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/gfg/ History
VGL11
VGL11 was /gfg/'s /vg/ League debut. Drawn into Group G along with /2hug/, VGL First Founders /twg/, and perennial powerhouse /drg/, there was no clear path out of the Group Stage for the brainlets.
Group Stage Week 1: /gfg vs /twg/
/gfg/’s debut was a surprisingly close match with /twg/ that saw the brainlets triumph 3-2 over the manlets thanks to an early opening goal by $1 Slut, a brace from WA at 31' and 60', and 7 saves from keeper Sleepo Beepo. The army of brainlets in the chat and an impressive showing on the pitch made for an entertaining match and set the stage for /gfg/'s explosion onto the divegrass scene. Between weeks 1 and 2 a replay of the match made its way onto imageboards in both Taiwan and mainland China. Intrigued, the chink hordes pushed the replay of /gfg/’s triumph to over 3,000 views by week 2 and /gfg/ was officially on the map.
Group Stage Week 2: /gfg/ vs /2hug/
Week 2's match against /2hug/ began inauspiciously for /gfg/ as School Shooter received a yellow card from referee Dylan Klebold after just 9 minutes of play. However, that card would be the end of /gfg/'s bad luck as 10 minutes later Sopdog scored a spaghetti goal while the stream was ded. A Sopdog header at 45'+1 meant the brainlets took a 2-0 lead into the halftime interval. The break didn't disrupt /gfg/'s momentum and at 52' Sopdog completed her first hat trick in style with a flying kick. ALL YOU NEED also got involved with an 88' top shelf snipe from well outside the box giving /gfg/ a 4-0 lead. A 90'+ concession by Brainlet Uzi meant the tally was 4-1 for /gfg/ at the full time whistle. This match set the new VGL record for highest attendance at 525 and the Chinese Government had absolutely nothing to do with it. /gfg/ put on a dominating offensive performance with 7-of-7 shots on-target. Confidence was at an all-time high for the brainlets leading into the final week of group play. 6 points in the group and a 4 goal differential meant that topping the group and qualifying into the Ro16 seemed all but assured with /drg/ needing to win by 3 to top the group and 5 to eliminate /gfg/.
Group Stage Week 3: /gfg/ vs /drg/
Disaster struck early in week 3 for the brainlets as bronze midfielder ALL YOU NEED earned herself a controversial straight red card from >Greg a mere 8 minutes into the match against /drg/ for her sliding tackle of /drg/'s SEESAW EFFECT. Down a medal and suddenly filled with DESPAIR, Sleepo Beepo immediately gave up goals to HOPE and MEAT ON THE BONE and with 70 minutes still to play /gfg/ found itself down by 2, 1 conceded goal from going to the Survival Round and 3 from being eliminated entirely. /gfg/ live manager julmer then had streamer QD position the ghostly spirit of the red-carded ALL YOU NEED in goal next to Sleepo Beepo for the remainder of the match, in order to keep her awake. Immediately afterwards, Beepo seemed to understand the message and pulled off a one-handed miracle save that got the team back on their feet. After a positively ASS-CLENCHING 70 minutes of defensive play, the full time whistle blew and /gfg/ had stopped the bleeding at 2-0 holding on to a group-topping qualification into the Round of 16.
Although the brainlets were elated about making the Ro16, their failure to win or hold /drg/ to 1 goal or fewer meant the end of VGL11 for the cute tsunderes of /2hug/ due to complicated big brain group stage fuckery that was absolutely definitely not rigged. The brainlets of /gfg/ vowed to seek vengeance and push onward in rembrence of /2hug/. They entered the Ro16 with a renewed sense of purpose, and it was at this moment that they finally realized what they were fighting for.
Round of 16: /gfg/ vs /gsg/
In the Round of 16, /gfg/ drew another VGL First Founder in the form of /gsg/. Despite being down a medal (the renamed Punished 416, formerly ALL YOU NEED), /gfg/ returned to form with goals at 23' and 57' for a Sopdog brace, Brainlet UZI's first (and only) save of the tournament and 100% shot efficiency to send the brainlets into the quarterfinals on a 2-0 win over the big brain grand strategists. After a bittersweet transition into the knockout stages, a decisive victory in the Round of 16 was exactly what the brainlets needed to regain confidence in their team.
However, that elation quickly turned to dread for /gfg/ as the bracket revealed that an undefeated juggernaut of unadulterated Autism awaited them in the quarter-finals...
