/5N@F/ Roster

The Pizzeria Staff of /5N@F/

Sub

Starter

Silver

Gold

Goalkeepers

No.	Name	Position	Picture	Description
	The Knot	GK		The ultimate gift for any guard at Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria. Please see your local fox-based animatronic for more details on how to get your very own Knot given to you. WARNING: Will secrete fluids if handled.
	Goldbon	GK		I TELL YA IT'S DA PURPLE MAN

Defenders

No.	Name	Position	Picture	Description
	Left Door	LB		FUCK YOU BONNIE. FUCK YOU FOXY.
	Rev Up That Music Box	CB
	DOOR STUCK	CB		The Phantom! Exterior like fish eggs, Interior like suicide wrist-rags. I could exercise you, this could be yo' Phys-Ed, cheat on your man homie- AAAH! I tried to sneak through the door man! Can't make it, can't make it the shit's stuck. Outta ma' way son! DOOR STUCK! DOOR. STUCK. PLEASE!
	Right Door	RB		FUCK YOU CHICA. FUCK YOU FREDDY.
	Pirate Adventures	LB
	Reparianon	CB
	EYEBROWS	CB
	Beamz The Bat	CB		The most popular >OC on /5N@F/; the idea is that he plays vidya games in the arcade to drain your power unless you're looking at him. He will also be your sissy boipussy if you ask kindly and don't mind cleaning up white dust at the end of your shift.
	Jeremey Fitzgerald	CB		Protagonist to Five Nights At Freddy's 2. He doesn't come over often.
	Shut The Fuck Up Bonnie	RB		Bitch doesn't know when men need their time for Pirate Adventures. Or when Bears need to be bosses. Just shut the fuck up Bonnie. No you can't have ice cream go back to your stage.

Midfielders

No.	Name	Position	Picture	Description
	Thunder Thighs	DMF		Rabbits hop for days, eat for days, fuck for days, and this robot one has ass for days. God-damn. Hope the new model keeps the same shape.
	Birdie Breasts	AMF		It's best you don't look out your right window too often. That bib flips up more often than you'd care to know. She's just trying to trick you mayne, don't let girly talk about her "soft eggs" break you.
	HI!	CMF
	Carlos The Muffin	AMF		You know, that muffin has the same eyes as the one Chica's holding. Is that how they're watching you? Learning from your every move? Nah, place is too cheap to have monitors like that. ...how the hell did they afford this tablet again?
	Double Oral	CMF		And you thought one male Foxy was bad...
	Souldozer	CMF		CELEBRATE, PUNY CHILDREN, AS YOU MOVE ONE YEAR CLOSER TO YOUR INEVITABLE DEMISE. The Ball Pit has been replaced with a new attraction, THE SOULDOZER PIT. You will probably survive, I'm not lying!
	DIOS MIO	CMF		Bunnies like to fuck.
	Fredders	AMF		Only in 4chan Cup-regulated virtual divegrass games monitored by the One Glorious Rigger DrBorisG with all four medals on the pitch with the sun in the fourth stage alongside a hard-boiled ostrich egg... are you permitted to touch the Fredders.
	Southern Drawl	AMF

Forwards

No.	Name	Position	Picture	Description
	All Business	CF		Was there ever a better Bear? One that can work a tophat or bowtie like him? One that spooks and tricks with such finesse? Even when he's on your side, better not shirk because Freddy Fazbear, the star of the show, is all business, all the time.
	Mike Schmidt	SS		Sexual Deviant. Closet /k/ommando. Hat aficionado. SECURE IT baby. Seen with and without chin. May or may not be a woman. Prone to abstinence at the oddest of times. He also wears diapers, and He is You.

Troublesome (Read: Retired) Employees (Read: Players)

No.	Name	Position	Picture	Description
	EEEEEEEEEEEEE	GK		Foxy hasn't moved, that's good. Freddy's on stage, noises from the kitchen so Chica's alright... where's Bonnie. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck where is she? Why can't I close the door? Better check the closet, FUCK nothing, wonder if the door'll work no- EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
	Michelle's Hips	GK		Have you ever wondered what the guardsman of Freddy's Pizzeria would look like if he were a woman? I mean, clearly she'd need that rump for uh... y'know... sitting for six hours. Yeah. Hipsanon's fab feminine creation covers goals with hips wide enough to make you really wonder if she has to order her own custom pants.
	One Hundred and Twenty Dollars	CB		Y'know, it may not seem like much, but minimum wage actually WAS at $4 an hour back in the early nineties. It's also the general cost of any commission from one of the thread's numerous drawfags, greedy assholes. (Just kidding we love you guys)
	I'm A Good Fox	CMF		A BLOO-BLOO-BLOO UMMAHGUD FOX A-BLOO-BLOO-BLOO. THEY LOCK US UP! NEVER TO HAVE FUN! I DIDN'T WANT TO BITE HIM UMMAHGUDFOOOOOOOOOOX...
	IT'S ME	CB		Sir, it is lamentable that mass agricultural development is not speeded by fuller use of your marvelous mechanisms. Would it not be easily possible to employ some of them in quick laboratory experiments to indicate the influence of various types of fertilizers on plant growth? You are right. Countless uses of Bose instruments will be made by future generations. The scientist seldom knows contemporaneous reward; all will know that I possess The Joy Of Creation
	Death Fan	CB		What? Did you think that the animatronics were the real enemy of Five Nights? Of course not! Your true foe is the Lord of Oscillation, THE FAN.
	LET'S EAT!!	CMF		LET'S KILL! LET'S SLEEP! LET'S DANCE! LET'S PANTIES! LET'S EXERCISE! LET'S BOOBS! LET'S MURDER!
	MSF3K	CMF		Freddy Fazbear's favorite show, where the gang gets together and takes a look at some really great (shit) movies together. Ah, what fun with silhouettes can we have tonight?
	Snack of '87	CMF		Wasn't his fault if you ask me. Kid was asking for it. When you literally put two meat-lovers slices on your head and pretend to be a lion tamer with the only solely-carnivorous animatronic you're just selling yourself for a forceful lobotomy.
	Dongman	AMF		If you ask this drawfag what his favorite thing to draw is, be prepared. Fun Fact; There is a dong in every single one of his images to find.