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/tg/ Roster

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Revision as of 08:43, 28 March 2014 by TheDM (talk | contribs) (2014 Spring updaterino)
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This is the roster of players for the /tg/ Football Club.

Positions

Goalkeepers

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
33 Tankred Tankred-Endures.jpg /tg/'s long-running goalie and former Space Marine, Tankred is currently a interned in a dreadnought. Even in death, he still serves. Indeed, Tankred's endurance is legendary. 189 (A. Average) 125 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo 36
40 Emprah Emprah.jpg He's not scheduled to rule humanity for another 21,000 years, so Tha Emprah's passing the time with sports. Allegations of him being a Tarrasque are treason. The Emprah protects, ave Imperator. 180 (B. Average) 125 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 45
90 Anal Circumference Anal-Circumference.jpg Get those d100s out and get ready to roll for Anal Circumference. Just figure out your modifiers first, and remember that babbies are considered "infants" and take a -90 to the roll. 180 (B. Average) 83 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo 96

Offense

Center Forward

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
6 Doomrider Doomrider.jpg He rides a possessed bike, he does cocaine, and his head's on fire. Daemon Prince of Slaanesh, /tg/'s highly popular attacking player is part of a dynamic duo with Creed. Despite countless investigations on substance abuse charges, DOOMRIDER remains on /tg/'s team. 205 (Fuckhuge) 85 Right Nike Total 90 Laser IV (Speeding Bullet) (Scissors Feint) (First-time Shot) (Acrobatic Finishing) 62
94

Second Strikers

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
8 Creed
Ursarkar E. Creed, Lord Castellan
Creed.JPG Also known as CREEEEEEED. The leader of all Imperial forces on Cadia is one of /tg/'s iconic players and part of a dynamic duo with Doomrider. Creed is a true Tactical Genius known for his ability to make the ball, other attackers, and Baneblades appear out of nowhere. 185 (A. Average) 77 Left Nike CTR 360 MAESTRI (Speeding Bullet) (Knuckle Shot) (Precise Touch) (One-touch Pass) (Captaincy) 82
104
3 Jace Jace.jpg After hearing rumours of the 4chan Cup moneymaking scheme, he has joined the /tg/ Football Club to take aforementioned money. While he's here, he'll try to sculpt some balls into the opposition's net. 179 (Short) 67 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo (Speeding Bullet) (Precise Touch) (Track Back) 86

Midfield

Central Midfielders

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
31 Noh Noh.jpg Steadfastly refuses to let anyone get past her, and won't let anyone take the ball away from her. "Can we take this ball?" "No." 165 (Manlette) 61 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo (One-touch Pass) (Man Marking) 35
1 Nigramarines Nigramarines.jpg Nigramarines is from a Space Marine chapter created on /b/ before the existence of /tg/. One of the oldest players, and currently captain, Nigramarines still remembers Warhammer Wednesdays and the battles fought to keep the pool closed in order to protect Imperial citizens from Nurgle's corrupting plague. 198 (Very Tall) 125 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo (One-touch Pass) (Man Marking) 74
25 Sir Bearington Sir-Bearington.jpg A highly distinguished gentleman looking to participate in a jolly game of football. Some rather uncouth individuals refer to him as a "bear", but these allegations are clearly false. 193 (Very Tall) 122 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 88
11 Crazy Hassan Crazy-Hassan.jpg One of the team's main sponsors. Need a camel? Come on down to Crazy Hassan's! Or else Crazy Hassan will come to you! Free camelskin football with every purchase! 175 (Short) 79 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo (One-touch Pass) (Man Marking) 16
34
12 Cultist-Chan Cultist-chan.jpg One of /tg/'s many waifus, with the distinction of being EXTRA heretical and extra-annoying. Hwee Kaptoored Eet Fhor Kay-oss! Let's hope Old Man Henderson doesn't realize that she's a cultist. 170 (Very Short) 72 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo (One-touch Pass) (Man Marking) 72
12 Murderface Murderface.jpg 180 (B. Average) 92 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo (One-touch Pass) (Man Marking) 42

Defense

Left Backs

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
14 Dickass Thief Dickass-Thief.jpg A total bastard who snuck onto the team on a whim. His aim is to steal any cups the club wins and fence them before anyone gets wind of it. Little does he know, /tg/ never wins cups. 180 (B. Average) 103 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 52
64 /tg/ Chess Tg-Chess.jpg This is not your Slavic grandfather's game of chess. This is /tg/ Chess, where legends are born each and every game. The only agreed-upon point is that only faggot rollplayers play as the Queen. 175 (Short) 69 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 3
18 DJ Phylactery DJ-Phylactery.jpg Recently featured in 4chan Banner Magazine, he's got a way with words. Now he plays football. Just hope his rival MC Divine Justice doesn't show up, we're still cleaning up that mess. 180 (B. Average) 76 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 70

