/u/ History

Cup history of /u/.

2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup: Cold start

Founded in July 2012 by Gracen Hallibaster, /u/'s team first official tournament was the 2012 4chan Autumn Babby Cup, and it was underwhelming, to say the least. /u/ was in group H with /vg/, /b/ and /r9k/, the latter being /u/'s first opponents. The match was a disappointing 2-3 defeat, despite Homuhomu's efforts, with Feito-chan participating to the neckbears’ score with an own goal. The next match against /vg/ wouldn't raise the bar, as the /u/nicorns lost 1-2, with Erica Hartmann scoring the consolation, and the team already lost its chances of advancing. The last match against /b/ was a flaccid 0-0 affair, earning /u/ a single point and the satisfaction of bringing /b/ with them. /u/'s ranking post-Dragongate was a mediocre 22 out of 25, but the /u/nicorns could only improve in the next cup.

2013 4chan Spring Babby Cup: Witnessing the storm

With Gracen appointed as commissioner, former /u/ tester retortelement was appointed manager for /u/. The 2013 4chan Spring Babby Cup saw /u/ the group F with /o/, /mlp/ and /r9k/ again. The cup started on a disastrous note for /u/ with a 1-5 blowout loss against /mlp/, with Teru Time giving the team's only presence on the board. The next match would be the rematch against /r9k/, but this time, the /u/nicorns came out on top with a clear 3-0 win, a score that was a joint effort of Homuhomu, Akkarin, and team captain Purest form of love. After /mlp/'s defeat at the hands of /o/, /u/'s hopes were still alive, but then /u/ would lose 0-1 to /o/, putting the /u/nicorns at the 3rd place of the group. Despite an improved performance and their first victory in a cup, /u/ failed to advance and would have to watch another elite cup from the sidelines...Or would they? During post-spring's offseason, the Dragongate scandal broke out and ended with all elite Dragonfag teams being relegated and the top babby teams that didn't promote to take their place for the 2013 4chan Summer Cup. And so the /u/nicorns found themselves unexpectedly in an elite cup, but determined to prove that they deserve their place among the best.

2013 4chan Summer Cup: Underdog days

Having reached the elites thanks to the counter-effects of large-scale rigging, /u/ still had everything to prove during the 2013 4chan Summer Cup. Put in a competitive group D with /fit/, /tg/ and /int/, the /u/ started by destroying /fit/ with a 4-0 that is still /u/’s biggest victory. This game was known for the absence of both managers, and the prepared tactics saw goals from Homuhomu, Purest form of love and a Teru time brace. /u/ then drew /tg/ is an intense 3-3 match and the last game against /int/ turned out to be a festival of aggression from the /int/olerants; on top of an early Homuhomu penalty kick, /int/ player Remove kebab got a straight red card opening /int/’s defense enough for Teru time to bring home a 2-1 win. The joy of being in the elite knockouts was short-lived, though , as /u/ got bested 1-2 by eventual cup winners /wg/ and left the cup on the 13th place .

2014 4chan Winter Cup: Fall from grace

Wanting to keep up the momentum after a decent performance in Summer, /u/ went in the 2014 4chan Winter Cup full of hope, sharing the group D with /mu/, /gif/ and /gd/. Things started with a disappointing scoreless draw against /gif/ where the offense was present on both sides, but the defense was stronger and. The second match against /mu/ was much the same story but with balls actually going in the net, with Homucifer making /u/’s contribution to a 1-1 match. At the edge of relegation, /u/ needed to win against an already relegated /gd/ to stay in the elites. Sadly /gd/ managed to bring /u/ down with them by defeating the /u/nicorns 1-2. With a 29th place overall, this was /u/’s worst ever result in an elite cup, and their only winless cup since their very first participation.

2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup: Back on track

Back in the babbies, /u/ only wanted to be back to the elites as soon as possible, but during /u/’s elite run, the babbies had become the megababbies, and /u/ would have to fight for one of the two elite spots with 4 others teams during the 2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup. The group H were /u/ was put consisted in /sci/, /vg/, /vp/ and fellow cute girls /c/. Things didn’t start brilliantly with an eventless 0-0 draw against /sci/ and a 2-2 draw against /c/ which saw Black sunshine’s first cup goal for /u/, but also a brace from/c/’s lesbian traitor Yui. After two matches, the /u/nicorns were in a tight spot with just two points, just above an already doomed /sci/, and needed at least a win to keep the elite dream alive. Fortunately, against /vp/, Homucifer and Akkarin brought home a 2-1 win, putting the /u/nicorns back on track, and an another 2-1 win, over /vg/ confirmed /u/’s return to the elite, and even topping the group. In the round of 16, /u/ got its first ever knockout win by besting /hr/ 3-1, but got eliminated in the quarter-final by /tg/ with a 0-1 scoreline. The /u/nicorns celebrated their 8th place finish and their return to the elites, blissfully unaware that they’ll learn to get used to this sort of finish.

