/s4s/ Roster

SLIGHTLY OUT OF DATE, will update pre-Autumn

The official roster of [s4s].

Sub

Starter

Silver

Gold

Current Roster

Goalkeepers

Position	Name	Picture	Description
	Eh? You've Never Seen a Pair of Breasts Before?		"Eh? You've never seen a pair of breasts before? And you've played for HOW long?! J-Jeez! Ahahahah! W-Well, we'd better fix that, then! Just close your eyes for a sec, aaaaaaand..." Heterochromic stroke sufferer Kogasa Tatara received an unlikely boost when she was offered a contract to play for [s4s], which she signed. The team owner sought out the Touhou after her debilitating health issues resulted in a bizarre obsession of exposing her breasts to virgin anons. Kogasa remains [s4s]'s starting goalkeeper as a tactical idea: given that many of her opposition strikers are virgins, she can expose her breasts before they strike the ball and put them off.
	Walruse		Recruited from parts unknown, likely a zoo enclosure or the Arctic, the walruse remains a mystifying character. Opposition strikers are often distracted by his presence before they shoot. "But that's a seal," they wonder. Nope! WALRUSED!

Defenders

Position	Name	Picture	Description
	BAVI		A long-time debate among the many ornithologists of [s4s]: Are birds important? Is the impact they make on the environment positive, negative, or completely insufficient? As public opinion changes on their importance, so does the player's name. For now, it seems that birds are very important.
	Cowe		Cowe trots onto the pitch! Cowe may possibly be related to Walruse, but both have denied this. I think we can all agree that this is a very cute cowe (don't let Gavin McInnes tell you otherwise!)
	Ojamajo Doremi		Everybody knows that the users of [s4s] are actually cute anime grills (boyes) in real life. One such grill (boye) is the Doremiposter of [s4s]. Be sure to participate in the daily episode threads and learn about Onpu and friends! wooh! (did you know that Doremiposter made lots of /jp/-tan art and the MARIO IS A NIGGER comic a long time ago?)
	wew lad		wew lad is 4chan's newest meme. >when you hear a good song wew lad >after an epic drum solo wew lad >when you meet a qt wew lad >your favourite band announces a new album wew lad
	Frontpage Chaika		Look! Name Chaika Trabant. Scoring goals, yes, Chaika good at. Inside out, turning defenders, I can! Yes! Will be, yes, a gold? Yes! Front page, I am! Chaika on the front page!
	Awoo~		Though she had showed promise at /jp/, Awoo~ was signed by [s4s] because, in the team's eyes, she's number wan. She might be a substitute, but when she gets out onto the field, she tries her best to stop the other team from scoring a late goal. Momiji's twin sister, Awoovement, previously played for /pol/ after announcing her support for Republican candidate Donald Trump.
	snek court		A snek? Running a court? Well, even though sneks don't talk, the justice system of [s4s] elected a certain snek to preside over cases of rudeness, unchecked dubs and other unlawful acts that take place on the nice board. All rise, the snek court is now in session. lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol
	le millenom girl		Not to be confused with "The Millennium Girl", AKA Frederica Irving, of the Etrian Odyssey geimu series. le millenom girl is a lot more MS Paint than The Millennium Girl. Strikers mistakenly believe that le millenom girl is a poor defender because of her physiology, but she's as skilled as the rest of the team.
	Ebin		Dewott is a rogue Pokémon who has escaped from his trainer, because like Finn the Stormtrooper, he didn't want to go into battle any more. He has been reformed by the niceness of [s4s] and now has a positive and "ebin" outlook. And from the looks of him, he might be an Anti-Bully Ranger. Ebin. Simply ebin.
	Ass		In the real world, Steven Pinker is a professor at Harvard University, with a Ph.D in experimental psychology. He has authored many books as a cognitive scientist, including The Stuff of Thought, The Language Instinct and How the Mind Works. The world considers him a valuable asset in the field of linguistics, psychology and computational theory of mind. In the [s4s] world, he's "ass". No-one knows why.

