/mu/ Roster

Starting Eleven

Name		Background	Position	Number
Merzbow		/mu/ has trusted Merzbow to be the Wall of Sound that /mu/ needs to be successful in defense. Winning the 2014 Summer Cup with him in net, he has proven to be a successful member of the team, also being a key member in their entire run of success by only appearing in one (1) babby from Winter 2012 to Summer 2016, though he has not succeeded in taking penalty kicks just yet, or accepting passes from a very certain music reviewer /mu/ really appreciates. In the music scene, Merzbow makes harsh noise that effectively filters plebs that cannot handle real noise. If you can't handle Merzbow, you'll never be able to handle harsh noise.	GK	34
Captain Beefheart		i'm at a severe writer's block but I'm not sure if I just wrote art or not since it IS about Captain Beefheart after all, so it could work. The genius behind Trout Mask Replica himself, Captain Beefheart is the antithesis of a talentless hack. Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band, who were definitely not captives and tortured for six months during the making of Trout Mask Replica, created music that sounds weird and it has a fish on the cover! A fish! Imagine making the pleb filter but you make it into a whole album. I CANNOT GO BACK TO YOUR FROOOOOOOOWNLAAAAAAAND DACHAU BLUUUUUUEEEEESSSS A squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag, is fast and bulbous, got me? F A S T A N D B U L B O U S	LB	88
David Bowie		David Bowie made 25 fucking albums. Bowie is an icon due to his performances, record sales, and figure as a British pop rock musician. /mu/ talks about him a lot because of certain albums such as Ziggy Stardust, Low, "Heroes", and Hunky Dory. Bowie also gets discussion revolving around his self titled album for having the best album art of all time. David Bowie also had sex with Lori Maddox when she was fifteen years old! Wow! Bowie died of cancer in january 2016.	CB	8
Richard D. James		Do you ever wonder if Richard and Tim Hecker go outside?	CB	2
Ye		MAGA Kanye with the hottest and most thought provoking lyrics "Now if I fuck this modela nd she just bleached her asshole and I get bleach on my T-shirt, I'mma feel like an asshole" "Sometimes I'm wishin' that my dick had GoPro so I could play that shit back in slo-mo, I just shot an amateur video; I think I should go pro" "i keep it 300 like the romans, 300 bitches, where the trojans" "Ay, none of us would be here without cum" "I couldn't get my shit out any way, I hope you die Aria" "Have you ever had sex with a pharoah? I put the pussy in a sarcophagus" "My apologies, are you into astrology/Cause I’m tryin’ to make it to Uranus" "I love your titties ’cause they prove I can focus on two things at once" "Uh, black girl sippin’ white wine/Put my fist in her like a civil rights sign" "HURRY UP WITH MY DAMN CROISSANTS" "You left your fridge open somebody took a sandwich" "Eatin’ Asian pussy, all I need was sweet and sour sauce” "I remember being nervous to do Victoria's Secret 'til I pictured everybody with their clothes off" "Skrrt skrrt skrrt like a private school for women, then I get there and all the Popeye's is finished, girl"	RB	69
Viper the Rapper		Viper the Rapper, or formally known as Viper, is a hip hop artist hailing from the great state of Arkansas. Viper is most known for putting out his 2008 digitally released album "You'll Cowards Don't Even Smoke Crack", in what has been called by one person as " a deaf person talking over 1991 Sonic the Hedgehog synths thrown together by a little kid on the free-est DAW downloaded on a Russian fileshare site crawling with malware". Viper himself has put out many other studio albums such as "I'm Better Than U" and "My Gun Is Set To Auto-Smegmatic". Additionally, he has put out a counted 136 mixtapes, the most popular being "Kill Urself My Man" and "These Rappers Claim They Hard When Them Fags Never Even Seen the Pen". While these releases have some blatant rips from his previous albums, many songs even being identical, the sheer volume of music he has released is unmatched by any other modern day artist. Also, he makes funny album covers /mu/ uses as reaction images. Also he's a real estate broker. Also he's never been seen in the same room as Lil B.	DMF	20
