Difference between revisions of "/cfc/"

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|hex= 034694
|hex= 034694
|color= Royal Blue
|color= Royal Blue
|scorer= N/A
|scorer= DROGBA
|goals= N/A
|goals= 8
|assister= N/A
|assister= Eden Fatzard/Permanent Injury
|assists= N/A
|assists= 3
|captain= DROGBA
|captain= DROGBA
|w=0
|w=3
|d=0
|d=1
|l=0
|l=1
|gf=0
|gf=17
|ga=0
|ga=14
|anthem=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcu7ObMfEXQ
|win_home=lvr
|win_away=cfc
|win_score_home=2
|win_score_away=4
|win_date=March 24, 2024
|lose_home=cfc
|lose_away=shorks
|lose_score_home=1
|lose_score_away=2
|lose_date=March 24, 2024
|first_home=f1
|first_away=cfc
|first_score_home=6
|first_score_away=7
|first_date=March 22, 2024
|anthem=www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcu7ObMfEXQ
|a_title=The Liquidator
|a_title=The Liquidator
|altanthem2=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V02OibHkdCE
|altanthem2=www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hg3GY90vOSc
|altanthem2_title=Blue is the Colour
|altanthem2_title=José and his Amazing Technicolour Overcoat
|altanthem2_what=Victory Anthem
|altanthem2_what=Victory Anthem
|horn=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULeDlxa3gyc
|horn=www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULeDlxa3gyc
|gh_title= Loadsamoney
|gh_title= Loadsamoney
|altgh1_what=Alternate goal horn
|altgh1=files.catbox.moe/y7css3.mp3
|altgh1_title= Torres goalhorn
|nickname= <b>The Blues</b> <br><b>The Pensioners</b>  
|nickname= <b>The Blues</b> <br><b>The Pensioners</b>  
|home_ground=Stamford Bridge
|home_ground=Stamford Bridge
}}
}}
/cfc/ - Chelshit Football Club


some mid table team from the eplel idk
{{greentext|losing to manure}}<br>
{{greentext|losing to a championship team}}<br>
{{greentext|losing to liverpoop u-18s}}
 
 
/cfc/ participated in [[The Decision 3]], where they finished third.


