User:ALiteralPileOfDicks

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Revision as of 15:16, 20 July 2020 by ALiteralPileOfDicks (talk | contribs) (removed a link. I apologize for overstepping the line from ironically to sincerely plugging moneymaking bullshit. a :^) does not acceptable satire make.)
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caretaker for /g/

Style Guide

my name should be stylized in all lower case, aliteralpileofdicks or — if starting with an upper case letter is required — with each word capitalized, ALiteralPileOfDicks


Consolation Prize, an SDA x Excalibur slashfic

It was late in the day and the shadows had grown long on the immaculately kept lawn of the /cm/ FC clubhouse. Wind played through the leafless elms dotting the grounds, and the air bit with the cold of a winter cup just recently passed. Within the cozy building, the mood was somewhat somber. Most of the other teams had boarded busses home after the final match of the tournament, however some had yet to depart, opting instead to go drinking at a local pub. Most of /cm/ were in no mood to go out. After being defeated by the eventual cup winner in the quarterfinals, the spirit of the team was somewhat put out. It was evident on the faces of the young men that sat around the common room that they were humbled by having lost the first cup they’d hosted.

In an attempt to break the morose silence that had befallen them, Len-kun rose to his feet and held out the glass of red wine he had been nursing in front of him. “To /cm/’s elite status!” He said with mostly put-on conviction. Even so, his teammates drank in response. “It is good we retained our place in the elite cup.” Shotabot 9S added after a moment. In the corner of the room, Excalibur had been reviewing the tapes of the team’s performance for the past hour or so. Not out of some masochistic act of self-flagellation (though he hadn’t put the thought out of his mind for later), but rather to give him some denouement on the tournament. “You had better not be playing eroge on that laptop, boss.” Kaworu piped up from across the room. The boys laughed. “No, not right now I’m not, Nagisa. Just doing my usual postmortem.” Excalibur said, glad for the moment of levity. In truth, he had been needing to talk to someone for some time, and it was then that he knew who. “I’m going up to my office for a bit. I need to make a call. In case I miss you leaving, have a good night, and I’m really proud of each and every one of your performances over the past couple weeks. Enjoy your time off.” Excalibur said, excusing himself.

A bit later, he was up in his office dialing the old landline phone he still kept for some reason. The line rang only once before a bright “G’day!” reached Excalibur’s tired ears. God he’d longed to hear that voice for so long, but cup duties precluded social calls. The closest he got to seeing SleepDeprivedAnon was watching him exit the commentary box and return to his accomodations after the /out/-/toy/ match.

“How are you, SDA?” he asked.

“Oh, I’m alright. I’ve only just gotten used to the time difference and I’m flying back home tomorrow. How’re you, mate?” Excalibur felt his pulse quicken. He didn’t usually get nervous talking to the older man, but for some reason SDA had been drifting at the edges of his mind all day.

“I’m uh, I’m alright. I just wanted to uh, talk to you about something.”

“Yeah? What’s that?” You’re gonna have to just come out and say it, Excalibur thought.

“Well actually it’s a bit uh, sensitive. Something that should be said in person.”

“Say no more. I can be there in a jiff.”

Some time later, the two men were lounging in one of the private retiring rooms in the clubhouse. The players had gone home by this time. Excalibur had fetched one of their better bottles of whisky and poured both of them a healthy measure.

“So what’d you want to talk about, Excalibur?” SDA probed. He didn’t have an issue with just shooting the breeze with his fellow manager, especially in lieu of trying to sleep in his lumpy hotel room bed, but Excalibur had been doing his best to make small talk ever since SDA had arrived.

“Oh, yeah. Right. Well-” The younger man turned away abashedly. Years of experience had taught SDA the usual reason for this behavior, and this act of embarrassment was all he needed to confirm his suspicions.

“It’s alright to be honest with me, mate.” He reassured gently.

“Well… here goes…” Excalibur hugged his knees to his chest and all but shouted, “I wanna do lewd things with you, SDA!” Immediately, the /cm/ manager felt relief wash over him. With the admission, an unimaginable weight was lifted from his shoulders. He could only sigh shakily before peeking over at the softly smiling Australian sitting next to him. “Well you could’a started with that and saved us both some time.”

