Difference between revisions of "Rigged Wiki:Players of the week"

From Rigged Wiki
Jump to navigation Jump to search
(33 intermediate revisions by 3 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
This is the front page of '''Player of the Week''''s archive, a near-weekly piece featuring a player of the moment. New articles come whenever they are written. This page contains all articles from the current year. Here are links to all articles from past years:
This is the front page of '''Player of the Week''''s archive, a near-annual (formerly weekly but not since like 2014) piece featuring a player of the moment. {{tt|New articles come whenever they are written by the community|Current known writers: tech, Horizons}}. Feel free to submit a piece; contact [[User:F4r]]. This page contains all articles from the current year. Here are links to all articles from past years:
*[[Rigged Wiki:Players of the week/2012|2012 archive]]
*[[Rigged Wiki:Players of the week/2012|2012 archive]]
*[[Rigged wiki:Players of the week/2013|2013 archive]]
*[[Rigged wiki:Players of the week/2013|2013 archive]]
*[[Rigged wiki:Players of the week/2014|2014 archive]]
*[[Rigged wiki:Players of the week/2014|2014 archive]]
==January==
*[[Rigged wiki:Players of the week/2015|2015 archive]]
===Wednesday 14th of January - Suicide===
*[[Rigged wiki:Players of the week/2016|2016 archive]]
*[[Rigged wiki:Players of the week/2017|2017 archive]]
*[[Rigged wiki:Players of the week/2018|2018 archive]]
==February==
===Wednesday, 13th of February===
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
|-
|-
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_suicide.jpg|350px]]
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_Hitler.jpg|350px]]
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''Suicide''' [[File:adv icon.png|text-top|25px]]
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''Hitler''' {{team away|pol}}
|-
|-
| width="80%" | {{Position|CF}}
| width="80%" | {{Position|CMF}}
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Build:</b> 180cm, 66kg
|-
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | Build: 183cm, 82kg
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Player Skills:</b> {{tt|S03| Marseille Turn}}, {{tt|S08|Long Range Drive}}, {{tt|S12|First-time Shot}}, {{tt|S14|Weighted Pass}}, {{tt|S16|Outside Curler}}, {{tt|S26|Captaincy}}
|-
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | [[Pro Evolution Soccer 2014/Player Skills|Player Skills]]: {{skill|C08}}, {{skill|P09}}, {{skill|P10}}, {{skill|P13}}
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Playing Style:</b> Box to Box
|-
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | [[Pro Evolution Soccer 2014/Playing Style|Playing Style]]: Goal Poacher
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" | Germany was [[2017 4chan Autumn Babby Cup Qualifiers|having trouble]], what a sad, sad story
 
Needed a new leader to restore its [[2013 4chan Winter Cup|former]] [[2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup|glory]]
 
Where, oh, where was he? Where could that man be?
 
We looked around -- and then we found -- the man for you and me!
 
...in any case, it may not be springtime, but /pol/ is back! And there's no better striker to herald the return of a /pol/arizing stalwart than the Führer himself. After all, at a time where Moonman was too busy leading right-wing death squads to sniff out undesirables in the locker rooms, and Alex Jones was too busy being addled by the chemicals in the water to shoot on target, who persevered and brought home the trophy for /pol/?
 
Natürlich niemand anderes als der Führer.
 
Behind Hitler all /pol/ follows.
 
Before him, the [[2020 4chan Winter Cup|Winter Cup]], and tomorrow, the world.
|-
|-
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" | When we featured [[/lit/]] goalkeeper Exit Level, it was suggested that other goalies should kill themselves. While not a goalkeeper, there is one player within the 4CC who just may very well follow that advice! Suicide is a Center Forward for [[/adv/]]. Added to the team's roster for their 2nd incaration in 2012, Suicide was traditionally a winger who played quiet yet solid midfield with exception of a goal scored against [[/gif/]] during [[2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup|Autumn 2012]]. Recently, teammate and former gold player s/adv/irgin received a humiliating promition to a CB, and Suicide took his place as CF and new gold for the team in time for the 2014 Autumn Babby Cup. With great flexibility and dexterity, Suicide proved he had the grit to tie the noose around his opponents' necks. He scored five goals in total, including a crushing hattrick vs. /tv/, putting him in a front runner position for the Golden Boot all the way up to the end of the group stages. /adv/ just barely failed to promote, but when they return for another chance [[2015 4chan Spring Babby Cup|next Spring]], Suicide will tie his laces extra tight and consult for /adv/'s victory once more.
| colspan="3" align="right" | '''[[:Rigged Wiki:Players of the week|Archive]]'''
|}
|}


