/s4s/ Roster

The official roster of  /s4s/.

Bench

Starter

Silver

Gold

Current Roster

Goalkeepers

Position	Name	Picture	Description
	#fortune		Your Fortune: Godly Save
	Walruse		Recruited from parts unknown, likely a zoo enclosure or the Arctic, the walruse remains a mystifying character. Opposition strikers are often distracted by his presence before they shoot. "But that's a seal," they wonder. Nope! WALRUSED!

Defenders

Position	Name	Picture	Description
	Dubs		Check 'em.
	BAVI		A long-time debate among the many ornithologists of [s4s]: Are birds important? Is the impact they make on the environment positive, negative, or completely insufficient? As public opinion changes on their importance, so does the player's name. For now, it seems that birds are very important, but sadly not important enough to be on the team.
	Bury Smolhead		smol
	wew lad		wew lad is 4chan's newest meme. >when you hear a good song wew lad >after an epic drum solo wew lad >when you meet a qt wew lad >your favourite band announces a new album wew lad
	Cowe		Cowe trots onto the pitch! Cowe may possibly be related to Walruse, but both have denied this. I think we can all agree that this is a very cute cowe (don't let Gavin McInnes tell you otherwise!)
	snek court		A snek? Running a court? Well, even though sneks don't talk, the justice system of [s4s] elected a certain snek to preside over cases of rudeness, unchecked dubs and other unlawful acts that take place on the nice board. All rise, the snek court is now in session. lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol
	Bury Ebil		ebil
	Spikeman		Voted off the team in favor of Yosho after the latter's victory in their battle for best meme.

Midfielders

Position	Name	Picture	Description
	ses		The opposition has the ball, they're driving through the midfield and are ready to launch an attack. Everything looks good, when suddenly... ses
	Swaglord		Who says that mods can't be fun, dumdum? Swaglord (better known as Jay Irwin) is the only mod who makes 4chan more lively by making fun threads. Sometimes he types in Comic Sans and Papyruse, other times he embeds videos and writes in BIGTEXT. He also writes for the New York Observer and makes /qa/ mad, which is nothing special tbh.
	Nice Grill		Currently the team's motivator and captain of the leadership group, Nice Grill maintains the team's chemistry and encourages niceness all around. Though she has had a checkered past that she would prefer you didn't look into, Nice Grill has reformed into a brand new grill, relying on the pacifist way of living to get through tough training and hard losses. She has denied rumors that she is related to /toy/'s Madoka Titus, /u/'s Madokami, and /a/'s Meguca.
	:^)		Sometimes, you write a post on 4chan and you worry that you might come off as a #rude person. Fret not, funposter, for there is a way to make sure that what you write is in good spirits. Just put a cheeky smiley on the end of your post and what you write will be super positive :^)
	Flowre		She was a meme who was given a second chance by [s4s], and she took that chance. Though popular, her credibility as a meme took a nasty hit when her immediate sending-off in THAT match against /gd/ resulted in the unlikeliest relegation of her team. We maintained that Flowre is a good meme who dindu nuffin, and she repaid us with an absolute blooter against /wsg/. Now immortalized with her very own kit.
	Akko		A believing heart is your magic! This little witch is a friend of Keksandra's, and beloved by nice board!
	Ojamajo Doremi		Everybody knows that the users of [s4s] are actually cute anime grills (boyes) in real life. One such grill (boye) is the Doremiposter of [s4s]. Be sure to participate in the daily episode threads and learn about Onpu and friends! wooh! (did you know that Doremiposter made lots of /jp/-tan art and the MARIO IS A NIGGER comic a long time ago?)
	youd be suprise		Think i am not going to shoot this ball? youd be suprise.

Strikers

Position	Name	Picture	Description
	Topkek		In 1990, the Turkish confectionery company ETi began producing a new packaged cupcake treat: Topkek. To the workers there, it was just another delicious treat that Turkish schoolkids would have in their lunchboxes. 23 years later, thanks to World of Warcraft Alliance members and their translators, "lol" had become "kek". One day, a funposter discovered Topkek, and the rest is history. Not to be confused with Kek, an Egyptian frog god that the dumdums of /pol/ worship.
	Keksandra		The cutest, the nicest, the best, but more importantly, the lewdest board-tan ever. Keksandra is what you see when you think to yourself "What would [s4s] look like if it was a real person?", and suddenly, out comes an adorable bundle in a pretty purple dress and an autistic smile on her face. Though you might often see her as a young eleven year old, Keksandra becomes a voluptuous twenty-two year old adult when the time comes for her to serve her board on the divegrass field. Off-field, she serves her teammates and opposition in a "different" way, if you know what I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Persistent rumors of Keksandra doing a Monica Lewinsky for the previous commissioner of the cup in order to achieve victory continue to float around the community, though none of these allegations have been proven. When not training or playing, Keksandra operates her own business in the back-alley behind Benuldy's, called Keksandra's Fuck & Suck (Formerly Sneed's). "Don't be a dumdum, come fug my bumbum!" "Really good business, ya'll should check it out." -Doctor G. Sirob, /mlp/ team doctor.
	Patrick Bateman		Off the field, Bateman works as an investment banker on Wall Street. He's incredibly rich, intelligent, and lives a great life. He's also a fan of Huey Lewis & The News, especially their most accomplished album, Fore! He thinks their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip To Be Square". A song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends. It's also a personal statement about the band itself. Bateman had previously played for /v/, but was dropped for being a poor defender. He later signed for [s4s] as a striker, because of his amazing ability to check 'em, and score braces and hat-tricks. Today, Bateman plays for free and asks for his wage to be redistributed among the rest of the team, due to his wealth. Unproven rumors that Bateman is a serial killer are passed around, but they are about as true as Ted Cruz being the Zodiac Killer. He was questioned in early 2015 over the alleged murder of the /x/ team, but was released without charge.

