Difference between revisions of "Rigged Wiki:Players of the week"

From Rigged Wiki
Jump to navigation Jump to search
(3 intermediate revisions by one other user not shown)
Line 7: Line 7:
*[[Rigged wiki:Players of the week/2017|2017 archive]]
*[[Rigged wiki:Players of the week/2017|2017 archive]]
*[[Rigged wiki:Players of the week/2018|2018 archive]]
*[[Rigged wiki:Players of the week/2018|2018 archive]]
==February==
*[[Rigged wiki:Players of the week/2019|2019 archive]]
===Wednesday, 13th of February===
==April==
===Wednesday, 1st of April===
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
|-
|-
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_Hitler.jpg|350px]]
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:Eggum.png|350px]]
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''Hitler''' {{team away|pol}}
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''Eggman''' {{team away|egg}}
|-
| width="80%" | {{Position|CMF}}
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Build:</b> 180cm, 66kg
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Player Skills:</b> {{tt|S03| Marseille Turn}}, {{tt|S08|Long Range Drive}}, {{tt|S12|First-time Shot}}, {{tt|S14|Weighted Pass}}, {{tt|S16|Outside Curler}}, {{tt|S26|Captaincy}}
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Playing Style:</b> Box to Box
|-
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" | Germany was [[2017 4chan Autumn Babby Cup Qualifiers|having trouble]], what a sad, sad story
 
Needed a new leader to restore its [[2013 4chan Winter Cup|former]] [[2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup|glory]]
 
Where, oh, where was he? Where could that man be?
 
We looked around -- and then we found -- the man for you and me!
 
...in any case, it may not be springtime, but /pol/ is back! And there's no better striker to herald the return of a /pol/arizing stalwart than the Führer himself. After all, at a time where Moonman was too busy leading right-wing death squads to sniff out undesirables in the locker rooms, and Alex Jones was too busy being addled by the chemicals in the water to shoot on target, who persevered and brought home the trophy for /pol/?
 
Natürlich niemand anderes als der Führer.
 
Behind Hitler all /pol/ follows.
 
Before him, the Winter Cup, and tomorrow, the world.
| colspan="3" align="right" | '''[[:Rigged Wiki:Players of the week|Archive]]'''
|}
 
==March==
===Saturday, 23rd of March===
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
|-
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_nyps.jpg|350px]]
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''No >YOUR< Program Sucks''' {{team away|3}}
|-
| width="80%" | {{Position|CMF}}
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Build:</b> 175cm, 66kg
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Player Skills:</b> {{tt|S08|Long Range Drive}}, {{tt|S13|One-touch pass}}, {{tt|S24|Track back}}
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Playing Style:</b> The Destroyer
|-
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" | Imagine being scored on by a non-medal CMF. What kind of shitty team would let that happen to them?
Now imagine getting scored on by said non-medal CMF ''thrice''.
Fortunately, there's no player in a better position to shit on other teams than renowned /3/ shitposter '''No >YOUR< Program Sucks''', and [[2019 4chan Winter Cup|this Winter]], he did just that. Part of /3/'s ironclad midfield, this player has somehow managed to transmute years of experience in shitflinging about software into shots flung cleanly into the opposing goal. With a brace against /pol/, an extra goal against /tg/, and a quick three-minute shot during a quarterfinal rematch against the ledditors, it's the shitposter's record that best shows off the lethality and tightly-controlled midfield of this Winter's /3/, where seemingly any player could score and any forward drive was a threat — one that took the eventual cup winners [[:/gd/]] in order to dismantle.
While /3/ may not have taken the star, they came damn well close, and it's in great part thanks to this embodiment of /3/. Which, by the way — wasn't made in Maya (it's shit), or 3DS Max (it's shit) — it was made in Blender.
You heard me right, get fucked. And that goes for any of you shit Babby-ass teams still doubting /3/ after this run — next [[2019 4chan Summer Cup|Summer]], he'll be shitting on you.
| colspan="3" align="right" | '''[[:Rigged Wiki:Players of the week|Archive]]'''
|}
==July==
===Tuesday, 2nd of July===
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
|-
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_macgyver.png|350px]]
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''MacGyver''' {{team away|diy}}
|-
| width="80%" | {{Position|CF}}
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Build:</b> 185cm, 80kg
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Player Skills:</b> {{tt|P03|Speeding Bullet}}, {{tt|S06|Scotch Move}}, {{tt|S12|First-time Shot}}, {{tt|S16|Outside Curler}}, {{tt|S24|Track back}}, {{tt|S26|Captaincy}}
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Playing Style:</b> None
|-
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" | I have a home project that requires goals, goals, and more goals. I can't just go out and buy them like some teams, so how am I going to get these goals? Just become MacGyver of course!
 
When scoring is down and the project is looking like a lost cause, there is no one else to turn to other than [[:/diy/]] idol MacGyver, and he proved in Spring that there is not anyone else better to turn to when the job calls for receiving  masterclass passes and putting them in the back of the net. Leading the /diy/ attack, he proves that you don't need a gun to have explosive firepower, as his pace and speed down the field allowed him to rack up 6 goals in 4 matches, as well as assisting on one of the other 2 goals for /diy/. Without MacGyver, /diy/ would have lacked creativity throughout the entire pitch, and lacking creativity on /diy/ is a surefire way to get you laughed all the way back to the department store.
 