One Copy of Loveless		Ordering a classic grail on vinyl? Just like that? How can he be so based?! >b-but it's shoegaze! it will sound like shit on vinyl, i-it's completely outdated! Shut it, shoegaze virgin. Chad over here knows that vinyl is the thinking man's media choice, and that only incels listen to FLAC files. One Copy of Loveless has been listening to "Touched" on full volume and enjoying every second of it. No, he will not start listening to Ride because Ride is a shit britpop band with no soul.	DMF	7
Piero Scaruffi		The fact that so many books still say that the death of XXXTentacion was not a big loss for music only tells you how far shitposting still is from becoming a serious art. Piero Scaruffi has seen /mu/ at the highest of highs and the lowest of lows while fucking 5 asian girls at once. While Scarufficore such as Trout Mask Replica, Faust, and Kate Bush have cemented their reputation on /mu/ for years now, Scaruffi's few new reviews still get discussion on /mu/, especially when there's a bombshell. From his criticism by other reviews as being too conservative in his reviews to rating his own poem as one of the best pieces of poetry at all time, he is unequivocally one of the most based figures relevant with /mu/, especially when compared to the absolute state of modern p4k and a certain melon looking shithead.	CMF	22
John Lennon Beat His Wife		Did you know, that John Lennon from The Beatles actually beat his wife?	CMF	6
Jeff Mangum		While Anne Frank may be the only girl that Jeff has ever loved, there are plenty of anons on /mu/ that want to make sure they love Jeff. Lead singer of Neutral Milk Hotel, Jeff's eccentric lyricism and voice have earned his way into the hearts of many listeners by releasing what many believe to be the best indie rock album of all time, "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea". When first listening to the album, many ask themselves, "am I getting memed? Is this what /mu/ thinks is actually good?" Rest assured, this album is universally loved with countless screamable lyrics and a general sincere, happy nature to it. Here's some examples (oh also On Avery Island is great too but lol afterthought as usual): WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG YOU WERE THE KING OF CAAAARROT FLOOOOOWERS IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU JEEEEEEEEEESUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIST WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FACE I HAVE FOUND IN THIS PLACE THAT IS CIRCLING ALL ROUND THE SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN I AM LIIIIIIIIIISTENING TO HEEEAAAAR WHERE YOU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE CHOKING WITH HER HANDS ACROSS, HIS, FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE literally the entirety of Holland, 1945 Semen stains the mountaintops, semen stains the mountaintops OOOOOOOOooooOOOOOOoooOOOOOH COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOmely SHE GOOOOOOOES, AND NOW SHE KNOWS SHE'LL NEEEEEEVER BE AFRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAID DEEEEEEDEDEDEDE DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDEDEDEDE DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDEDEDEDE just honestly scream the whole album aside the slow songs, those are top tier too though.	AMF	10
MC Ride		"Jesus this sounds so bad, is this what you call music? This sounds like a hobo just yelling random words with shitty engine noises in the background. I don't get how anyone could like this. People actually think this is catchy, really? Hustle bones, what are those? Even that Melon guy said it's really good, for whatever reason he loves them too I don't fucking get it. He gave this a 10?! Really?! A 10/10?! Fucking stupid, you're all idiots I'm going back to listening to good music" 3 months later: "I CLOSE MY EYES AND SEIZE, I CLENCH MY FIST AND BEAT IT, I LIGHT MY TORCH AND BURN IT, I AM THE BEAST I WORSHIP ITGOESITGOESITGOESITGOESITGOESITGOESITGOESITGOES GUILLOTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE YUH SPREADEAGLECROSSTHEBLOCK SPREADEAGLECROSSTHEBLOCKSPREADEAGLECROSSTHE BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK I FUCK THE MUSIC, I MAKE IT CUM, I FUCK THE MUSIC WITH MY SERPENT TOOOOONGUE HIT HIT HIT TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKYOON TATAKKKYYYYOOON TATA TRIPLE SIX FIVE FORKED TOOOONGUE IF YOU'RE DELUSIONAL YOUR CALL WILL BE DIRECTED TO THE MOTHERSHIP IWANTITINEEDITNEEDTOKEEPMYSELFHEATEDSHAKEITCANTTAKEITMUSTBREAKITOFF YEAHWHATISAY BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH GETGETGETGETGOTGOTGOTGOTBLOODRUSHTO MYHEADHITHOTLOCKPOPPINOFFTHEFUCKINBLOCKKNOTCLOCKINWRISTSLITWATCHBENTTHOUGHTBOT I GOT THE FEEEVVVAAAAHHHHH HUSTLE BONES COMIN' OUT MAH MAOOUUUTTTHHH I'VE SEEN FOOTAGE, I STAY NOIDED, I'VE SEEN FOOTAGE, AHHHVVVEEE SEEEEN FOOTAGE THE TABLES IS FLIPPED NOW WE GOT ALL THE COCONUTS BITCH"	CF	33