2014 4chan Summer Cup: Converting the try

Having qualified for the elites by their own doing, the /u/corns went into the 2014 4chan Summer Cup full of confidence. Their fellow group F members were /cgl/, /hr/ and tsundere one-sama /a/. /u/ started by immediately beating /a/, playing an active role in /a/’s eventual relegation from the elites. The second match against /hr/ was another one shot=one kill with Purest form of Love giving /u/ a 1-0 victory, and would score again against /cgl/, in a match that ended in a 1-1 draw. These strong showings secured the first place in the group for the /u/nicorns, and this great form would carry on in the round of 16 where /u/ dominated /diy/ 4-1. Sadly, /u/’s summer would then be stopped at the quarter-finals by /x/ who bested the /u/nicorns 1-2. Summer 2014 was a big success for /u/ with a strong showing and a 5th place elite finish, a significant improvement over last summer.

2015 4chan Winter Cup: Cruise control

With a solid team, /u/ entered the 2015 4chan Winter Cup determined to prove that lesbians don't fear the cold. The group stage saw /u/ in the group H, taking on babby runner-up /e/, underdog /t/ and /gd/, who relegated /u/ last Winter. Things were off to a slow start with the first two matches ending in draws; 1-1 against /e/ and 2-2 against /gd/. With only two points, the story on Winter 2013 would repeat itself if /u/ didn't against /t/. Fortunately, Homucifer and Purest form of love didn't let the /u/nicorns down and scored a brace each, giving the team a 4-1 team over /t/ and a sport in the knock-outs. /u/ then beat /i/ 2-1 in the round of 16, but were disposed 0-1 by the het-lovers at /h/. /u/ finished 7th overall, a solid performance cementing /u/'s status as an elite team.

2015 4chan Summer Cup: Business as usual

/u/ went in the 2015 4chan Summer Cup hoping to improve their elite track-record. The group draw saw them with some familiar company, as their opponents in the group B were the filthy /d/eviants, /mlp/ who's responsible for /u/ biggest loss and /fit/ who's responsible for /u/'s biggest win. /u/ began proving /d/ what's the best genitalia with a 1-0 win, but then lost again to /mlp/, this time with a less insulting 2-3, thanks to Teru time and Akkarin. With /fit/ ahead on points, /u/ needed to relegate them again in order to grab the group's second place, and for 80 minutes, it looked like /fit/ would get away with a draw, but then Teru time and Homucifer secured a 2-0 win in the last 10 minutes of the game. In the knock-outs, /u/ was up against /s/ but managed to be distracted enough by their opponents' gorgeous bodies to win 2-1. Unfortunately, the quarter-final would be once again the end of /u/'s elite run, conceding a 1-3 loss to /b/ with only Purest form of love scoring. /u/ was proving to be a very regular team, but these continuous quarter-final finishes were starting to look like a curse, and the /u/nicorns were eager for a top four finish.

2016 4chan Winter Cup: As close as it gets

The /u/nicorns found themselves in the 2016 4chan Winter Cup’s group of death. Sure, >/sp/ were there but so were the reigning Winter Cup champions /tg/, as well as /pol/, who won the coveted third place trophy in autumn. Weirdly, it was the two dreaded adversaries that turned out to be the less challenging ones, as /u/ got a clear 3-1 win out of both /tg/ and /pol/. When /u/ took on /sp/ they were already qualified for the knock-outs; /u/ opted to bench a yellow-carded Akkarin and drew /sp/ 2-2.

In the round of 16, a managerial fumble and a purple Madokami put the /u/nicorns on edge against /d/. Fortunately, >fluid managed to overcome the early /d/eviant lead, and resulted in a 3-2 victory. /u/ then found themselves against /an/ for their dreaded quarter-final match; however, since /an/ had beaten /ck/ in the RO16, two curses were going against each other. The match was nail-biting as Homucifer scored within the first five minutes and then /u/ maintained that paper-thin lead all the way up to the final whistle. The /u/nicorns rejoiced as they finally overcame a curse that had been haunting the team for two years and were going to a place no lesbian ever went before: a top 4 finish. The semi-final against powerhouse /mu/ was an intense goal fest but /u/ came out on top 4-3 with Homucifer, Akkarin, Kuma Shock and Fingering for World Peace all scoring one goal each.

