/s4s/
[s4s] (stylized /s4s/ for cup play) is a virtual professional football team dedicated to the Shit 4chan Says board on 4chan. [s4s] was originally thought to be an April Fools' joke but is now home to some of the D A N K E S T M E M E S and best gets on all of 4chan. The team's cup history is long and winding, with [s4s] having played in every level of the cup, ranging from the lone Fetus Cup to the Elite level of play. [s4s]'s most recent cup performance was a 17th-place finish in the 2015 4chan Summer Cup, and as such will be participating in the 2015 4chan Autumn Babby Cup.
Victory Anthem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9xNhcvZ6UI
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11)
Roster
For a full description of players and memes, see [s4s] Roster
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Winter 2015 Team Photo
Middle: Wew, Ebin, [s4s]-Tan, :^), Le Purple Palm Tree Man, #Rude (mfw no rude face, so disguised as Le Ruse Bird)
Bottom: Dubs, Patrick Bateman (Captain), Walruse, Donut Man, Topkek, Nice Grill
Not pictured: #Fortune, Me on the Left, *Slaps you're ass*, Youd be suprise, (｢・ω・)｢
Right side: True owners of [s4s]
History
Founding
[s4s] was founded on May 17th, 2013, being the fastest of the Provisionals to properly make a team, starting and finishing in less than a day. Due to cup regulations, however, the team could not compete in the upcoming Summer Cup, not allowing [s4s] to officially compete until the 2013 Summer Friendlies. The team was allowed to participate in unofficial friendlies hosted by future Cup commissioner, DrBorisG.
Summer 2013 Friendlies
[s4s]'s first official matches were played in the 2013 Summer Cup Friendlies, against fellow /b/ and fellow Provisional /gd/. The first match did not go as planned, with /gd/ dominating the entire match, and [s4s] only scoring a consolation goal late in the second half. They managed to win their second match ever, with the only goal of the match coming from then-Silver AMF Quads in the 22nd minute.
Autumn 2013 Friendlies
For the Autumn 2013 Friendlies, many roster changes were made to the roster, most notably in the net. New addition Doge took over longtime starting goalkeeper Refu's position and had his first game against /an/. Questionable tactics by still-new manager DoubleNigger !!WN64AbCpO6P allowed the defense to stay too far forward and allow two too many through-balls to get to Honeybadger, and [s4s] lost 2-0. Goalkeeper Doge managed to reedem himself after that performance, making a clutch penalty save against /fa/, stopping a sure goal that would have given them a 1-goal lead. Shrek scored the lone goal of the match and [s4s] held on to win, 1-0, going 1-0-1 for the second straight friendlies.
2013 Autumn Babby Cup Qualifiers
Before [s4s]'s first official games, new height regulations brought down by the 4CCC forced [s4s] striker Shrek to lose his Speed Merchant card, as well as become a SS instead of a CF. This card loss and position change did not affect his goal-scoring ability, however, as he scored 7 goals in 5 games and leading [s4s] to the top of Group B and into their first ever Babby Cup.
2013 Autumn Babby Cup
[s4s]'s first ever Cup performance can be summarized in one word: Disappointing. In their first ever official tournament performance against /pol/, [s4s] started out with an early 1-0 lead, but allowed Jews to equalize 6 minutres later, and then Stormfront scored in the 80th minute to give /pol/ the lead, and that was how the game ended. In the second group stage game, [s4s] barely managed to draw to a managerless /cgl/, with Shrek equalizing in th 65th minute. In their final game, [s4s] needed a win and help from /pol/ to avoid being relegated back to the Fetus tier of competition. After an double-brace performance by Shrek gave [s4s] a 2-goal lead into the second half, there was still a small fraction of hope left. Sadly, the last 23 minutes killed off all remaining hope, as Robot9001 finished off his hat trick by tying the game and relegating [s4s]. Even with an amazing 6-goal group stage performance by Shrek, [s4s] finished with a disappointing 2 points and -1 goal difference, and were once again playing in the Fetus.