Reserves

Position	Name	Picture	Description
n/a	Eh? You've Never Seen a Pair of Breasts Before?		Demoted to the Reserves as punishment for being 2lewd.
n/a	Shrek		Shrek is dreck
n/a	Cory Baxter		No longer in the house :^(
n/a	D A N K M E M E S		Born too late to explore the Earth. Born too early to explore the galaxy. Born just in time to browse D A N K M E M E S. The Gnome Child embraces all, enjoys all and keks all. One Christmas holiday, a young boy told YouTube that memes are not awesome, cool, or bodacious, but DANK. In the years that have passed, the Gnome Child has become attached to dank memes. They have split into combinations of edgy humor, ironic expression, and wholesomeness, with a hint of e🅱ojis, Comic Sans, and an excessive amount of .jpeg artifacts and saturation. 😂 🅱 sure😋to cLICC💦💦💦 the👏like👏and👏cHECK😈😈😈the DUBS👉👉👉👉👉 😂
n/a	Yee		Yee joins the Reserves after being voted off the roster before the 2017 4chan Winter Cup.
n/a	Doge		wow such reserve many retired
n/a	qeq		qeq
n/a	Donut Man		One of [s4s]'s first ebin memes, he devours the opponent's strikers like he devours his powdered-sugar-covered donuts. Relegated to the reserves for failing to trim the weight gained from excessive consumption of donuts.
n/a	Gippo Dudee		Today he will remind them.
n/a	Bune Raven		Not a meme.
n/a	Cool Shirts Guy		After 11 years of work, I finally finished the ultimate meme. His name is Cool Shirts Guy. It's ridiculously amazing and has all kinds of epic jokes. Only I can post this meme because I am the best memer in the world. I am the best. No one is better than me, because, as previously stated, I am the best in the world at meming. I know I'm being modest, so I should say this meme was easy to make, because, as stated, I'm the best there is. This meme is perfect, hands down. Anyone who says it isn't perfect will have their comment deleted, blocked from my account, blocked from 4chan, computer destroyed with a hammer, and you will be killed by my millions of fans at the snap of my fingers, because I can demand that much respect, because I'm the best. Hope you enjoy my meme. His name is Cool Shirts Guy.
n/a	JEJ		JEJ
n/a	Merula		After a hard fight, Merula was selected as the team’s witch representative over Akko. Her popularity on [s4s] (see: the 3,555-response Merula stickee) led her to join Dubs FC prior to the 2018 4chan Autumn Babby Cup, where she made her debut. In the Cup offseason, she links up with the rest of her Harry Potter counterparts to play for /hpgg/. [loud Harry Potter theme intensifies]
n/a	zrg		Watch out for zrg. His skills are shockingly developed, his pace is electrifying, he shows little resistance, and he is currently plugged into the roster, ready to amplify his team and ground the opposition to a halt and bring them back to earth.
n/a	Ebin		Dewott is a rogue Pokémon who has escaped from his trainer, because like Finn the Stormtrooper, he didn't want to go into battle any more. He has been reformed by the niceness of [s4s] and now has a positive and "ebin" outlook. And from the looks of him, he might be an Anti-Bully Ranger. Ebin. Simply ebin.
n/a	Yosho		yosho > spikeman
n/a	Jack Ruselel		The Jack Ruselel is the cutest doggo on [s4s] and in the 4chan Cup, aside from former [s4s] stalwart Doge. His adorableness on the sideline is a major distraction to opposition wingers. Then he lifts his leg and does his ruse all over their legs :^)
n/a	Ass		In the real world, Steven Pinker is a professor at Harvard University, with a Ph.D in experimental psychology. He has authored many books as a cognitive scientist, including The Stuff of Thought, The Language Instinct and How the Mind Works. The world considers him a valuable asset in the field of linguistics, psychology and computational theory of mind. In the [s4s] world, he's "ass"
n/a	Introducing		Introducing Introducing, the monkey that needs no introduction, because he is the introduction. His introduction into the team will introduce the team to a strong midfield that may one day introduce [s4s] to a star.
	le millenom girl		Not to be confused with "The Millennium Girl", AKA Frederica Irving, of the Etrian Odyssey geimu series. le millenom girl is a lot more MS Paint than The Millennium Girl.
	Flube		The flube is a hypnotic birb creature. It’s jigglyness and unpredictability often ruses his opponents. But why? Nobody knows.	} Active roster descriptions in part provided by a bury nice anon and fan of the team from esfores.