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/his/
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5)
Not long after the great Emperor Hiroyuki Nishimura answered the calls of the repressed /his/ communities of 4chan, the anons of this new board came together to form themselves a team to represent them in the 4chan Cup.
Now the team, having gathered supplies, is ready for the assault on the 2017 4chan Summer Cup.
Exports
2017 4chan Summer Cup
Tactical export || Aesthetic Export || Music Export
Roster
- Main Article: /his/ roster
- Historical roster
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History
2016 Spring Campaign
Founded in Fall 2015, /his/ had their first official match in the 2016 Spring Fetus against the shitposters of /v/. The /v/irgins struck first as a blue hedgehog flew across the field, but >HRE rallied the /his/torians just before the half to tie the game. Then, in a moment of pure spaghetti, the /int/ manager went too far with his meme tactics and sent /v/ into disarray, which gave >HRE a hat-trick and Bismarck a goal of his own. First match, first hat-trick, first win, 4-1 /his/.
/his/ would also deliver a 4-1 shellacking to /co/, but fall to /toy/ in a disappointing 1-3 loss. In spite of failing to master-race Group B, /his/ would still qualify for the Spring Babby as the second best team in the Fetus.
In the Babby Cup, /his/ first faced /lit/ in Group C, where a floundering defense gave up 5 goals before the half. The resolute >HRE refused to give up, however, and proceeded to go on a scoring rampage of 5 goals in 29 minutes. Two miscues from Bismarck and Mosley denied /his/ an equalizer, but the team had turned a 0-5 game into a 5-6 loss.
Scoring was not as plentiful in the match against /o/, where /his/ would be shutout in a 0-1 loss. Fighting to prevent relegation back to the Fetus, /his/ gave it their all against /cm/ for a 3-2 win, cementing a spot in the Autumn Babby Cup.
2016 Autumn Campaign
/his/ kicked off against Seventh Founding compatriot /p/, with >HRE off to a quick start with a goal in the eighth minute. /p/ would score shortly thereafter, and the teams engaged in an intense back-and-forth before >HRE could find the goal again in the thirty-first minute. Confident they would be going into the half with a 2-1 lead, /his/ was stunned when the referee let /p/ play on past extra time, allowing them to equalize and bring the score to 2-2. The goal killed /his/'s momentum for much of the second half, letting /p/ score two unanswered goals. With substitutions, /his/ attempted a late game rally led by a Napoleon goal, but Julius Caesar, once again unable to hide his autism seen in the high-scoring /his/-/lit/ match, threw a saved ball to /p/'s lead attacker, allowing an easy goal. /his/ would be unable to recover, and scored 2 consolation goals to come away with a 4-5 loss.
In the next match /his/ played against /int/, Spurdo Sparde quickly broke though /his/ defense lines and scored at the 7th minute. With /his/torian spirits lowered, the game dragged on with neither of the teams able to score. In the second half, >Holy>Roman>Empire equalized the score. In the end the /int/ players were getting fatigued with Remove Kebab getting a yellow card and Proofs? getting a red card. In the end the game ended in a draw.
The /his/ command has realized that their situation was dire, they needed to win against /wg/ in order to advance or lose and be sent to the Fetus.
The battle against /wg/ began in earnest two days later. The defense held well until the end of the 1st half on the 44th minute, when Cunt Destroyer scored. In the 2nd half the prospects of winning diminished when Cunt Destroyer scored again at the 58th, and already sore wounds were made deeper when Jeff Goldblum scored at the 78 minute to seal the deal.
/his/ ended the Autumn Cup in last place in the group and went to the 2017 4chan Spring Babby Cup Qualifiers.
2017 Spring Campaign
Regaining lost territory
Their first match since being soundly defeated in the Autumn Babby Cup of 2016, /his/ had much to prove against the dastardly gays, /lgbt/. In the first half Bismark showcased his superior Prussian skills by scoring 2 goals at the 21st and 30th minutes. In the second half, the legbutts regained substantial ground, scoring 2 goals. All seemed uncertain until >Holy>Roman>Empire punched through the enemy lines and scored, securing /his/'s first win.