2014 Spring Babby Cup
[s4s] was originally slated to play in the the second installment of the Babby Cup Qualifiers along with a mix of 15 other teams. However, the tournament was cancelled, and [s4s] and the other competitors were granted entry to the same cup they were originally trying to qualify for. During the "offseason" between Winter and the draw, [s4s] gained a new manager under the name of King Mango !!U9PIX1Em/6k. [s4s] were the first team to be drawn into Group B and /o/, /tv/, /vr/, and /hr/ soon followed. [s4s] played their first game on matchday 3 against /o/ and lost 2-1, with the team's lone goal coming from new gold starter [s4s]-Tan in the 90th minute. In their second group stage game against /tv/, Bateman and [s4s]-Tan put 3 goals in the back of the net, but the Big Guy was simply too big, and the game finished as a 3-3 draw. In their third game against /vr/, a purple-conditioned Bateman scored in the 42nd minute, and [s4s]'s defense managed to hold on with a little help from Trollpost, winning 1-0, and putting their destiny in their own hands for their game against /hr/. On the final day of group play, [s4s] were 3rd in the group and only needed a win to advance to the Round of 16 and their first Elite cup. A goal by Bateman in the 13th minute gave [s4s] the lead early. But after >1000x1000 equalized for /hr/ 8 minutes into the second half, things looked bleak. All there was left to do was go All-Out Attack, and luckily, it didn't backfire, as a brilliantly-placed throughball from an out-of-position Shrek went directly to Bateman and he finished it easily, winning [s4s] the game 2-1, and sending them through to the knockouts and their first Elite cup. In the first ever randomized knockout stages, [s4s] drew /ic/. However, all other information on the match that occured on the 26th of April, 2014 is permanently lost, and shall be referred to as 'That Game'. After an amazing surge to the top of the group, an utterly detroyed [s4s] team was out of their first knockout stage performance.
2014 4chan Summer Cup
In what has been described as one of the most boring cups of all time, [s4s] was able to provide some of the most exciting matches. Despite /soc/'s manager at the time being seen as an autist who constantly tried to change the cup's format to his advantage, [s4s] got a 4-2 win over /soc/. With 11 total shots (10 on target), [s4s] looked surprisingly dominant in this match. /pol/, the champions of the previous season's babby cup, came into the next match as a favorite, but a 2-2 draw against [s4s] left them in a very dangerous spot in the battle to avoid relegation. After /soc/ and /pol/'s 0-0 thriller, [s4s] could relax since this result meant that only a blowout loss against /asp/ would eliminate them. The W/asp/s got a 2-1 win that left [s4s] in second place of the group. The round of 16 got [s4s] drawn against /x/, a team that proved to be 2spooky in the end: [s4s] was eliminated by /x/ after a penalty shoot-out.
2015 4chan Winter Cup
[s4s]'s 2015 started off on the right foot, with a 3-0 win over /m/ that the /m/ Council will be calling bullshit about for years to come. They weren't done rolling yet, however, as a Dubs goal late in the first half against /x/ and Patrick Bateman scoring no less than a double brace on [s4s]'s path to a dominant 5-0 win in their second game of the group stages, giving them the honor of the first team confirmed for knockouts and putting Bateman at the front of the race for Golden Boot, with four goals. The last game was the most anticipated, and /mlp/ was playing for far more marbles than the already-confirmed [s4s]. An [s4s] win would put them on 9 point master race, and a win by /m/ in the following game would mean that whoever would be joining [s4s] in the knockouts would come down to goal difference. That never got to happen, however, as [s4s] couldn't maintain their early lead and /mlp/ equalized in the 22nd minute. The fun was far from over as now cup-favorite [s4s] went into the round of 16 to face /sci/. A familiar scoreline for [s4s] saw the game end 3-0 in their favor, with a fifth overall goal for Patrick Bateman and a brace for nonmedal striker D A N K M E M E S. This result meant a new milestone to [s4s]'s history: their best ever cup performance. Unfortunately, [s4s]'s luck seemed to run out in the final day of the Cup. Even though the former /tg/ manager TheDM rolled a measly 3 on his legendary D20, it proved enough, as a nail-biting first half ended 3-2 in /tg/'s favor, a score that would stand to the end, giving /tg/ the road to their first Elite Cup victory, and leaving [s4s] fifth in the tournament, and ninth in overall standings. [s4s] gracefully bowed out of the cup with its best 4chan Cup performance ever. With the end of [s4s]'s play in the Winter Cup also came the end of an era: longtime manager DN retired after 22 months in charge, leaving carmastrikes and DescendingBear as co-managers.