== Squad ==
== Squad ==


{{sq start}}
{{sq start}}
{{sq start player |no=1 |pos={{NewPosition|GK|type=1}} |name=Dinosaur Arms}}
{{sq start player |no=12 |pos={{NewPosition|GK|type=1}} |name=Dinosaur Arms}}
{{sq start player |no=21 |pos={{NewPosition|LB|type=1}} |name=Permanent Injury}}
{{sq start player |no=26 |pos={{NewPosition|CB|type=1}} |name=*Fucks your wife*}}
{{sq start player |no=26 |pos={{NewPosition|CB|type=1}} |name=*Fucks your wife*}}
{{sq start player |no=30 |pos={{NewPosition|CB|type=1}} |name=David Lulz}}
{{sq start player |no=30 |pos={{NewPosition|CB|type=1}} |name=David Lulz}}
{{sq start player |no=6 |pos={{NewPosition|CB|type=1}} |name=Grandpa}}
{{sq start player |no=24 |pos={{NewPosition|RB|type=1}} |name=Eternal Injury}}
{{sq start player |no=7 |pos={{NewPosition|DMF|type=1}} |name=N'Goalo}}
{{sq start player |no=7 |pos={{NewPosition|DMF|type=1}} |name=N'Goalo}}
{{sq start player |no=22 |pos={{NewPosition|DMF|type=1}} |name=Pashun Lad}}
{{sq start player |no=19 |pos={{NewPosition|CMF|type=1}} |name=FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT}}
{{sq silver player |no=8 |pos={{NewPosition|CMF|type=1}} |name=Fat Frank}}
{{sq silver player |no=8 |pos={{NewPosition|CMF|type=1}} |name=Fat Frank}}
{{sq silver player |no=4 |pos={{NewPosition|CMF|type=1}} |name=Sex Fabregas}}
{{sq silver player |no=9 |pos={{NewPosition|SS|type=1}} |name=TORRES TORRES TORRES}}
{{sq silver player |no=9 |pos={{NewPosition|SS|type=1}} |name=TORRES TORRES TORRES}}
{{sq gold player |no=10 |pos={{NewPosition|SS|type=1}} |name=Eden Fatzard}}
{{sq gold player |no=10 |pos={{NewPosition|SS|type=1}} |name=Eden Fatzard}}
{{sq gold player |no=11 |pos={{NewPosition|CF|type=1}} |name=DROGBA {{captain}}}}
{{sq gold player |no=11 |pos={{NewPosition|CF|type=1}} |name=DROGBA {{captain}}}}
{{sq mid}}
{{sq mid}}
{{sq player |no=13 |pos={{NewPosition|GK|type=1}} |name=Snake}}
{{sq player |no=1 |pos={{NewPosition|GK|type=1}} |name=Man of Helm}}
{{sq player |no=21 |pos={{NewPosition|LB|type=1}} |name=Permanent Injury #1}}
{{sq player |no=2 |pos={{NewPosition|CB|type=1}} |name=DISGUSTING SERBIAN THUG}}
{{sq player |no=24 |pos={{NewPosition|RB|type=1}} |name=Permanent Injury #2}}
{{sq player |no=76 |pos={{NewPosition|CB|type=1}} |name=2 BILLION POUNDS}}
{{sq player |no=76 |pos={{NewPosition|CB|type=1}} |name=Daddy Boehly}}
{{sq player |no=32 |pos={{NewPosition|CB|type=1}} |name=Daddy Roman}}
{{sq player |no=32 |pos={{NewPosition|CB|type=1}} |name=Daddy Roman}}
{{sq player |no=91 |pos={{NewPosition|CB|type=1}} |name=THOMAS TALIBAN}}
{{sq player |no=91 |pos={{NewPosition|CB|type=1}} |name=THOMAS TALIBAN}}
{{sq player |no=23 |pos={{NewPosition|DMF|type=1}} |name=Pashun Lad}}
{{sq player |no=0 |pos={{NewPosition|DMF|type=1}} |name=The Ghost of Shakhtar}}
{{sq player |no=0 |pos={{NewPosition|DMF|type=1}} |name=The Ghost of Shakhtar}}
{{sq player |no=18 |pos={{NewPosition|DMF|type=1}} |name=heh... my boy GRoudz...}}
{{sq player |no=18 |pos={{NewPosition|DMF|type=1}} |name=heh... my boy GRoudz...}}
{{sq player |no=17 |pos={{NewPosition|DMF|type=1}} |name=BOSS}}
{{sq player |no=17 |pos={{NewPosition|DMF|type=1}} |name=BOSS...}}
{{sq player |no=20 |pos={{NewPosition|DMF|type=1}} |name=Captain Americal}}
{{sq player |no=4 |pos={{NewPosition|DMF|type=1}} |name=Sex Fabregas}}
{{sq player |no=11 |pos={{NewPosition|CMF|type=1}} |name={{greentext|115 million for some Ngubu}}}}
{{sq player |no=25 |pos={{NewPosition|CMF|type=1}} |name={{greentext|115 million for some Ngubu}}}}
{{sq player |no=23 |pos={{NewPosition|CMF|type=1}} |name=Offsideolas Yellowcardson}}
{{sq player |no=15 |pos={{NewPosition|CMF|type=1}} |name=Offsideolas Yellowcardson}}
{{sq end}}
{{sq end}}
==Match History==
{| class="wikitable" width=80% style="text-align: center"
|-
!style="color:#FFF; background:#034694;" width="300px"|'''Opponent'''
!style="color:#FFF; background:#034694;" width="300px"|'''Event'''
!style="color:#FFF; background:#034694;" width="300px"|'''Date'''
!style="color:#FFF; background:#034694;" width="300px"|'''Result'''
!style="color:#FFF; background:#034694;" width="300px"|'''What'''
!style="color:#FFF; background:#034694;" width="1000px"|'''Goalscorers'''
|-bgcolor=ccffcc
|align="left"|{{team away|f1}}
|'''[[The Decision 3]]'''
|'''March 22nd'''
| '''7-6 W'''
| '''Group stage'''
| '''DROGBA x2, Fatzard x2, The Ghost of Shakhtar x2, Eternal Injury x1'''
|-
|-bgcolor=ffffcc
|align="left"|{{team away|sp}}
|'''[[The Decision 3]]'''
|'''March 23rd'''
| '''1-1 D'''
| '''Group stage'''
| '''DROGBA x1'''
|-
|-bgcolor=ccffcc
|align="left"|{{team away|abg}}
|'''[[The Decision 3]]'''
|'''March 24th'''
| '''4-3 W'''
| '''Group stage'''
| '''DROGBA x3, Fatzard x1'''
|-
|-bgcolor=ffcccc
|align="left"|{{team away|shorks}}
|'''[[The Decision 3]]'''
|'''March 24th'''
| '''1-2 L'''
| '''Semi-final'''
| '''DROGBA x1'''
|-
|-bgcolor=ccffcc
|align="left"|{{team away|lvr}}
|'''[[The Decision 3]]'''
|'''March 24th'''
| '''4-2 W'''
| '''3rd place match'''
| '''Fatzard x2, DROGBA x1, TORRES TORRES TORRES x1'''
|-
|}
Match day 1: https://youtu.be/GWV3P3kkT20
<br>Match day 2: https://youtu.be/S9t4Vps8qE0
<br>Match day 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FRsqVWbN6I


