/his/ roster

Main Roster

Starters

Position	No.	Name	Description
GK	10	The Maginot Line	Was it autism, or was it because they were French? Either way, nobody's fucking getting past this bad boy.
LB	7	Diogenes	The most 4chan philosopher ever. Spent his nights sleeping in a cave, and his days yelling at strangers, fapping in public, and telling Alexander the Great to 'gtfo my sunlight, normalfag'.
CB	19	Finno-Korean Hyper war	A conflict forgotten by time, but not by the /his/torians. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, this war has shaped the landscape of the world as we know it today. Without it, Koreans wouldn't have to resolve to e-"""sports""" in order to feel important, and Finnish would still have the ability to socialize.
CB	17	Charlememe	Top frank
LB	18	Napoleon	Star of the hit game Attila: Total War.
DMF	31	Vlad the Implier	>implying
CMF	4	Monsieur Lindy	A French >youtuber who gives his thoughts on historical events. His popularity on /his/ stemmed from his highly objective and totally unbiased point of view, but has been recently damaged (or improved) by the shocking revelation that, despite LARPing as an Englishman, he is fact only 54% British and has been hiding his true ancestry all along.
AMF	43	Bomber Harris	"The Nazis entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw, and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind." DO IT AGAIN, BOMBER HARRIS, AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN
SS	71	Bismarck	The greatest German statesman of all time.
SS	15	Charles II of Spain	>UNGHGHNGNUNGHGHGN What did he mean by this?
CF	45	>Holy >Roman >Empire	"This agglomeration which was called and which still calls itself the Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire." Voltaire's favorite punching bag.

Substitutes

Position	No.	Name	Description
GK	12	Great Wall of China	As the old saying goes; the best defence is a giant fucking wall.
LB	6	Maoist's Worst Nightmare	>When you run a communist dictatorship but your understanding of ecology is fucking zip so you order three million peasants and students to start killing sparrows for stealing your grain but then the bugs the sparrows like to eat swarm and decimate your crops and a portion of the remaining harvest goes bad because people are too busy throwing rocks at sparrows to collect it amplifying the famine that kills millions but it's okay because they were probably counter-revolutionaries anyway
LB	11	Pregnant Anne Frank	>ywn time travel back to 1942 >ywn rescue Anne Frank and continue back to the time of US Civil War >she will never join the Confederacy and inspire them to victory >ywn run a train on her with the Lousiana Tigers >nine-month pregnant Anne Frank, Dame of the victorious confederacy, will never shoot Baby Hitler in the head
RB	16	EVERY MAN A KING	"Communism? Hell no!... The Share our Wealth plan is the only defense this country's got against communism."
RB	14	>&Humanities	>thinly veiled 'is x white' thread >"philosophical" discussions that are just an excuse to bitch about politics/r9k bullshit & Humanities was a mistake.
CB	20	The Russian Baltic Fleet	>Russo-Japanese War >Paciﬁc Fleet gets bottled up in Vladivostok, Russian land forces getting BTFO >Admiralty decides to send the Baltic Fleet to the Paciﬁc to save the day >six battleships, most modern warships Russia has >the battleship Oryol sinks in the harbor before they even leave >ﬁnally make it out into the North Sea behind schedule in autumn 1904 >Britain is Japan's ally, not at war but suspected of aiding the Japanese because you can't trust merchants >midnight on the North Sea, Dogger Bank - off the East Coast of England >suddenly, the supply freighter Kamchatka signals that she is under attack by torpedo boats >entire ﬂeet comes about and steams straight in to save their comrade, guns blazing >the cruisers Aurora and Dmitri Donskoy are misidentiﬁed as Japanese and hit repeatedly by friendly ﬁre, killing a sailor and a ship's chaplain >numerous cruisers report being hit by torpedoes, begin emergency maneuvers >the battleship Borodino reports being boarded by Japanese forces, crew attempt to abandon ship >20 minutes of panicked ﬁring later, someone signals to cease ﬁre >searchlights illuminate a tiny cluster of unarmed, severely distressed British ﬁshing trawlers, one slowly sinking >three Englishmen dead >oops lol >Russian ﬂeet decides to just keep sailing and pretend nothing happened >next morning, trawlers limp home, the Royal Navy absolutely ﬂips their shit and raises steam on the entire Channel Fleet >suddenly the Russians ﬁnd their six battleship ﬂeet being pursued by TWENTY-EIGHT battleships >surrounded and forced to park off Spain until St. Petersburg ﬁnally apologizes and gives Britain enough money not to sink their entire navy as revenge "If you're counting, you'll have noticed that the Russians only managed at 2:3 kill ratio against unarmed fisherman. The Oryol fired 500 shells and hit nothing. This is the fleet they expected to save Vladivostok from the Japanese."
CB	21	African Paratrooper	"[Referring to Rwandan action during the Kabarebe Blitz] ...Gen. Kabarebe takes his paratroopers and crosses into the Congo. They then seize commercial airliners and fly them across the continent, where they land in the Congo's primary air force base. Within days, a few hundred men had blocked off an entire nation's access to the sea, captured their airforce, cut off 40% of the electrical power generation by seizing a hydroelectric dam and were about to take the capital." "It's crazy to think that 600 paratroopers nearly controlled the fate of 60 million Congolese."
CB	1	Angry Old Man	Sometimes referred to as Cato, this Roman citzen took his retirement rather badly and would spend afternoons bugging random people on the streets of Rome, angrily shouting something about destroying Carthage, and "fucking Greeks, get out of my republic."
CMF	99	Mongolian Horse Archer	He will fuck your shit up.
CMF	13	Julius Caesar	He will fuck our shit up.
CMF	95	More Wives, Your Grace?	What to do when your wife is an ugly wench whose mother was a whore with a fat arse? Simple, get a divorce. And when the Pope refuses to grant you one? Leave the catholic church, found a new religion and declare yourself the head of it, forcing an entire nation to follow you. Then grant the divorce yourself. It might be a bit easier if you're a king of some kind.
CMF	23	Radical Centrist	A thread asking if Hitler did anything wrong? A post trying to prove how True Communism is a perfect solution for everything, if it was ever tried? Yet another goddamn WW2 thread derailed into /pol/ vs /leftypol/ shitposting? Well, some /his/torians simply begin to grow tired of that nonsense, and begin to take actions. Radical actions, such as hiding shitty threads and not replying to bait.

