/britpol/

/britpol/
God Save the King
/britpol/ - British Politics
Founded June 23rd, 2016 Manager His Majesty Charles the Third, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of His other Realms and Territories, King, Head of the Commonwealth and Defender of the Faith IRL manager sgbong !!UiO5z3zqXpG Team colors HEX color 00247c Royal Blue Top scorer Are Nige (24) Top assister Goalposting (13) Captain Charles III Website /britpol/ - British Politics Nickname britbongs
Historic performance
W D L TOTAL EFFICIENCY 16 5 13 34 47.06%
GF GA GD 74 59 +15
Biggest win /sig/  0–7  /britpol/ 13 June 2020 Biggest defeat /mlpol/  3–0  /britpol/ 5 January 2018 First match /ptg/  2–2  /britpol/ 8 July 2017
/pol/eague Appearances 6 (First in /pol/eague 1) Best result Champions, /pol/eague 5
Team music
Anthem BBC Grandstand Victory Anthem Footballs Coming Home Goal horn Trigger 50 Xurious Are Nige f a r a g e (starts at 50s) Punished Boris B O R I S W A V E Goalposting first MeatPieSausageRoll Goalposting 2+ Vindaloo
Kits

'ate /ptg/ mutts

'ate /pole/ polish

'ate /leftypol/ lefties

'ate /mlpol/ horsefuckers

love brexit

love /britpol/

simple as

Roster

No. Position Player #   GK Charles III #   LB The Current Thing #   CB Farmer Uprising #   CB >>>British Police #   RB Boomer Nige #   DMF Pubs Closed, Refugee Hotels Open. #   CMF Yookay #   CMF Two Tier Kier #   AMF Boat People #   SS Are Rupert #   CF Goalposting

No. Position Player #   LB Londistan #   LB *blocks your path* #   CB It's over. #   CB Calais Border #   CB You WILL Not Drive and You WILL Be Happy With It #   RB Olakemi who? #   RB Enoch Powell Was Right #   DMF Paki Rape Gangs #   DMF Deanoboxes #   DMF muh pay, muh inflation, muh cost of living #   CMF The Dark Lord

Full Roster

Goalkeepers

Pos.	Name	Picture	Description
GK	Charles III		His Majesty Charles the Third, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of His other Realms and Territories, King, Head of the Commonwealth and Defender of the Faith

Defenders

Pos.	Name	Picture	Description
LB	The Current Thing		Worry about Gaza, support BLM, get the vax, gay pride, trans pride, stand with Ukraine, I guess it's whatever The Current Thing is right now
CB	Farmers Revolt		Beginning in late 2024 in response to deliberate attempts to ruin farmers using the tax system, the impending and ongoing clash with British farmers who want family run farms and British food over shit imports and would rather Deanoboxes aren't built all over their fields.
CB	>>>British Police		More interested in policing offensive social media posts and dancing at Pride marches than you know, doing their actual job solving or even pretending their job is to prevent whatever stabbings, robberies and crime is happening in your area.
RB	Boomer Nige		Nigel Farage, probably the most snake-like boomer in British politics. A Thatcherite who has for decades posed as a populist champion of the British working class while in reality representing the exact opposite and doing more than probably any other figure in recent British political history to blow up parties and trash up and coming even remotely based political careers with clownish spats and cronies who keep lengthy files on anyone close to him. The eternal boomer who seems to be more proud of destroying the BNP than of causing Brexit to happen.
LB	Londistan		The once great capital of the United Kingdom that has slowly sunk further and further into a national disgrace and a poster child for failed multi-cultural capital cities only surpassed by Paris or Stockholm. At best a third of the people that even live there now are actually British and the city has under years of rule by Sadiq Khan slowly become a parallel city to the rest of the country outside of it; politically, socially and demographically almost alien to the rest of the country.
LB	*blocks your path*		The constant interruptions to daily life by one set of perennial protesters shitting up your town or city. First it was Just Stop Oil and other green protestors now it's the Gaza protestors champing out every weekend.
CB	It's over.		Peter Hitchens summing up the bleak future of this damned country and seeing the writing on the wall, daily endless despair.
CB	Calais Border		The barely functional border that's supposed to be keeping illegal migrants out.
CB	You WILL Not Drive and You WILL Be Happy With It		ULEZ Zones in London, national 20mph residential area speed limits in Wales, 15 minute cities in Oxford and proposed in a dozen other towns and cities, the latest WEF encouraged set of dystopian policies this time aimed at motorists and anyone that uses a private car for this already awful surveillance nanny state country.
RB	Enoch Powell was right		Everything he said would happen has come true at some point in the last decade or so. Streets have run with rivers of blood from British terror attack victims and the coloured man has made the average Brit kneel before them at (((anti-racism))) protests. Enoch was truly right after all. Of course like any good old thing, it got a shit reboot in 2025 with Starmer's "Island of Strangers" speech that his own party chimped out at as a vain attempt to claw back collapsing support among the native working class population after 2024's riots.
RB	Olakemi who?		Kemi Badenoch, the current and perhaps even last leader of the Conservative party who seems to be following up on the party's catastrophic 2024 General Election defeat leading her party over the abyss into complete obscurity. She lost nearly 75% of the seats the world's oldest and still technically most successful political party in history was defending in 2025's local elections and is providing an even more clownishly incompetent diversity hire than Rishi Sunak was for the party.