Right Backs

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
72 Rigger Rigger.jpg Off of the streets and onto the pitch, this dwarf is ready for the toughest run of his life. 170 (Very Short) 82 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo 57
4 El Mago del Tiempo El-Mago-Del-Tiempo.jpg A member of the fabled LOS MAGOS DEL TIEEEMMMPOOOOOO, /tg/ signed him to slap their opponents into submission. 180 (B. Average) 72 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo 101
16 Muscle Wizard Muscle-Wizard.jpg He casts FOOT. Created as a result of creative rules applications in D&D 3.5, he has very high strength and constitution, which he uses for spellcasting. 180 (A. Average) 95 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo 1
19

Centre Backs

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
20 Los Tiburon Los-Tiburon.jpg "Shark of the Land," Los Tiburon is a half-orc wrestler that tackles dragons and rivals with unmatched prowess. Watch out for 20s. 188 (A. Average) 95 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 27
7 Atlas Atlas.jpg With a recognizable assault-class tonnage of 100, this stalwart gentleman towers over the battlefield and unleashes a special brand of pain down from a nigh-untouchable fortress. 190 (Very Tall) 100 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo 79
2 Thin Your Paints Thin-Your-Paints.jpg Forget what you've been told, this is the golden rule. Its physical avatar has donned the blue and orange, taking the field for his home club. His face is cursed as a grim reminder of thick paints and the evils they work. 188 (A. Average) 125 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo 50
17 Old Man Henderson Old-Man-Henderson.jpg An eccentric old man who won Call of Cthulhu. Has joined the /tg/ team in order to locate some or all of his lost lawn gnomes, or, as he calls them, his "WEE MEN." Having thoroughly searched the goal box for gnomes, he has been moved out to Defense so he can search for gnomes (and balls) there. 185 (A. Average) 83 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 47
69 That Guy That-Guy.jpg You hate him, I hate him, everyone hates him - but he just keeps on turning up. That Fucking Guy. He didn't even bring snacks for the team. 185 (A. Average) 90 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 1

Former Players

2012 Winter Cup Era

/tg/'s roster underwent very little changes after its first cup competition.

MEATBREAD

The most fabled dish of /tg/ cuisine, regarded as the Orkiest of all possible meals a fa/tg/uy could consume. It's meat with bread. Cut in an effort to slim down, and to make room for others.

2012 Summer Cup Era

After a difficult run through the 2012 4chan Summer Cup, /tg/ voted to overhaul the roster, cutting several players from the team.

Transparent Orange Chainsaw

Despite being an apt player, an Administratum investigation revealed that T.O. Chainsaw was included on the /tg/ team in place of Amazo the Wonder Golem as a result of a Classic Blunder. The oversight was corrected, and Transparent Orange Chainsaw was transferred to /toy/ (under the name Orange Transparent Chainsaw).

Faptau

Did not renew contract, claimed to be looking forward to having more time just to himself.

Special Snowflake

Dropped for being too special, but not special enough. Picked up by /lgbt/ in Spring 2013.

Gary Gygax

Retired to playtest the astral plane.

Maids

Retired to a villa in Italy after a good run. Maids claims that she will still support /tg/, but this time on the sidelines.

Just As Planned

Everything went according to keikaku, and Just As Planned's contract has concluded to the satisfaction of all involved parties.

Black Lotus

Prohibitive resigning costs prompted management to trade Black Lotus for Mana Weave.

2013 Winter Cup Era

A disappointingly early exit from the 2013 4chan Winter Cup did not result in a complete overhaul of the roster, rather only small tweaks were made.

Quest Quest

Quest Quest was well-liked in the /tg/ clubhouse, but her countless retarded cousins were not. She was cut from the roster as a result.

Bloody Magpies

Renewed interest from the Blood Ravens football association caused Bloody Magpies to gift himself back to his home club.

Do You Catan?

During his sojourn with the club, he had seen infinity and truly experienced love. He retired after the 2013 Winter Cup, in order to properly channel his efforts toward the unreachable unknown.

Coasters

Coasters was quietly released from the team after a heated argument about the condition of the manager's coffee table.

2013 Summer Cup Era

After a historically-poor finish in the 2013 4chan Summer Cup and the club's relegation, a slew of changes were made to the team roster.

Kromgol

Kromgol did not get much opportunity, only participating in one cup with the club. Nevertheless, the team cut him loose and Kromgol returned to his first love, getting drunk and hitting things.

The Whizzard

Another casualty after only one cup, the Whizzard did not mesh with his teammates in the locker room, creating to an uncomfortable and unnerving atmosphere with his “jokes”.

2013 Autumn Babby Cup Era

The club took a hard look at its roster after failing to promote from the 2013 4chan Autumn Babby Cup.

Haggard

After weeks of work, the unsolvable puzzle was solved, and Haggard was released after his true visage drove several of the backroom staff mad.

Deep Rot

A long-time veteran of the team, Deep Rot's playing career came to an end after the poor results of Autumn. He has been re-hired as head of the team's new Statistics and Analytics department.

Mana Weave

Mana Weave was released after the Autumn Babbies, with coaches criticizing his match preparation.

Pun-Pun

Like Deep Rot, Pun-Pun was a veteran of the Elder Days. He never grew into his considerable potential, and the club decided not to resign him.

Gazebo

Gazebo's short-lived virtual divegrass career came to an end after the club realized he was a harmless structure and not a vicious fire-breathing monster.