the commissioner attempted, and failed dramatically, to rig the game back to its pre-crash stats. Balls were walked into GKs, stolen by AI players, held by players that refused to give them to the proper team, and eventually ended with everyone just giving up and laughing uncontrollably. Gold defender Yaranaika would AGAIN score a goal for /y/, putting the aggregate score at 2-2 and ending Group C with quads. /toy/ and /h/ advance to the knockouts, to face the winners of Group D.
Table
| Team
|
Pld
|
W
|
D
|
L
|
GF
|
GA
|
GD
|
Pts
|
 /h/ |
3 |
1 |
1 |
1 |
4 |
3 |
1 |
4
|
 /toy/ |
3 |
1 |
1 |
1 |
5 |
5 |
0 |
4
|
 /co/ |
3 |
1 |
1 |
1 |
3 |
3 |
0 |
4
|
 /y/ |
3 |
1 |
1 |
1 |
5 |
6 |
-1 |
4
|
/toy/ v /h/
| Stadium: Wembley Stadium
|
14 February 2014, 19:40 UTC
|
Attendance: 775
|
|
|
Kit: 
|
 |
 |
Ham Hands |
|
|
|
 |
 |
The World |
|
|
|
|
|
Orange Transparent Chainsaw |
|
|
|
|
|
Screwholes |
|
|
|
|
 |
Detolf Shelves |
|
|
|
 |
|
Rapedog |
 70' |
|
|
 |
 |
Matty |
|
|
|
 |
|
You Knoe Who |
90+' |
|
|
 |
|
Optimus Prime |
|
|
|
 |
 |
Madoka Titus |
|
|
|
 |
|
Woody |
|
|
|
| Substitutions:
|
|
|
African Bugman |
70' |
|
|
|
|
Kinder Eggs |
90+' |
|
|
| Manager:
|
| DawgamusPrime !!nAmLxhuSwBT
|
|
|
|
|
Kit: 
|
|
|
Sad Panda |
 29' |
|
|
 |
|
La Blue Girl |
45' |
|
|
|
|
Slut Girl |
|
|
|
|
|
Christmas Cake |
|
|
|
 |
|
Secret Plot |
45' |
|
|
 |
|
Kneesocks |
|
|
|
|
|
Pomf-chan |
|
|
|
|
|
Reika Kitami |
|
|
|
|
|
Delicious Flat Chest |
|
|
|
|
|
Titty Monster |
|
|
|
|
|
Asuka Langley Soryu |
|
|
|
| Substitutions:
|
|
|
Faceless Fat Guy |
29' |
|
|
|
|
Umemaro 3D |
45' |
|
|
|
|
Angel Blade |
45' |
|
|
| Manager:
|
| Bittenfeld !!YN/c61bWcAz
|
|
|
Man of the Match:
Orange Transparent Chainsaw (/toy/)
|
| Match Stats
|
| Possession (%)
|
|
47
|
|
53
|
| Shots (on target)
|
|
8
|
|
5
|
|
(6)
|
|
(3)
|
| Fouls (offside)
|
|
2
|
|
1
|
|
(1)
|
|
(1)
|
| Corner Kicks
|
|
4
|
|
0
|
| Free Kicks
|
|
1
|
|
2
|
| Passes completed (%)
|
|
77
|
|
79
|
| Crosses
|
|
5
|
|
3
|
| Interceptions
|
|
8
|
|
7
|
| Tackles
|
|
1
|
|
1
|
| Saves
|
|
0
|
|
3
|
|
/co/ v /y/
| Stadium: Wembley Stadium
|
14 February 2014, 20:20 UTC
|
Attendance: 874
|
/co/lette  31'
|
|
18', 54' Ramen Yaoi
|
|
|
Kit: 
|
|
|
Mogo |
|
|
|
|
|
Sexism |
|
|
|
|
|
Forty Cakes |
|
|
|
|
|
Rightclops |
|
|
|
|
|
Dead Parents |
65' |
|
|
|
|
Win O'Thread |
65' |
|
|
|
|
Archer |
|
|
|
|
|
/co/lette |
|
|
|
|
|
Superior |
|
|
|
|
|
Tucker |
|
|
|
|
|
The Flash |
|
|
|
| Substitutions:
|
|
|
Hope Corgi |
65' |
|
|
|
|
Alan Moore |
65' |
|
|
| Manager:
|
DocSax !!CZDGJzT39aK
Mantis !!JQtP16lnumY
|
|
|
|
|
Kit: 
|
|
|
Denied Pleasure |
|
|
|
|
|
Blowjob Thread |
|
|
|
|
|
Spiderman |
74' |
|
|
|
|
Yaranaika |
|
|
|
|
|
Footjob Thread |
|
|
|
|
|
Pit |
74' |
|
|
|
|
Black |
86' |
|
|
 |
|
The Dick |
|
|
|
 |
|
Sooo Need It |
|
|
|
|
|
Ramen Yaoi |
|
|
|
|
|
Delete Your Misfires |
|
|
|
| Substitutions:
|
|
|
Link |
74' |
|
|
|
|
Anal Rape |
74' |
|
|
|
|
Not A Trap |
86' |
|
|
| Manager:
|
| Sleep Deprived Anon !!gI7vh35uJ8C.