Quarter-Finals: /gfg/ vs /mcg/
The quarters saw /gfg/ facing 9 point group-topper and overall #1 seed /mcg/. Having databased VGLX Champions /vrg/ in the Ro16, /mcg/ looked poised to run the table. Leading into the quarter-final, /mcg/ were not only undefeated, but had spent a grand total of 5 minutes in a losing position across 4 matches. Even the most optimistic of brainlet supporters felt that this game was likely the end of a surprising rookie campaign. In a shocking turn of events /gfg/ leapt out to a 2-0 lead early over the blockheads with WAR GOD putting up a brace before the 30' mark. However, in the second half 2-0 once again proved itself to be the most dangerous lead as /mcg/'s M.A.W.P.C. put up a brace of their own. With the match knotted at 2 all after 90', the brainlets and autists headed into eggsdra dime. After 90 minutes of running double memenpress, the /gfg/ midfield was gassed and the situation seemed dire for the brainlets. In a move that completely defied all conventional PES managing wisdom, /gfg/ manager julmer deployed Girls' Frontline corpse-dragging tactics and subbed out 2 gassed medals (School Shooter and Punished 416, both bronze) in favor of fresh non-medals HOMETE and Kryuger. Needless to say some were skeptical of this move. To the stunned amazement of all in attendance, this galaxy brain tactic resulted in a 97' goal by WAR GOD from HOMETE to complete her hat trick only to watch M.A.W.P.C. complete their hat trick 8 minutes later on a 105'+ heartbreaker. Despite this, all was not lost, and in the second half the unprecedented tactic paid off once again in the form of a 107' goal by WA from Kryuger. /mcg/ was unable to equalize and the final result was a 4-3 win for /gfg/ in eggsdra dime. At long last Autism was no longer speaking. This result sent /gfg/ through to the semi-finals and guaranteed a medal representative on /vg/’s 2019 Winter Cup roster.
Semi-Finals: /gfg/ vs /dbg/
In the semi-finals, /gfg/ faced /dbg/ in a battle of chinks v. Mexicans . What followed was 90 minutes of extremely tense divegrass with both sides getting 3 on-target shots and 4 saves by their respective keepers, but at full time the teams were drawn at nil. /gfg/ laid it all on the line in the first period of eggsdra dime and got 2 more on-target shots, but 2 more saves from /dbg/’s Thanks Doc meant that the score was still nil-nil heading into the 2nd half of eggsdra dime. Taking advantage of a gassed /gfg/ midfield and defense, /dbg/'s Gogeta Da was finally able to sneak a shot past Sleepo Beepo and eventual VGL11 champions /dbg/ prevailed over the brainlets 1-0 bringing an end to /gfg/'s Cinderella story.
Third Place Match: /gfg/ vs /civ4xg/
The third place match against /civ4xg/ was a very efficient showing once again from the /gfg/ offense with 7-of-8 shots on-target including a Sopdog brace, but the defense and goalkeeping was simply not at the level it had been all tournament with keeper Sleepo Beepo falling into a deep sleep and conceding 6 goals. Having narrowly avoided getting Brazil'd, the 6-2 loss was a sour note to end the campaign on for the brainlets, but a 4th place overall showing in their VGL debut assured that Sopdog would take the pitch as a bronze medal for /vg/. Not bad for a bunch of 01IQ brainlets.
*ROUNDABOUT STARTS PLAYING*
With the disgusting botefuckers of /alg/ nearly spooning VGL11 and failing to advance from their group, /gfg/ and /alg/ will look to ignite a fierce rivalry on January 19th-27th 2019 during MobaBowl in a match that will assuredly not only prove that PES is a game of skill, but finally decide which is the best Chinese gachashit mobage about girls that also happen to be moe anthropomorphized military equipment.
Nevermind /alg/ fuckin died after VGL11 and so it seems that the rivalry is on hold indefinitely. Please come back /alg/, we love you.
2019 Big Team Brawl
The 2019 Big Team Brawl was an invitational "organized" and "streamed" by Andy with the purpose of bringing the biggest possible markets in the 4CC together and of course having >fun. To help ease the disappointment of losing a medal spot on the /vg/ team, /vg/ management decided to make Sopdog the gold medal striker for this tournament. For the fans of /gfg/ this meant Sopdog would be going toe to toe as a gold medal for /vg/ against such 4CC titans as /m/, /pol/, and /sp/.
