/tv/ Roster

Name	Number	Position	Image	Description
STARTERS
HOWEVER	55	GK		"To all Gryffindors... Cheers. Cheers, my friends. It has been an honour. Cheers!" >Dumbledore fixes his eyes on the Slytherin table, completely ignoring Ravenclaw and the other one. "Now Slytherin... I know we have had our differences, but your ambition and hard work is truly something to behold. Admirable!" >the Slytherins are cautious. Dumbledore usually follows up a praise with some humiliation and injustice. "Indeed, I have a special treat for you all because of these traits. It's so good, that you'll love it despite its Muggle origin. It is a large apparatus which all of you can fit in which will confer all of you a deeply unique experience that shall benefit us all. A chamber of sorts. I have had that room over there fitted with the apparatus. Move along, children, shuffle into it now. You too, Snape." >the Slytherins flood into the room, some cautious and some excited. >Dumbledore slams the door shut and enchants it to be locked and airtight. He turns to the other houses. "And that special treat? That "unique experience" the Slytherins shall all experience and you all won't?" "..." "...Why, it's... DEATH! FUCK SLYTHERIN! THE FINAL SOLUTION TO THE SLYTHERIN MENACE BEGINS NOW! PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL, TURN ON THE GAS! YES, YES, WELL DONE, SLYTHERIN! WELL DONE SLYTHERIN FOR DYING SO WELL! SIX MILLION POINTS TO A HOUSE THAT SHALL CEASE TO EXIST IN 5 MINUTES!" >he said calmly. Dumbledore's mouth foams during his blood-crazed tirade, the hall erupts into applause and a massive, inter-house orgy ensues. The Slytherins begin dying in the gas chamber. As Malfoy chokes on his own blood, Harry proves himself to be a sexual dominant member of the orgy. >Dumbledore looks on with pride. >Years later Harry Potter tells recounts these events to his son, Albus, at bedtime, with Ginny smiling warmly at the memory. "And that's how Dumbledore exterminated the Slytherin scum. HEIL GODRIC! Dumbledore truly was the greatest headmaster of them all, and a good friend."
What About His Tax Policy		LB	File:TaxPolicy.jpg	You can have all the pointless, shitty arguments about [insert franchise here but mostly Lord of the Rings] all you want, but one question trumps all when establishing the profile of any dictator, king, leader or oligarch in your fantasy setting: what about his tax policy?
Days Until Avatar 3		CB	File:AvatarPepe.jpg	It's over. The countdown finally ended after several year-long setbacks. And now we wait once more.
K I N O	0	CB		ABSOLUTE FUCKING KINOGRAPHY. Also known as the most versatile word on /tv/. Kino can be anything and come from anywhere, just as long as /tv/ holds high praise for it.
I'M GONNA SAY IT	5	RB		*HUFF HUFF* MUR-RAAAAAAAAAY, YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD KEEP ME DOWN? WELL *HUFF* IT'S TIME FOR A FOLIE A DEUX, MUR-RAY! I'VE GOT A FEW MORE JO- *SCREEEEEEEEEEEE* *CRASH*
Mike "White Power Every Hour" Stoklasa	17	DMF		AKA Mike "Pulling the Trigger on Every Nigger" Stoklasa, AKA Mike "Kike Killer" Stoklasa, AKA Mike "Gook Nuke" Stoklasa.
Kinoplex Robert	97	CMF		"Welcome back, Anon. I've just received the good word that the pandemic is over." >"Thank God, eh?" "And just in time for a great summer of kino, Anon. I've already reserved tickets for Oppenheimer, Fast X, and Dune Part 2, just for you. But I imagine you're in for a special kino tonight?" >"Y-yes indeed. One ticket to Barbie, please. Crab legs, extra butter."
Real Human Being	1	CMF		And a real hero.
Frank "Sheev" Palpatine	66	SS		He must be Frank (aliases include The Senate, Darth Sidious, and Oltha Sith, grandfather of Oltha Jedi).
Oscar Winner Brendan Fraser	11	CF		It's over. He's unJUSTed.
FOR YOU	4U	CF		U U U U
SUBSTITUTES
High Ground	12	GK		He has the physical high ground, as well as the moral high ground. It's like pottery.
Watch It Chrissy	19	LB		YOU'D BETTER WATCH IT, ANON.
Gul Dukat	9	CB		MAKE CARDASSIA GREAT AGAIN
Rick Deckard	49	CB		LONELY AND HORNY.
Absolute and Utter State of Doctor Who	10	CB		AYO I'S THE ORIGINAL DOCTA I AIN'T FINNA BE NO WHITE MAN NO MORE, LEZ DO DIS WIBBLEH WOBBLEH TIMEH WIMEH STUFF, DAS RITE.
LYNCHED	515	RB		>not understanding thought-provking and masterful Lynchkino LYNCHED By the way, I didn't get the ending of Mulholland Drive. Have I been filtered by Lynch? Well, off to hang myself, WATCH AND LEA-
I Have To...Pay Money For Art?		DMF	File:Oppenheimer.jpeg	>I-I thought we were building a rice cooker. >Well, technically, we are.
Mom! I've Fixed The Economy!		DMF	File:FixedEcon.jpeg
Anatoli "3.6 Roentgen" Dyatlov	36	CMF		"How many goals have we conceded per game?" "3.6 per game, but that's as high as PES..." "3.6...not great, not terrible." Dyatlov did nothing wrong, fuck you CCCP.
Really, Raimi?	20	DMF		>"What's the matter with you, kid!? You coulda stopped 9/11!" >"I missed the part where that's my problem." Jesus, Raimi. Don't bring this into the MCU later.
Dan "Deep Inside Her" Schneider	15	DMF		AKA... Dan "Toes Are The Best On The Lolita Express" Schneider Dan "Delete All The Tweets About Little Kid's Feet" Schneider Dan "Getting Quite Keen With Jeffrey Epstein" Schneider Dan "Feet-Feet-Feet-F-Feetfeetfeet, Skeet-a-loadeon" Schneider Dan "Watch iCarly, Then iCummy" Schneider Dan "From Miranda Cosgrove to Miranda Rights" Schneider Dan "I Was Despicable Me Before Miranda" Schneider
Sneed's Feed and Seed	6	SS		The greatest meme of all time, and the destroyer of (((comfy Simpson's threads))) (formerly reddit outposts). Now stumping /leftypol/ cucks too.