Retired (Executed by Decree of Charles II)

Position	No.	Name	Description
CMF	9	The Black Warrior	"Why didn't the Romans conquer Africa? Did they fear the black warrior?"
CMF	1	GAULED	BIG BARBARIAN DICK INVADES TINY ROMAN HOTTY
CMF	95	Lutheran Shitposter	We have found God in a popeless state.
GK	10	Christian Dark Ages	The goal is a great technological gap which was previously inflicted by the Christian Dark Ages.
CB	17	Ancient Finnish God Emperor	"SACKING OF GYENGNEONG-PAEN BEST DAY OF MY LIFE"
CB	14	#TRENCHFOOT	Cool history teachers - not even once.
CB	15	Muh Crusades	Yea, sure fam we will help you against the muslims fellow Orthodox Christians. >Constantinople pillaged >Orthodox people hate Catholics even more then before
RB	16	Anarco-Memeism	"When you shoot your neighbor's escaped child sex slaves for starving on your lawn."
CMF	23	Empire for Sale	In need of annexing
RB	43	Wehraboo	The Wehraboo, not far from any argument on /his/, states: >The Treaty of Versailles was too harsh! >Life could have been better if the Nazis won! >Hitler killed less than Stalin, so he is less bad! >The UK started it, the Eternal Anglo forced their hand! >Poland started it, the war was one of self-defence! >Communism was a greater threat! >Hitler wanted peace! >The UK committed war crimes which mean the Germans did not! >Tigers were the best tank!
CB	21	Spanish Inquisition	No one expects them.
CMF	21	Shitposting Cossack	"O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil excretes, and your army eats. You will not, you son of a bitch, make subjects of Christian sons; we've no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck your mother."
LB	6	>Marxism	We can say that Marxism has lived though out the ages.
CB	7	Gaius	"We two dear men, friends forever, were here."
CB	9	Aulus	"If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus."
DMF	31	Carl von Clausewitz (Glorified Cheerleader)	"A short jump is certainly easier than a long one, but no one wanting to get across a wide ditch would begin by jumping half-way."
CB	15	Muh Legions	Varus you faggot give them back
CB	16	Finnic Jedi Knights	"For over a thousand generations, the Finnic Jedi Knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the Old World. Before the dark times, before the Hwan Empire."
AMF	21	Black Hannibal	Carthage dindu nuffin, they wuz good boys.
AMF	24	Eternal Anglo	Very Anglo - just look at those beady eyes
CB	37	Stalin Did Nothing Wrong	It's not Genocide if you do it against your own people.
CB	9	Liberal Professor	It's fine to have an opinion, but remember my opinion is better.