/vg/ was drawn into Group B along with /r9k/, /m/, and /pol/
Group Stage Match 1: /vg/ vs /r9k/
Sopdog and the Generals opened up the group stage against the Neckbears of /r9k/ and immediately there was a big problem. The tournament had already been plagued with various technical issues and when Sopdog took the pitch it became apparent that those issues would persist. Although Sopdog's name and player attributes had been swapped into the gold medal position, she was inhabiting the body of /dbg/'s Gogeta Da. Gogeta Da likewise had possessed the body of Sopdog in the bronze CMF position. Unfortunately the adjustment period that they needed to adapt to their new bodies meant that /r9k/ jumped out to an early 1-0 lead. The halftime interval came and went with Gogeta Dog, Sopgeta, and /vg/ appearing listless. 77 long minutes passed with /vg/ remaining scoreless, but just as it appeared that /vg/ would open the group stage with a loss and zero points, Sopdog in the body of Gogeta Da sent a cross into the box for Gogeta Da in the body of Sopdog who buried it deep into /r9k/'s goal to equalize at 1 all. After seeing her comrade score in her body, Sopdog was determined to harness the power of her new Super Saiyan Blue form and not let her team down. Her first attempt was a KAPOW off the /r9k/ post and out of bounds at 80'. With time winding down and /vg/ 3 minutes away from a Game 1 draw, Gogeta Da popped it forward over the head of a defender and right to Sopdog who scored her first (unofficial) goal for /vg/ in style at 88'. With 3 minutes left and no time to mount a counter attack, the forever alone kissless handholdless virgins of /r9k/ could only watch in muted horror as even a gynoid sex robot thoroughly rejected them. For the time being the beta uprising had been quelled and /vg/ would take 3 crucial points into the next day of group play.
Group Stage Match 2: /vg/ vs /m/
Despite some significant technical difficulties, BTB Day 2 kicked off with Sopdog and /vg/ taking on the mecha menace /m/. Although Sopdog and Gogeta Da had returned to their original bodies, the bond of friendship they forged during Game 1 was eternal. The match kicked off and /vg/ immediately looked promising with VGL11 Golden Boot winner APEX netting one at 19' to put /vg/ on top 1-0. The auspicious start would continue for /vg/ as Sopdog assisted Chinese Ninja Warrior on a 27th minute goal to extend the lead to 2-0. After an early offensive assault by the Generals, both teams settled into the match and the lead held through the halfway mark and into the second half. As abruptly as the action ended at 27' so too did it begin again with a counter from /m/ with Ideon sneaking one past the back line and in at 61' to cut /vg/'s lead to 2-1. As if wishing to snuff out any hope of /m/omentum in the mech's favor, Gogeta Da assisted a Chinese Ninja Warrior brace goal at 80' and returned the /vg/ margin to 2 with 10 minutes remaining. /m/ wasn't done and an 87' goal by Mazinger Z put /m/ back within striking distance and a pair of dangerous tries by Mazinger at 89' had /vg/ fans on edge, but ultimately the defense held and /vg/ once again took the day on a 3-2 scoreline. This win put /vg/ and /pol/ at the top of the group leading into the final match of group play.
Group Stage Match 3: /vg/ vs /pol/
In the last match of group play officially there was very little at stake with both /vg/ and /pol/ having qualified out of the the group stage and earned the right to play more divegrass. Despite the promotions being set there was still plenty to play for. This was to be the first time that /vg/ played /pol/. Ever. Finally the world would have an answer about which tournament is better, /vg/ league or /pol/eague. This match was also a preview of Stupor Cup 6 which will take place on February 10th, 2019. For /gfg/ however, the match had one more added layer of significance as Sopdog and /vg/ would be battling the militant nation of /pol/ to defend the honor of darling Israel-chan. Leading into the match /pol/ was sitting on 6 points after a tightly contested first match with /m/ followed by an absolute 4-1 gassing disassembling of the /r9k/ robots. /pol/ were strong, muscular, Aryan and looked poised to snag a third win and prove they were part of the 9 Point Mustard Race. With the stage set and all rigging completed, this highly anticipated clash of the 4CC titans was set to begin. The match started with each side getting a few chances, but being unable to break through. Then at 36' /pol/'s I Doubt It flipped Sopdog's switch and earned himself a yellow card in the process. This turned out to be a fatal error for /pol/ as Sopdog had been let out and at 62' she broke away from Assad and with only the keeper to beat she punched it in and did a celebratory flip in the High Castle. Not content to rest on a 1 goal lead, Sopdog sent a pass forward to Chinese Ninja Warrior who put it in with an acrobatic slide. Suddenly it was 2 nil and >we were laughing at them. Even after going to meme +2 mentalities the /pol/ attack looked absolutely lifeless and when the final whistle blew /vg/ had triumphed 2-0 while /pol/ finished with no shots on target. Having thoroughly dabbed on /pol/tards, proved the supremacy of the /vg/ league, and defended the honor of (((Negev))), /vg/'s next match in the Semi-Finals would see them meet a familiar opponent.....