==March==
==March==
===Thursday 5th of March - Doomrider===
===Saturday, 23rd of March===
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
|-
|-
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_Doomrider.jpg|350px]]
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_nyps.jpg|350px]]
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''DOOMRIDER''' [[File:tg icon.png|text-top|25px]]
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''No >YOUR< Program Sucks''' {{team away|3}}
|-
|-
| width="80%" | {{Position|SS}}
| width="80%" | {{Position|CMF}}
|-
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | Build: 189cm, 108kg
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Build:</b> 175cm, 66kg
|-
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | [[Pro Evolution Soccer 2014/Player Skills|Player Skills]]: {{skill|C03}}, {{skill|P08}}, {{skill|P09}}, {{skill|P13}}
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Player Skills:</b> {{tt|S08|Long Range Drive}}, {{tt|S13|One-touch pass}}, {{tt|S24|Track back}}
|-
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | [[Pro Evolution Soccer 2014/Playing Style|Playing Style]]: Dummy Runner
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Playing Style:</b> The Destroyer
|-
|-
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" | Oh great Lord Slaanesh, send forth your servant, the Daemon Prince Doomrider! Let our enemies tremble in ruptured awe before his fearsome goals! So sayeth the newest 4CC champions, [[/tg/]]. Currently a gold player and one of /tg/'s trio of Second Strikers, Doomrider , along with his partner in crime, Creed, has been arguably the team's most popular striker. Starting with a goal in /tg/'s very first game way back in [[2012 4chan Winter Cup|Winter 2012]], they have since kept coming to the tune of 48 in total. Doomrider may have also secured his status as the most acrobatic striker in the 4CC. The Demon Prince now his two legendary bicycle kick goals to his name; the first being the award-winning goal of [[2013 4chan Autumn Babby Cup|Autumn 2013]] where he set up his own aerial shot vs. [[/sci/]]; the second is now the title-clenching kick which nabbed the championship from /h/. We've interviewed Doomrider about the secret of his success and he said, “I use a very strict health regimen which starts with a half-hour jog every morning at 6 A.M. Sharp. I then follow it up with a healthy breakfast of whole-wheat – Ha ha, just kidding! '''IT'S COCAAAAAIIIN!'''
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" | Imagine being scored on by a non-medal CMF. What kind of shitty team would let that happen to them?
|}
==April==
Now imagine getting scored on by said non-medal CMF ''thrice''.
===Wednesday, 1st of April - Gaston===
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
Fortunately, there's no player in a better position to shit on other teams than renowned /3/ shitposter '''No >YOUR< Program Sucks''', and [[2019 4chan Winter Cup|this Winter]], he did just that. Part of /3/'s ironclad midfield, this player has somehow managed to transmute years of experience in shitflinging about software into shots flung cleanly into the opposing goal. With a brace against /pol/, an extra goal against /tg/, and a quick three-minute shot during a quarterfinal rematch against the ledditors, it's the shitposter's record that best shows off the lethality and tightly-controlled midfield of this Winter's /3/, where seemingly any player could score and any forward drive was a threat — one that took the eventual cup winners [[:/gd/]] in order to dismantle.
While /3/ may not have taken the star, they came damn well close, and it's in great part thanks to this embodiment of /3/. Which, by the way — wasn't made in Maya (it's shit), or 3DS Max (it's shit) — it was made in Blender.