Bench

Name		Background	Position	Number
Michael Gira		Testing, one, two, three. Well, well fuck. I mean, I just don't know what to say. I'm very glad to be hear with you tonight. I'll be able to talk with you, about some things that I know a great deal about. Everyone knows, that you, are, fucked up. And everyone knows, that I, am fucked up. But, does everyone know, that you, are more fucked up than me? Well I know that, and you know that, but our purpose is to tell everyone that. Take for instance, the time, you went to the bathroom to take a shower. You had soap, you had a towel, shampoo, washcloth, a brush, everything was set. But you had to call me to come turn on the water for you. You didn't know where or how. That is one instance of how fucked up you are. A second instance of how fucked up you are; You was going to cook you some breakfast. Well you went in there, and you put some toast in the toaster. Put a skillet on the stove, some grease in it. You got you some eggs out, some bacon. Poured you some orange juice, made you some coffee, got some jelly and some butter, fried eggs, salt, pepper, got the bacon on the grill. Everything was fine, except for one thing. You had to call me in there, to show you how to use a fork. Now, a third instance, the way you're fucked up. You got dressed, ready to go to school, everything was fine. Went outside, got in your car. Key in the ignition, except for one thing. You had to call me, to come show you,	GK	11
The Crusher		What's that? You made a thread about Kero Kero Bonito's new album? You wanted to discuss the album and Sarah's growth as an artist? Well what you actually did is start a thread about THE CRUSHER, and how he's going to CRUSH you if you think about Sarah one more time. You think you're about to make a thread about Sarah's new album on /mu/? Think again, moron. THE CRUSHER is about to CRUSH you and every filthy waifufag on /mu/. Think /yourteam/ can CRUSH the CRUSHER? Think again. Get CRUSHED.	GK	1
Björk		Björk's history on /mu/ has no peaks or valleys, rather a more consistent acknowledgement of her history as a consistently good pop artist with an incredible 11 year stretch of releasing 5 great albums, each with their own distinct style and each being distinctly original. While her appearance on charts posted around the board has declined with time, nearly all new age art pop artists will note Björk as an influence because she changed the genre so heavily. Even artists like Death Grips used many of her songs for samples in their work to further the genre of hobo yelling, which is a feat in itself. Nevertheless, /OurIcelandicMommy/ will always be loved no matter what.	LB	23
I Grieve in Stereo		One time on /mu/, MGMT released an album. No, there wasn't any Selly-Ester Watts field to notice on it, but there sure was a lot of yellow.	LB	70
Thom Yorke		While occasionally featuring on a variety of songs nowadays as a writer or vocalist, Thom Yorke is best known for his work with the band "Thom Yorke and the Radioheads", producing the greatest album of all time "OK Computer". In addition to that, the band's best song "Creep" has been a mainstay hit among music aficionados for more than 2 and a half decades now, and Thom will always happily sign a vinyl copy of the album it released on, titled "Pablo Honey". Not only has he achieved this, but popular music rating website rateyourmusic.com currently has 2 Radiohead albums in the top 3 albums of all time, and 3 in the top 9 albums of all time, truly a sign of quality! Nowadays, Thom spends his time playing the piano and planning how he can re-release old albums for more money like Car Seat Headrest did.	CB	18
Punished Morrissey		soon	CB	5