|
|
|
Man of the Match:
Denied Pleasure (/y/)
|
| Match Stats
|
| Possession (%)
|
|
50
|
|
50
|
| Shots (on target)
|
|
13
|
|
11
|
|
(10)
|
|
(8)
|
| Fouls (offside)
|
|
2
|
|
1
|
|
(1)
|
|
(1)
|
| Corner Kicks
|
|
5
|
|
2
|
| Free Kicks
|
|
1
|
|
2
|
| Passes completed (%)
|
|
73
|
|
76
|
| Crosses
|
|
9
|
|
2
|
| Interceptions
|
|
7
|
|
9
|
| Tackles
|
|
5
|
|
0
|
| Saves
|
|
4
|
|
7
|
|
The setup for the match had to be redone after >/y/'s pitch caused an endless loading loop. As a result, the game was played at Wembley Stadium. /co/'s intended to use the same kits, while /y/ were going to play with white and pink hoops due to their kits not being fixed. During the restart, the host was able to fix the /y/ kits.
/toy/ v /co/
| Stadium: Konami Stadium
|
16 February 2014, 19:40 UTC
|
Attendance: 895
|
|
|
Kit: 
|
|
|
Ham Hands |
|
|
|
|
|
Nubs Destiny |
|
|
|
|
|
Saber Miku |
|
|
|
|
|
Screwholes |
69' |
|
|
|
|
Cactus Owl |
|
|
|
|
|
My Nugga |
69' |
|
|
|
|
Matty |
|
|
|
|
|
Kinder Eggs |
|
|
|
|
|
Optimus Prime |
|
|
|
|
|
Madoka Titus |
|
|
|
|
|
Woody |
|
|
|
| Substitutions:
|
|
|
African Bugman |
69' |
|
|
|
|
The World |
69' |
|
|
| Manager:
|
| DawgamusPrime !!nAmLxhuSwBT
|
|
|
|
|
| Kit:
|
|
|
Mogo |
|
|
|
|
|
Rightclops |
|
|
|
|
|
Forty Cakes |
|
|
|
|
|
Doom |
75' |
|
|
|
|
Alan Moore |
|
|
|
|
|
Bad News |
69' |
|
|
|
|
/co/lette |
|
|
|
|
|
>my frank when |
69' |
|
|
|
|
Archer |
|
|
|
|
|
The Flash |
|
|
|
|
|
Tucker |
|
|
|
| Substitutions:
|
|
|
Hope Corgi |
69' |
|
|
|
|
T.O.M. |
69' |
|
|
|
|
Aku |
75' |
|
|
| Manager:
|
DocSax !!CZDGJzT39aK
Mantis !!JQtP16lnumY
|
|
|
Man of the Match:
/co/lette (/co/)
|
| Match Stats
|
| Possession (%)
|
|
49
|
|
51
|
| Shots (on target)
|
|
5
|
|
4
|
|
(3)
|
|
(3)
|
| Fouls (offside)
|
|
2
|
|
0
|
|
(2)
|
|
(0)
|
| Corner Kicks
|
|
2
|
|
0
|
| Free Kicks
|
|
0
|
|
2
|
| Passes completed (%)
|
|
81
|
|
78
|
| Crosses
|
|
2
|
|
0
|
| Interceptions
|
|
10
|
|
13
|
| Tackles
|
|
4
|
|
2
|
| Saves
|
|
2
|
|
2
|
|
/h/ v /y/
| Stadium: Estadio da Luz
|
16 February 2014, 20:20 UTC
|
Attendance: 895
|
|
|
Kit: 
|
|
|
Garterbelt |
|
|
|
|
|
Mezzo Forte |
|
|
|
|
|
Slut Girl |
|
|
|
|
|
Christmas Cake |
|
|
|
|
|
Fap Gauntlet |
|
|
|
|
|
Angel Blade |
|
|
|
|
|
Kneesocks |
|
|
|
|
|
Delicious Brown |
61' |
|
|
|
|
Reika Kitami |
|
|
|
|
|
Asuka Langley Soryu |
|
|
|
|
|
Titty Monster |
|
|
|
| Substitutions:
|
|
|
Pomf-chan |
61' |
|
|
| Manager:
|
| Bittenfeld !!YN/c61bWcAz
|
|
|
|
|
Kit: 
|
|
|
Bondage General |
|
|
|
|
|
Yaoi Accessories |
|
|
|
|
|
Yaranaika |
|
|
|
|
|
Kawaii Neko ~*~ |
45' |
|
|
|
|
Sea Turtle |
|
|
|
|
|
Not A Trap |
|
|
|
|
|
Link |
45' |
|
|
|
|
Hotalia |
|
|
|
|
|
Black |
|
|
|
|
|
Ramen Yaoi |
|
|
|
|
|
Delete Your Missfires |
|
|
|
| Substitutions:
|
|
|
I Sooo Need It |
45' |
|
|
|
|
The Dick |
45' |
|
|
| Manager:
|
| Sleep Deprived Anon !!gI7vh35uJ8C.
|
|
|
Man of the Match:
Asuka Langley Soryu (/h/)
|
The game crashed at halftime. The match was replayed and manipulated to keep scores until that time. Conditioning was set to be normal () for the restart. Starting elevens are shown with conditioning as it was before the restart, substitutions shown with conditioning as it was after the restart. Both teams kept their kits after the restart. /h/ player Fap Gauntlet did not play following the crash and was replaced by Secret Plot. Match stats are invalidated.