You heard me right, get fucked. And that goes for any of you shit Babby-ass teams still doubting /3/ after this run — {{tt|next [[2019 4chan Summer Cup|Summer]], he'll be shitting on you.|Tonight, on Cup taglines that didn't age well...}}
|-
|-
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_Gaston.png|350px]]
| colspan="3" align="right" | '''[[:Rigged Wiki:Players of the week|Archive]]'''
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''Gaston''' [[File:co icon.png|text-top|25px]]
|-
| width="80%" | {{Position|AMF}}
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | Build: 193cm, 124kg
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | [[Pro Evolution Soccer 2014/Player Skills|Player Skills]]: {{tt|C02|Hazing Run}}, {{tt|C07|Long Donger}}, {{tt|P12|Pinpoint Flexing}}, {{tt|P15|Long Throw Teammate}}
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | [[Pro Evolution Soccer 2014/Playing Style|Playing Style]]: Beastmaster
|-
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" | Gaston flexed his way onto the [[/co/]] roster in time for the 1992 4chan Winter Cup. His extraordinary debut is still among the most memorable in 4cc history. During the semi-final game vs. the then-favorite to win the Cup, [[/3/]], /co/ seemed in a dire situation with teammate El Barto removed via red card, and Darkwing Duck also out with a broken ankle. Through sheer force of manliness and aided by the blinding sparkle of his smile, Gaston bulldozed through the /3/ defense, scoring three goals in the last 16 minutes of regulation and clinching the game for his team 6-5. Not one to go down in after such a triumph, Gaston singlehanded carried /co/ through the championship game vs. [[/v/]] to the tune of 3-1, and he hoisted /co/'s first trophy over his head. Since then it has become unimaginable to think of /co/ without Gaston! (Ignoring his brief, one-season transfer to [[/fit/]] in 2003) The comics crew and their seven stars are a feared force indeed, with Gaston ever-present playing striker, midfielder, defender, or goalie, sometimes all at once! No one shoots like Gaston! No one bloots like Gaston! No one gores like Gaston! No one scores like Gaston!
|}
|}
==May==
==July==
===Thursday, 7th of May - CRT===
===Tuesday, 2nd of July===
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
|-
|-
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_CRT.jpg|350px]]
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_macgyver.png|350px]]
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''CRT''' [[File:vr icon.png|text-top|25px]]
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''MacGyver''' {{team away|diy}}
|-
|-
| width="80%" | {{Position|CF}}
| width="80%" | {{Position|CF}}
|-
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | Build: 186cm, 99kg
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Build:</b> 185cm, 80kg
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Player Skills:</b> {{tt|P03|Speeding Bullet}}, {{tt|S06|Scotch Move}}, {{tt|S12|First-time Shot}}, {{tt|S16|Outside Curler}}, {{tt|S24|Track back}}, {{tt|S26|Captaincy}}
|-
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | [[Pro Evolution Soccer 2015/Player Skills|Player Skills]]: {{tt|P07|Long Range Drive}}, {{tt|P19|Track Back}}
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Playing Style:</b> None
|-
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | [[Pro Evolution Soccer 2015/Playing Style|Playing Style]]: N/A
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" | I have a home project that requires goals, goals, and more goals. I can't just go out and buy them like some teams, so how am I going to get these goals? Just become '''MacGyver''' of course!
 
