Rigged Wiki:Players of the week

This is the front page of Player of the Week's archive, a near-weekly piece featuring a player of the moment. This page contains all articles from the current year. Here are links to all articles from past years:

• 2012 archive
• 2013 archive

January 2014

Wednesday 1st January

Dusty Height: 25cm Weight: 5kg Cards: P02, P16, S01

You think you know him, but you're wrong. Dusty is a fervent cheerleader and unofficial mascot of the 4chan Cup. He is also a cat. While he appears as nothing more than an adorable ball of fluff, he is in actuality the power behind the throne. Dusty is a ruthless and cunning talent agent of unparallelled skill. Sometime in early 2012, before the 4chan Cup had even heard of DrBorisG, Dusty negotiated a contract of ownership with the future commissioner, where Dusty received a lifetime supply of food, water, and shelter in exchange for purrs and nuzzles. When Boris discovered the 4chan Cup near the beginning of 2013, Dusty saw a chance to seize power and went for it, instructing his “owner” to take up management of any team he was able (in this case, /hr/) and to also run his unofficial friendlies to show off his technical abilities. Meanwhile, Dusty also contacted Gracen Ivorinne (via email to not expose his feline nature) in negotiations to make DrBorisG the new commissioner. The busy Gracen was impressed and quickly agreed to hand control over, and the rest, as we say, is history. So just remember as you hear Dusty's mews in the background during games that everything is going according to his diabolical plan.

Wednesday 15th January

Yaranaika Height: 186cm Weight: 77kg Player Skills: C07, S06, S08, S10, S19 Playing Style: Extra Frontman

Ladies and gentlemen, your new >gold defender. Yaranaika is a long-serving member of /y/, protecting the team's rear line as a Center Back. In the recent 2013 Autumn Babby Cup he helped hold back the pressure from teams such as /cm/ and the offensive juggernaut /lgbt/, allowing /y/'s promotion into Winter. It would seem his performance has impressed /y/ management because in the move to the 2014 seasons he's just received the largest promotion possible, rocketing up from a standard starter to a gold-ranked captain. The results? In their first friendly of the year against /gd/, Yaranaika scored a goal despite his defender status, but alternatively 3 goals were also scored against /y/. Was Yaranaika too busy trying to score goals to defend? Was /gd/'s offense just that good? PES 14 is new territory and its still too early to say. When asked about his performance in the Friendly, Yaranaika simply closed his eyes and gave an expression that implied pure ecstasy.

Wednesday 22nd January

Chie Satonaka Height: 182cm Weight: 80kg Player Skills: C06 Playing Style: Box-to-Box

A tomboy who often dwells at Yasogami High School, Chie Satonaka also plays as a left midfielder for /vg/. Her Box-to-Box style of play means she applies her youthful energy to cover the whole field for the duration of the game. Chie is a great team player and will always look for an opportune time to cross the ball to her teammates for goals, or just a chance to get the ball up the field. She is also, however, not a starter, and sits most games out on the bench, but perhaps a recent contribution will change that. /vg/ is a team fallen on desperately hard times, going a full year without a win. In their recent friendly against /s4s/ Chie was on the receiving end of a cross, threading herself through /s4s/'s tight defense and scoring the one goal which finally broke /vg/'s winless streak. /vg/ will play again this Spring in the 2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup Qualifiers qualifying rounds where, perhaps, Chie can help once again and pull her team up into the Babbies.

Wednesday 29th January

Madokami Height: 184cm Weight: 90kg Player Skills: None Playing Style: N/A

What would you do if you were a God? Grant miracles? Smite the unfaithful? Block some blooters? The latter option is the case for /u/'s own Madokami. The ultimate magical girl plays goalkeeper for the Cup's purest team, where through either an invisible tangle of fabric and wings or just sheer skill she acts as the vanguard of /u/'s net. /u/ has seen about the most remarkable turnaround of any team with the help of Madokami. They were ranked nearly dead last circle the 2013 Spring Babby Cup, but were granted entry into Summer as a result of Dragongate. There she staved off attacks from /int/ and /fit/ allowing them to avoid relegation. Evidently she she has honed her skills further, and in /u/'s two Winter friendlies Madokami gave her team two clean sheets against /adv/ and /wg/, the very same team which knocked /u/ out in Summer. Madokami returns to the Pitch for the 2014 Winter Cup where it is certain she will play with uttermost beauty and grace.