/u/ had finally made its way to an Elite Cup final, and were taking on /fit/, a team that made a very strong showing in the knock-outs, notably beating the seemingly unstoppable /out/. With two heavy midfield teams and Cup finals traditionally being slightly uneventful, some had concerns about the match being a semen-slurper. However, semen is an illicit substance over at /u/ so the match was a 7-goal thriller that kept every /u/nicorn with their hair standing. After a disappointing first half with 0(zero) shots on target for /u/ and 1 goal for /fit/ things looked bleak. However, in the beginning of the second half, Homucifer put the team on the board and the game was on. Scooby then put /fit/ ahead again and Purest Form of Love equalized, buying /u/ a ticket to extra time. After 90 minutes on the pitch, the divegrass became sloppy; defensive and offensive blunders became numerous but at the end of the first half of extra time, Homucifer found the opening and put /u/ in the lead. /u/ was now 15 minutes away from their first elite title. Sadly, it was not meant to be: /fit/ made their last change and the fresh legs put /u/'s defence under heavy pressure, allowing Zyzz and L O N D O N to complete /fit/'s 2 goal comeback, snatching the Winter 2016 trophy out of /u/’s hands and ending the match 3-4. Being so close and not making it distressed many fans, but it was /u/’s best result to date and Homucifer brought home the golden boot and the player of the tournament distinction. The final was also voted match of the tournament.

2016 4chan Summer Cup: The higher you climb the harsher the fall

After an excellent winter run, the /u/nicorns had high hopes when going in the 2016 4chan Summer Cup. Grouped once again in the group of death with Spring runner-up /vr/, /o/ and eternal white whale /mlp/, the odds didn't look good and the event would confirm it. /u/ wouldn't found success in the first two matches, drawing /vr/ 1-1 and /mlp/ 2-2, but were still in control of their destiny facing /o/. Sadly, /o/ was too much and Homucifer's efforts could not compensate for the lack of will from the rest of the team, and /u/ lost 2-4, relegated with only two points and 27th overall.

2016 4chan Autumn Babby Cup: On the offside of history

After a disappointing relegation in Summer, /u/ found themselves back where they started four years ago, in an Autumn Babby. The draw put /u/ in group F of the 2016 4chan Autumn Babby Cup, together with spooky /x/, wildcard /b/ and /wsg/, and any of these matches were going to be crucial to get back into the elites. The first match against /x/ saw /u/ down early from an X-tan goal but a Teru Time brace and a cheeky Homucifer steal secured /u/ 3 vital points. The match against /wsg/ wasn’t going to be this smooth, and after 90 minutes of spaghetti over spaghetti, that saw the non-medal CMF Metall/u/rgy score both of /u/’s goals, both teams were level at 2-2. Although /u/ was in a good position for promotion, they were still disputing the last spot for Winter with /wsg/ who could still make an escape should /u/ slip against /b/…and /u/ slipped. One goal was all it took for /b/ to masterrace the group and all /u/ managed to achieve was an Homucifer offside goal and getting Science babies carded twice in four minutes. /u/’s fate now rested in the hands of wooden spoon favourites /x/, but then, X-tan decided to go out with a bang and led her team to a blowout 5-2 win, avoiding the wooden spoon for /x/ and securing /u/’s place in Winter over /wsg/.

In the round of 16, /u/ got draw with /h/ for a very lewd matchup. Thanks to a brilliant pressuring and defensive effort, along with some laser-guided strikes from Purest form of Love and Teru Time, /u/ got away with a very pure 2-0 victory over the het incest lovers. As luck would have it, purity would carry on to the quarterfinals thanks to /c/ pulling an upset victory over /sp/ and meeting /u/ for the first purity derby since Spring 2014. Despite Homucifer’s continuous efforts at getting her goals denied, Befriending and Fingering for World Peace carried /u/ to a 2-1 win. The /u/nicorns would then face /jp/ in the semis and while Homucifer finally found a way of scoring while being onside, Teru Time didn’t manage to do much and it cost /u/ their place in the final, /jp/ taking it in the dying moments of the match while leaving /u/ with a 2-3 loss.

For the conclusion of their Autumn run, /u/ would face former Summer group stage opponent /vr/ in a match for the COVETED third place trophy. After an underwhelming performance against /jp/, Teru Time found her way back to the opponent’s net to put /u/ on the board first. /vr/ then quickly answered thanks to Virtual Boy and the two teams stayed neck a neck until the 76th minute when Befriending blooted a perfect Starlight Breaker from outside the box, giving the /u/nicorns a 2-1 lead that would stay until the final whistle. Despite not being to make the final, the team could celebrate a podium finish and their return to the elite club.

