[Presents Roster of /aog/]
Goalkeepers
| No.
|
Name
|
Position
|
Picture
|
Description
|
| 1
|
*BLOCKS IT*
|
|
|
When your co-attorney saves your life from death. Thank you Holmes.
|
| 99
|
Gloves
|
|
|
So your defendant has their prints all over the murder weapon; then how did the witness kill him? Why, gloves of course!
Edible gloves, fingerless gloves, makeshift gloves made of ripped clothing, goalkeeper gloves, whatever works!
|
Starting Roster
| No.
|
Name
|
Position
|
Picture
|
Description
|
| 8
|
OPEN and SHUT
|
|
|
A phrase used by the prosecution and detective whenever possible, showing how open and shut the case against the defendant is. Often done by all three prosecutors in synchronized fashion during their opening statement.
Why even bother defending when we know it's already OPEN and SHUT
|
| 3
|
((case?))
|
|
|
A Barnham player who keeps barging in mid-case and asking if there's a ((case?))
|
| 88
|
*rips up evidence*
|
|
|
Decisive evidence against you? Not anymore, just rip it up! It's irrelevant, not admissible in court anyway! You have to find out the correct solution, you see. Damon Gant is often the cul- *rips up description*
*rips up roster*
*rips up offense*
|
| 32
|
32 Non-Lethal Stab Wounds
|
|
|
An autopsy detail of a lost-in-time case in which the body received 32 non-lethal gunshot wounds somehow, which then transferred to 32 non-lethal stab wounds in a case where a clone of Klavier was stabbed by a knife-loving Vera. The court eventually ignored the 32 stab wounds in favor of saying they were killed via poison instead, cause fuck trying to explain any of that.
|
| 18
|
I have a theory
|
|
|
When you hear this phrase, prepare for the ride of your life either ending in disaster, or poorly constructed bullshit that sounds nice and earns a victory.
|
| 88
|
Do you think im imcompetent?
|
|
|
Yes.
|
| 13
|
THAT CARD
|
|
|
"WAIT A MINUTE" Meme evidence that has confused attorneys in all sorts of cases, it's an ultra rare limited edition Steel Samurai platinum card called "Jammin' Ninja!" No one knows the true purpose of that card. A true wildcard on the field.
|
| 39
|
Asspulls
|
|
|
[Presents Asspull]
Necessary for any lawyer, asspulls are the lifeblood of /aog/, turning cases from shit to great, and vice versa. The power of the asspull is immense and can win a case with your back against THE WALL, or can open and shut your case. Asspull wisely.
|
| 5
|
>Greg 
|
|
|
The man, the myth, the meme. Legendary autist known to inflict the curse of massive stupidity as well as a desire to ask bizarre questions and create even more bizarre theories on all who play as him. The man exists on a level beyond mortal comprehension, and can not be figured out.
As the true Ace Attorney, Gregory Edgeworth will do his best to tip his fedora and the ball into the goal with some asspulls to assist. Although >implying the curse won't continue and Greg won't choke in the end
|
| 42
|
WE ARE LAWYER
|
|
|
A famous case called "The Turnabout", that started simply where Larry Butz tried to prank Satan ending in murder. Then the court ends up actually summoning Satan herself in Hell, God revealing himself to be Larry in Heaven, and ends with Apollo cross-examining God in Limbo and realizing
WE ARE LAWYER, WE SHOULD CHOOSE OUR PATH FOR OURSELVES TO FIND THE TRUTH, FREE OF ANY BEINGS ABOVE US
|
Substitutes
| No.
|
Name
|
Position
|
Picture
|
Description
|
| 11
|
QUALITY rips
|
|
|
There's good rips, and then there's QUALITY rips with shit animation, such as Qualityquill, an abhorrent abomination infamous for its shitposts. Most known for Qualityquill's hawk Taka who has incredible QUALITY and surpasses the imaginations of everyone wondering what the fuck is that brown piece of shit.
|
| 6
|
((see it?))
|
|
|
(((see it?))) ((((((do you see the contradiction?)))))) (((((((((((((((I can see the contradiction but can you see the contradiction???))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((it's so obvious cmon))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
|
| 19
|
19 Years of FUCKING Perfection
|
|
|
"i dont play to lose..." *tips*
Autism is not an uncommon sight in Attorney Online, at all really. But one must truly have a high IQ to appreciate an autistic sperg-out after ""losing"" by a 19 year(s of FUCKING perfection) old. Getting so mad over a game where the point is to make an enticing story, not win. RIP Hazama
|
| 2
|
H U T C H
|
|
|
I mean, his name is Hutch. What more do you want me to say?
|
| 29
|
THE WALL
|
|
|
Power Anal Lana (PAL), Valant Gramarye, Gant *rips evidence*, Maya Fey; all these infamous walls have tortured DA's.