February 2014

Wednesday 5th February

>tfw no gf Height: 200cm Weight: 73kg Player Skills: C01, S18, S19 Playing Style: The Destroyer

Though now captain of the team and Chief of the Feels, >tfw no gf is a relative newcomer to /r9k/ who saw his first games in the 2013 Winter Cup. Unlike most captains, he does not play a striker role, and instead concentrates on a mix of defense and attacking as a CMF. While ROBOT9001 stands at the team's top scorer, >tfw no gf still has five career goals of his own to boast. It is noteworthy that he does not currently live up to the full potential of a gold-ranked player, using only two out of the four allotted cards, perhaps setting himself as a role-model captain who sacrifices for the good of the team. Under his leadership /r9k/ has picked itself up from a battered state where, although they failed to advance from Autumn 2013, they did give us some exciting games. Hopefully he will bring us more of them when /r9k/ returns for the 2014 Spring Babby Cup.

Wednesday 19th February

Krispen Wah   CB Height: 180cm Weight: 76kg Player Skills: None Playing Style: N/A
THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN REDACTED BY WORLD WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT, INC.

Wednesday 26th February

Jackie Chan Tulpa   GK Height: 180cm Weight: 80kg Player Skills: None Playing Style: Offensive Goalkeeper

Your dad works at Nintendo? Big deal, my best friend was the star of Shanghai Noon! Jackie Chan Tulpa, unquestionably the most famous and righteous tulpas of the entire 4chan Cup, is a long-serving member of /mlp/. Initially he experienced all the team's ups and downs as a center back. /mlp/ management felt age was finally catching up to JCT and downgraded him from a starter to a back-up goalkeeper. At first it seemed management was right when JCT was fielded against /asp/ and allowed for the surprising 0-3 loss despite five saves. He would then quite literally get his game together in the second, vital group stage game against /m/. The mech warriors would play with a thunderous assault, showing a commanding possession and passing advantage, but Jackie Chan Tulpa held firm with six saves while his team sneaked in a 3-0 clean sheet win of their own. Now /mlp/ is in the knockout rounds. Derpy Hooves has been too tired to make an appearance yet on the pitch, and The Burdened is constantly carrying /mlp/'s sins, so it may very will be up to JCT to carry his team to victory.

March 2014

Wednesday 12th March

Rule 34   RB Height: 180cm Weight: 76kg Player Skills: C05 Playing Style: Offensive Fullback

There is an unwritten rule of the internet that states that “If it exists, there's a virtual divegrass player of it.” Of course this holds true for Rule 34, a celebrity known net-wide and plays right back for /b/. It's rumored that, to build his own confidence, Rule 34 often imagines everyone else on the pitch naked. What's more than a rumor is his playing style as an offensive fullback, who will often run up the wings to join the /b/ attack. Combine this with his Longball Expert card and there's always potential for either incredible ranged crosses or even cheeky sideline blooters. Despite Rule 34's efforts, /b/ trolled themselves out of the 2014 Winter Cup. /b/ however does not look at relegation as a setback, but rather extra opportunities to bring the lulz this Spring. See you then!

Wednesday 19th March

RX-93 "Nu" Gundam   LWF Height: 180cm Weight: 86kg Player Skills: C04, P04, P08, P09 Playing Style: Prolific Winger

Do you remember that one time when shit fucking blew up everywhere forever? Chances are RX-93 “Nu” Gundam, usually simply called 'Gundam' was at the forefront of that! He is often considered one of the most feared strikers in the cup. While Gundam has historically played other front line positions, this gold-ranked player currently plays left wing forward for /m/. Don't let his bulky metallic frame fool you, for his cards reflect the fact he is built for agility and nimbleness. In the past Gundam was the classic RX-78-2 model, but for Summer 2013 received an upgrade to his current form as a part of the /m/ Vengeance campaign. Cumulatively, both forms have scored an astounding 45 career goals. In his off-time, Gundam is often seen promoting the Arrogance line of cologne.

April 2014

Wednesday 2nd April

Paper Plane   CMF Height: 194cm Weight: 76kg Player Skills: C05, P06, P09, P10 Playing Style: Box-to-Box

A gold CMF for /po/, Paper Plane is always ready to spread his wings and help glide his team to victory. Paper Plane achieved notoriety early in the team's history during the 2012 Summer Friendlies with a debut goal against /wg/, one of his 10 career goals. Eventually he earned himself team captaincy and status as possibly the most famous player for /po/. /po/ would spend its first year with only mixed success and as one of the least cheered teams of the Cup, but during 2013 Spring Babby Cup, Paper Plane would help contribute to the team's most successful season to date with a crucial goal against /tv/ resulting in a 2-1 win. /po/ moved on to an Elite cup for the first time in team history where Paper Plane once again scored against /tv/ in an undeniable blowout, but ultimately the team got relegated. After that point, the team was left unmanaged and remained as such for two seasons. But now /po/ is under new management, and though he no longer is /po/ captain, Paper Plane will return to the field for the first time in 2014, ready to prove he won't fold under pressure.