Semi-Final Match: /vg/ vs /sp/
/vg/ would kick off the final day of the Big Team Brawl in a major way with a match against the /sp/artans. This was the first meeting between these teams since the 2018 4CC Summer Cup Final where /vg/ took home a 3-1 victory and the Elite Cup. However this is a new year, a new /vg/ squad, but same high expectations of a win against /sp/. The match started with a gutpunch by the GOATs as USAUSAUSA slipped one past /vg/ keeper Jannu and put /sp/ up 1-0 at 11'. /sp/'s lead would be short lived however as a beautiful ball in from Somehow I'm The Bad Guy allowed Chinese Ninja Warrior to equalize for /vg/ on a 23' flying header. Unlike in the summer, /sp/ was not prepared to roll over and die on only 1 goal. After a misplayed clearance by Eroha, Torres passed back to It's Coming Home who sent a blistering shot past Jannu from outside the box and /sp/ regained their 1 goal lead and the score was 2-1 at 34'. Unfortunately for /sp/ this lead would be even shorter lived as on the very next /vg/ attack Gogeta Da was fouled just outside the box on the far side. Chinese Ninja Warrior lined up the take the free kick. He delivered a beautiful cross in to Sopdog who was waiting at the mouth of the goal to head it in and equalize at 36'. After a celebratory embrace with Chinese Ninja Warrior and Gogeta Da, Sopdog looked ready to lead the /vg/ team into the halftime interval drawn at 2, but carrying momentum and high spirits. However, the first half wasn't done quite yet dear reader for at 44' a crime was committed in the /sp/ box. Era Penal. Somehow I'm The Bad Guy was brutally taken down in the box and with a minute plus stoppage til halftime /vg/ had a chance to take a 1 goal lead into the locker room. The hopes of /vg/ now rested on the foot of Chinese Ninja Warrior who stepped up to take the PK. Reliable as ever, his kick was strong and his aim was true and surely this meant /vg/ would carry a 1 goal lead into halftime, right? Actually no, because if you can believe it the first half had one more twist up its sleeve for these teams. As the clock rolled past 45' and into stoppage time something magical was happening. A /vg/ attack was materializing and at 45+3' Sopdog passed backwards to APEX outside the /sp/ box and using GaChad meme magic, APEX sent an absolute laser right to the near post and into /sp/'s goal. The VGL11 Golden Boot winner had delivered once again and when the halftime whistle blew /vg/ had a 4-2 lead and all the momentum in the world.
After the half and /sp/'s subs at 65' their attack looked significantly more lively. A pair of clutch saves at 69' from keeper Jannu kept /sp/ at bay for as long as possible, but at 74' the /vg/ defense finally broke and Torres was able to cut the lead to 1 with a far post screamer off the USAUSAUSA throughball. With the match and a trip to the Final now in question, /sp/ had the momentum with 15 minutes to play. Another Torres breakaway had /vg/ fans sweating and the match was beginning to look like a run out the clock situation, but that didn't mean /vg/ would be parking the bus, oh no. In fact the Generals began a relentless attack starting with a Sopdog throughball to Chinese Ninja Warrior whose shot was deflected out for a corner at 86'. Sopdog took the corner and tried to find Connection Lost, but it was deflected out by /sp/ for another corner at 87'. Sopdog took the corner again and at 88' she finally found her connection with Connection Lost who put the header in to seal the game and a trip to the Final for /vg/. After one final save by Jannu the refs called full time and with a final scoreline of 5-3, /vg/ had dominated /sp/ once again.
Big Team Brawl Final: /vg/ vs /tv/
It had been a long road full of ups and downs, memes and screams but it was finally time. The Final match to decide the Champion of the Inaugural Big Team Brawl would see /vg/ taking on the only other undefeated team in the tournament: the fa/tv/irgins of /tv/. /tv/'s road to the Big Team Brawl Final included a group stage tie with /sp/, 1 goal wins against /int/ and /mlp/, and a Semifinal with /pol/ that required >simulated Eggsdra Dime to decide in /tv/'s favor. To this point in the tournament /vg/ had scored the most goals at 12 while /tv/ had surrendered the fewest with only 3. This match would see the unstoppable force of /vg/'s offensive firepower meet the immovable object of /tv/'s stout and stingy defense with all the glory on the line.
The first half was an absolute semen slurpfest with the defense of /tv/'s 5-2-1-2 absorbing and neutralizing any kind of attack that /vg/ attempted to mount. The /tv/ attack was also having difficulty developing, but they managed to get a shot on-target which was saved by Jannu and at halftime this highly anticipated match had produced fucking nothing. Halftime changes revealed that /tv/ had been RIGGED for the entire first half. Having unrigged /tv/ and with /vg/ leaving their tactics unchanged, the second half was ready to kick off.