/co/ v /h/
| Stadium: Stade de France
|
22 February 2014, 19:00 UTC
|
Attendance: 805
|
|
|
Kit: 
|
|
|
Mogo |
|
|
|
|
|
Brock Samson |
|
|
|
|
|
Aku |
|
|
|
|
|
Rightclops |
|
|
|
|
|
Alan Moore |
62' |
|
|
|
|
Bad News |
79' |
|
|
|
|
Archer |
|
|
|
|
|
/co/lette |
|
|
|
|
|
Superior |
79' |
|
|
|
|
The Flash |
|
|
|
|
|
Tucker |
|
|
|
| Substitutions:
|
|
|
Dead Parents |
62' |
|
|
|
|
W.O.Y.A. |
79' |
|
|
|
|
Sportsmaster |
79' |
|
|
| Manager:
|
DocSax !!CZDGJzT39aK
Mantis !!JQtP16lnumY
|
|
|
|
|
| Kit:
|
|
|
Garterbelt |
|
|
|
|
|
La Blue Girl |
79' |
|
|
|
|
Slut Girl |
|
|
|
|
|
Ino Yamanaka |
|
|
|
|
|
Secret Plot |
|
|
|
|
|
Kneesocks |
|
|
|
|
|
Angel Blade |
62' |
|
|
|
|
Step Sister |
62' |
|
|
|
|
Reika Kitami |
|
|
|
|
|
Asuka Langley Soryu |
|
|
|
|
|
Titty Monster |
|
|
|
| Substitutions:
|
|
|
POMF-chan |
62' |
|
|
|
|
Delicious Brown |
62' |
|
|
|
|
Mezzo Forte |
79' |
|
|
| Manager:
|
| Bittenfeld !!YN/c61bWcAz
|
|
|
Man of the Match:
Brock Samson (/co/)
|
| Match Stats
|
| Possession (%)
|
|
52
|
|
48
|
| Shots (on target)
|
|
4
|
|
3
|
|
(1)
|
|
(1)
|
| Fouls (offside)
|
|
1
|
|
1
|
|
(1)
|
|
(0)
|
| Corner Kicks
|
|
3
|
|
1
|
| Free Kicks
|
|
1
|
|
1
|
| Passes completed (%)
|
|
80
|
|
75
|
| Crosses
|
|
6
|
|
2
|
| Interceptions
|
|
14
|
|
8
|
| Tackles
|
|
2
|
|
5
|
| Saves
|
|
0
|
|
1
|
|
/y/ v /toy/
| Stadium: Estadio do Morumbi
|
22 February 2014, 19:30 UTC
|
Attendance: 810
|
| Yaranaika 71', 87'
|
|
4', 19' Madoka Titus
|
|
|
Kit: 
|
|
|
Bondage General |
|
|
|
|
|
Blowjob Thread |
|
|
|
|
|
Yaranaika |
|
|
|
|
|
Kawaii Neko ~*~ |
|
|
|
|
|
Sea Turtle |
|
|
|
|
|
Fucktoys |
|
|
|
|
|
Link |
78' |
|
|
|
|
Black |
78' |
|
|
|
|
Delete Your Misfires |
|
|
|
|
|
Ramen Yaoi |
|
|
|
|
|
I Sooo Need It |
|
|
|
| Substitutions:
|
|
|
Hotalia |
78' |
|
|
|
|
Not A Trap |
78' |
|
|
| Manager:
|
| Sleep Deprived Anon !!gI7vh35uJ8C.
|
|
|
|
|
| Kit:
|
|
|
Thew Adams |
|
|
|
|
|
Nubs Destiny |
|
|
|
|
|
Detolf Shelves |
|
|
|
|
|
Saber Miku |
|
|
|
|
|
Cactus Owl |
|
|
|
|
|
My Nugga |
78' |
|
|
|
|
Matty |
|
|
|
|
|
Kinder Eggs |
78' |
|
|
|
|
Optimus Prime |
|
|
|
|
|
Madoka Titus |
|
|
|
|
|
Woody |
|
|
|
| Substitutions:
|
|
|
You Knoe Who |
78' |
|
|
|
|
Rapedog |
78' |
|
|
| Manager:
|
| DawgamusPrime !!nAmLxhuSwBT
|
|
The game crashed in the 78th minute. The match was replayed and manipulated to keep a 0-0 scoreline so the score could be aggregated after full time. Conditioning was set to be normal () for the restart. Starting elevens are shown with conditioning as it was before the restart, substitutions shown with conditioning as it was after the restart. /toy/ kept their kit after the restart, while /y/ changed to their black and pink hoops. Match stats and Man of the Match are invalidated.