“I was so worried you didn’t see me… like that…”

“D’you not think half the lads in the cup see you like ‘that’? And I don’t mean just the players. If you’d heard the way aliteralpileofdicks talks about you when we’re in the booth and the mics are off, you wouldn’t be worried about that nonsense.” It was hard for Excalibur to not crack a smile in response. He never thought that anyone would see him as more than the kid who managed the lewd boy team, but SDA’s validation cut through his self-pity like superior nippon steel, folded over 1000 times. While the thought of aliteralpileofdicks revolted him, the prospect of SDA seeing him as lewdable was extremely exciting, and he could already feel that excitement reaching his trousers as his mind raced with the possibilities. “I had no idea…” Excalibur said, suddenly realizing the room was far too warm for his liking.

“Look here, mate.” SDA said, taking Excalibur’s cheek in his hand and turning it to face him. His grip was soft, but shockingly powerful. As Excalibur’s eyes turned to look and met with SDA’s, it was as if a jolt of electricity ran between them, and he couldn’t help but shiver. SDA took a long swig of his whisky and grinned playfully.

“Now about those lewd things you wanted to do with me-” And with that, he suddenly pulled the younger manager’s face to meet his. Their lips touched. It was a moment of pure magic, and Excalibur could do nothing but melt into the sensation. Being so close, he drank in the older man’s scent — a light cologne, tanned leather, and hints of burnt koala. SDA rested a hand at the base of Excalibur’s neck, guiding him deeper into the kiss. The two relished in the feeling of the other’s lips, slowly letting their inhibitions drain away, leaving only their passion for boys doing lewd things to eachother. And that was exactly their intent.

Excalibur began to explore SDA’s body with his hands, letting his fingers wander across the /y/ manager’s loose-fitting clothes, eventually slipping underneath his shirt to touch the warm chest beneath. He could feel SDA’s mouth twitch into a sly smile as they kissed, and soon SDA broke the kiss to pull off his shirt. Excalibur marveled at the svelte but defined figure before him. The australian's skin carried a light tan and short, dark hair adorned his pectorals with a trail running the length of his torso and disappearing under his frustratingly still-present belt and trousers. Obviously noticing the younger boy’s gaze, SDA only laughed quietly and said,

“Patience, my lovely kouhai. All good things come to those who wait.”

“Dear RNGsus I hope so.” Excalibur said breathily. With that, SDA leaned forward once more, unbuttoning Excalibur’s shirt. Slowly — agonizingly slowly — revealing his pale, smooth flesh and small, hardened nipples. Once the shirt was completely unbuttoned, SDA helped Excalibur out of it before casting it aside, and coyly flicking his nipple with his warm tongue. Excalibur couldn’t help but let out a small gasp of pleasure at the contact. Emboldened by the response, SDA let his tongue drag lazily across Excalibur’s nubile chest, lingering on his oversensitive nipples. Before long, Excalibur was nearly panting with arousal at the foreplay, and his cock was straining at its binds. SDA noticed this, and let his hand come to rest over his plaything’s bulge, his fingertips only lightly grazing the fabric and sending sporadic shocks of pleasure up Excalibur’s spine.

After having his fill of teasing, SDA finally pulled away, stood, and said, “I think you’ve earned your reward.” He held his arms at his sides and gestured at his belt. Excalibur wasted no time in accepting his invitation; he knelt down in front of SDA and hungrily unbuckled the older man’s worn leather belt before unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans with the same zeal. Excalibur slipped his fingers into SDA’s waistband and looked up as to confirm that he had permission to continue. The australian quite enjoyed his younger comrade’s expression — that of expectant desire, with his big eyes wide and the barest hint of a pout on his lips. He nodded for the boy to continue, and he quickly obliged, tugging down to remove SDA’s jeans and boxers in one fluid motion. As the boxers fell, they tugged SDA’s member down until it was completely free and it sprang back up to attention, swaying slightly of its own accord.

“Stupid sexy australian…” Excalibur muttered as he gazed in awe at the specimen in front of his face. He inched closer, letting SDA’s hot dick rest on his cheek, relishing the feeling of it pulsing against his skin. He only waited the barest second before he started to lavish his praise upon SDA’s thick meatrod, kissing and licking it with abandon. SDA had enjoyed his share of blowjobs, but this shota mouth was something else entirely.

“Crikey, mate.” SDA breathed as Excalibur’s tongue played with his frenulum. SDA couldn’t take it anymore, and suddenly grabbed a tuft of the boy’s hair and pushed his entire, generous length into his mouth. Excalibur almost sputtered in surprise, but retained his composure, and obediently bobbed on SDA’s cock, enjoying the feeling of it twitching against the back of his throat. SDA groaned and relinquished himself to the bliss of his “kouhai”’s apparently well-practiced mouth. Excalibur fondled SDA’s heavy balls as he sucked him, only driving the /y/ manager further into ecstasy.

