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/tg/ Roster

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Revision as of 06:46, 23 February 2014 by TheDM (talk | contribs)
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This is the roster of players for the /tg/ Football Club.

Positions

Goalkeepers

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
52 Emprah Emprah.jpg He's not scheduled to rule humanity for another 21,000 years, so Tha Emprah's passing the time with sports. Allegations of him being a Tarrasque are treason. The Emprah protects, ave Imperator. 189 (A. Average) 125 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo 45
33 Tankred Tankred-Endures.jpg /tg/'s long-running goalie and former Space Marine, Tankred is currently a interned in a dreadnought. Even in death, he still serves. Indeed, Tankred's endurance is legendary. 189 (A. Average) 125 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo 36
12 Gazebo Gazebo.jpg Gazebo's silhouette haunts the thoughts of many retired adventurers. Though frequently found resting, its vaguely threatening presence makes enemy strikers wary. 185 (A. Average) 92 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 42

Offense

Center Forward

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
6 Doomrider Doomrider.jpg He rides a possessed bike, he does cocaine, and his head's on fire. Daemon Prince of Slaanesh, /tg/'s highly popular attacking player is part of a dynamic duo with Creed. Despite countless investigations on substance abuse charges, DOOMRIDER remains on /tg/'s team. 194 (Tall) 85 Right Nike Total 90 Laser IV (P16 – Fox in the Box) (S01 - 1-touch Play) (S02 – Outside Curve) (S20 – Double Touch) 62
94

Second Striker

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
8 Creed
Ursarkar E. Creed, Lord Castellan
Creed.JPG Also known as CREEEEEEED. The leader of all Imperial forces on Cadia is one of /tg/'s iconic players and part of a dynamic duo with Doomrider. Creed is a true Tactical Genius known for his ability to make the ball, other attackers, and Baneblades appear out of nowhere. 175 (Short) 77 Left Nike CTR 360 MAESTRI (P05 – Mazing Run) (S05 – Speed Merchant) (S08 – Turning Skills) (S14 – Deft Touch Skills) 82
104

Midfield

Left Midfielders

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
60 Mana Weave File:Mana-Weave.jpg If you're not rigging the game, why are you mana weaving? 175 (Short) 82 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo (P08 – Box to Box) (So1 – 1-touch Play) 57
18 DJ Phylactery DJ-Phylactery.jpg Recently featured in 4chan Banner Magazine, he's got a way with words. Now he plays football. Just hope his rival MC Divine Justice doesn't show up, we're still cleaning up that mess. 180 (B. Average) 76 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo (P08 – Box to Box) 70
99 Pun-Pun File:Pun-pun.jpg The ultimate exploit of the rules. There is nothing that Pun-Pun can't do. A kobold, a wizard, a god, and now a football player. Narrowly avoided missing the 2012 summer purge, and is looking to finally demonstrate his football skills. 165 (Manlet) 67 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo 86

Central Midfielders

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
10 Crazy Hassan Crazy-Hassan.jpg One of the team's main sponsors. Need a camel? Come on down to Crazy Hassan's! Or else Crazy Hassan will come to you! Free camelskin football with every purchase! 170 (Very Short) 79 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo (P08 – Box to Box) (S01 – 1-touch Play) (S05 – Speed Merchant) 16
34

Right Midfielders

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
64 /tg/ Chess Tg-Chess.jpg This is not your Slavic grandfather's game of chess. This is /tg/ Chess, where legends are born each and every game. The only agreed-upon point is that only faggot rollplayers play as the Queen. 180 (A. Average) 69 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo (P08 – Box to Box) (S01 – 1-touch Play) 3
16 Muscle Wizard Muscle-Wizard.jpg He casts FOOT. Created as a result of creative rules applications in D&D 3.5, he has very high strength and constitution, which he uses for spellcasting. 180 (A. Average) 95 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo (P04 – Box to Box) 1
19
39 Haggard File:Haggard.jpg One grim day, an ancient scroll was unearthed by a fa/tg/uy, and placed before the board's most learned scholars in an attempt to discover its hidden secrets. For years they laboured at this task, trying and failing again and again to decrypt the scroll. Finally, an epiphany came, the prophecy was unlocked, and Haggard was born. 180 (B. Average) 103 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo 52

Defensive Midfielders

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
15 Sir Bearington Sir-Bearington.jpg A highly distinguished gentleman looking to participate in a jolly game of football. Some rather uncouth individuals refer to him as a "bear", but these allegations are clearly false. 185 (Tall) 122 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo 88
20 Los Tiburon Los-Tiburon.jpg "Shark of the Land," Los Tiburon is a half-orc wrestler that tackles dragons and rivals with unmatched prowess. Watch out for 20s. 185 (A. Average) 95 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 27
13 Old Man Henderson Old-Man-Henderson.jpg An eccentric old man who won Call of Cthulhu. Has joined the /tg/ team in order to locate some or all of his lost lawn gnomes, or, as he calls them, his "WEE MEN." Having thoroughly searched the goal box for gnomes, he has been moved out to Defense so he can search for gnomes (and balls) there. 180 (B. Average) 83 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 47
24 Cultist-Chan Cultist-chan.jpg One of /tg/'s many waifus, with the distinction of being EXTRA heretical and extra-annoying. Hwee Kaptoored Eet Fhor Kay-oss! Let's hope Old Man Henderson doesn't realize that she's a cultist. 175 (Short) 72 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo 72
0 Noh Noh.jpg Steadfastly refuses to let anyone get past her, and won't let anyone take the ball away from her. "Can we take this ball?" "No." 170 (Very Short) 61 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo (P01 - Classic No.10) 35