== Detailed squad ==
== Detailed squad ==
Line 78: Line 156:
{| class="wikitable" width=80%
{| class="wikitable" width=80%
|-
|-
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Pos.
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"|
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| No.
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| No.
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Name
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Name
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Picture
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Picture
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Description
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Description
|-bgcolor="C3D69B"
|-bgcolor="C3D69B"
|" align="center"|{{Position|GK}}
|" align="center"|{{Position|GK}}
| 1
| 12
| '''Dinosaur Arms'''
| '''Dinosaur Arms'''
!style="align:center;"| [[File:kepa.png|x200px]]
!style="align:center;"| [[File:kepa.png|x200px]]
| Imagine replacing the best goalkeeper in the world by paying 70 million for a manlet with t-rex arms... then giving him a 7 year contract... haha... couldnt be chelsea...
| Imagine replacing the best goalkeeper in the world by paying 70 million for a manlet with t-rex arms... then giving him a 7 year contract... haha... couldnt be chelsea...
<br>Was brought in on loan by Real Madrid for the 23/24 season to replace their injured goalkeeper; ended up becoming backup for the backup goalkeeper instead
|-bgcolor="FFFFFF"
|-bgcolor="FFFFFF"
|" align="center"|{{Position|GK}}
|" align="center"|{{Position|GK}}
| 13
| 1
| '''Snake'''
| '''Man of Helm'''
!style="align:center;"| [[File:courtois.jpg|x200px]]
!style="align:center;"| [[File:cech.jpg|x200px]]
| The said best goalkeeper in the world who essentially forced Chelsea to sign fucking Kepa by wanting to leave with a few days left of the transfer window
| The Czech Petr Cech suffered a severe head injury in 2006 and wore a characteristic helmet ever since
|}
|}


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{| class="wikitable" width=80%
{| class="wikitable" width=80%
|-
|-
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Pos.
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Pos.
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| No.
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| No.
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Name
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Name
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Picture
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Picture
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Description
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Description
|-bgcolor="C3D69B"
|-bgcolor="C3D69B"
| {{Position|LB}}
| {{Position|LB}}
| 21
| 21
| '''Permanent Injury #1'''
| '''Permanent Injury'''
!style="align:center;"| [[File:chilwell.png|x200px]]
!style="align:center;"| [[File:chilwell.png|x200px]]
| Chelsea's best full backs are essential for a good season. Too fucking bad they both get injured for 3-4 months at the same time every season :^))))
| Chelsea's best full backs are essential for a good season. Too fucking bad they both get injured for 3-4 months at the same time every season :^))))
Line 115: Line 194:
| {{Position|RB}}
| {{Position|RB}}
| 24
| 24
| '''Permanent Injury #2'''
| '''Eternal Injury'''
!style="align:center;"| [[File:james.png|x200px]]
!style="align:center;"| [[File:james.png|x200px]]
| See above
| See above
Line 132: Line 211:
|-bgcolor="FFFFFF"
|-bgcolor="FFFFFF"
| {{Position|CB}}
| {{Position|CB}}
| 6
| 2
| '''Grandpa'''
| '''DISGUSTING SERBIAN THUG'''
!style="align:center;"| [[File:thiagosilva.png|x200px]]
!style="align:center;"| [[File:ivanovic.png|x200px]]
| Nearly 40 years old but still a class CB. Notably absent during Brazil's 7-1 loss to Germany.
| I am 27 years old and a virgin. No girl has ever looked at me like this. It isn't fair. Why would she look at this...brute... Ivanovic like this while ignoring cute and nice guys like me? Ivanovic is a disgusting Serbian thug. All Serbians are disgusting animals. Ivanovic was probably laughing at the QPR fans because they threw lighters at him, he is a Serb, he knows that you should set paper on fire with the lighter then throw it at the players then set the stadium on fire. He was laughing because he is a Serbian disgusting animal who thinks the QPR fans are acting too civilized. Does this girl not know about the genocide of the Bosnian people? My people? By scum like Ivanovic?
 