Midfielders

Pos.	Name	Picture	Description
AMF	Boat People		The never ending clusterfuck that is the small boats crossing the Channel, 'Stop The Boats' the last government said. This one now pledges to 'smash the gangs' but they're still doing fuck all about it as tens of thousands keep crossing the Channel with zero idea who the hell any of them even are, yet alone where they're coming from.
CMF	Two Tier Kier		Sir Kier Starmer, the current Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and a seemingly soulless automaton of the British state (yes, he actually needed lessons and coaching on how to speak in public and come across as a normal person) who has since taking office in July 2024 managed to crash his party's support into the ground, inflame the biggest wave of rioting since 2011 over the Southport stabbings and has repeatedly managed to piss off nearly every single demographic in the country, yet alone his own party's base. Likely facing an even bigger defeat than Rishi Sunak's Conservatives did in 2024 at the next election in 2029 but almost completely unwavering in doing whatever his masters tell him until then, no matter who it affects.
CMF	Yookay		A commonly used non-native word referring to the country in their own broken English as the 'Yookay'. It has become a buzzword for the absolute state of this country in the current year; stabbings, illegal migrants working as fast food delivery drivers, 'county lines' drug gangs, organised shoplifting, no-go zones, general urban decay and social degradation. This isn't Britain or even the UK any more, it's the Yookay.
DMF	Pubs closed. Refugee Hotels Open.		The ongoing disaster of housing illegals in hotels, meanwhile all the pubs are slowly going bust.
DMF	Paki Rape Gangs		Muh 1400 gorrilion raped Rotherham schoolgirls, whenever you go up north there’s always a local paki rape gang, something that has become a feature of nearly every major town or city with it's own network of migrant origin grooming gangs.
DMF	Deanoboxes		The shitty new build housing that keeps appearing everywhere, tight, crowded, poorly built and packed into tight spaces in ways that would make even American suburb developers blush. Yet in spite of the appalling state of these shit homes that keep getting built over green fields and spaces Deano doesn't seem to care about his progressively worsening accommodation he accepts and keeps on buying when he can go home to Netflix and eat Uber Eats slop after his 9-5 day doing fuck all of value to society at a middle management marketing job.
DMF	muh pay, muh inflation, muh cost of living		Since 2022 just about everyone has gone on strike; doctors, nurses, rail workers, teachers, civil servants at this point the country is just 'fuck it, go on strike until huge unrealistic pay demands get met' - so indefinitely then.
CMF	The Dark Lord		Sir Tony Blair, the final boss of British politics. The likely true figure running the country and pulling the strings behind Starmer through his Tony Blair Institute while he takes the public's fury and becomes a national punchbag for an increasingly fed up population. Arguably the most consequential Prime Minister in postwar British history he never fully retired from politics and ever since leaving power in 2007 has continued on relishing his life as an arch globalist, nothing has been off limits from acting as a fixer to the Qataris and other Middle Eastern regimes, to being a go between for the UN and the Clintons to now running one of the biggest NGOs in the world that leans on and increasingly seems to be setting the agenda of government despite whoever is elected to do it. In many ways a political genius who has almost uniquely created the template for what establishment neoliberal or neocon 21st Century politicians should be and do and with close ties to Big Tech billionaires to implement their agendas, still one of the most if not the most potent figure driving British politics. He ran arguably the most authoritarian government in postwar British history between 1997-2007 while pretending it was 'centre-left' and liberal. He purges and brings down whoever doesn't follow his orders and already seems to be trying to plan ahead for future Prime Ministers and Cabinets years in advance while relentlessly driving for digital IDs and a total Orwellian AI powered surveillance state on par with China's worst excesses, truly a dark lord who shows no signs of releasing his grip on this country.