2017 4chan Winter Cup: We yo-yo now

One the anniversary of /u/'s runner up cup, the team hoped to regain their elite status after a good Autumn performance. /u/ landed on the group G of the 2017 4chan Winter Cup with elite cup furniture /asp/, /n/, and the memesters of /s4s/. Historically not a very goalscoring team, /u/ took hard the hit of the PES17 transition with a 0-0 thriller against /asp/ in their opening match. The following match against /n/ was much more promising, the team inaugurating their brand new turf with a 2-0 clean sheet, courtesy of Teru Time and Purest form of love, putting /u/ in a relatively comfortable position to advance. Unfortunately, PES didn't feel like, and the team took a very violent PESing at the benefit of /s4s/, despite the efforts of everybody on the team including Madokami. With /n/ embracing the wooden spoon shortly afterwards, /u/ got dragged back to the babbies, ranking 17th despite 4 points and a positive GD. As a silver lining, the team got the best models and best kits awards, as well as the "At least you tried" one.

2017 4chan Spring Babby Cup: On the knife-edge

Come the 2017 4chan Spring Babby Cup, the team was still feeling the sting of the unfair Winter relegation. There was no time to dwell on that, though, and the /u/nicorns had to put their act together the climb back into the elites. Put in group D with /r9k/, rising /co/ and fellow unlucky 17th placed /ck/, the ride was looking bumpy for /u/. The opening match against /ck/ went fortunately well, Purest form of love and Homucifer teaming up to secure a 2-1 win, but the numerous offensive blunders, including a botched penalty kick, were the harbingers of some difficult times. The match against /r9k/ would confirm this, ending 0-0 despite a completely dominating performnce but with /u/ unable to do anything other than blowing its chances, making the looming match up with a solid /co/ worrying for /u/'s advancement. Foutunately group results were kind on the team, allowing them to advance even on a loss as long as /u/ kept its 6 GD advantage on /r9k/ in check, what could possibly go wrong? As it turned out, not much, but incredible >PES moments in the /ck/-/r9k/ match made /u/'s game much more stressing than any "don't lose by 4 goals" game has any right to be. Much to the /u/nicorns' relief, the team only lost by one; Purest form of love being the only /u/ scorer in a 2-1 match. And just like that, /u/ got a clutch advancement to Summer, an advancement that was all thanks to the initial victory over /ck/ and, crucially, /co/ carving /r9k/'s GD beyond repair.

The Spring adventure ended in the round of 16 where /u/ became one of the many casulties of /lgbt/'s steamrolling run to the title. Purest form of love and Homucifer protected the team from complete humiliation with two late goals, ending the match 4-2 in /lgbt/'s favor.

The 10th place did little to hide the lukewarm performance of the team and the limits of their trademark 4-4-2 diamond. Still, the team made it back to the Elite and got a second best kit award for their aesthetic effort.

2017 4chan Summer Cup: As close as it gets (again)

Back in the elites (again), the tactically refreshed team was determined to make a good showing in the 2017 4chan Summer Cup. To do that, the /u/nicorns first had to overcome the group A where they were pitted against /an/, /h/, and Winter 2016 final foe /fit/. The first two matches went pretty smoothly with a 3-0 win over /h/, Homucifer and Akkarin being goalscorers while the defense didn't allow a single shot against, and a 2-0 win over /an/ due to a Purest Form of Love brace. Due to other group results, advancement was guaranteed before the last match against /fit/ which ended with a respectable 1-1 draw with a Purest Form of Love goal on /u/'s side.

Finally seeing an elite knockout stage again, /u/ found themselves in its first matchup against /his/, which turned out to be a rather intense match, eventually decided by a defensive fumble from /his/' defenders allowing Black Sunshine to sink a goal and contribute to put the team ahead 3-2. The quarter-final against /tv/ was just as intense which /u/ snatching a 2-1 victory thanks of a Homucifer corner header in the dying minutes of the match, propelling the team to a top 4 finish. The semi-finals saw a rematch against /an/ which was just as one-sided as the group stage one as the team steamrolled their opponents 4-1 in a joint effort by Akkarin, Homucifer and Purest Form of Love. It was the calm before the storm.

In an elite final (again), the /u/nicorns were playing against the dreaded /lgbt/. The team that terrorized the entire cup in 2017 and that already made /u/ bit the dust in Spring. /u/ fought valiantly and tried deseperatly to score but the shots either missed or were saved, until the inevitable happened and /lgbt/ scored from a midfield artillery strike just before stoppage time. In a last death or glory move the /u/nicorn threw everything forward but it only allowed /lgbt/ to secure another goal ending the match 0-2. While the sting of losing an elite final (again) was rather noticeable, the team had finally clawed its way outside yo-yo hell, and also won the best aesthetics award as a consolation (again).