The second match against /wsg/ began in much the same way. In the first half >Holy>Roman>Empire scored a goal early, but after that no advances could be made on the /wsg/ defensive line. In the second half, /his/ held their ground from a series of blazing offensive maneuvers, and in the end the dynamic French duo of >Holy>Roman>Empire and Napoleon took a goal apiece to end the match 3-0, a clean sheet game for /his/.
Morale was running high, and after two successive wins, the team was prepared for the last match against the fa/tg/uys of /tg/. The battle, far from being similar to previous /his/ matches, was absent of any early blitzing scores. /tg/'s defensive line was impervious any kind of attack, and to complicate matters Los Tiburon found and exploited the weakness in /his/ defense, scoring at the 21st minute. The /his/torians pushed hard in the midfield to equalize, but they couldn't break the deadlock until >Holy>Roman>Empire saved /his/ from an unceremonious defeat at the hands of the neckbeards at the 89th minute. The battle ended in a stalemate.
Gaining new ground
/his/ Command was shocked when they were drawn in to fight against the two time Elite cup winner /mlp/, so preparations were made to hold the onslaught. Hay was distributed among the men, as well as little carrots on sticks with which to tempt the horses. The battle started and the /his/torians appeared to be making good on their defensive preparations - this, in conjunction with a piercing goal by >Holy>Roman>Empire scored at the 12th minute, gave the /his/torians the faintest taste of a dream come true.
The line held throughout the majority of the match, with excellent defensive work from both sides leaving the match scoreless until >Holy>Roman>Empire struck again at the 71st minute. The horsefuckers, headed by >Rape, were able to score once, but it wasn't enough - the battle ended with a score of 2-1. /his/'s legionaries had claimed their most glorious scalp yet.
/his/'s next confrontation was against /sci/. The beginning of the match was high-octane, with Vlad the >>implier stamping /his/ onto the scoreboard at the 5th minute. He was joined by >Holy>Roman>Empire in the 45th minute, just a fraction into extra time for the half. On the /sci/ side, Sun of Lava/Ice snuck through the defence time and time again, scoring thrice and shattering both Wallachian and French hopes - however, Bismarck struck once at the 74th minute, bringing the scores even, and when both sides thought the match was to end in a stalemate, the chancellor swept out of nowhere in plus time (90th+5' minute) to score an absolute blooter, proving his tactical genius and sealing the match 4-3.
The third battle was against the cyclist lovers of /n/. There was little to report on the matter - the first half gave no results, with several players seen engaging in earnest debate on the role of trains in warfare. In the second half, the play resumed in earnest as both sides remembered they were here to play some motherfucking virtual divegrass, and the /his/torians fought valiantly to break the defense of /n/. Sadly, they were not able to, a matter bought frighteningly forward by I like Trains, who scored a double-header at the 67th and 74th minutes, with a cap by leading centre-forward Bepsi, who scored at the 82nd minute. In a last ditch attempt, /his/ command ordered a Banzai charge. At the forefront of this attack were Bomber Harris and Anarco-Memeism, who both scored once each - but despite several begging requests to DO IT AGAIN, BOMBER HARRIS, there was not enough fuel in the tank and /his/ was defeated 3-2.
In the Round of 16 the /his/torians were drawn to fight /tg/ again. The match, played on /tg/ home soil, smacked of all the fierceness and resolve that only a clash of D&D and old history-book smell could achieve. The score was reflective of that - and neither the /his/torians nor /tg/ were able to break the line of the other. At the 80th minute, /tg/'s utterly fictional and >neither holy nor Roman Emprah sunk one in for the opening goal of the match. Hopes for a penalty shootout were crushed swiftly by Nicol Bolas, who chimed in with a cheeky 90+'er in extra time. The match ended a 0-2 defeat.
The Spring campaign, despite its untimely end, was considered an overall success - its primary objective of securing the /his/torians their position in the 2017 Summer Cup was achieved. It was to be their first Elite tournament.