Former players (WIP)

Name	Last Cup	Image	Description
*record scratch*	2016 4chan Winter Cup	File:Recordscratch.jpg	*record scratch* *freeze frame* Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got kicked off the team. Well, it all began back in 2016 when...
Andreas Lubitz	2015 4chan Spring Babby Cup		Crashed out of the team with no survivors.
Armond White	2013 4chan Spring Babby Cup	File:Armond.jpg	The official critic of /tv/, a man who appreciates film from the /tv/ point of view: contrarianism. Kicked off the team for bringing his contrarian ways to the pitch by not participating in the game, which he called "slavery to the rich white man".
BLACKED	2018 4chan Summer Cup	File:BLACKED.jpg	Removed from the team when the jannies came to investigate.
Capeshit	2019 4chan Autumn Babby Cup Qualifiers		Kicked off the team after coming into a 2.8 billion dollar windfall.
/cel/	2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup	File:Cel.jpg	Left in search of becoming a real board.
Cleganebowl	2017 4chan Summer Cup		Left the team to actually take place. Barred from coming back after occurring during the shitfest that was the final season.
Crab Legs	2013 4chan Spring Babby Cup	File:Crablegs.jpg	Caught and prepared fresh at Robert's Kinoplex. Lives on as part of Robert's spirit.
Eagles	2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup	File:LOTReagles.jpg	Let go after the manager decided that his unorthodox playstyle of "disappearing until the very end of the game to bail /tv/ out" was considered too risky.
FUCKEN DROPPED	2013 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	File:FUCKENDROPPED.jpg	Fucken' dropped.
George Lucas	2012 4chan Summer Cup	File:Georgelucas.jpg	Hired on the basis that he was the key to victory, but much like Jar Jar, was a major disappointment with the fans.
Ghost of Peter O'Toole	2015 4chan Spring Babby Cup		Left in search of his sticky.
Heat Legend	2013 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	File:Heatlegend.jpg	when were you when heat legend sacks i was sat at home eating crab leg when rob ring 'heat is sack' 'no' for you????????????
JDIMSA	2017 4chan Summer Cup		Died in his sleep.
Loner Cinephile	2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup	File:Lonercinephile.png	Failed to turn up at /tv/'s end-of-cup trip to Robert's Kinoplex and was subsequently fucken dropped. Reported sightings of him attending the kinoplex alone continued up until the COVID-19 pandemic.
Muhammad Bin Al-Ah'Falek	2016 4chan Winter Cup		Pursued the Muslim faith he defended after the embarrassing "German expressionist kino" that was Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.
Now This Is Podracing	2012 4chan Summer Cup	File:Podracing.png	Abducted by the Queen of Naboo. May have been in contact with High Ground recently.
Paul "Muad'Dib" Atreides	2020 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	File:Atreides.jpg	Suspended for using the Voice to rig games. Now letting Zendaya ride his sandworm.
Problem Child 2	2019 4chan Autumn Babby Cup Qualifiers		The greatest film of all time. Dropped after more than seven years of service.
Ron Perlman	2012 4chan Summer Cup	File:Perlman.png	Left the team for unknown reasons, no longer wanted after glimpsing his tweets to Donald Trump.
Skeksis Chamberlain		File:Skeksis.jpg	Acknowledging a so-called Gelfling genocide, hmmmmmm?
Super Leia	2019 4chan Winter Cup	File:Superleia.png	Returned to the Resistance after learning that...*sigh*, somehow, Palpatine returned. Not slated to return to the team until digitally reconstructed by the Mouse (again).
The REAL Captain Marvel	2019 4chan Spring Babby Cup		Everybody forgot about his movie after Endgame came out.
TRAITOR	2016 4chan Winter Cup	File:TRAITOR.jpg	Let go for mistaking way too many black players as the rogue Stormtrooper. Apparently attempted suicide by shooting a laser into his head, which missed.
Truman	2016 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	File:TrumanBurbank.jpg	His showrunners canned the 4chan cup arc of his series after Truman came to the reveleation that it was all rigged. When leaving the set, he parted with these iconic words: "It's all going down tonight, and in case I don't see ya, TODAY."
Uno Farto	2016 4chan Summer Cup	File:UNOFARTO.jpg	Farted too hard and shat himself against [s4s] after seeing Keksandra's feet, forcing a halftime substitution. Left the team when the replay went viral and "Uno farto @ 3:17" filled the comments section.
VIETNAM FUCKING SHITS	2014 4chan Autumn Babby Cup	File:MarkyMark.jpg	Rumored to have gone back in time to September 11 to prove he'd kill the hijackers (or to beat up more random Vietnamese bystanders)
WITNESS ME	2015 4chan Summer Cup	File:WITNESS.jpg	Rode eternal, shiny and chrome, to Valhalla.
>YIFY	2015 4chan Summer Cup		Pussied out after the sheepfuckers slapped him with a lawsuit.
ZIMBABWE	2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup	File:Zimbabwe.jpg	Kicked off the team after his omnipresent forced laugh track proved too irritating even for /tv/.