The little slut. How dare she. I hope sitting in that moist soggy seat from her disgusting loose vagina made her uncomfortable just like my people are forced to lie down in moist and soggy mass graves. Except instead of being surrounded by worms she is surrounded by ugly inbred British QPR fans. I hope she feels guilt when she eventually learns about the Bosnian genocide, which she probably never will as an uneducated slut who needs to learn only to play with her hair. She does not learn about our suffering.
 
I hope when she looks at IVANOVIC's fat ass she knows that 20 years ago that ass would probably be sitting on a pile of genocided children crushing them into the dirt. I hope when she looks at Ivanovic's ripe asshole she knows that 20 years ago that asshole would be pushing out a shit into an unattached toilet in a destroyed Bosnian house that Ivanovic would be checking for women to murder. I hope when she admires his disgusting fat thighs and thinks about them crushing her head as she sucks on his tiny Serbian balls she realises that 20 years ago he couldn't crush her with his thighs because they would be sore from walking between Bosnian villages to start fires and steal valuables.
 
Why do good guys never get the girl?
|-bgcolor="FFFFFF"
|-bgcolor="FFFFFF"
| {{Position|CB}}
| {{Position|CB}}
Line 155: Line 240:
| You vill enjoy ze ultra-defensive zree vor zree
| You vill enjoy ze ultra-defensive zree vor zree
|-bgcolor="FFFFFF"
|-bgcolor="FFFFFF"
|}  
|}


===Midfield===
===Midfield===
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{| class="wikitable" width=80%
{| class="wikitable" width=80%
|-
|-
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Pos.
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Pos.
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| No.
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| No.
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Name
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Name
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Picture
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Picture
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Description
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Description
|-bgcolor="C3D69B"
|-bgcolor="C3D69B"
|" align="center"|{{Position|DMF}}
|" align="center"|{{Position|DMF}}
Line 174: Line 259:
|-bgcolor="C3D69B"
|-bgcolor="C3D69B"
|" align="center"|{{Position|DMF}}
|" align="center"|{{Position|DMF}}
| 22
| 23
| '''PASHUN LAD'''
| '''PASHUN LAD'''
!style="align:center;"| [[File:gallagher.png|x200px]]
!style="align:center;"| [[File:gallagher.png|x200px]]
| Can't shoot? Can't pass? Barely any technical ability whatsoever? No need, just play with passion! go on gallagher lad run sam fakin miles
| Can't shoot? Can't pass? Barely any technical ability whatsoever? No need, just play with passion!<br><br>go on gallagher lad run sam fakin miles
|-bgcolor="FFFFFF"
|-bgcolor="FFFFFF"
|" align="center"|{{Position|DMF}}
|" align="center"|{{Position|DMF}}
Line 200: Line 285:
| 4
| 4
| '''SEX FABREGAS'''
| '''SEX FABREGAS'''
!style="align:center;"| [[File:fabregas.jpg|x200px]]
!style="align:center;"| [[File:fabregas.png|x200px]]
| Hit the sexiest passes you can imagine
| Hit the sexiest passes you can imagine
|-bgcolor="FFFFFF"
|-bgcolor="FFFFFF"
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!style="align:center;"| [[File:jackson.png|x200px]]
!style="align:center;"| [[File:jackson.png|x200px]]
| Not only is Nicolas Jackson offside at least 5 times per match, he's also picked up 9 yellow cards with only 1 being for something contact related
| Not only is Nicolas Jackson offside at least 5 times per match, he's also picked up 9 yellow cards with only 1 being for something contact related
|-bgcolor="C0C0C0"
|-bgcolor="C3D69B"
|" align="center"|{{Position|CMF}}
|" align="center"|{{Position|CMF}}
| 19
| 19
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{| class="wikitable" width=80%
{| class="wikitable" width=80%
|-
|-
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| No.
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| No.
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Pos
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Pos
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Name
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Name
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Picture
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Picture
!style="background:#cccccc;color:#000000"| Description
!style="background:#034694;color:#FFF"| Description


|-bgcolor="C0C0C0"
|-bgcolor="C0C0C0"