2017 Summer Campaign
Prussian Discipline OP; Please nerf Boris
After some concerning results at the end of the Spring Babby cup - their promotion to an elite team notwithstanding - /his/ had some contemplating to do. The Cup Group draw had proven highly unfavourable, with routine heavyweight /asp/ featuring prominently in the group table, in addition to serious contender /s4s/, who were positioned 7th and 16th in team Rankings respectively pre-cup. Comparatively, /his/ was ranked at 42nd. The fourth member of the cup pool, /wg/, was placed at 41st, but the battle-lines were drawn for an arduous contest for /his/ to avoid relegation.
The first skirmish of the campaign began in earnest on the 28th of July against /s4s/. Crocodile, team manager and Generalissimo, had spoken about the necessity for a Blitzkrieg, and this was proven with vigor as the dashing Bismarck blitzed one past the /s4s/ defensive lines at the 7th minute. A narrow ten-and-something-minutes later came the return fire, with Patrick Bateman capitalising after a botched defensive play to score in the 18th. Determined not to be outdone, The Prussian Prince and his >Holy>Roman doubting counterpart joined forces to sink a pair of goals at 22 and 29 minutes that would see /his/ through the majority of the match. A valiant effort by Keksandra for a cheeky 90+'er was not enough to save the match, and a 3-2 victory was joyously received by the /his/torians.
With the weight of the powerful /s4s/ shed came the prospect of a more evenly-matched team: /wg/. What was not observed, however, was the stunning performance of /wg/ in the face of /asp/, where they had prevailed 2-1 over the heavily-weighted pool favourite.
The confrontation against /wg/ took place two days later on the 30th of July, and /his/ made it clear that, much like the Japanese army in Nanjing, they would take no prisoners. Unfortunately the referee was not in agreement, and promptly BTFO Gauled for a harsh foul, exiling the barbarian to the bench. His difference on the field of battle could not have been more apparent, and a man short, Helios of /wg/ slapped an enlighting shot past the Christian Dark Ages at the 20th minute. The attack failed to galvanise the remaining /his/torians into a solid defence, and at the 27th minute Comfy took the one-man disadvantage and turned it into a 2-0 lead. The return of Gauled and a moment of beauty after halftime by >Holy>Roman>Empire could not save the matter, and /his/ lost narrowly 2-1 despite other scoring opportunities.
The situation was now quite clear. With /wg/ winging its way to a clean sweep of the group and /his/ unable to secure a victory against its closest rival, a win against /asp/ would be their only chance to move on in the cup. With time to rest and study tactics between games, the /his/torians took the field on the night of the 5th of August. What followed was a tightly-woven game of solid defense and a few heartstopping moments for /his/. The first half looked scoreless until, in the 42nd minute, sweeper Sir Arthur "Krispy Krauts" Harris bested Save One Leave One to score at the 42nd minute. /asp/ were in shock, and this state of mind persisted through the break - play had barely resumed before the /his/torians struck again, with >Holy>Roman>Empire adding a handful of incendiaries to Harris' Dresden special at the 52nd minute. From thereon out, the /asp/ force descended into shitposting about WWE. Even in the dying moments, the match escalated in brutality, and a card was issued to >airshit in the 82nd minute for a personal foul. When the battle drew to a close, /his/ was the victor, and had achieved the previously unthinkable - they were, unbelievably, on their way to their first elite knockout cup performance in their first elite cup, having triumphed over pool favourites.
/his/ v /u/ - Round of 16
The /his/torians found themselves in the land of forbidden love for their first game in the knockout of Summer 2017 - a showdown versus the /u/nicorns at St. Michael's Academy. As Charlememe and Empire For Sale took the field, they were reputedly overheard by Crocodile discussing whether love could bloom, even on the battlefield.