The final half of the tournament began with fans of each team waiting anxiously, each hoping their squad would be the one to break through. The halftime unrigging must have had some effect because shortly after kickoff /tv/'s FOR YOU sent a pass back to Sheev who sent a far-post strike past Jannu and /tv/ broke the scoring drought at 52' to take a 1-0 lead. With the seal broken, it didn't take /vg/ long to get in on the action and at 60' Chinese Ninja Warrior equalized after putting his head on a beautiful ball in from >99% Chance to Hit. The concession defensive changes for /tv/ proved ineffective as on the very next /vg/ attack Gogeta Da hit paydirt on service from Somehow I'm The Bad Guy and at 64' /vg/ was on top 2-1. Perhaps frustrated by her inability to get in on the /vg/ attack, Sopdog killed a guy at 82'. With /tv/ squandering opportunities to equalize at 75' and 85' this match was shaping up to be an ass-clenchingly narrow /vg/ win. Then, on the final attack of the game, Gogeta Da passed forward to Sopdog in the box who passed to Somehow I'm The Bad Guy who sent a 90+3' dagger into the heart of /tv/. The final whistle sounded and the Generals had done it! A 3-1 win in the Big Team Brawl Final meant that /vg/ had achieved total victory going undefeated in tournament play. Sopdog had not only lived out her dream of leading /vg/ to victory, but she took home some sweet hardware in the process. Good dog.
MobaBowl 2019
MobaBowl 2019 was an invitational streamed by The Bird and Kekkels !!KBflQpd28OQ in a tournament to crown the King of Mobage. The tournament was run in double elimination style and would be an entirely new experience for /gfg/ as livemanaging was not allowed and all pregame setup and changes would be made based on Pastebin instructions prepared before the game.
First Round: /pmmm/ vs /gfg/
The brainlets' would open up MobaBowl 2019 on the road against the magical lesbians of /pmmm/. After a bit of back and forth, WA opened up the scoring at 24' and slipped a WAR GOD assist past the keeper to put /gfg/ in front 1-0. 7 minutes later, after yet another failed attempt by School Shooter Sopdog cleaned up from inside the box off the deflection from the keeper to put /gfg/ up 2-0 at 31’. A few more chances before halftime lead to nothing and the margin was still 2 heading into the second half.
The match was far from over and at 53’ the /pmmm/ attack broke through with a beautiful shot by Eroha placed just out of Sleepo Beepo’s reach and suddenly it was 2-1 with /pmmm/ now carrying the momentum. However, after the goal the /gfg/ offense struck back hard keeping the ball at /pmmm/’s end and at 65’ a War God strike just inside the near post put the gungirls back on top 3-1 with 25 to play. The megucas weren’t ready to die yet and immediately after the 65’ subs Madoka Senpai nearly converted a dangerous Eroha throughball, but it was swallowed up by Sleepo Beepo. From that point on the /gfg/ defense was uncharacteristically stifling and, despite an on-target shot from Madoka Senpai in the dying moments, the brainlet third remained mostly clear. The final score was 3-1 advancing /gfg/ to the winner’s quarterfinal.
Quarter-Finals: /fgoalter/ vs /gfg/
Fresh off of the previous day’s success against /pmmm/, hopes and spirits were high for a brainlet triumph over /fgoalter/. The big market was confirmed as 350 Chinese gunfuckers and Nip-illiterate Fateshitters packed in to see who would advance to the winner semis and who would have to continue in the loser’s bracket. Player conditions were revealed and that was the first sign of trouble for /gfg/. The condition draw was quite unfavorable and the brainlets would have to play the match no red conditioned players and only 3 yellows, but the show must go on.
The match started and immediately /fgoalter/ put together an attack requiring a Sleepo Beepo save at 2’. This really set the tone for the entire match with Sleepo Beepo saving again at 6’. /gfg/ simply couldn’t get the ball to the attacking third and by 8’ Sleepo Beepo already had 3 saves. Beepo again stifled the alter attack at 16’, but at this point it seemed only a matter of time before the attack would break through. That moment would come at 17’ by Curse the Grail off the deflection of yet another Sleepo Beepo save and /fgoalter/ pulled in front 1-0. Another save at 21’ brought Beepo’s total to 5, but despite her effort /gfg/ simply wasn’t winning the ball in the midfield and the alter attack was relentless. At the halftime whistle the biggest surprise of the match was that the margin was only 1. /fgoalter/ had managed to put together the perfect recipe for a blowout: a dangerous attack and a stingy defense. The stats at halftime reflected the margin between these sides much better than the score did with /alter/ putting 6 of their 7 shots on-targets and requiring Beepo to make 5 saves. /gfg/ meanwhile had put 2 of 3 shots on target with both being saved by keeper Jannu.
The second half brought tactical changes, but the results on the pitch remained largely the same. /gfg/ was unable to win balls in the midfield allowing /fgoalter/ to continue attacking even after saves and clearances. By the time substitutions were made at 65’ Sleepo Beepo had 8 saves, but despite how lopsided the match had felt to that point /gfg/ was still only 1 goal from equalizing thanks to her incredible effort between the posts. After subs at 65’ what seemed inevitable became reality as Curse the Grail buried a shot from outside the box to put /fgoalter/ up 2-0 at 68’. As if to drive home the futility of /gfg/’s attack, their secret weapon the Jupiter Cannon debuted and immediately sent a shot wide left. The shot seemed to spur the /gfg/ offense though and on the next attack WA had a great opportunity, but sent the shot directly into the waiting arms of Jannu. A weak header from Sopdog at 88’ requiring a Jannu save spelled the end of the /gfg/ attack. Adding insult to injury, /fgoalter/ then put in 2 demoralizing 90+’ goals and mercifully the match ended on a decisive 4-0 scoreline. To have any hope at winning MobaBowl, the brainlets would now have to win their way to the Grand Final out of the loser’s bracket.