2018 4chan Winter Cup: AT LAST

In the span of two years, the /u/nicorns have reached the elite finals and lost both times, the frustration of being denied that elusive first star was steadily growing by the time the 2018 4chan Winter Cup happened. Unfortunately the group stage draw couldn’t possibly be more disastrous: the /u/nicorns found themselves in the company of Summer 17 knockouts rival /his/ and two white whales they can't manage to get off their back: /fit/, who they’ll face for the 5th time and who denied the team their first star in Winter 2016 and /mlp/ who has the grating habit of winning every cup where they’re grouped with /u/.

Despite the ominous circumstances, the team was out for blood and it showed in the first match against /mlp/; capitalizing on a numerous questionable decisions by the ponies, Feito-chan and Akkarin carried the team to a 3-0 victory, the first of any kind they had over /mlp/ who fumbled all over the place, with Derpy Hooves even contributing to /u/’s scoring. Up next the rematch against /his/ was more one-sided than in the previous Summer; Feito-chan and Akkarin once again teaming up to give /u/ a 2-1 win, although Feito-chan ate a second consecutive yellow, forcing her to sit the third match. This would thankfully turn out to be inconsequential; /u/ advanced and /fit/ was relegated before the last match which ended in a 0-1 loss for /u/.

In the Round of 16, /u/ faced a very dynamic /co/ and it showed right at the start with /co/lette breaking the game open. /u/ tried desperately to answer for 80 minutes, until a miracle happened, and CB Low Impact Consensual Cuddling made a heroic run past the /co/ defence to level the game at 90+1, sending it to extra time. This proved to be the end of /co/ who completely run out of steam and Befriending sealed the deal 2-1 to propel /u/ forward. The quarterfinals against /sci/ were a completely one-sided affair, Akkarin put one in and Homucifer finally woke up and put two in the net to end the game 3-0 and face /n/ in the semifinals. /n/ boldly decided to park a gigantic bus in front of their net and play the long game, which resulted in the game going to extra time scoreless, but eventually Homucifer found an opening and Feito-chan finished it shortly afterwards, taking advantage of /n/ going full panic mode, and the game ended 2-0.

And then it was, once again, time for an elite final, /u/’s third elite final. And, of course, it had to be against /mlp/. Coincidentally /mlp/ was also playing their third elite final, but already had two stars to their name and was eyeing their third, while /u/ was still desperately chasing their first. The two sides were absolutely determined and turned the final into an incredible slugfest with both teams constantly trying to outmanoeuvre the other. /u/ got first blood thanks to Homucifer but /mlp/ soon retaliated, then got the lead again courtesy of Purest form of Love only to see /mlp/ go back level; tackles, cards, near misses, saves, clearances, wild shots just kept happening in quick succession, increasingly building up a tension. Eventually the game went to extra time and just kept getting wilder and wilder, until Purest form of Love completed her brace to put /u/ ahead a third time. It looked like the end of it, but no, of course no, of course /mlp/ HAD to sneak a stoppage goal at 120+2 and send the game to the coinflip of penalties. Despair was high amongst the /u/nicorns, as /mlp/ had already won two penalty shootouts that day, and now the star was to be decided by who would blink first in RNGesus’ cruellest joke. In a buzzing atmosphere, the strikers took their turn in front of the net, then the midfielders, then the goalkeepers, then the defenders…none of the players slipped for 9 rounds but then, /mlp/’s Hi Anon, tried to be cheeky and shot it right at an unsurprised Madokami, leaving the outcome on the match and the whole cup on Science Babies.

" “Science Babies…IN! /U/ WINS A STAR! /U/ WINS A CUP! LESBIAN DOMINANCE!” "

— DrBorisG !!uWmnP2zIyZF

At last

AT LAST

At last /u/ triumphed and finally got their own star.

2018 4chan Summer Cup: Being defending champs is suffering

The /u/nicorns arrived at the 2018 4chan Summer Cup with a title to defend, unfortunately they just got out of six months of non stop celebratory lesbian orgies and turned up on the pitch utterly shitfaced. Grouped with the familiar company of /gd/, /r9k/ and /ck/ in Group A, the team made an underwhelming showing, losing 2-3 to /ck/, 1-3 to /gd/ and lastly 3-4 to /r9k/ in a choke festival, eventually earning the spoon along their stop-free trip down to the babbies.

2018 4chan Autumn Babby Cup: Yuri master race

After crashing and burning from Summer with extreme prejudice, the team emerged from the wreckage in the 2018 4chan Autumn Babby Cup having to battle their way up yet again. Foutunately, the Yuri Fairy of Mutual Respect appeared to help the team get back on track, joining the team as a medal player. The draw put them in Group D with now recurrent rival /his/ and the two autopilots /cm/ and /gif/. The Sapphobowl against /his/, the third one in the span of a year and a half, started with /u/ on the back foot but thanks to a joint effort of Homucifer and the fairy, the /u/nicorns turned it around and won 2-1. They quickly dispatched /gif/ 2-0 and them /cm/ 2-1 to achieve their first ever nine point master race, along with winning the third group stage match for the first time since Summer 15.

