/mhg/
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| /mhg/ | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Percussit Illud, Donec Moriatur | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| /mhg/ - Monster Hunter General | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Playing for the first time in /vg/ League 5, /mhg/ promises to bring a new kind of unstable environment to the pitch (as soon as they've caught those last three fucking Gluegloppers).
Export
VGL 7 Tactical Export - for autopilot use because life carted Archie
VLG 6 Aesthetics Export - almost all just VGL5 repeats, more blenders coming as I figure out Blender
Roster
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Goalkeepers
| Pos. | Name | Picture | Description | Card(s) | ||
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Desire Sensor | 
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An incongruous device fitted in every single console capable of running a Monster Hunter game, the Desire Sensor is a high-tech device that scans the player's mind for the exact item they want, and instructs the game not to give it to them. Fortunately for /mhg/, right now the closest players want goals, and the Desire Sensor is just as happy to not oblige. | — | ||
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Reward Decreased By 1 Goal | 
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Defense
| Pos. | Name | Picture | Description | Card(s) | ||
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Dalamadur Head |
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VGL officials weren't quite sure how to handle /mhg/'s giant serpent of a fullback, as sheer size would allow him to completely encircle the entire field, to say nothing of the meteors. Eventually, after consulting with experts from Capcom, it was ruled that Dalamadur could play, but only his head and tail could be on the pitch, and as two separate players. | — | ||
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Randoms |
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Je Suis Monté | 
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Venu directement des ligues françaises, Je Suis Monté stupéfie les fans avec ses manœuvres aériennes extraordinaires et les alliés avec son incapacité à faire autre chose. Heureusement, il a fait du progrès depuis son adhésion à l'équipe de /mhg/, les autres joueurs ayant réussi à le convaincre que ce probablement n'est pas une bonne idée d'essayer de monter le ballon. | — | ||
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Clown Suit | 
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While this /mhg/ midfielder may look ridiculous to the untrained eye, his preposterous outfit is actually the secret of his power. Does your "fashion" bring Sheath Control, Sharpness +1, Crit Draw, and Focus to the table with slots to spare? I didn't think so. | — | ||
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Fishing Room |
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Only /mhg/ has the stones to stare down the challenge of a G-rank fishing quest. | — | ||
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Gem It In |
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—a | |||
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READ THE PASTEBIN |
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Committed to the defense of the /mhg/ side of the pitch against anyone who's asking that fucking question for the thousandth fucking time, READ THE PASTEBIN promises that at least the passes that get through will be the ones that know the basics. | — | ||
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Dalamadur Tail |
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The other half of /mhg/'s largest player, placed on the opposite side of the field so he could be a bit more comfortable. Oddly capable of functioning alone on the pitch while the head terrorises nearby food sales. | — | ||
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Daimyo Hermitaur is cute! |
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Midfield
| Pos. | Name | Picture | Description | Card(s) | ||
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BULLSHIT HITBOXES | 
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While some opponents have questioned whether this player really belongs on the pitch after he intercepted a pass with his hip from ten metres away without any visible movement, /mhg/ management's official policy is that they just need to get good. | — | ||
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Relic Grinding |
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Assblasted Congalala |
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>61 Qurupecos | 
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Some people have all the luck. Some people don't. |
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BLACKLISTED |
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An /mhg/ veteran tasked with making sure that the team's talent is up to snuff. The entire team lives under the watchful eye of BLACKLISTED, who stands ready to ban anyone and everyone who holds the team back. None too fond of fellow CMF Carried Shitter. | — | ||
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Surprise Pickle | 
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Easy-looking expedition? Deviljho runs out of the forest and eats you. Farming weak monsters for cash? Deviljho bursts out of the ground and eats you. Fighting Deviljho? Another Deviljho comes at you from behind and eats you. Turn off your 3DS because you're sick of fucking Deviljho ambushes? Deviljho under your chair eats you. Ready for bed? Enjoy brushing your teeth with black/red dragon mist because there's a Deviljho in your bathroom. You will never escape. They are everywhere, and they are hungry. |
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GOTCHA BITCH |
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Fresh off the satisfaction of nailing the tail at just the right moment, this player promises to bring their expert timing to their shots and passes on the pitch. | — | ||
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Carried Shitter |
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While a close friend of many team members, there's doubts about this player's ability to come through on his own. However, he's confident that he knows a guy who can help him get some pretty good equipment, so he thinks he can handle whatever it is that you guys are doing... as soon as you help him pick up some Diablos parts. Please? | — | ||
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Shigeru Magala |
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Offense
| Pos. | Name | Picture | Description | Card(s) | ||
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Sharpness +1 |
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Guildmarm |
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hot monkey dick | 
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turgid super saiyan dongs | — |
Match History
| Date | Opponent | Competition | Result | Scorers |
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| December 5, 2015 |  /feg/
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/vg/ League 5 | 2-1 W |  10', 76' hot monkey dick
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| December 11, 2015 |  /kspg/
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/vg/ League 5 | 0-2 L | |
| December 13, 2015 |  /twg/
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/vg/ League 5 | 0-2 L | |
| June 3, 2016 |  /rsg/
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/vg/ League 6 | 0-3 L | |
| June 5, 2016 |  /ffg/
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/vg/ League 6 | 0-1 L | |
| June 11, 2016 |  /5N@F/
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/vg/ League 6 | 2-2 D | 27' Gotcha Bitch 54' BLACKLISTED
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| December 3, 2016 | /ffg/
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/vg/ League 7 | 8-3 W | 27', 59', 80' Surprise Pickle 40' hot monkey dick 49' Shigeru Magala 53' Blacklisted 69', 82' Gotcha Bitch
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| December 9, 2016 |  /fgog/
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/vg/ League 7 | 6-0 W | 12', 42', 45+2', 86' Surprise Pickle 33' Blacklisted 83' hot monkey dick
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| December 11, 2016 |  /llsifg/
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/vg/ League 7 | 2-3 L | 51' Surprise Pickle 87' Gotcha Bitch
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| December 17, 2016 |  /utg/
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/vg/ League 7 Round of 16 |
3-6 L | 11' Surprise Pickle 78' Blacklisted 86' hot monkey dick
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Player Stats
| Player | Goals | Assists |
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| Surprise Pickle | 7 | 0 |
| hot monkey dick | 4 | 0 |
| Gotcha Bitch | 3 | 0 |
| Blacklisted | 3 | 0 |
| Shigeru Magala | 1 | 0 |
| Guildmarm | 0 | 1 |