Needless to say it was simply not /gfg/’s day and the match was certainly one to forget, but the brainlets were determined not to go down without a fight. Although the painful loss would linger into the coming week, it would serve as motivation heading into loser’s bracket play.
Loser's Round 2: /gfg/ vs /@/
After a week’s wait, the gunlads were anxious to put the previous match behind them and get back on track with a win against /@/. This match saw the long-awaited premier of /gfg/’s custom ball Chopsticks although strangely it was also the premier of /gfg/ playing home matches at Soft Landing.
Scoring opened up with a strike from WA off of a perfectly placed Sopdog throughball at 15’ which led to some goalhorn confusion. Although the idol attack looked dangerous at times, particularly around the 40’ mark with a Mikibot long range KAPOW and のヮの taking the ball deep into the /gfg/ penalty area, /@/ was simply unable to convert those good chances into goals. The teams headed into halftime with /gfg/ up 1-0, but the lead certainly didn’t feel secure as the idolmasters seemed to be on the verge of offensive success at all times.
The second half kicked off and at 50’ the first sign of true hopelessness emerged for /@/ as a Mikibot strike bounced off the near post, into Sleepo Beepo’s back, and then rolled out of bounds instead of into the goal. Little did anyone know that this bit of Sleepo Beepo GK luckshitting was just the beginning. After yet another squandered attempt by Mikibot, /gfg/ struck again at 69’ when War God buried a Sopdog cross to put the gungirls in front 2-0. Even kickoff abuse couldn’t save the idols as Mikibot immediately sent a strike into the arms of Sleepo Beepo and at 70’ the match seemed to be slipping away from /@/. 6 minutes later Sopdog broke the idol defensive line and slipped in a 76’ dagger. Past 80’ the attack was all /gfg/ with WA nearly stealing the ball from Longloli inside the goal box and a 90+4’ Sopdog breakaway going just wide. The final whistle blew and the brainlets were back on track opening loser’s bracket play with a win and a much-needed clean sheet for Sleepo Beepo to go along with 4 more saves. The match was not nearly as lopsided as the final score indicated, but only 2 of 9 shots on-target spelled doom for the idols. The 3-0 result eliminated /@/ and the brainlets had taken the first step on the path out of the Loser’s Bracket.
Loser's Round 3: /tnm/ vs /gfg/
The brainlets’ fourth Mobabowl match saw them facing /tnm/ in a win or go home match of gungirls vs. katana maidens and right off the bat this match had everything going for it. Aside from the obvious implications of establishing weapon supremacy, this is was also the Chinese Government’s chance to finally wipe away all public memory of Tiananmen and all of the things that definitely didn’t happen there. Both teams were fresh off of decisive early wins as well, with Tiananmen sending /svg/ back to the Shadowverse and winning 4-0, so the match promised to be a hotly-contested shootout.
The match kicked off and took no time delivering on its promise of excitement. At 10’ Sopdog sent a cross back to WA at the mouth of the goal who tapped it in and put /gfg/ on top 1-0. The brainlet elation would be short-lived however as Tiananmen’s Licky Licky sent a shot past Mecha Papasha and Sleepo Beepo and just managed to get it inside the far post for the 14’ equalizer. Chances were not hard to come by and additional goals by either side seemed imminent as halftime approached. In a surprising turn of events, the world-class /gfg/ defense was the first to break as HOXY poked the ball from /tnm/’s Barbarian only to give it right back, Barbarian would then turn and dribble past HOXY and HOMETE before sending a rocket inside the far post and in a sudden reversal of fortune the lead was now 1 for Tiananmen with the half quickly approaching. Just before halftime PES decided to treat viewers to a little bit of REKT. As WA and Spanish Guitar were fighting to put a head on the ball, Spanish Guitar’s bones evaporated and her entire emaciated body then rotated around the empty space that once contained her spine. Mercifully the half ended shortly after and presumably Spanish Guitar was then dragged to the /tnm/ locker room and given a new skeleton.