When you're 12 contradictions in and the witness still isn't breaking down, you know that you found THE WALL.
|
| 17
|
"omit"
|
|
|
you said problem ? just omit. fixed. talked shit ? avoid penalty with omit
|
| 12
|
Turkey, a favorite of mine
|
|
|
An infamous 51 line testimony by a witness that took hours to complete before both the defense and the prosecution broke down into tears trying to cross-examine this monstrosity. It was spent mostly on all the details of his life during that day of the murder. Really has to be seen to be believed.
|
| 15
|
WHO IS THIS HANDSOME MAN?
|
|
|
Some have heard rumors about this man, but none know his mysterious origins. For certain he's not Asougi Kazuma though, that would be a spoiler if it was.
|
| 0
|
JUST A PRANK, BRO
|
|
|
HAHA, THIS WHOLE MURDER WAS JUST A PRANK! GOTCHA, BRO!
|
| 33
|
IT'S ME, AUSTIN
|
|
|
Starting your first testimony as witness with the title "IT'S ME AUSTIN"... Nah, innocent.
YOU ALL BOUGHT IT. HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER.
|
| 33
|
Adachi - The Egocentric Police Dick.mp3
|
|
|
Adachi changed the music to Adachi - The Egocentric Police Dick.mp3
When there's an Adachi on the case, detective, witness, prosecution or otherwise, he did the murder. 100% guaranteed guilt. And then he'll shoot everyone in the courtroom when he gets found out and cause a gunfight as he plays his music, spamming sounds like his laugh all the while. A dangerous madman to watch-out for.
|
Former Players
| No.
|
Name
|
Position
|
Picture
|
Description
|
| 15
|
WE GIVE UP
|
|
|
Sometimes the case is too hard. The prosecution is overbearing, the witness is a wall, the Judge is biased towards the prosecution, too much evidence against your defendant, you suck shit at finding contradictions... Sometimes it's good to just admit defeat and say "WE GIVE UP", just like in my Ace Attorney games.
Fired for promoting nihilism in a virtual lawyer simulator's virtual divegrass team.
|
| 6
|
"oh no"
|
|
|
Characteristic words of the (former) administrator of /aog/'s server, whose achievements include: accidentally shutting off the server before going to bed, banning himself multiple times, 17 botched updates, 3 botched hotfixes, and adding a gilvasunner Flintstones remix to the server without knowing. Shine on, you crazy Brazilian.
Retired after the stress of administrating a French server filled with Americans all the way from Brazil.
|
| 14
|
A Server of Baguettes and Frog Legs
|
|
|
>french servers
>can't even properly work for a shitty game of Ace Attorney Online
Literally made out of baguettes and cheese.
Sent to the trash heap because French servers are utter garbage and should be eliminated.
|
| 2
|
Great job, Payne
|
|
|
Great job, Payne.
Retired for doing a great job, Payne.
|
| 17
|
BURGER GREASE
|
|
|
Released in the morning once everyone suddenly realized Burger Grease really doesn't cover fingerprints, you fucking moron.
|
| 11
|
FEEN
|
|
|
FEEN the MEME attorney
Sacked cause he fucked up too many cases to be useful, and wasn't as entertaining as court jester >Greg.
|
| 3
|
TIMELINES
|
|
|
HOLD IT! Witness, what time is it when you witnessed the murder?
"I-I was in shock! I didn't check."
Ok. What time did you get to the scene of the crime? When did you call the police? When did you brush your teeth that morning of the murder? What year was it when you killed the victim? When did you decide to commit the crime? What time did you frame my defendant? When will the trial end? When am I getting a contradiction from timelines? All of this in a timeline, please.
Fired for being an annoying shit. Seriously, fuck the concept of time, timeless case when?
|
| 11
|
Ear Elephant
|
|
|
Nice "theory"... But that's simply... IRRELEVANT.
Fired for not being a real elephant.
|
| 6
|
Verdict pls
|
|
|
The Verdictfag prosecution's hungry plea to the Judge after the very first witness. Sometimes stated by the defense after only finding one contradiction.
Fired for being the same as OPEN and SHUT, who needs it?
|
| 14
|
>Sequel Cases
|
|
|
>implying sequels to finished cases ever work
Don't even mention all those Lesbian Slumber Party cases, they're all shit.
Fired for being a shitty sequel to a shitty case in the first place.
|
| 19
|
Circlecliquejerk Conspiracy
|
|
|
The resident boogeyman of /aog/. THE NAMEFAGS ARE ALL OUT TO GET US, MAN!
Kicked out for being a shitty conspiracy. We all know circlejerks don't exist! (except for the discord group)
|
| 4
|
Bantz
|
|
|
If you can't handle the bantz, then you probably have no chance. It's also well-known that the support-attorneys for both benches are only useful for banter, otherwise they are USELESS.
Fired for too much bantz, the /vg/ league can't handle it.
|
| 12
|
Blue Ruby
|
|
|
An exceedingly rare jewel found by a detective at a crime scene in one case. When asked about the jewel, the detective insisted that it was a ruby with a blue hue, and has since been found in many other cases as meme evidence.
Fired for being impossible. Seriously, a blue fucking ruby?
|