Strikers

Pos.	Name	Picture	Description
SS	Are' Rupert		The Honourable Member of Parliament for Great Yarmouth; Rupert Lowe. Probably the most if not the only based MP in the 2024-29 Parliament. He was elected initially as the most promising member of Reform UK's parliamentary party but within months was stabbed in the back and driven out the party by Nigel Farage and his paki stooge Zia Yusuf. Despite this setback it hasn't stopped him from being one of the most vocal and active parliamentarians on anything from rape gangs, illegal migration to donating his entire MP's salary to local charities in his constituency. Despite his age he is quickly becoming arguably the brightest hope of the true right-wing of British politics in otherwise dark times for this country. Not to mention he appropriately for /britpol/ has divegrass pedigree as the former chairman of Southampton FC, a true Souf FC legend both off and now on the pitch.
CF	Goalposting		Noice goal m8 me ol'man used to be a builder Ol 'Woz he woz aye, maybe i cud get ' lads togeva mekk u sum new unns proper shiney loik. Oh oh its nat yoire goal iz it naa y'just fukkin borrowing it arennnt ya are ya you cheeki fukkin cunt just standing in front of it like. Git off that fucking goal then ya slag u think yooos can tekk me yous wanna have a go douz ya, douz YA. I waz fighting before you were fukkin born i waz fighting before I waz fukkin born inside me dads bollocks probably makkin theez fukking goalposts youz standing in front of riet now. Aww how many times you thinkk haz Ngubu haz scored in these nets. Fucking love Ngubu me, got him tattoed on me back even though he transferred straight after to FUKKIN SOUF i still love him me. Score some goals you mad bastard ye. Oh yuh still ere, gonna tri an blokk me shot are ya yure a bloodeh legend you jumpy little bastard yoos fukking champion.

