/egg/ Roster

For the main article, visit /egg/.

History

As a team with only a caretaker and a passing interest in tactics, the players themselves are the pride and joy of /egg/ - after all, combined with their goal horns and chants they are the lifeblood of any team. Entering the VGL as 23 Eggman clones with different names, a full revamp once we got our shit together made us (in our humble opinion) one of the most visually unique teams in the game.

Outside of visuals, the roster itself has only had a few relatively minor shake-ups, mainly because the caretaker is a procrastinating piece of shit who takes ages to get anything done. The multitude of games available has lead to a colourful variety of players and various memes impenetrable to the passing viewer (due to the general's history, a fairly large number have always originated from Space Engineers which SOME PEOPLE keep complaining about FUCK you give ideas and just FUCKING VOTE for them if you REALLY want to make a cha[ENTRY REDACTED]). If the Omnissiah decides we aren't advancing this time, we might as well look good going out.

Roster

Starters

The main 11, the guys you'll see first on pitch to get bodied, carded and subbed out.

Name	Number	Origin	Picture	Description
Eggman	1	The Sonic franchise		I've come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, he took his hedgehog fucking quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife and he said his dick was "this big" and I said "that's disgusting". So I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com: Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick, its the size of this walnut except way smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like. That's right baby, all point, no quills, no pillows, look at that it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife so guess what? I'm gonna fuck the Earth. That's right this is what you get, MY SUPER LASER PISS. Except I'm not pissing on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher, I'M PISSING ON THE MOON. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT OBAMA, I PISSED ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drop-el-ets hit the fucking Earth, now get out of my fucking sight, before I piss on you too. The poster boy of mad scientists and engineers everywhere. He's our captain, so for some reason we decided he should be our keeper. Also, he keeps having model issues with his hands whenever changes get made. Still makes saves though.
The Chad Stormworks Player	5	Stormworks	widthpx	Look at this motherfucker. He can make a plane with less material than the average Ikea cabinet that somehow takes off with the acceleration of a rocket booster. Suck it Elon you Apartheid faggot THIS guy's gonna be the first to Mars, and he won't even be using a spacesuit
Jebediah Kerman	10	Kerbal Space Program	widthpx	The absolute madman himself. On 'loan' from /kspg/ (rest in fucking piss) for the foreseeable future, this guy has no sense of fear and an addiction for adrenaline. For most new KSP players he's dead by the third mission though.
Chaos Engine	19	Besiege	widthpx	The nearest thing to harnessing CLANG that's ever been seen. A creation born during the height of /v/'s foray into the mechanics of Besiege consisting of a flaming ball attached to multiple highly unsafe sawblades, this baby can produce enough torque to tear apart any vehicle.
>Physician	6	Robocraft	widthpx	"Dude I don't want to do physics and maths to play this shit, I'm not a fucking physician, I just want to fucking play lego robots. Fuck off with your boring school crap." - Lost child in /rcg/, circa. 2014
Thomasformer	20	Machinecraft	widthpx	All the way from the Isle of Sodor, the brainchild of a tormented soul with a battlehorn by the Vengaboys, give it up for ya boi MOTHERFUCKING THOMASFORMERRRRRRRRRRR
SPIDERTRON	11	Factorio	widthpx	What? The- the robot? How the fuck are we going to make an eight-legged model work?
Mechanically Engineered Autism	21	Factorio	widthpx	It may look like incomprehensible spaghetti to you and its creator, but it runs at 100% efficiency and any changes will probably make it stop working so please don't touch it.
FAILURE	12	Infinifactory	widthpx	The embodiment of an average schmuck who got unwittingly dragged into a position they were clearly not qualified for.
Anatheus Vaya	16	Opus Magnum	widthpx	The autistic alchemist. He just wants to make compounds, kindly stop bothering him and let him continue his work.
CLANG	23	H̺̱͎͎͘E̼͓̩̞͗ͤ̿ ̵̗͖̯͚͇̯̤͊̍C̹̤̎ͫͫ͒O̱͐̓̆̊̄̕M̍̀̋̀ͤ̏ͧ҉̙͖̻E̟͈͕̰͇̼S͔̖	widthpx	You are building your ship, when you begin to hear the distant sound of metal on metal. You cry as the sound creeps closer, for you know what will come. All you can do is pray He does not take you as well.

Bench

The ones who feel their aesthetics are underappreciated because you never see them.