While MacGyver and the rest of /diy/ have proven they still have what it takes to make a high quality model football team after a 3 and a half year trip to the hardware store, they were unfortunately dismantled by an even bigger underdog in [[:/i/]], in what was a stellar match that resulted in penalties after MacGyver's 2 goals and converted penalty in the shootout proved not to be enough for the job. Ultimately, Blacksmith missed the deciding penalty, and /diy/ fans everywhere are calling for his forge to be removed because his metalworking has proven to be shit.
 
Be on the lookout for MacGyver [[:2019 4chan Summer Cup|this Summer]], as the main handyman looks to keep /diy/ elite, no matter how many hours he'll have to spend tinkering in his workshop to get the best team on the pitch.
|-
| colspan="3" align="right" | '''[[:Rigged Wiki:Players of the week|Archive]]'''
|}
==August==
===Sunday, 11th of August===
 
{| width="100%" style="background: transparent; margin: 5px;"
|-
| rowspan="6" width="20%" style="padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 10px;" | [[File:POTW_sadpanda.png|350px]]
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 180%; padding-top: 5px;" | '''Sad Panda''' {{team away|h}}
|-
|-
| width="80%" | {{Position|GK}}
| width="80%" | {{Position|GK}}
|-
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Build:</b> 185cm, 82kg
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" | I've come to make an announcement:
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Player Skills:</b> {{tt|S21|GK Long Throw}}
|-
| width="80%" style="font-size: 90%;" | <b>Playing Style:</b> Offensive Goalkeeper
|-
| width="80%" align="justify" style="font-size: 90%;" |There's a question that's dogged both /h/ newfags and frustrated Cup strikers forever -- how the ''fuck'' do I get past this goddamn panda?<br />
 
Known as the biggest and most reliable index for drawings of all sorts, exhentai, more popularly as the '''Sad Panda''', was beloved among all [[:/h/]] for hosting all their favorite fetishes and art with decades' worth of material. Then, tragedy struck: a new sticky on /h/ told users to backup material on Sad Panda immediately due to new laws in the {{tt|Netherlands|exhentai's long-time host}}. Users panickedly scrambled to backup everything they could, but -- there's only so much you can save in twelve hours. Though a backup eventually saved everything, the panic and dread that comes from losing the original and having to save so much could not dissipate so easily.<br />


So how did this carry over to the pitch? For their final group stage match against [[:/g/]], Sad Panda became an AMF and a gold medal in honor of his many years of service, and just like that PES found a way to reward him.<br />
Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, he took his hedgehog fucking quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife and he said his dick was "this big" and I said "that's disgusting".


With a free kick opportunity just outside of the box, the panda put it right into the back of the net, sending /h/ fans into a frenzy, with their lament momentarily forgotten, and the joy of a divegrass miracle filling their hearts. You'd be hard-pressed to write a better doujin {{tt|plot|lel}} than that.
So I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com: Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick, its the size of this walnut except way smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like. That's right baby, all point, no quills, no pillows, look at that it looks like two balls and a bong.


But as /h/ fans blew their collective load for the Panda goal, so, it seems, did /h/ -- when the Panda let a heart-breaking goal past him in the last minute of eggsdra diem, /h/’s loss in the [[2019 4chan Summer Cup knockout stage|Round of 16]] was sealed, capping off /h/’s emotional cup run. No matter how sad this made the panda, /h/ fans surely will still love him all the same.<br />
He fucked my wife so guess what? I'm gonna fuck the Earth. That's right this is what you get, MY SUPER LASER PISS. Except I'm not pissing on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher, I'M PISSING ON THE MOON. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT OBAMA, I PISSED ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT!


Watch the [[2020 4chan Winter Cup|Winter Cup]], coming to a backup save near you soon, to see if /h/ can penetrate the field harder next time!
You have twenty-three hours before the piss drop-el-ets hit the fucking Earth, now get out of my fucking sight, before I piss on you too.
|-
|-
| colspan="3" align="right" | '''[[:Rigged Wiki:Players of the week|Archive]]'''
| colspan="3" align="right" | '''[[:Rigged Wiki:Players of the week|Archive]]'''

Revision as of 21:57, 2 April 2020

This is the front page of Player of the Week's archive, a near-annual (formerly weekly but not since like 2014) piece featuring a player of the moment. New articles come whenever they are written by the community. Feel free to submit a piece; contact User:F4r. This page contains all articles from the current year. Here are links to all articles from past years:

April

Wednesday, 1st of April

Eggum.png Eggman Egg icon.png /egg/
  GK
I've come to make an announcement:

Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, he took his hedgehog fucking quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife and he said his dick was "this big" and I said "that's disgusting".

So I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com: Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick, its the size of this walnut except way smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like. That's right baby, all point, no quills, no pillows, look at that it looks like two balls and a bong.

He fucked my wife so guess what? I'm gonna fuck the Earth. That's right this is what you get, MY SUPER LASER PISS. Except I'm not pissing on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher, I'M PISSING ON THE MOON. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT OBAMA, I PISSED ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT!

You have twenty-three hours before the piss drop-el-ets hit the fucking Earth, now get out of my fucking sight, before I piss on you too.

Archive