The fecund fields of St. Michael's proved an apt battleground. Not to be dissuaded by strong defense from Goggles and Onee-sama both, >Holy>Roman>Empire began the match by capitalizing on a lighting /his/ offence, bringing the visitors to a 1-0 lead. The celebration was short lived, and /u/ responded with several hard strikes from Akkarin, but there was nothing past the Great Wall of China until the end of half-time, when attacking midfielder Purest Form of Love put a header into the top left pocket to bring the half to a close. Animosity on the field began to rise out of a dispute over whether Cleopatra was pure or not, and in the 43rd minute Feito-chan was carded after a savage chop at the legs of Diogenes, who merely laughed off all women as whores and told Feito-chan to get the fuck out of his sunlight.
The second half opened in much the same the first had ended - intense, with heavy attacking in the midfield by /u/ quashing /his/ aggression. A second card, this one for Teru Time, was issued over a dangerous personal foul. Excellent attacking play by Akkarin and Purest Form of Love presented repeated challenges to the /his/ defensive line, and Charlememe looked set to stonewall /his/ to another draw, but a tactics switch-up by /u/ in the nearest closing moments of the match was what ultimately wrought a /his/ defeat. At 84 and 87 minutes, Midfielder Black Sunshine and centre-forward Homucifer struck once apiece to bring the score to 3-1. As was custom, divine Emperor Crocodile ordered the banzai charge, and Bomber Harris was the first to man the offense, with a goal in extra time; but no amount of 'kys weebs' could revise this history. The match, and /his/'s summer 2017 season, ended with a 3-2 defeat for /his/.
Match Log
Recent & Upcoming Official Matches
| Date | Opponent | Competition | Result | Scorers | Video |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| July 28, 2017 |  /s4s/
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 2017 4chan Summer Cup - Group C
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3-2 W |  7', 29' Bismarck 22' >Holy>Roman>Empire
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Video |
| July 30, 2017 |  /wg/
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2017 4chan Summer Cup - Group C
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1-2 L | 69' >Holy>Roman>Empire
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Video |
| August 5, 2017 |  /asp/
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2017 4chan Summer Cup - Group C
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2-0 W | 42' Bomber Harris 52' >Holy>Roman>Empire
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Video |
| August 12, 2017 |  /u/
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2017 4chan Summer Cup - Knockouts
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3-2 L | 8' >Holy>Roman>Empire 90+2' Bomber Harris
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Previous Official Matches
| Date | Opponent | Competition | Result | Scorers | Video |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| April 15, 2016 |  /v/
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 2016 Spring Babby Cup Qualifiers - Group B
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4-1 W | >Holy>Roman>Empire 45+1', 56', 73' Bismarck 64'
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| April 16, 2016 |  /co/
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2016 Spring Babby Cup Qualifiers - Group B
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4-1 W | >Holy>Roman>Empire 17', 66' Bismarck 33'Vlad the Implier 36'
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| April 17, 2016 |  /toy/
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2016 Spring Babby Cup Qualifiers - Group B
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1-3 L | >Holy>Roman>Empire 64'
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| May 6, 2016 |  /lit/
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 2016 Spring Babby Cup - Group C
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5-6 L | >Holy>Roman>Empire 44', 45', 49', 54', 73'
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| May 8, 2016 |  /o/
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2016 Spring Babby Cup - Group C
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0-1 L | ||
| May 14, 2016 |  /cm/
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2016 Spring Babby Cup - Group C
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3-2 W | Bismarck 30' >Holy>Roman>Empire 43', 66'
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| October 29, 2016 |  /p/
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 2016 Autumn Babby Cup - Group H
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4-5 L | >Holy>Roman>Empire 8', 31' Napoleon 73'Bismarck 90+4'
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| November 4, 2016 |  /int/
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2016 Autumn Babby Cup - Group H
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1-1 D | >Holy>Roman>Empire 68'
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| November 6, 2016 | /wg/