Sadly, though, there is a price to pay for the fabled 9 points, and /u/ wouldn't get away from its fate this time. Playing against /w/ in the Ro16, the /u/nicorns got let down by Purest Form of Love signing her worst performances of all time, not only gifting /w/ the winning penalty, but also botching a golden chance at bringing the game to extra time. And just on that 0-1 loss, the Autumn run was over, but at least the next stop was an elite cup.

2019 4chan Winter Cup: Déjà vu

After promoting from Autumn, /u/ found themselves playing an Elite Cup on a re-emergent PES16, the game in which /u/ first advanced past the quarterfinals. Immediately, they set out to prove that they hadn't lost a step; /n/ were quickly dispatched despite some early scares by the score of 4-1 and while /wg/ scored the first goal, /u/ did even more against them. By the time the match was over, the /u/nicorns had won 6-2, the highest amount of goals they'd ever scored and unbelievably, just the second ever hat trick in the team's six plus year history courtesy of Purest Form of Love. Due to the other two matches of the group being draws /u/ had already topped their group and would rest a Fate with a card to her name for the final group stage match, but it didn't matter since /u/ came out of a typical PES16 goalfest against /jp/ (who had defeated /u/ in the semifinals of the previous PES16 cup) a 5-4 winner. /u/ ended the group stage as the best performing team and prospects were looking incredibly good for a second star.

But, once again, 9 points proved to be a curse. /u/ were to play /ck/ in the knockouts, and within five minutes were already down a goal. After a slow fifty minutes /ck/ scored again, but in typical PES16 fashion /u/ scored two of their own to take the match to extra time. In the first half of extra time, /ck/ scored their third and held on; by the end of the match, they took seventeen shots, enough that even Madokami couldn't save /u/. For the second cup in a row, /u/ had fallen victim to the 9 point curse and seen a potential cup winning run end in disappointment, but at the end of the day they were still elite.

2019 4chan Summer Cup: Too close for comfort

With two straight disappointing runs in the books, /u/ looked to another Summer Cup on a new PES with new management. Unfortunately, the transition to PES18 had done a number on what were previously among the cup's top aesthetics, but /u/ made do anyway. The group stage included a prime chance for revenge and a team /u/ hadn't played in six years, but most important was a match against the heretical /y/, a team that managed to do just enough to get into Summer after spending years almost as far away from /u/ as possible. /u/ wasted no time asserting their dominance; although the infamous Yaranaika scored twice, /u/ scored 6 (six) times, equaling their Winter performance against /wg/ and getting Homu her first ever hat-trick, /u/'s second ever in a cup proper. With a four goal win already obtained, /u/ seemingly coasted through the rest of their matches; a spaghetti-filled /ck/ match ended an unsatisfying 0-0 and a 2-0 halftime lead against autopilot /toy/ turned into a 3-2 loss thanks to a /toy/ free kick and a catastrophic end-of-match giveaway by the once heroic couch. With /ck/ completely failing to do anywhere near what /u/ had to /y/ and in fact drawing them, another stay in the Elites was secured.

/u/ got to play another autopilot in the knockouts; this time it was /fit/, a team that had evolved from being a /u/nicorn punching bag to one of the more consistent thorns in their side, even stopping them from winning a star. What proceeded was an extreme tale of two halves; /fit/ came out completely dominant in the first half, scoring three goals and completely incapacitating one of the best offenses /u/ had ever had. However, /u/ came out swinging in the second half and eventually climbed back to a mere 3-2 deficit only for /fit/ to immediately score after /u/'s second goal. Although /u/ scored a cheeky 90+er to make it 4-3, it was too little and too late. /u/ were eliminated despite an incredibly dominant second half and although the Summer Cup was a decent start for the new management team, questions remain heading into the 2020 Winter Cup.