Name	Number	Origin	Picture	Description
EARLY ACCESS SANDBOX GAME	2	Many games	widthpx	Alright, so you're making a game. You've got the physics down. The blocks, items and player models are all up and running. You think the multiplayer might even function! It's time to put it on the store to let people have an early look at your dream child. ...content? What the fuck is 'content'?
Landing Gear On Rotors On Pistons	12	Space Engineers	widthpx	Shaking hands with danger to achieve strange goals during the construction of mining vehicles, combinations of moving parts that are questionably safe at best and deadly at worst.
Nick "Unification" Smart	13	From The Depths	widthpx	Clearly, the best way to improve a game is to remove mechanics by mashing them together into something easier for idiots to comprehend.
aeiou	14	Moonbase Alpha	widthpx	aeiou? aeiou!
>Structural Integrity	15	Many games	widthpx	We get the idea, but it's more of an afterthought when you're going for efficiency.
Turrents	16	Factorio	widthpx	The unsung hero of xenophobic expansionism. Remember to keep them stocked with ammo! Yes that's how it's spelled, stop asking.
John Madden	17	Moonbase Alpha; John Madden Football video game franchise	widthpx	Football!
Square-chan	18	Robocraft	widthpx	Formerly known as Robokek, it was decided that the poster girl for meta-shitpost-shipbuilding should be named for herself rather than the long-dead game she represented. BobDaBiscuit's second most famous creation after Thomasformer (yes, that madman made both of them).
BLUE, HURT	19	video here	widthpx	It's a robot that uses rat neurons to simulate learning pain response. I think that sums it up just fine.
Godforsaken Astronaut	20	This unnerving toy	widthpx	A representative for all the poor bastards lost to unscheduled re-entries and the cold void of space.
DAKKA	21	Warhammer 40k; any game with guns	widthpx	Dis greenboi's gotta lotta gunz, and 'e's not afraid ta use 'em. EVERYFIN' always needs more dakka ya filfy grot.
Gas The Marek	22	Space Engineers; Keen Code House	widthpx	The smug-faced bastard at the root of all (most of?) the stupid decisions behind the clunky mess that is Space Engineers, and other failed experiments like Medieval Engineers and Keen's AI bullshit. Development budget? Nah, spend it on a fucking mansion to use as an office. Either a bumbling idiot or an exit scam genius.

The Dumpster

Players who simply weren't popular enough to keep their slot on the active roster, waiting for their day in the sun once again. For some it probably won't come again because they're dead fucking memes.

There are also a couple who, at the end of the roster polls, got chosen by the Omnissiah to not make it through after they drew with others and also some miscounting shenanigans. It was kind of a clusterfuck honestly

Name	Number	Origin	Picture	Description
RIP SERB	-7st	Space Engineers	widthpx	The utterance of every player when the server inevitably decides it can't handle the strain of whatever batshit, CPU-consuming creations are being built within its confines. Survived the last roster poll for a fleeting second, until we were reminded that Eggman had been designated as always being on the team so we'd miscounted how many could be voted in. Subsequently, the Omnissiah said "lolno" and pushed him off the bottom of the list.
SHINY AND CHROME	-6rd	All games with SPEED	widthpx	A warcry of all those who wish to be WITNESSED as their mortal bodies succumb to the forces of high-speed shenanigans.
M1 Bradley	-5st	Real life & Pentagon Wars	widthpx	The unholy mish-mash bastard child of higher-ups meddling with the design of what was ostensibly a troop carrier (now an amphibious masterpiece of a 10+-foot-high scout vehicle with infantry weapon portholes, an AA cannon, anti-tank missiles, a budget of $14 billion, over a decade of development... and no room for carrying troops).
Satisfactory	-4rd	The player character (...from Satisfactory)	widthpx	Voted in as good enough for a new player suggestion yet voted out in the final poll for not being /egg/ enough. Kind of like the game, really.
Lemonhulk	-3st	The ol' beauty of the Spengies colonisation era	widthpx	Space hulk: a term describing a vast, asymmetrical spaceship created from the bodies of smaller, derelict ships both functioning and otherwise grafted onto one another. Ugly, yet unbelievably beautiful. Created back when /seg/ and /svgg/-goers still flew the Warbros banner, her form was purely for function in raids against the unwitting Argentinian denizens of some public server they descended on to colonise for their own. The lemon-coated creation was tragically from an era before any of us considered saving her as a blueprint for future generations. As such, her glorious figure was never able to be truly represented on the pitch.
KEEEEEEEEN	-2st	Space Engineers	widthpx	The exasperated call of an engie suffering from the shitty Keencode in a game that could have been so much more. For correct enunciation, think Kirk.
BLANEDS	-1rdn't	Space Engineers	widthpx	Planets got added after years of delays, and they were as mediocre as people should have expected. Got the least votes by far in popularity polls. Shit mechanic, dead meme.