At the half both sides were sitting at 100% accuracy with 2 shots on-target with the only difference being 1 save by ねね for Tiananmen while Beepo remained Sleepo with no saves. The second half kicked off with the brainlets needing at least one or their MobaBowl campaign would end in Tiananmen. /gfg/’s changes at the half seemed ready to pay dividends as the guns immediately put together a few dangerous attacks in a row. The changes also left some gaps in the mighty /gfg/ defensive back line, but thankfully Sleepo Beepo had finally woken with 30 minutes remaining. At 67’ the hand of God once again guided /gfg/’s longball as War God positioned a lob perfectly to WA who demonstrated the superior effective range of guns by burying it with a long range shot from just inside the arc. With 24 minutes remaining the guns had equalized and a sense of relief washed over the /gfg/ faithful. Starting with changes and subs at 65’ the attack was all /gfg/, Tiananmen simply weren’t able to put together dangerous chances as they had earlier in the match. An impressive back to back set of saves by ねね at 83’ were all that stood between the brainlets and advancing to the Loser’s Quarterfinals. /tnm/’s final chance was a throughball suicide footrace between Beepo and Batoru in front of the goal. Sleepo Beepo barely won with a sliding clearance. The guns were not content to park the bus and another shot this time from War God was saved by ねね at 88’. War God fought and won the ball back off the ensuing kick and /gfg/ was on the attack once again. A well-executed pass forward resulted in Sopdog shot, but it was deflected off the keeper and directly to WA. With the keeper nowhere near her and a wide open net before her it seemed all but certain that WA would complete her hat trick and heroically save the brainlet side once again. HOWEVER, instead she spilled her spaghetti everywhere and sent it wide of the near post and at 89’ she fell to the turf and assumed the fetal position surely aware that gunlads everywhere were coring her. Tears streamed down her tsunface as the realization set in that on this day there would be no celebratory post-game chocolate Haagen-Dazs despite her brace. 2 minutes of stoppage went by in an instant and the still shell-shocked girls of /gfg/ now had to prepare for their first ever round of BENULDIES with their fate to now be decided by little more than pure luck. The second half had been much more lopsided offensively with /gfg/ adding 4 more on-target shots and /tnm/ adding none, but 4 saves by ねね and an even scoreline meant somebody was gonna get fucked.
With the lineup set and the music playing, Sleepo Beepo stepped between the posts hoping to redeem WA and advance /gfg/. The first PK was not promising for Beepo as she didn’t even move when Batoru sent one into the left side of the net. War God made her kick with no drama and it was 1-1. Tiananmen’s Barbarian was next and her shot went just between Beepo’s outstretched arms and in. With all eyes on her, WA stepped up to the spot and redeemed herself by equalizing at 2. Beepo picked the wrong direction on the ensuing Hiyoyon kick which went in with ease. As Sopdog sent a slow roller into the left side of the net to equalize at 3, a commentator said “no one’s getting fucked bros, I’m worried”. An easy goal by Vamos brought Punished 416 to the PK spot and with her came shenanigans and luckshitting. She sent her kick left and squarely at the body of the diving keeper only for it to inexplicably deflect off of the keeper, up and into the top right corner of the goal. 2Birb stepped up to take the 5th PK for Tiananmen. 2Birb sent the kick right and Beepo appeared to dive too far to make the save, but unbelievably Kraut Space Magic struck once again and the shot deflected off of Beepo’s right knee, across the entire mouth of the goal, and wide. It seemed fitting that with a miracle goal and a miracle save, the fate of /gfg/ now rested on School Shooter, the only medal that had never scored. The shot was a laser to the top left corner and in. Against all odds and a few laws of physics, /gfg/ had won and would advance to the Loser’s Quarterfinals bringing an end to what was surely one of the most bizarre rounds of BENULDIES ever played.
Full Match with Chat Just the Bullshit
Loser's QuarterFinals: /fgog/ vs /gfg/
It was the final day of MobaBowl 2019 and /gfg/’s first match of the day brought them to a familiar, but scary place. They would face /fgog/ on the road which meant going back to Unlimited Blade Works where a week earlier a 4-0 trouncing by /fgoalter/ had sent them in the Loser’s Bracket in the first place. Apprehension was high particularly as they would be facing a VGL11 finalist and this time it was win or go home. Once more Fate proved to be the real luckchads as the condition draw for /gfg/ was again unfavorable, this time with only 1 red on the team and a purple conditioned School Shooter, but with everything to play for hopes were high for a different result.
/gfg/’s trend of starting quickly continued and at 25’ Sopdog booted in a nice ball up from Punished 416 and the brainlets had finally scored at Unlimited Blade Works. /fgog/ were putting together chances and getting good looks in the box, but thus far those looks had only materialized into 1 saved on-target shot. At 30’ Babushka sent a long ball from about mid-field to WA at the PK spot with pinpoint accuracy and just like that it was 2-0 /gfg/. The /fgog/ players seemed to be having trouble winning and keeping possession of the ball despite /gfg/’s low possession long ball tactics. After stealing the ball from OPHELIAAAAAA in the midfield, WA sent another perfectly placed ball to Sopdog at the PK spot. Clearly just showing off at this point, Sopdog executed a textbook bicycle kick sending a screamer right past REGEND and at 35’ it was 3-0 for /gfg/. Possession had been the story of the match thus far for /fgog/ with the distribution sitting at even. At 41’ the /fgog/ attack finally bore fruit as an Oreo lob to Bane? allowed him to sneak it just inside the far post and Fate had cut the margin to 2 with halftime looming. A couple late chances by /fgog/ meant that the stats were fairly even at the half with both sides putting 4 shots on-target and both keepers saving 2. However, the stats truly belied how one-sided the match had felt to this point with the brainlets seemingly able to win balls in the midfield at-will and place the ball wherever it needed to go.