Latest revision as of 12:16, 25 March 2024

/cfc/
FUCK ARSENAL, FUCK LIVERPOOL, FUCK TOTTENHAM
Cfc logo.png
/cfc/ - Chelshit Football Club
Founded March 1905
IRL manager gimi !!cwmWrzo53n+
Team colors
Chat color 034694
Royal Blue
Top scorer DROGBA (8)
Top assister Eden Fatzard/Permanent Injury (3)
Captain DROGBA
Website /cfc/ - Chelshit Football Club
Nickname The Blues
The Pensioners
Historic performance
W D L TOTAL EFFICIENCY
3 1 1 5 60%
GF GA GD
17 14 +3
Biggest win
/lvr/ Lvr icon.png 2–4 Cfc icon.png /cfc/
March 24, 2024
Biggest defeat
/cfc/ Cfc icon.png 1–2 Shorks icon.png /shorks/
March 24, 2024
First match
/f1/ F1 icon.png 6–7 Cfc icon.png /cfc/
March 22, 2024
Team music
Anthem The Liquidator
Victory Anthem José and his Amazing Technicolour Overcoat
Goal horn Loadsamoney
Kits


/cfc/ - Chelshit Football Club

>losing to manure
>losing to a championship team
>losing to liverpoop u-18s


/cfc/ participated in The Decision 3, where they finished third.

Squad

No. Position Player
12
GK
Dinosaur Arms
21
LB
Permanent Injury
26
CB
*Fucks your wife*
30
CB
David Lulz
24
RB
Eternal Injury
7
DMF
N'Goalo
19
CMF
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
8
CMF
Fat Frank
9
SS
TORRES TORRES TORRES
10
SS
Eden Fatzard
11
CF
DROGBA Captain
No. Position Player
1
GK
Man of Helm
2
CB
DISGUSTING SERBIAN THUG
76
CB
2 BILLION POUNDS
32
CB
Daddy Roman
91
CB
THOMAS TALIBAN
23
DMF
Pashun Lad
0
DMF
The Ghost of Shakhtar
18
DMF
heh... my boy GRoudz...
17
DMF
BOSS...
4
DMF
Sex Fabregas
25
CMF
>115 million for some Ngubu
15
CMF
Offsideolas Yellowcardson

Match History

Opponent Event Date Result What Goalscorers
F1 icon.png /f1/ The Decision 3 March 22nd 7-6 W Group stage DROGBA x2, Fatzard x2, The Ghost of Shakhtar x2, Eternal Injury x1
Sp icon.png /sp/ The Decision 3 March 23rd 1-1 D Group stage DROGBA x1
Abg icon.png /abg/ The Decision 3 March 24th 4-3 W Group stage DROGBA x3, Fatzard x1
Shorks icon.png /shorks/ The Decision 3 March 24th 1-2 L Semi-final DROGBA x1
Lvr icon.png /lvr/ The Decision 3 March 24th 4-2 W 3rd place match Fatzard x2, DROGBA x1, TORRES TORRES TORRES x1

Match day 1: https://youtu.be/GWV3P3kkT20
Match day 2: https://youtu.be/S9t4Vps8qE0
Match day 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FRsqVWbN6I

Detailed squad

Sub Starter Silver Gold Bronze

Goalkeepers

No. Name Picture Description
  GK
12 Dinosaur Arms Kepa.png Imagine replacing the best goalkeeper in the world by paying 70 million for a manlet with t-rex arms... then giving him a 7 year contract... haha... couldnt be chelsea...


Was brought in on loan by Real Madrid for the 23/24 season to replace their injured goalkeeper; ended up becoming backup for the backup goalkeeper instead

  GK
1 Man of Helm File:Cech.jpg The Czech Petr Cech suffered a severe head injury in 2006 and wore a characteristic helmet ever since