It wasn’t long before SDA felt the familiar rising tide of orgasm as his resolve depleted.

“Not long now…” He said as a means of warning Excalibur. In response, he only redoubled his efforts, sucking more aggressively, with almost a desperation for the older man’s seed. SDA’s breath became labored, and he began instinctively bucking into Excalibur’s mouth as his cock pulsed and finally released a torrent of its payload into the /cm/ manager’s expectant mouth. Excalibur milked SDA with his mouth, gulping down each spurt of hot cum eagerly. The flavor was very mild, not unpleasant at all. As the final waves of climax passed, and SDA pulled his dick from Excalibur’s mouth with a small pop, the younger man noticed that SDA’s erection hadn’t yet abated.

“D’you think you could go again… s-senpai?” he asked hesitantly.

“I was hoping you’d ask that.” “Um, there’s lube in the chest of drawers just over there.” Excalibur said, pointing.

“Good. Now how about you slip those pants off and lay down right there.” SDA instructed.

“Yes, senpai.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

Excalibur pulled off his pants and underwear, then laid down on the center of the plush rug adorning the room, paint-me-like-one-of-your-french-girls style, watching SDA retrieve the lubricant. His cock twitched expectantly as SDA turned to face him, lube in hand. The /y/ manager couldn’t help but drink in the sight of Excalibur’s nude form, stretched out sultrily in front of him. A smile crossed his face as he approached Excalibur. He motioned for the Excalibur to lie on his back, which he did. Dropping gracefully to his knees between the younger man’s legs, SDA let some of the lube run out onto his fingertips before setting it aside and gently prodding at Excalibur’s tight asshole with his lubed finger. Without much resistance, his finger slid in. Excalibur gasped and quivered slightly.

“Cold…” he whispered.

“Don’t worry, I’ll warm you right up.” SDA said. He could feel Excalibur’s insides tighten and relax around his finger as he slowly pushed deeper before withdrawing slightly, then pushing back in. Excalibur let out a boyish moan, savoring the feeling of being penetrated. Once SDA felt Excalibur was prepared, he removed his finger and took his length in his hand, poising it at Excalibur’s entrance.

“P-please give it to me senpai…” Excalibur said.

“Anything for you, kouhai.” SDA replied. And with that, he allowed his manhood to be embraced by Excalibur’s warmth. The feeling was heavenly — tight, but not uncomfortably so. Like they were two parts of a mold, fitting together seamlessly. Both men let out a breath of pleasure.

“How is it?” Excalibur asked, a lazy smile on his face.

“I think you might be my new husbando, mate.” SDA smiled back.

“Well what are you waiting for? Make me yours.”

“It’d be my privilege.” SDA said, and started fucking Excalibur in earnest. He planted his powerful arms on either side of the /cm/ manager as he thrusted his thick cock ever deeper into Excalibur’s ass. As the australian man’s breathing became more labored, Excalibur’s moans only increased in volume and frequency. The only sound save for their lustful gasps was that of SDA’s well-muscled pelvis slapping against Excalibur’s round butt. The moments stretched into minutes, the men grew hot, and a sheen of sweat sprang to their skin. They didn’t notice though, the searing white-hot bliss running through them was all with which they were concerned. All encompassing warmth and pleasure. Thought was discarded for pure, raw emotion. After what may well have been only a couple minutes, or hours, it became apparent that they were both approaching their peak.

“Senpai I think I’m gonna-”

“Me too!”

“Together?”

“Together.”

“AAAAAHHHhh~!” Excalibur cried out, an ahegao on his face, as the orgasm wracked his body. Thick ropes of cum shot from his cock, plastering his own chest and face. Watching and feeling Excalibur’s climax burn through him was more than enough to send SDA back over the edge as well, and he let out a triumphant roar deserving of the aboriginals as he emptied the remainder of his balls’ contents into Excalibur’s asshole. Panting heavily, SDA pulled his now-satisfied cock out of Excalibur’s ass. Small globs of cum dripped from the winking hole as SDA laid down next to Excalibur.

“And that, mate, is how we do it on a red board.” SDA said with a cheeky grin.

“That was quite the demonstration, I gotta admit.”

“You were something yourself.”

“You think so?”

“I do.”

They laid together for a while, basking in the afterglow, until SDA noticed the time.

“I should be getting back to the hotel. Don’t wanna miss my flight tomorrow.”

“Yeah. I should probably head back to my place too.”

And so they collected their discarded clothing, bid each other a good night, and went their ways. Both of them looking forward to the next cup, and their next opportunity to meet.