2020 4chan Winter Cup: Recursion

Now on their third straight Round of 16 elimination after a dominant early group stage, /u/ went into a new decade looking to break another long streak of getting eliminated at the same time. This group stage featured a rival /u/ had never played outside of a single friendly in 2013, a team /u/ last played in 2016, and yet another /fit/ matchup. First up was /mu/; since their last matchup, /mu/ had undergone a very turbulent few years of cup competition, even to the point of missing two Elite Cups in a row when they had previously never missed one. In extremely familiar form, /u/ got off the line incredibly quickly, going up 3-0 in all of eleven minutes thanks to Homucifer kickoff abuse and a brace from the gold-again Purest Form of Love. All /mu/ could muster was a very late consolation goal, and the match finished a 3-1 victory to /u/. In their SEVENTH official matchup against /fit/, /u/ again obtained a relatively quick lead thanks to Purest Form of Love scoring a goal after 21 minutes, and despite /fit/ spending much of the rest of match time in /u/'s attacking area, a horrific lack of accuracy and five saves from the legendary Madokami kept /u/ leading long enough for Homu to ice the match at the 82nd minute and secure a 2-0 win. Immediately after, /mu/ somehow managed to hold /lit/ to a 1-1 draw, meaning that yet again, /u/ were through before their final match and had very little reason to care for that final match. What resulted of the first-ever Cup proper Classyb Owl was anything but classy; in fact, it was /u/'s worst loss since the infamous /mlp/ match of 2013. A 6-2 drubbing that very nearly cost them top of the group and thanks to /mu/ furiously coming back to defeat /fit/ in the next match saw /u/ essentially drag /lit/ with them to the knockout stage. For /lit/, it was only their third ever Elite Cup knockout stage; for /u/, it was the third Elite Cup knockout stage in a row. /u/'s knockout opponent was /toy/, the same team that they encountered the most dangerous lead against the previous cup, and one that had similarly mounted a miracle final-match comeback this cup just to advance.

Unfortunately, things did not end very differently this time around. In just twelve minutes, /toy/ found themselves a lead, and the rest of the match was painfully slow, with /toy/ always having a slight upper hand and ultimately winning 1-0. Unlike the last two Elite Round of 16 eliminations, the heartbreak of having a comeback attempt fail wasn't present, but for the fourth cup in a row, /u/ had fallen at the first hurdle of the knockout stage. With another PES version switch looming for the 2020 4chan Summer Cup, it remains to be seen how and when /u/ will break their newest curse.

2020 4chan Summer Cup: I lived, bitch

After a disappointing 4th (fourth) Round of 16 exit, /u/ entered the 2020 4chan Summer Cup in Group E with /fa/, the familiar face /wg/ and the very familiar face /his/, a team the /u/nicorns tended to bump into at every occasion in 2017-2018. Said match up with /his/ was the first match, and with a 4th straight victory (2-1 thanks to a Purest Form of Love brace) for the lesbians, it successfully tricked the fans and the cup audience that this would be another relatively dominant but arguably sedate /u/ cup run. However, the fact that Pregnant Anne Frank scored was in fact the harbinger of weird shit to come. And weird shit would come in force in the second match against /fa/, as the fashion autists didn't take kindly /u/'s provocation of playing football in crocs and descended upon the team with great blazing fury. In what would become one the cup's most memorable shellackings, /u/ would suffer a disastrous 2-9 humiliation, with only Feito-chan and Homucifer managing to salvage some charred crumbs of dignity. With an abysmal -6 GD af /u/ was keenly aware that they would be out of the equation in any scenario involving a GD tiebreaker and needed /his/ to win against /wg/ to have the final day be a simple win and in situation. Fortunately, /his/ delivered and /wg/ even managed to get Descartes suspended for the match against /u/. The team needed "only" a win to advance, but morale after the 2-9 debacle was at an all-time low and /wg/ capitalized on that. Taking a leaf off of /fa/'s book, /wg/ put instant and constant pressure and built themselves a 3 goal lead by the 50th minute. Needing 4 goals to advance, the situation for the /u/nicorns was incredibly dire, but then /wg/'s strategy of constant pressure was starting to backfire. With the /wg/ players getting prematurely tired, Homucifer managed a crucial steal in the /wg/ half which resulted in Purest Form of Love putting /u/ on the board, then immediately followed by Befriending and then Purest Form of Love scored again bringing the game level before the 75th minute mark. Still needing a goal to survive, /u/ was helped by /wg/ doubling down on chasing a win to secure themselves, which ended up sealing their fate. /u/ put fresh legs on the pitch late to take advantage of /wg/'s collapsing midfield, and at 85' the miracle happened and Feito-chan put the team ahead. The dying moments of the game were agonizing as /wg/ threw everything they had to try and salvage a draw but things went to a screeching halt when a /wg/ defender shut down a /u/ counter by fouling Feito-chan in their box. Homucifer sank the penalty and confirmed /u/ to the knockouts on an unbelievable comeback from 0-3 to 5-3, setting the record for the biggest comeback resulting in a win. Ironically /his/ would eventually best /fa/ and /u/ would advance on 6 points -4 GD over /fa/ who relegated on 3 points +1 GD, having scored all of their 9 goals against /u/.