When scoring is down and the project is looking like a lost cause, there is no one else to turn to other than [[:/diy/]] idol MacGyver, and he proved in Spring that there is no one else better to turn to when the job calls for receiving  masterclass passes and putting them in the back of the net. Leading the /diy/ attack, he proves that you don't need a gun to have explosive firepower, as his pace and speed down the field allowed him to rack up 6 goals in 4 matches, as well as assisting on one of the other 2 goals for /diy/. Without MacGyver, /diy/ would have lacked creativity throughout the entire pitch, and lacking creativity on /diy/ is a surefire way to get you laughed all the way back to the department store.
 
While MacGyver and the rest of /diy/ have proven they still have what it takes to make a high-quality model football team after a 3-and-a-half-year trip to the hardware store, they were unfortunately dismantled by an even bigger underdog in [[:/i/]], in what was a stellar match that resulted in penalties after MacGyver's 2 goals and converted penalty in the shootout proved not to be enough for the job. Ultimately, Blacksmith missed the deciding penalty, and /diy/ fans everywhere are calling for his forge to be removed because his metalworking has proven to be shit.
 
Be on the lookout for MacGyver [[:2019 4chan Summer Cup|this Summer]], as the main handyman looks to keep /diy/ elite, no matter how many hours he'll have to spend tinkering in his workshop to get the best team on the pitch.
|-
|-
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" | What's the best television set for your gaming needs? A 72" True-Color flatscreen with surround sound? Or perhaps a more conservatively tasteful 40" LCD on a wall-mount? As any [[/vr/]] gamer will tell you, what you REALLY want is that piece of shit Magnavox CRT from 1990 if you want the true, pure way to display those pixels. Whether it's sitting down for some quality time with Crystalis, or demolishing the defense of your divegrass opponents, CRT has served /vr/ well. Historically playing several different positions including GK and DMF, he is now a silver-ranked Center Forward for the team. His first goal ever was during last year's [[2014 4chan Autumn Babby Cup]] in 90+ minutes against [[/pol/]], but that would be just a rumble compared to a thunderous performance so far in this year's [[2015 4chan Spring Babby Cup|Spring Babby]]. So far, CRT has scored 5 goals as well as granting 5 assists. He has undoubtedly been essential in making /vr/ one of the most successful teams of this cup, in addition to being the first team to secure their spot into the knockout rounds. As /vr/ strives to win a babby cup, CRT has reportedly been training by playing Nintendo World Cup and FIFA 94.
| colspan="3" align="right" | '''[[:Rigged Wiki:Players of the week|Archive]]'''
|}
|}
===Tuesday, 19th of May - Brendan Fraser===
 
==August==
===Sunday, 11th of August===
 
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
|-
|-
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_BrendenFraser.jpg|350px]]
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_sadpanda.png|350px]]
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''Brendan Fraser''' [[File:tv icon.png|text-top|25px]]
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''Sad Panda''' {{team away|h}}
|-
|-
| width="80%" | {{Position|CF}}
| width="80%" | {{Position|GK}}
|-
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | Build: 183cm, 69kg
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Build:</b> 185cm, 82kg
|-
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | [[Pro Evolution Soccer 2015/Player Skills|Player Skills]]: {{tt|C03|Speeding Bullet}}, {{tt|P05|Cut Behind & Turn}}, {{tt|P10|First-time Shot}}
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Player Skills:</b> {{tt|S21|GK Long Throw}}
|-
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | [[Pro Evolution Soccer 2015/Playing Style|Playing Style]]: Fox in the Box
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Playing Style:</b> Offensive Goalkeeper
|-
|-
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" | "Mr. Fraser, what is it you desire most?"
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" |There's a question that's dogged both /h/ newfags and frustrated Cup strikers forever -- how the ''fuck'' do I get past this goddamn panda?<br />
"Looney Toons: Back in Action only made $20 million domestically on an $80 dollar budget. It nearly ruined me. I want revenge!"<br>
 
"Then sign this contract. Play for [[/tv/]] and you may get your vengeance on [[/co/]]."<br>
Known as the biggest and most reliable index for drawings of all sorts, exhentai, more popularly as the '''Sad Panda''', was beloved among all [[:/h/]] for hosting all their favorite fetishes and art with decades' worth of material. Then, tragedy struck: a new sticky on /h/ told users to backup material on Sad Panda immediately due to new laws in the {{tt|Netherlands|exhentai's long-time host}}. Users panickedly scrambled to backup everything they could, but -- there's only so much you can save in twelve hours. Though a backup eventually saved everything, the panic and dread that comes from losing the original and having to save so much could not dissipate so easily.<br />
And thus Brendan Fraser began his divegrass career, and his wrath was terrible. This silver Center Forward is a brand new addition to the team for the [[2015 4chan Spring Babby Cup]]. Just as he can act the gambit from a romantic in The Quiet American to complaining about sugar pills in Brain Candy, he can also play all which the pitch demands from striker, to assisting, or sweeper. While teammates Real Human Being and For You each have scored one more goal than Fraser's 5 this cup, they have Brendan and his 6 assists to thank for it. He has exploded onto the scene as /tv'/s MVP. [[2015 4chan Summer Cup|This Summer]], /tv/ returns to their first elite cup in many moons, and expectations will be high for /tv/ and Brendan Fraser alike. Good luck!
 
|}
So how did this carry over to the pitch? For their final group stage match against [[:/g/]], Sad Panda became an AMF and a gold medal in honor of his many years of service, and just like that PES found a way to reward him.<br />
==June==
 