Midfielders

Position	Name	Picture	Description
	Keksandra		The cutest, the nicest, the best, but more importantly, the lewdest board-tan ever. Keksandra is what you see when you think to yourself "What would [s4s] look like if it was a real person?", and suddenly, out comes an adorable bundle in a pretty purple dress and an autistic smile on her face. Though you might often see her as a young eleven year old, Keksandra becomes a voluptuous twenty-two year old adult when the time comes for her to serve her board on the divegrass field. Off-field, she serves her teammates and opposition in a "different" way, if you know what I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Persistent rumors of Keksandra doing a Monica Lewinsky for the previous commissioner of the cup in order to achieve victory continue to float around the community, though none of these allegations have been proven. When not training or playing, Keksandra operates her own business in the back-alley behind Benuldy's, called Keksandra's Fuck & Suck (Formerly Sneed's). "Don't be a dumdum, come fug my bumbum!" "Really good business, ya'll should check it out." -Doctor G. Sirob, /mlp/ team doctor.
	Nice Grill		Currently the team's motivator and captain of the leadership group, Nice Grill maintains the team's chemistry and encourages niceness all around. Though she has had a checkered past that she would prefer you didn't look into, Nice Grill has reformed into a brand new grill, relying on the pacifist way of living to get through tough training and hard losses. She has denied rumors that she is related to /toy/'s Madoka Titus, /u/'s Madokami, and /a/'s Meguca.
	Swaglord		Who says that mods can't be fun, dumdum? Swaglord (better known as Jay Irwin) is the only mod who makes 4chan more lively by making fun threads. Sometimes he types in Comic Sans and Papyruse, other times he embeds videos and writes in BIGTEXT. He also writes for the New York Observer and makes /qa/ mad, which is nothing special tbh.
	ses		The opposition has the ball, they're driving through the midfield and are ready to launch an attack. Everything looks good, when suddenly... ses
	The Teeth Girl		One day, [s4s] decided to make sure that Yukino Miyazawa had brushed her teeth today, and she did. [s4s] likes to make sure that Yukino brushes her teeth every day. Remember, dental hygiene is very important!
	:^)		Sometimes, you write a post on 4chan and you worry that you might come off as a #rude person. Fret not, funposter, for there is a way to make sure that what you write is in good spirits. Just put a cheeky smiley on the end of your post and what you write will be super positive :^)
	D A N K M E M E S		Born too late to explore the Earth. Born too early to explore the galaxy. Born just in time to browse D A N K M E M E S. The Gnome Child embraces all, enjoys all and keks all. One Christmas holiday, a young boy told YouTube that memes are not awesome, cool, or bodacious, but DANK. In the years that have passed, the Gnome Child has become attached to dank memes. They have split into combinations of edgy humor, ironic expression, and wholesomeness, with a hint of e🅱ojis, Comic Sans, and an excessive amount of .jpeg artifacts and saturation. 😂 🅱 sure😋to cLICC💦💦💦 the👏like👏and👏cHECK😈😈😈the DUBS👉👉👉👉👉 😂

Strikers

Position	Name	Picture	Description
	Topkek		In 1990, the Turkish confectionery company ETi began producing a new packaged cupcake treat: Topkek. To the workers there, it was just another delicious treat that Turkish schoolkids would have in their lunchboxes. 23 years later, thanks to World of Warcraft Alliance members and their translators, "lol" had become "kek". One day, a funposter discovered Topkek, and the rest is history. Not to be confused with Kek, an Egyptian frog god that the dumdums of /pol/ worship.
	Patrick Bateman		Off the field, Bateman works as an investment banker on Wall Street. He's incredibly rich, intelligent, and lives a great life. He's also a fan of Huey Lewis & The News, especially their most accomplished album, Fore! He thinks their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip To Be Square". A song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends. It's also a personal statement about the band itself. Bateman had previously played for /v/, but was dropped for being a poor defender. He later signed for [s4s] as a striker, because of his amazing ability to check 'em, and score braces and hat-tricks. Today, Bateman plays for free and asks for his wage to be redistributed among the rest of the team, due to his wealth. Unproven rumors that Bateman is a serial killer are passed around, but they are about as true as Ted Cruz being the Zodiac Killer. He was questioned in early 2015 over the alleged murder of the /x/ team, but was released without charge.
	Flowre		She was a meme who was given a second chance by [s4s], and she took that chance. Though popular, her credibility as a meme took a nasty hit when her immediate sending-off in THAT match against /gd/ resulted in the unlikeliest relegation of her team. We maintain that Flowre is a good meme, and she dindu nuffin.
	Youd be suprise		Nobody knows the motive behind this player's actions, but we think it would be a suprise.

Reserves

Position	Name	Picture	Description
n/a	#fortune		Your Fortune: Godly Reservist
n/a	Shrek		Shrek is dreck
n/a	Yee		Yee joins the reserves after being voted off the roster before the 2017 4Chan Winter Cup
n/a	Doge		wow such defense many bench
n/a	qeq		qeq
n/a	Jack Ruselel		Jack Ruselel
n/a	Bury Smolhead		smol
n/a	Bury Ebil		ebil
n/a	Donut Man		One of [s4s]'s first ebin memes, he devours the opponent's strikers like he devours his powdered-sugar-covered donuts. Relegated to the reserves for failing to trim the weight gained from excessive consumption of donuts.
n/a	Dubs		Check 'em.
n/a	Gippo Dudee		Today he will remind them.
n/a	Introducing		Introducing Introducing
n/a	Bune Raven		Not a meme.
n/a	Cool Shirts Guy		After 11 years of work, I finally finished the ultimate meme. His name is Cool Shirts Guy. It's ridiculously amazing and has all kinds of epic jokes. Only I can post this meme because I am the best memer in the world. I am the best. No one is better than me, because, as previously stated, I am the best in the world at meming. I know I'm being modest, so I should say this meme was easy to make, because, as stated, I'm the best there is. This meme is perfect, hands down. Anyone who says it isn't perfect will have their comment deleted, blocked from my account, blocked from 4chan, computer destroyed with a hammer, and you will be killed by my millions of fans at the snap of my fingers, because I can demand that much respect, because I'm the best. Hope you enjoy my meme. His name is Cool Shirts Guy.
n/a	Fef		Top fef
n/a	JEJ		JEJ
n/a	Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.		Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.
n/a	Taking my coffee without cream or sugar		Taking my coffee without cream or sugar for a week and I wanted to tell everybody
n/a	Sus is ming		sus
n/a	Sicc Sipper		Radical water mane
n/a	Yosho		Yosho
n/a	Spikeman		Spikeman

Active roster descriptions provided by a bury nice anon and fan of the team from esfores.