Wednesday 9th April

Exit Level   GK Height: 185cm Weight: 83kg Player Skills: None Playing Style: Offensive Goalkeeper

Brought into the /lit/ squad in the Summer of 2012 to help provide a permanent solution to /lit/'s temporary and depressing lack of wins, Exit Level had a quiet career before finding his true calling as a goalkeeper. If he couldn't cause the opposition midfield or defense to kill themselves, so the /lit/ management thought, he could at least frustrate their strikers. And so it was decided, in Autumn, that Finnegan's Wake should take his final bow and Exit Level would take a more hands on approach. It wasn't until the 2014 Spring Babby Cup that Exit Level would make his debut, and it was an opportunity that he would grab with both hands. Despite /lit/'s disappointing 1-0 loss to /co/, Exit Level was able to rack up a full 8 saves, more saves than any other /lit/ keeper has ever made in a single match. This match would prove to be no fluke, as his next performance was a no-less impressive one in a 2-0 win over /k/, adding another five saves to his tally and scoring his first clean sheet. With 13 saves in only two games, Exit Level has his eyes set firmly on Celeb Threads' 21 save record from Autumn. Other goalkeepers, consider suicide.

Wednesday 16th April

Blacksmith   SS Height: 197cm Weight: 86kg Player Skills: C03, P06, P07 Playing Style: Hole Player

While MacGyver has garnered much attention for /diy/ by becoming a contender for the Golden Boot, it would seem there's a battle of playing styles happening within the team. Let's be honest, any yokel can make a hammer out of a broomstick, silly putty, and a can of freon, and then pound away at the opponent's net with said hammer until the goalie relents, but that lacks finesse. This Spring brought a newcomer to /diy/ capable of more careful and finely-crafted goals, and he's known as Blacksmith! With an eye for meticulous detail, Blacksmith is skilled in scanning the ball from a distance and then sending it straight into the net. This is already been demonstrated against /po/ when he masterfully popped a lobbed cross past the goalkeeper in the 39th minute. He also showed he can come in like a hot poker when when he came out of the gate with a 4th minute goal against /n/. /diy/ still has two games to play, so we shall see if Blacksmith's careful planning can ultimately beat out MacGyver's on-your-feet thinking!

Wednesday 23rd April

Alfred Kinsey   CF Height: 197cm Weight: 86kg Player Skills: C03, P04, P08, P09, P19 Playing Style: Goal Poacher

Professor Kinsey had it all – a good job, a best selling book, a slutty wife. But when a group of misfit queers ask him to captain their virtual divegrass team, he's gonna find out that maybe it's okay to be gay. Alfred Kinsey takes his teaching out of the lecture hall, and onto the Grass! Kinsey will triumph through all the babby cups, anguish over the own-goals, and feel the sting of Winter relegation! It'll take every trick he's got – from Sombreros to Acrobatic Finishers and 21 career goals, but maybe, just maybe, he can take his team to the championships. This April, get on your knees and pray, because /lgbt/ comes out of the locker room and onto the big screen, straight into the knockout rounds! Alfred Kinsey is... THE LEGBUTT. (Rated L for lewd.)

May 2014

Wednesday 8th May

James Ensor   CF Height: 192cm Weight: 73kg Player Skills: P06, P08, P19 Playing Style: Goal Poacher

Meet James Ensor, /ic/'s famous center forward. /ic/ experienced a massive roster overhaul for the 2014 seasons, with Ensor goaded out of the house to become one of the team's main strikers. Ensor's cards give him a keen eye for rebound shots, and making goals with an abstract flair. The 2013 Spring Babby Cup, his premiere set of games, has without question been a strong debut for Ensor. His rebound goal vs /3/ would be the team's opening goal of the Cup. He then showed /g/ the power of surrealism with a double trollpost assist. Even dubs are art to Esnor, which he splashed right into the net of /s4s/. Thanks to his efforts /ic/ now move onto their first elite cup appearance. Appreciate the man!

June 2014

Wednesday 4th June

	Thorium
	GK
	Build: 189cm/83kg
	Player Skills: None
	Playing Style: None
	One of the rarest elements around, Thorium has been quite the rare find for /sci/. Starting off as a medal center midfielder, then demoted to starting center back and later on the bench as a substitute goalkeeper for starter Stephen Hawking. Thorium had been lately living in the shadows of the wheelchair-bound genius but his moment to shine came in the 2013 Spring Babby Cup against /ck/ by stopping their offense and giving his team a 1-0 win. The 2013 Autumn Babbies and the 2014 Spring Babbies have thrust him into the spotlight as he started all matches of both tournaments, though it wasn't enough to carry his team to the knockout stage. Several questions remain regarding his reliability and his ability to fuel the team. We shall see in the 2014 Autumn Babbies if we are truly entering the age of Thorium.