2015 4chan Summer Cup
In '15, /gd/ released this, Fore-3, their most accomplished game. I think their undisputed masterpiece is ">>>/r/ brace in 89' and 90+'", a brace so catchy, most people probably don't remember the Bateman hat trick. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of being PES'd, and the importance of paying off the Refs, it's also a personal statement about rigging itself. Hey, [s4s]! TRY GETTING INTO THE KNOCKOUTS NOW, YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARDS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Actual Summary
[s4s] was drawn into Group C along with /mu/, /gd/, and /sci/. The first game of [s4s]'s second Elite cup -- played against /mu/ -- was below the standards set by last cup's performance. /mu/ went up with a 23rd minute goal from MC Ride. However, a goal 20 minutes into the second half, as well as an amazing block by Youd Be Suprise on a through-on-goal MC Ride rescued a point for the [s4s]quatches. In their second game, things got off to a much better start. Courtesy of an [s4s]-Tan hat trick and a goal from Bateman, [s4s] obliterated a very weak /sci/ side 4-1. After the second day of play in Group C, [s4s] was second with 4 points, just behind /mu/ who also had 4, and ahead of /gd/ with 3 points, and an already-eliminated /sci/ with 0 points. This left [s4s] in a good position, with higher than a 75 perent chance of finishing above the relegation zone. Ahead of the final game against /gd/, [s4s] controlled their own destiny: Win or draw, and advance to the knockouts. Lose, however, and the team would be relegated. A back-and-forth first half ended 2-2, and the second half continued the theme. Questionable defending from /gd/ allowed Bateman to complete his hat trick and give [s4s] a 3-2 lead. That scoreline stayed the same until the 89th minute. A well-placed throughball allowed non-medal attacking midfielder >>>/r/ to tie the game for /gd/. This scoreline would have promoted [s4s], but during [s4s]'s goal concession time-out, a questionable substitution was made, one that would go down in cup history. Flowre, a non-medal centerback who had never played a single game for [s4s], was brought on. Directly after being brought on to the pitch, Flowre challenged /gd/ player Helvetica horribly. Flowre was immediately and deservedly sent off, leaving her all-time stats for [s4s] as follows: 1 minute played, 0 goals, 0 assists, 0 passes, 1 red card. /gd/ was able to take advantage of the space created after the sending off, and at the absolute dying moments of the match, >>>/r/ placed a brilliant ball just beyond the reach of goalkeeper Swaglord. An amazing game, one voted by the /4ccg/ as the most exciting game of all time, ended 4-3 in favor of /gd/ after a heart-breaking collapse in the final 3 minutes, and [s4s] is now for the third time playing in the Babby tier of competition.
2015 4chan Autumn Babby Cup
SOON :^)
Official Matches
For unofficial match history, see /s4s/ Unofficial Match History.
| Match Date | Opponent | Competition | Result | Goal Scorers |
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| July 12, 2013 | 3-1 L |
Shrek | ||
| July 20, 2013 | 1-0 W |
Quads | ||
| September 21, 2013 | 2-0 L | |||
| October 5, 2013 | 1-0 W |
Shrek | ||
| October 25, 2013 | 4-2 W |
Shrek | ||
| October 26, 2013 | 3-0 W |
Patrick Bateman | ||
| October 27, 2013 | 2-1 W |
Shrek | ||
| October 27, 2013 | 1-1 D |
Shrek | ||
| November 16, 2013 | 2-1 L |
Shrek | ||
| November 22, 2013 | 1-1 D |
Shrek | ||
| November 24, 2013 | 4-4 D |
Shrek | ||
| January 11, 2014 | 1-0 L | |||
| January 19, 2014 | 1-1 D |
Shrek | ||
| April 6, 2014 | 2-1 L |
[s4s]-Tan | ||
| April 11, 2014 | 3-3 D |
Patrick Bateman | ||
| April 13, 2014 | 1-0 W | Patrick Bateman  42'
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| April 19, 2014 | 2-1 W | Patrick Bateman 13', 70'
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| April 26, 2014 | 5-0 L | |||
| May 31, 2014 | 2-1 L | Patrick Bateman 33'
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| June 7, 2014 | 2-1 W | [s4s]-Tan 34', 39'
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| July 19, 2014 | 4-2 W | Cory Baxter 16', 37' Patrick Bateman 33'[s4s]-Tan 82'
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| July 26, 2014 | 2-2 D |
Cory Baxter | ||
| July 27, 2014 | 2-1 L |
Topkek | ||
| July 27, 2014 | 1(6)-1(5) L |
[s4s]-Tan | ||
| February 14, 2015 | 3-0 W |
Topkek | ||
| February 20, 2015 | 5-0 W |
Dubs | ||
| February 22, 2015 | 1-1 D |
[s4s]-Tan | ||
| February 28, 2015 | 3-0 W |
D A N K M E M E S | ||
| March 1, 2015 | 3-2 L |
Patrick Bateman | ||
| July 31, 2015 | 1-1 D | Patrick Bateman 65'
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| August 2, 2015 | 4-1 W | [s4s]-Tan 4', 74', 83' Patrick Bateman 34'
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| August 8, 2015 | 4-3 L | Patrick Bateman 13', 44', 70'
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Quotes
- "But yeah seriously, /s4s/ is pretty good."
- — DrBorisG
- — DrBorisG
DrBorisG on his favorite team in the cup :^)
- "IT'S FOUR FOR BATEMAN!"
- — DrBorisG
- — DrBorisG
DrBorisG after Patrick Bateman scored his fourth goal -- and [s4s]'s 5th -- against /x/ in the 2015 4chan Winter Cup
- "carmastrikes and DescendingBear are polite and professional memesters"
- — Anonymous
- — Anonymous
Export
PES 2015
2015 4chan Summer Cup Meme Team
2015 4chan Summer Cup Aesthetic Export - fixed
Music gets its own export? Cool.