Archers of Loaf		For me, it's Archers Of Loaf. The best indie rock band. I even call my local college station and ask for extra AOL and the young staff is so friendly and more than willing to oblige. One time I called and asked for AOL and they played me three of their songs in a row. I said, "Wow, three for AOL!" and the nice friendly college radio DJ laughed and said, "I'm going to call you 3-for-AOL". Now the staff greets me with "hey it's 3-for-AOL!" and ALWAYS give me three AOL songs of my choosing. It's such a fun and cool atmosphere at my local college station, I call up there at least 3 times a week during midday, 1-2 times in the morning, and maybe once at night when I'm tired but want a great song that has just the right combination of heaviness, melody, and angsty ironic disillusionment to help me fall asleep. I even listen to AOL with all my friends, they’re fantastic! What a great band. (Remove this part for your post; the money has been sent to your account)	CB	17
Grimes		One of the longest waifufaggotry runs in /mu/ history. At the time, Claire Boucher was firmly on the rise in popularity, and her album "Visions" gave her an even bigger amount of notoriety among the board. Waifufags were running rampant, making seemingly every thread about her for a good few years. She was on most of the charts in the charts threads. She was on /daily/ almost every thread. You couldn't get around it. Every single new music video, every new song, you better believe it was on /mu/. And then Art Angels dropped. The incredibly catchy art pop, the lush vocals, everything felt so comfy and it seemed the album was destined to become /mu/core. While it fizzled away after a good amount of time being spammed on /mu/, she still remained her popularity until most of the waifufags moved along. The remaining waifufags got to see her go on a date with Elon Musk, so that was pretty fun.	RB	12
Hell be Fine		>70 years old >Still plays shows I think hell be fine	RB	21
Talentless Hack		He is pointing at us...	DMF	19
8.4 Best New Midfielder		"8.4 Best New Midfielder* is a reference to the one time credible website >Pitchfork giving out its label "Best New Music" to industry plants and racebait quality albums whether they're well known or not. While the website's credibility itself has been complete shit since Chris Ott left years ago subject due to its reviews, they still maintain a name in the industry to this day because of industry money and support independent reviews written by literal whos quality new music critics with a industry sponsored fresh and legitimate opinion.	DMF	84
Stu Mackenzie		soon	DMF	4

Former Players (WIP)

Name		Background	Position	Number	Last Cup
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys		Christian Weston Chandler, also known as "Chris-Chan" on various internet communities, made an album once. This album was 21 minutes and 21 seconds long. Some say that it's the most discomforting 21ish minutes one man could experience. Some say it's one of the most obvious masterpieces that man has given to the world. Which one is it, /mu/? Oh also resident tranny website rateyourmusic.com banned some people for giving it a perfect 5/5 score despite not being able to prove the album is not, in fact, a perfect 5/5.	CB	5	2019 4chan Spring Babby Cup
Sufjan Stevens		The Suf has undoubtedly made /mu/ much cuter. During his first run with /mu/, the board was clammoring for his two most notable albums at the time, "Illinois" and "The Age of Adz", both of which could have been called /mu/core at the time. His resurgence can likely be attributed to his instant hit album "Carrie & Lowell" which talks about being sad on holidays, masterbating next to someone, and buying fries from McDonald's, all of this being a step up from his usual bullshit about midwestern cities with a population of 15,000 max. For most of his career, Subaru, his wings, and his banjo have been the savior of both folk and pop, and /mu/ has surely taken notice. Whoo-hoo-hoo!	CB	17	2019 4chan Spring Babby Cup
Za Fishmans		Za Fishmans has been a long staple of /mu/ posting for both shitposting (whether it's in a cave or not), and entry level dream pop discussion. Widely known for the band's studio album "Long Season" and its live album "Otokotachi no Wakare", /mu/ will always have a soft spot for the album, whether it has clicked for them or not. Anyway we all know they just produce toilet sounds.	RMF	4	2019 4chan Spring Babby Cup