The team had barely any time to breathe as they've been immediately set up for a Round of 16 match against a very confident /sp/ who had just 9 pointed their group and was hyping up their "weeb annihilation tour". There were reasons to worry about another Round of 16 exit as /sp/ had the best offense of the group stages, and it has been a long time since /u/ appeared as the complete challenger. As it turned out, the team found their footing back and completely shut down the /sp/ergs' attacks, and thanks to a combined effort from Black Sunshine, Feito-chan and Homucifer, the team claimed a controlled 3-0 win. Black Sunshine scoring her 5th career goal was not only a nice match event, but it also set the tone for the massive role non-medals would later play in the cup run. Next up was the quarter-finals and /u/ was to play /his/ AGAIN in the 5th occurrence of what has been officially dubbed "The Siege of Lesbos", although for the first time disputed on /his/' ground. /his/ had looked very convincing and they were determined to finally get a win over /u/ but the lesbians were equally determined to keep this match up going their way. The match quite quickly devolved into a slug fest, /his/ got the opener but Feito-chan soon answered and Homucifer put the team ahead, only for /his/ to equalize on the kickoff. Akkarin got the team ahead again and /his/ answered on the kick off a second time. With no team managing to find a clear lane to the other goal thanks to both keepers doing excellent plays, the game stayed at 3-3 all the way to the end of extra time and it came down to a penalty shootout to decide who would get their ticket to the semi-final. As the entire audience held their breath, /u/ and /his/ took their turns, but when it was Charles II's turn, the inbred retard took a mediocre shot that Madokami was able to read and palm away. That was the one blink that sealed the game; all other strikers got it in the net and it was was poetically Science Babies, who got /u/ their first star in a penalty shootout, that confirmed /u/ for the semi final. Next, /u/ faced /out/ in the semi, and the Yuru Camp themed match meant that a lot of Nadeshiko's beloved broken spaghetti ended up spilled, with defensive blunders allowing /out/ to be ahead by 2 at 60', but the /u/nicorns had seen worse. Like against /wg/, Purest Form of Love initiated the comeback, followed by ERNESTAAAAAAA channeling her white hot hatred into an equalizing header. The game got very tense with both teams managing breakaway plays until /out/'s This is What We Wear In Germany tried to intercept a lobbed throughball to Homucifer by taking an incomprehensible and hilarious dive which left Homucifer unchallenged to easily put /u/ ahead and the match ended 3-2. /u/ was now to play their 4th elite cup final with a chance at being the 3rd team with 2 stars, and as luck would have it, /u/'s sister team /c/ would be waiting for them on the pitch.

With a dream match up in the final, the team proudly set foot on the Konami stadium for the fourth time, but under the pleasant atmosphere and the joyful special anthems, both teams had nothing else in mind but claiming the cup for themselves, and a kick off blunder that almost became an early goal for /c/ showed very clearly that in this match any mistake could seal to deal. /u/ got first blood at 24' with Demon Dork scoring off a cross from the right wing, a tactic /u/ had used and abused this cup. This lead lasted until 38' when Yui managed to sneak a goal past a very narrow angle to bring the game level at the half. As the second half unfold under breathtaking tension, stamina started to play a very crucial role; after a Feito-chan goal at 63', a very tired Befriending got dispossessed in the /u/ half allowing Do It For Her to equalize the game again at 72'. Things were not looking great, /c/ was surging and was relentlessly besieging /u/'s net and while the defenders managed to keep things under control, the team had all the trouble in the world in mounting a convincing attack with Befriending becoming increasingly exhausted. Regulation ended at 2-2 and going into extra time, /c/ started having stamina issues too, with their prime set-up player, Do It For Her, being completely out of steam. With both teams essentially deprived of their offense and becoming easy prey for the opposing defenders, the star looked poised to be decided on another penalty shootout. Five minutes away from the final whistle, /c/ kept assaulting /u/'s box but their front players were too tired and /u/'s backline kept defusing their attacks, culminating with a very off target header by a completely gassed Do It For Her. Gifted a free clearance, /u/ had this one last attack to end it before penalties...and this is where Befriending, despite her complete exhaustion, managed one final heroic push on the wing, then caught a weak clearance and passed it to Akkarin, of all players, wide open in the box and the former medal sank the victorious goal right on the dot of 120'.

" It's gonna come down to the wire, Akkarin...AKKARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!! THE CLASSIC /U/ PLAYER WILL TAKE THIS CUP FOR THEM! "

— DrBorisG !!uWmnP2zIyZF

With a second lily on their crest, a fourth top 2 overall, and a whole sweep of auties awards, /u/ now stands as the highest finishing team in the cup...and are determined to not spoon the next cup they are hosting. But before that happens, the team has a lot of "locker room celebration" to enjoy.