Legacy Exports
PES 2015
Friendlies - tactical export for /r9k/ match
Friendlies - tactical export for /c/ match
PES 2014
Honors/Statistics
Individual Honors
2013 Autumn Fetus
Golden Boot:
Shrek, 7 goals2013 Autumn Fetus
Joint Golden Ball:
Patrick Bateman, 5 assists
2014 Summer Cup
Goal of the Tournament:
Cory Baxter, vs. /pol/
2015 Winter Cup
Joint Golden Ball:
Ebin, Nice Grill2015 Winter Cup
Player of the Tournament:
Patrick Bateman
Team Honors
Thanksgiving Bowl
First Place
2014 Winter Cup
Match of the Tournament
[s4s] - /tg/2014 Winter Cup
Best Matches
[s4s] Stats
All-Time Goals
- Patrick Bateman, 17
- Shrek, 16
- [s4s]-Tan, 12
- Topkek, 4
- Cory Baxter, 3
- D A N K M E M E S, 2
- Nice Grill, 1
- Quads, 1
Goals in a Single Cup
- Shrek, 7, 2013 4chan Autumn Babby Cup Qualifiers
- Shrek, 6, 2013 4chan Autumn Babby Cup
- Patrick Bateman, 5, 2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup, 2015 4chan Winter Cup, 2015 4chan Summer Cup
- [s4s]-Tan, 4, 2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup
- Cory Baxter, 3, 2014 4chan Summer Cup
- [s4s]-Tan, 3, 2014 4chan Summer Cup and 2015 4chan Summer Cup
Past Cup Performances
2013 Autumn Fetus
1st - Qualified
2013 Autumn Babby
25th - Relegated
2014 Spring Babby
16th - Promoted2014 Summer Cup
10th - Held Promotion2015 Winter Cup
5th - Held Promotion
2015 Summer Cup
17th - Relegated
Rivalries
Checkb Owl: 
/s4s/ v. /lgbt/ 
In this matchup of two provisionals, something always ends up getting checked. If [s4s] win, you check these dubs, and if /lgbt/ win, you check your FUCKING PRIVILEGE, YOU WHITE CIS SCUM. This rivalry has seen two matchups, a 1-1 draw in the 2013 Autumn Fetus, and a 2-1 /lgbt/ win in the 2014 Summer Friendlies.
0W - 1D - 1L
Friendshipb Owl: /s4s/ v. /mlp/ 
More of a friendly rivalry than a violent one, this matchup can be summed up in one sentence: Whoever wins, the Cup loses. These two teams have only met one time, in the 2015 4chan Winter Cup Group Stages. Fitting to the rivalry's name, the game ended in the friendliest of results, a 1-1 draw that saw both teams advance to the knockout stages, and the 2015 Summer Cup.
0W - 1D - 0L
Rollingb Owl: /s4s/ v. /tg/ 
Both boards take heavy amounts of chance in their everyday posting, from the dubs and #fortunes of [s4s] to the d20 rolls of /tg/. The only game of the rivalry (so far) took place in the Quarterfinals of the 2015 4chan Winter Cup. It was won 3-2 by /tg/, and was described as "a classic".
0W - 0D - 1L
Sh*tpost Bowl: /s4s/ v. /b/ 
Newfigs to [s4s] consider it to be a "new /b/", in that they're both filled with ironic shitposting funposting, dubs threads, and useless content OC, but everyone knows [s4s] is better. The only official Cup match these two teams have ever played against each other was [s4s]'s second ever, and it ended in a 1-0 win for [s4s].
1W - 0D - 0L
Battle of the Provisionals: /s4s/ v. /gd/ 
*cough* *cough* Fuck /gd/ *cough*. Excuse me. [s4s] and /gd/ both have gained a reputation of being two of the strongest teams to come out of the Provisional class. However, you wouldn't have guessed that by watching their matchups. Both times they've played eachother, [s4s] has lost. Their first matchup came in the 2013 4chan Summer Cup Friendlies, and /gd/ put 3 past [s4s], with [s4s]'s only goal coming from a Shrek consolation tap-in. Their most recent and, arguably their most famous matchup was the final game of Group C in the 2015 4chan Summer Cup, a 4-3 bullshit PES'ing classic that featured a Bateman hat trick, a straight red card, goals in both 45+' and 90+', and a bicycle kick goalkeeper clearance. However, this game is also well known for being the game that relegated [s4s] to the 2015 4chan Autumn Babby Cup after a run in the Elites that spanned 3 cups. Despite their best intentions, [s4s] has yet to get on the board in this rivalry, and hopes to do so in their next matchup ;_;.
0W - 0D - 2L
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