July 2014

Wednesday 30th July 2014

	Miata
	RMF
	Build: 191cm/80kg
	Player Skills: C06, P03, P10
	Playing Style: None
	Miata is a true legend on /o/. Not the fastest, most stylish, most expensive or talented midfielder, but one look at that face and everyone will understand why Miata is a special player. Only recently Miata became a key figure for the team though. Up until the 2014 Spring Babby Cup, Miata took on a fairly invisible role in the defensive end. He always did his job in the back but was rarely decisive for the team. Perhaps considered the cute team mascot instead of a future powerhouse on offense. After an unexplained growth spurt, with Miata growing nearly 20 centimeters in a couple of months, came a new position up front. Miata feels good in his new role as a key player, as evident by his everlasting smile. Is he kawaii yet? Yes he is. Has he scored yet? Sadly not, but he surely will in the 2014 Autumn Babby Cup.

August 2014

Wednesday 6th August 2014

	Emma Watson
	SS
	Build: 179cm/60kg
	Player Skills: C02, P02, P08, P13, P19
	Playing Style: None
	Weeaboos tremble, for your destruction stands before you. Emma Watson has been a member of /hr/ since the team's founding. Neither she nor the rest of her team saw much success in those early days, but in Spring 2013 she was moved into a second striker position as well as the face of /hr/ as its captain. Since then she and her partner, Taylor Swift, have been an impressive offensive duo. With 23 goals, Emma is also /hr/'s leading striker. Despite a third-place run last Autumn, as well as surviving the first Megababby, /hr/ was thought of an underdog going into this recent Summer Cup. It just so happened /hr/ was drawn against 3 weeb boards in Group F, and Emma Watson embarked on a crusade to kill all of them. She first scored one of three goals on /cgl/, and then scored the one goal which would eventually relegate the mighty /a/. Only /u/ would survive her wrath. In the semi-finals against /h/ Emma scored a long-range free kick goal which also killed the last weeb team of the Summer Cup. Though it was /mu/ who claimed the trophy, the success of /hr/ and Emma Watson this cup is undeniable. Emma Watson will now spend the next six months standing tall and proud, watching steadfastly for the next wave of weebs who will try to claim a 4chan Cup.

Wednesday 20th August 2014

	Kerning
	CF
	Build: 205cm/124kg
	Player Skills: C02, C03, P08, P09, P19
	Playing Style: Fox In The Box
	Our tour of the titan-slayers continues with with /gd/'s team captain, Kerning. As a Fifth Founding team /gd/ is among the youngest teams of the cup. So while their scar thus far may not be long, it has certainly become deep, and Kerning most often is the one holding the scalpel. As /gd/ has frequently been a team which stacks the defense, Kerning is often with minimal support at the forefront as the team's center forward. He is prepared for this situation with cards such as Speeding Bullet and First-Time Shot. With 19 career goals he is /gd/'s most prolific scorer, and while many of those goals were in draws or losses, /gd/'s short history boasts some upsets as well. These include a Winter Friendly win over /lgbt/ and a Summer Friendly 5-2 win over /po/, their biggest victory yet, but not their biggest upset. That happened on the last day of Group A's games. /sp/ and /gd/ both were fighting for survival, but /sp/ coming in as the clear favorite. They held each other to a draw for the first 80 minutes until Kerning plunked a goal in from the side of the net, and teammate Glitch Art added insult to injury just 6 minutes later. /sp/, for the first time ever, would be forced into the Babbies. /gd/'s run to the cup was halted in the Ro16, but Kerning left behind a smoking crater that used to be /sp/'s Elite status, something which will now be remembered forever in 4chan Cup history.

September

Wednesday 1st September

	56 Chicken Nuggets
	AMF
	Build: 180cm/70kg
	Player Skills: C03, P04
	Playing Style: Dummy Runner
	It's hard being a substitute. You're typically not given cards, you only see action half the time, and fans and coaches alike have difficulty even remembering your name. That is unless you play for /wsg/ where there's new and exciting opportunities for benchwarmers like YOU! 56 Chicken Nuggets is a substitute attacking midfielder for /wsg/. Despite this status, he has achieved notoriety on his team. Built to be quick and fluent on the field, 56 Chicken Nuggets is the on-call partner of fellow AMF Brent Rambo. He's often seen in the midfield passing up the ladder to the /wsg/ strikers, or rushing up with them as a distraction. Though against /s/ in the 2014 Spring Babby Cup, 56 Chicken Nuggets would bring many keks to the spectators when he poured salt into the sexy ladies' wounds in the form of an unexpected third goal in the game's closing minutes. He surprised all again this past Summer Cup when he flushed through /ic/'s defense for an equalizing goal, but incidentally /wsg/'s final goal of the cup as they would go on to lose that game. /wsg/ will not play for another five months, but until then, 56 chicken nuggets will keep your seat warm.