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2016 Autumn Babby Cup - Group H
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0-3 L | ||
| April 28, 2017 |  /lgbt/
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 2017 Spring Babby Cup Qualifiers - Group A
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3-2 W | Bismarck 21', 30' >Holy >Roman >Empire 68'
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| April 29, 2017 |  /wsg/
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2017 Spring Babby Cup Qualifiers - Group A
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3-0 W | 13', 76' >Holy >Roman >Empire 89' Napoleon
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| April 30, 2017 |  /tg/
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2017 Spring Babby Cup Qualifiers - Group A
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1-1 D | >Holy >Roman >Empire 89'
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| May 12, 2017 |  /mlp/
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 2017 Spring Babby Cup - Group B
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2-1 W | 12', 71' >Holy>Roman>Empire
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Video |
| May 14, 2017 |  /sci/
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2017 Spring Babby Cup - Group B
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4-3 W | Vlad The Implier 5' >Holy>Roman>Empire 45+0' Bismarck 74', 90+5'
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Video |
| May 20, 2017 |  /n/
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2017 Spring Babby Cup - Group B
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2-3 L | 87' Bomber Harris 90+6' Anarcho-Memeism
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Video |
| May 27, 2017 | /tg/
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2017 Spring Babby Cup - Knockouts
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0-2 L | Video |
Unofficial Matches
| Date | Opponent | Competition | Result | Scorers |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| January 30, 2016 |  /trash/
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2016 Winter Cup Unfriendlies | 2-3 L | Rasputin's Dick 21' Bismarck 43'
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| January 7, 2017 |  /vg/
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2017 4chan Winter Cup Friendlies | 1-3 L | Bismarck 30'
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| May 6, 2017 |  /block/
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DrBorisG Challenge | 4-5 L |
Team Statistics
Italics denote retired players
Goalscorers
| Player | Goals | Assists |
|---|---|---|
| >Holy>Roman>Empire | 24 | 3 |
| Bismarck | 9 | 7 |
| Napoleon | 4 | 7 |
| Vlad the Implier | 2 | 3 |
| Mongolian Horse Archer | 0 | 2 |
| Bomber Harris | 1 | 0 |
| Shitposting Cossack | 1 | 0 |
| Lutheran Insults | 0 | 1 |
| Charlememe | 0 | 1 |
| Anarco-Memeism | 1 | 0 |
| Empire for Sale | 0 | 1 |
| Eternal Anglo | 0 | 1 |
| Carl von Clausewitz | 0 | 1 |
Goalkeepers
| Player | Starts | Saves | Clean Sheets |
|---|---|---|---|
| Great Wall of China | 6 | 12 | 0 |
| Julius Caesar | 3 | 5 | 0 |
| Christian Dark Ages | 8 | 17 | 1 |
Records
| Holder | Date | Record | Match |
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 /his/ (Tied)
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May 6, 2016 | Most goals scored in a single match for the losing team with 5. | /his/ 5 - 6 /lit/
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| >Holy>Roman>Empire | May 6, 2016 | Fastest brace, scoring in 44' and 45' (1 minute). | /his/ 5 - 6 /lit/
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| >Holy>Roman>Empire | May 6, 2016 | Fastest hattrick, scoring in 44', 45', and 49' (5 minutes). | /his/ 5 - 6 /lit/
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| >Holy>Roman>Empire | May 6, 2016 | Fastest double brace, scoring in 44', 45', 49', and 54' (10 minutes). | /his/ 5 - 6 /lit/
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| /his/
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July 28, 2017 | Most free kicks awarded to a single team with 10. | /s4s/ 2 - 3 /his/
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Rivalries
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| The Spooker Bowl
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| 0-0-1 |
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| The Edgelord Derby Most people got tired of /pol/'s right-wing shitposting. Based Hiro heard our call and created /his/, where in a (mostly) civil matter, anons discuss history and the humanities. The edgelords of /pol/ are now contained in their conspiratard safe space, free to jerk off to Donald Trump and other wingnuts. What cucks. Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. |
| 0-0-0 |
Gallery
- "Alright, consider me convinced. /his/ is actually a good team."
- — DrBorisG, 2016 Spring Qualifiers
- — DrBorisG, 2016 Spring Qualifiers
L'capitan dribbling up the pitch
Born to feel
>Propoganda following the /his/ vs. /lit/ match
Julius Caesar contemplating his life choices.
Anarco-Memeism scores during the /n/ match.
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