===Wednesday, 3rd of June - Rippletits===
With a free kick opportunity just outside of the box, the panda put it right into the back of the net, sending /h/ fans into a frenzy, with their lament momentarily forgotten, and the joy of a divegrass miracle filling their hearts. You'd be hard-pressed to write a better doujin {{tt|plot|lel}} than that.
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
 
But as /h/ fans blew their collective load for the Panda goal, so, it seems, did /h/ -- when the Panda let a heart-breaking goal past him in the last minute of eggsdra diem, /h/’s loss in the [[2019 4chan Summer Cup knockout stage|Round of 16]] was sealed, capping off /h/’s emotional cup run. No matter how sad this made the panda, /h/ fans surely will still love him all the same.<br />
 
Watch the [[2020 4chan Winter Cup|Winter Cup]], coming to a backup save near you soon, to see if /h/ can penetrate the field harder next time!
|-
|-
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_Rippletits.jpg|350px]]
| colspan="3" align="right" | '''[[:Rigged Wiki:Players of the week|Archive]]'''
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''Rippletits''' [[File:fit icon.png|text-top|25px]]
|-
| width="80%" | {{Position|LWF}}
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | Build: 182cm, 101kg
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | [[Pro Evolution Soccer 2015/Player Skills|Player Skills]]:  {{tt|P07|Long Range Drive}}, {{tt|P13|Pinpoint Crossing}}, {{tt|P19|Track Back}}
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | [[Pro Evolution Soccer 2015/Playing Style|Playing Style]]: Creative Playmaker
|-
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" | Mark Rippletoe, or better-known around [[/fit/]] as simply '''Rippletits''', is a veteran of the 4chan Cup dating all the way back to the days of the GSBB system. At one time he was captain for /fit/ but has since stepped down for newer players such as Scooby to get their time in the limelight. But Rippletits is far from done contributing to his team. He is now a silver-ranked LWF who, despite his guilty pleasure for curls, has not skipped leg day. Rippletits specializes in fighting hard for the ball, powerfully driving it up the pitch, and crossing it to his midfield teammates with surprising grace. As far as the record sheets are concerned, he is mostly a quiet player with a mere 4 career goals and a handful of assists each season. Yet still, his presence is always felt on the pitch, and he was certainly a key factor in /fit/ having their most successful season since the team's fall from [[Elite_(teams)|elite status]] in [[2013 4chan Summer Cup|Summer 2013]]. /fit/ and Rippletits will move onto the next [[2015 4chan Summer Cup|Summer Cup]] to make sure there isn't a repeat of that episode.
|}
|}


[[Category:Wiki]]
[[Category:Wiki]]

Revision as of 01:29, 11 August 2019

This is the front page of Player of the Week's archive, a near-annual (formerly weekly but not since like 2014) piece featuring a player of the moment. New articles come whenever they are written by the community. Feel free to submit a piece; contact User:F4r. This page contains all articles from the current year. Here are links to all articles from past years:

February

Wednesday, 13th of February

POTW Hitler.jpg Hitler Pol icon.png /pol/
  CMF
Build: 180cm, 66kg
Player Skills: S03, S08, S12, S14, S16, S26
Playing Style: Box to Box
Germany was having trouble, what a sad, sad story

Needed a new leader to restore its former glory

Where, oh, where was he? Where could that man be?

We looked around -- and then we found -- the man for you and me!

...in any case, it may not be springtime, but /pol/ is back! And there's no better striker to herald the return of a /pol/arizing stalwart than the Führer himself. After all, at a time where Moonman was too busy leading right-wing death squads to sniff out undesirables in the locker rooms, and Alex Jones was too busy being addled by the chemicals in the water to shoot on target, who persevered and brought home the trophy for /pol/?

Natürlich niemand anderes als der Führer.

Behind Hitler all /pol/ follows.

Before him, the Winter Cup, and tomorrow, the world.

Archive

March

Saturday, 23rd of March

POTW nyps.jpg No >YOUR< Program Sucks 3 icon.png /3/
  CMF
Build: 175cm, 66kg
Player Skills: S08, S13, S24
Playing Style: The Destroyer
Imagine being scored on by a non-medal CMF. What kind of shitty team would let that happen to them?

Now imagine getting scored on by said non-medal CMF thrice.