Match History

Date	Opponent	Competition	Result	Scorers
8 July 2017	/ptg/	/pol/eague 1	2–2 D	3', 38' 40 yr old School Child
8 July 2017	/eire/	/pol/eague 1	1–3 L	82' Based Nige
9 July 2017	/sg/	/pol/eague 1	1–1 D	21' Based Nige
5 January 2018	/mlpol/	/pol/eague 2	0–3 L
6 January 2018	/balk/	/pol/eague 2	1–1 D	66' "we know who really won"
6 January 2018	/fsg/	/pol/eague 2	3–2 W	17', 38' Based Nige  80' Mummy May
7 January 2018	/cg/	/pol/eague 2	2–1 W	28' Mummy May  73' Based Nige
7 January 2018	/sg/	/pol/eague 2	0–3 L
7 January 2018	/mlpol/	/pol/eague 2	2–4 L	28' Mummy May  59' Based Nige
21 September 2018	/italypol/	/pol/eague 3	0–2 L
21 September 2018	/lrg/	/pol/eague 3	0–1 L
22 September 2018	/sng/	/pol/eague 3	2–1 W	11' MOGGMENTUM  85' Goalposting
22 June 2019	/mlpol/	/pol/eague 4	3–3 D	5', 58' Are Nige  24' Goalposting
23 June 2019	/pay/	/pol/eague 4	2–1 W	6' Are Nige  80' Karen
29 June 2019	/tcr/	/pol/eague 4	0–2 L
30 June 2019	/italypol/	/pol/eague 4	3–2 W	3', 67' Goalposting  90+1' Sargon of Cukkad
30 June 2019	/nsg/	/pol/eague 4	7–3 W	16', 45+1', 48', 55', 68' Are Nige  86', 89' Goalposting
30 June 2019	/mlpol/	/pol/eague 4	1–2 L (a.e.t.)	69' Are Nige
6 June 2020	/tcr/	/pol/eague 5	3–2 W	53', 80' Sargon of Cukkad  63' Are Nige
7 June 2020	/cg/	/pol/eague 5	3–4 L	3', 41', 61' Are Nige
13 June 2020	/sig/	/pol/eague 5	7–0 W	4', 45+1', 58' Are Nige  12' Absolute Madlad  73' Paki Rape Gangs  80', 90+4' Goalposting
14 June 2020	/italypol/	/pol/eague 5	1–0 W	51' Are Nige
14 June 2020	/tcr/	/pol/eague 5	3–0 W	19' Gypsy King  34', 77' Absolute Madlad
14 June 2020	/leftypol/	/pol/eague 5	1–0 W	35' Paki Rape Gangs
9 April 2022	/tcr/	/pol/eague 6	2–1 W	28', 87' Goalposting
10 April 2022	/balk/	/pol/eague 6	2–4 L	14' Paki Rape Gangs  73' Goalposting
16 April 2022	/pole/	/pol/eague 6	4–0 W	13', 53' Pubs closed, borders open.  33' (79) Are Nige
17 April 2022	/ancap/	/pol/eague 6	7–2 W	6' (34), 73' (86) Goalposting  10' Paki Rape Gangs  15' (57) Are Nige
17 April 2022	/esp/	/pol/eague 6	3–0 W	10' Pubs closed, borders open.  70' Paki Rape Gangs  76' Goalposting
17 April 2022	/mlpol/	/pol/eague 6	1–1 L (a.e.t.) (1-3 pens)	82' Goalposting
10 June 2023	/sag/	/pol/eague 7	1–2 L	77' Are' Nige
11 June 2023	/happening/	/pol/eague 7	1–1 D	62' Goalposting
17 June 2023	/sig/	/pol/eague 6	2–4 W	37' Boat People  39' (49) Goalposting  59' Designated Shitting Country
18 June 2023	/tcr/	/pol/eague 7	3–1 L	64' Goalposting

Rivalries

/ptg/ - The 'muh 1776' Derby While not at Trump rallies or copeposting about 'muh stolen election' /ptg/ often does one thing; remind us about 'muh 1776' and how they owned the British and will do it again. Well, I say we should remind these upstart colonials that it was Britain and the British who first invented the Thirteen Colonies and in turn USA in the first place! Enough about 1776, or we'll make 1812 happen again on the pitch and Make America British Again!.

0-1-0

/mlpol/ - The 'Oh my! Ruination is brought upon ones' day!' Derby One of the most oft-repeated fixures in the history of the /pol/eague has been the many clashes between britbongs and ponies. Progression has been decided by the outcome, cups have been decided by the outcome, but one clear pattern has emerged - Britain stands alone and your day is only safe from ruin if Britain prevails against the Nazi horsefucker menace.

0-1-4

/auspol/ - The 'fuck off WE'RE full' Derby Back in the 18th Century Britain had a serious problem with overflowing jails and too many convicts to keep in this country. So after discovering a rather large island down between the Indian Ocean and the Pacific, we had this great idea of deporting all our troublesome undesirables off there. Unfortunately, this led to the founding of Australia and ever since then, in every sporting fixture, every international dispute and online exchange they've made us regret every last second of founding that cursed land. With the founding of /auspol/, /britpol/ now has its very own version of the Ashes to contend.

0-0-0

Honours

• 

  /pol/eague 4: 2nd Place

• 

  /pol/eague 4: Are Nige : Golden Boot

• 

  /pol/eague 4: Karen : Golden Ball

• 

  /pol/eague 4: Calais Border : Golden Glove

• 

  /pol/eague 5: 1st Place

• 

  /pol/eague 5: Team of the Tournament

• 

  /pol/eague 5: Goalposting : Golden Ball

• 

  /pol/eague 5: Goal of the Tournament

• 

  /pol/eague 5: /pol/itician's Iron Cross

• 

  /pol/eague 5: Best Victory Anthem

• 

  /pol/eague 6: 2nd Place