Defenders

Pos. No. Name Picture Description
  LB
21 Permanent Injury Chilwell.png Chelsea's best full backs are essential for a good season. Too fucking bad they both get injured for 3-4 months at the same time every season :^))))
  RB
24 Eternal Injury James.png See above
  CB
26 *FUCKS YOUR WIFE* Jt.png Booed at every stadium, John Terry had reportedly been fucking the wife of a former teammate in 2009 (which the tabloids later apologized for reporting). Has been the subject of many shenanigans in his career.
  CB
30 David Lulz Davidluiz.png At his best this Sideshow Bob lookalike was world class, at his worst a total clown. Notably captained Brazil during their 7-1 loss to Germany.
  CB
2 DISGUSTING SERBIAN THUG Ivanovic.png I am 27 years old and a virgin. No girl has ever looked at me like this. It isn't fair. Why would she look at this...brute... Ivanovic like this while ignoring cute and nice guys like me? Ivanovic is a disgusting Serbian thug. All Serbians are disgusting animals. Ivanovic was probably laughing at the QPR fans because they threw lighters at him, he is a Serb, he knows that you should set paper on fire with the lighter then throw it at the players then set the stadium on fire. He was laughing because he is a Serbian disgusting animal who thinks the QPR fans are acting too civilized. Does this girl not know about the genocide of the Bosnian people? My people? By scum like Ivanovic?

The little slut. How dare she. I hope sitting in that moist soggy seat from her disgusting loose vagina made her uncomfortable just like my people are forced to lie down in moist and soggy mass graves. Except instead of being surrounded by worms she is surrounded by ugly inbred British QPR fans. I hope she feels guilt when she eventually learns about the Bosnian genocide, which she probably never will as an uneducated slut who needs to learn only to play with her hair. She does not learn about our suffering.

I hope when she looks at IVANOVIC's fat ass she knows that 20 years ago that ass would probably be sitting on a pile of genocided children crushing them into the dirt. I hope when she looks at Ivanovic's ripe asshole she knows that 20 years ago that asshole would be pushing out a shit into an unattached toilet in a destroyed Bosnian house that Ivanovic would be checking for women to murder. I hope when she admires his disgusting fat thighs and thinks about them crushing her head as she sucks on his tiny Serbian balls she realises that 20 years ago he couldn't crush her with his thighs because they would be sore from walking between Bosnian villages to start fires and steal valuables.

Why do good guys never get the girl?

  CB
76 Daddy Boehly Boehly.png Chelsea's new owner. Has in a measly 2 years gained a reputation as a retarded money waster, with Chelsea spending over a billion pounds on transfers during his reign (just to finish 10th)
  CB
32 Daddy Roman Romana.png Before Daddy Boehly started spending, it was Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich who was throwing money around. Known for being the one who started the whole "money ruining football" thing when he bought the club in 2003. Ultimately the Great Banan War of 2022 forced him to sell the club as he was hit with sanctions (that even Zelensky requested not go through).
  CB
9/11 Thomas Taliban
Terrorball.jpg
 You vill enjoy ze ultra-defensive zree vor zree

Midfield

Pos. No. Name Picture Description
  DMF
7 N'GOALO Ngoalo.png Not just one of the most likable players of all time, N'golo Kante was also an incredible ball winner.
  DMF
23 PASHUN LAD Gallagher.png Can't shoot? Can't pass? Barely any technical ability whatsoever? No need, just play with passion!

go on gallagher lad run sam fakin miles
  DMF
17 BOSS Sterling.png Doesn't matter if you're shit when you're taking home 325 000 pounds a week
  DMF
0 THE GHOST OF SHAKHTAR Mudryk.png As quick and skilled as mpoop but no brains
  DMF
18 heh... my boy GRoudz... Giroud.png The most handsome man in the world just needs some time
  DMF
4 SEX FABREGAS Fabregas.png Hit the sexiest passes you can imagine
  CMF
25 >115 million for some ngubu Caicedo.png spend big money on unproven players, thanks burgers
  CMF
15 Offsideolas Yellowcardson Jackson.png Not only is Nicolas Jackson offside at least 5 times per match, he's also picked up 9 yellow cards with only 1 being for something contact related
  CMF
19 FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT Diegocosta.png If any form of tussle was starting up, you better believe Diego Costa was at the center of it
  CMF
8 Fat Frank Lampard.png Frank Lampard had everything; even too much to eat

Forwards

No. Pos Name Picture Description
  SS
9 TORRES TORRES TORRES Torres.png TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES
  SS
10 Eden Fatzard 1620247867592.jpg One of the greatest natural talents football has ever seen. Also very talented at running to a burger stand after a match.
  CF
11 DROGBA Drogba.png A 190cm 90kg pure African monster who was every defender's worst nightmare.
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