Defense

Centre Backs

Number Name Image Description Height (cm) Weight (kg) Footedness Boots Skill cards Celebration
1 Nigramarines Nigramarines.jpg Nigramarines is from a Space Marine chapter created on /b/ before the existence of /tg/. One of the oldest players, and currently captain, Nigramarines still remembers Warhammer Wednesdays and the battles fought to keep the pool closed in order to protect Imperial citizens from Nurgle's corrupting plague. 205 (Fuckhuge) 125 Right Mizuno Morelia Neo (P17 – Offensive Sideback) (S01 – 1-touch Play) (S24 – Lunging Tackle) 74
2 Thin Your Paints Thin-Your-Paints.jpg Forget what you've been told, this is the golden rule. Its physical avatar has donned the blue and orange, taking the field for his home club. His face is cursed as a grim reminder of thick paints and the evils they work. 194 (Tall) 125 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 50
7 Atlas Atlas.jpg With a recognizable assault-class tonnage of 100, this stalwart gentleman towers over the battlefield and unleashes a special brand of pain down from a nigh-untouchable fortress. 199 (Very Tall) 100 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 79
90 Anal Circumference Anal-Circumference.jpg Get those d100s out and get ready to roll for Anal Circumference. Just figure out your modifiers first, and remember that babbies are considered "infants" and take a -90 to the roll. 185 (A. Average) 83 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 96
4 Deep Rot Deep-Rot.jpg One of the many agents controlled by the inter-planar undead supercomputer. Deep Rot is one of /tg/'s sponsors, providing necro-computational power. 180 (B. Average) 72 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 101
46 That Guy That-Guy.jpg You hate him, I hate him, everyone hates him - but he just keeps on turning up. That Fucking Guy. He didn't even bring snacks for the team. 180 (B. Average) 90 Left Mizuno Morelia Neo 1

Former Players

2012 Winter Cup Era

/tg/'s roster underwent very little changes after its first cup competition.

MEATBREAD

The most fabled dish of /tg/ cuisine, regarded as the Orkiest of all possible meals a fa/tg/uy could consume. It's meat with bread. Cut in an effort to slim down, and to make room for others.

2012 Summer Cup Era

After a difficult run through the 2012 4chan Summer Cup, /tg/ voted to overhaul the roster, cutting several players from the team.

Transparent Orange Chainsaw

Despite being an apt player, an Administratum investigation revealed that T.O. Chainsaw was included on the /tg/ team in place of Amazo the Wonder Golem as a result of a Classic Blunder. The oversight was corrected, and Transparent Orange Chainsaw was transferred to /toy/ (under the name Orange Transparent Chainsaw).

Faptau

Did not renew contract, claimed to be looking forward to having more time just to himself.

Special Snowflake

Dropped for being too special, but not special enough. Picked up by /lgbt/ in Spring 2013, currently a starting striker on their squad.

Gary Gygax

Retired to playtest the astral plane.

Maids

Retired to a villa in Italy after a good run. Maids claims that she will still support /tg/, but this time on the sidelines.

Just As Planned

Everything went according to keikaku, and Just As Planned's contract has concluded to the satisfaction of all involved parties.

Black Lotus

Prohibitive resigning costs prompted management to trade Black Lotus for Mana Weave.

2013 Winter Cup Era

A disappointingly early exit from the 2013 4chan Winter Cup did not result in a complete overhaul of the roster, rather only small tweaks were made.

Quest Quest

Quest Quest was well-liked in the /tg/ clubhouse, but her countless retarded cousins were not. She was cut from the roster as a result.

Bloody Magpies

Renewed interest from the Blood Ravens football association caused Bloody Magpies to gift himself back to his home club.

Do You Catan?

During his sojourn with the club, he had seen infinity and truly experienced love. He retired after the 2013 Winter Cup, in order to properly channel his efforts toward the unreachable unknown.

Coasters

Coasters was quietly released from the team after a heated argument about the condition of the manager's coffee table.

2013 Summer Cup Era

After a historically-poor finish in the 2013 4chan Summer Cup and the club's relegation, a slew of changes were made to the team roster.

Kromgol

Kromgol did not get much opportunity, only participating in one cup with the club. Nevertheless, the team cut him loose and Kromgol returned to his first love, getting drunk and hitting things.

The Whizzard

Another casualty after only one cup, the Whizzard did not mesh with his teammates in the locker room, creating to an uncomfortable and unnerving atmosphere with his “jokes”.