Fortunately, there's no player in a better position to shit on other teams than renowned /3/ shitposter No >YOUR< Program Sucks, and this Winter, he did just that. Part of /3/'s ironclad midfield, this player has somehow managed to transmute years of experience in shitflinging about software into shots flung cleanly into the opposing goal. With a brace against /pol/, an extra goal against /tg/, and a quick three-minute shot during a quarterfinal rematch against the ledditors, it's the shitposter's record that best shows off the lethality and tightly-controlled midfield of this Winter's /3/, where seemingly any player could score and any forward drive was a threat — one that took the eventual cup winners /gd/ in order to dismantle.

While /3/ may not have taken the star, they came damn well close, and it's in great part thanks to this embodiment of /3/. Which, by the way — wasn't made in Maya (it's shit), or 3DS Max (it's shit) — it was made in Blender.

You heard me right, get fucked. And that goes for any of you shit Babby-ass teams still doubting /3/ after this run — next Summer, he'll be shitting on you.

Archive

July

Tuesday, 2nd of July

POTW macgyver.png MacGyver Diy icon.png /diy/
  CF
Build: 185cm, 80kg
Player Skills: P03, S06, S12, S16, S24, S26
Playing Style: None
I have a home project that requires goals, goals, and more goals. I can't just go out and buy them like some teams, so how am I going to get these goals? Just become MacGyver of course!

When scoring is down and the project is looking like a lost cause, there is no one else to turn to other than /diy/ idol MacGyver, and he proved in Spring that there is no one else better to turn to when the job calls for receiving masterclass passes and putting them in the back of the net. Leading the /diy/ attack, he proves that you don't need a gun to have explosive firepower, as his pace and speed down the field allowed him to rack up 6 goals in 4 matches, as well as assisting on one of the other 2 goals for /diy/. Without MacGyver, /diy/ would have lacked creativity throughout the entire pitch, and lacking creativity on /diy/ is a surefire way to get you laughed all the way back to the department store.

While MacGyver and the rest of /diy/ have proven they still have what it takes to make a high-quality model football team after a 3-and-a-half-year trip to the hardware store, they were unfortunately dismantled by an even bigger underdog in /i/, in what was a stellar match that resulted in penalties after MacGyver's 2 goals and converted penalty in the shootout proved not to be enough for the job. Ultimately, Blacksmith missed the deciding penalty, and /diy/ fans everywhere are calling for his forge to be removed because his metalworking has proven to be shit.

Be on the lookout for MacGyver this Summer, as the main handyman looks to keep /diy/ elite, no matter how many hours he'll have to spend tinkering in his workshop to get the best team on the pitch.

Archive

August

Sunday, 11th of August

POTW sadpanda.png Sad Panda H icon.png /h/
  GK
Build: 185cm, 82kg
Player Skills: S21
Playing Style: Offensive Goalkeeper
There's a question that's dogged both /h/ newfags and frustrated Cup strikers forever -- how the fuck do I get past this goddamn panda?

Known as the biggest and most reliable index for drawings of all sorts, exhentai, more popularly as the Sad Panda, was beloved among all /h/ for hosting all their favorite fetishes and art with decades' worth of material. Then, tragedy struck: a new sticky on /h/ told users to backup material on Sad Panda immediately due to new laws in the Netherlands. Users panickedly scrambled to backup everything they could, but -- there's only so much you can save in twelve hours. Though a backup eventually saved everything, the panic and dread that comes from losing the original and having to save so much could not dissipate so easily.

So how did this carry over to the pitch? For their final group stage match against /g/, Sad Panda became an AMF and a gold medal in honor of his many years of service, and just like that PES found a way to reward him.

With a free kick opportunity just outside of the box, the panda put it right into the back of the net, sending /h/ fans into a frenzy, with their lament momentarily forgotten, and the joy of a divegrass miracle filling their hearts. You'd be hard-pressed to write a better doujin plot than that.

But as /h/ fans blew their collective load for the Panda goal, so, it seems, did /h/ -- when the Panda let a heart-breaking goal past him in the last minute of eggsdra diem, /h/’s loss in the Round of 16 was sealed, capping off /h/’s emotional cup run. No matter how sad this made the panda, /h/ fans surely will still love him all the same.

Watch the Winter Cup, coming to a backup save near you soon, to see if /h/ can penetrate the field harder next time!

Archive