The second half kicked off and despite the spark they showed at the end of the opening half, in the first 15 minutes /fgog/ simply could not get the ball to the attacking third as the /gfg/ defense proved to be uncharacteristically stingy. With /fgog/ spending so much time on defense, dangerous chances for the brainlet strikers presented themselves. On the counterattack at 60’ a double-teamed Sopdog passed to unmarked War God and PK range proved deadly once again as the gungirls pulled out to a 4-1 lead. Subs at 65’ only meant a trip to 5PA1N for /fgog/ as just when the /gfg/ attack seemed to have ended, Punished 416 sent yet another pinpoint long ball forward to War God who needed only to put a head on it to get her brace and increase the margin to 4. Absolutely nothing was going /fgog/’s way as even a clean Bane? header off a corner went wide. And because PES is incredibly cruel, the next /gfg/ attack resulted in a 78’ :3!family! corner kick which Sopdog headed past REGEND to complete her hat trick and put /gfg/ up 6-1. Given how ruthlessly PES had treated /fgog/ in the second half it was a shock when Oreo managed to put one in at 88’ to cut the margin to 4 and avoid BRA71L. Then with the game winding down Bane? buried a second goal at 90+2’, but ultimately this offensive explosion did not come in time to dig /fgog/ out of the hole they were in. The whistle sounded finally putting an end to all the gratuitous scoring. Much like at the end of the first half, strong late /fgog/ attacks meant that the two sides were even again in on-target shots with each sitting at 7. This result sent /gfg/ through to the Loser’s Semi-Final for what the brainlets hoped would be a long-awaited VGL11 Semifinals rematch against /dbg/.
Loser's SemiFinals: /gfg/ vs /gbfg/
To the disappointment of those hoping for a VGL11 Semifinals rematch, /dbg/ rolled the BENULDIES dice one too many times and finally got fucked. This meant that the Loser’s Semifinal match now saw /gfg/ taking on a unfamiliar opponent in /gbfg/. I don’t know anything about GranBlue Fantasy, but they look like fishfuckers so I’m just gonna roll with that.
The match kicked off and /gfg/ seemed to be off to a hot start once again as a War God on-target shot was saved and the ensuing corner service resulted in a WA shot that went just wide. However, it was /gbfg/ who struck first at 13’ as a pinball deflection off TIME and EFFORT found Laughing Snek who buried it to put /gbfg/ up early. Much like /fgog/ in the previous match, /gfg/ was simply unable to get the ball into the attacking third and at 30’ GranBlue struck again as Lord of Crits curled a shot just inside the far post to beat Beepo. Things only got worse for the gungirls and at 39’ Lord of Crits found paydirt once again to put /gbfg/ up 3-0. Simply put, there were not a lot of positives for /gfg/ heading into the half. They had only 1 on-target shot to /gbfg/’s 3 and no saves. Desperate times called for desperate measures and the brainlets were now set to go +2 until the end of the match.
The second half kicked off and almost immediately the +2 change seemed to be paying dividends as some +2 Brainlet Uzi spaghetti cleared the lane for Sopdog to put it in at 51’ and /gfg/’s fortunes seemed to be turning around. The brainlets followed this success with 2 more great chances in a row to Sopdog (one saved and one just wide) and the attack finally looked to be working. After some ass-clenching defensive luckshitting by the gungirls, the /gfg/ counterattack ended in a School Shooter header just wide. 68’ saw a golden scoring opportunity squandered by a beep booping Sopdog. With the quality and frequency of chances /gfg/ was getting, the 2 goal deficit certainly seemed doable, but the entire offense was running through Sopdog and she simply couldn’t break through. A beautiful Sopdog shot KAPOW’d off the crossbar at 84’ and realistically that represented /gfg/’s last best chance at getting back into the match. The full-time whistle blew and the frustrating match ended 3-1 for /gbfg/. The second half had been all /gfg/ attack, but the accuracy just wasn’t there as only 2 of 9 shots were on-target. Overall it was a well played match by /gfg/ and they remained competitive throughout, but the long ball magic that had carried them this far simply ran out. This result meant the end of MobaBowl 2019 for the brainlets and another 4th place tournament finish.