/mhg/

/mhg/
Percussit Illud, Donec Moriatur
/mhg/ - Monster Hunter General
Founded Nov. 2, 2015 Manager The Guildmaster Owner Wycoon IRL manager Managerless Team colors Chat color f5c740 Tigrex Gold Ranking 0 Highest rank NA (N/A) Lowest rank N/A (N/A) Top scorer Surprise Pickle (7) Top assister Guildmarm (1) Captain hot monkey dick Website /mhg/ - Monster Hunter General Nickname '
Historic performance
W D L TOTAL EFFICIENCY 3 1 4 8 37.5%
GF GA GD 18 14 +4
Biggest win /mhg/  6–0  /fgog/ December 9, 2016 Biggest defeat /kspg/  2–0  /mhg/ December 11, 2015 First match /feg/  1–2  /mhg/ December 5, 2015
/vg/ League Appearances N/A (First in N/A) Best result N/A, N/A
Team music
Anthem Monster Hunter 4 Main Theme Goal horn Monster Hunter Tri Quest Clear hot monkey dick goalhorn Rajang Theme (Orchestral Ver.) GOTCHA BITCH goalhorn GOTCHA BITCH
Kits

Playing for the first time in /vg/ League 5, /mhg/ promises to bring a new kind of unstable environment to the pitch (as soon as they've caught those last three fucking Gluegloppers).

Export

VGL 7 Tactical Export - for autopilot use because life carted Archie

VLG 6 Aesthetics Export - almost all just VGL5 repeats, more blenders coming as I figure out Blender

Roster

No. Position Player   GK Desire Sensor   LB Dalamadur Head   CB Je Suis Monte   CB Clown Suit   RB Dalamadur Tail   DMF BULLSHIT HITBOXES   CMF BLACKLISTED   CMF Surprise Pickle   AMF Carried Shitter   AMF GOTCHA BITCH   CF hot monkey dick

No. Position Player   GK Reward Decreased By 1 Goal   LB Randoms   CB Fishing Room   CB Gem It In   CB READ THE PASTEBIN   RB Daimyo Hermitaur is cute!   DMF Relic Grinding   DMF Shigeru Magala   DMF >61 Qurupecos   AMF Assblasted Congalala   SS Sharpness +1   SS Guildmarm

Goalkeepers

Pos.	Name	Picture	Description	Card(s)
GK	Desire Sensor		An incongruous device fitted in every single console capable of running a Monster Hunter game, the Desire Sensor is a high-tech device that scans the player's mind for the exact item they want, and instructs the game not to give it to them. Fortunately for /mhg/, right now the closest players want goals, and the Desire Sensor is just as happy to not oblige.	—
GK	Reward Decreased By 1 Goal			—

Defense

Pos.	Name	Picture	Description	Card(s)
LB	Dalamadur Head		VGL officials weren't quite sure how to handle /mhg/'s giant serpent of a fullback, as sheer size would allow him to completely encircle the entire field, to say nothing of the meteors. Eventually, after consulting with experts from Capcom, it was ruled that Dalamadur could play, but only his head and tail could be on the pitch, and as two separate players.	—
LB	Randoms			—
CB	Je Suis Monté		Venu directement des ligues françaises, Je Suis Monté stupéfie les fans avec ses manœuvres aériennes extraordinaires et les alliés avec son incapacité à faire autre chose. Heureusement, il a fait du progrès depuis son adhésion à l'équipe de /mhg/, les autres joueurs ayant réussi à le convaincre que ce probablement n'est pas une bonne idée d'essayer de monter le ballon.	—
CB	Clown Suit		While this /mhg/ midfielder may look ridiculous to the untrained eye, his preposterous outfit is actually the secret of his power. Does your "fashion" bring Sheath Control, Sharpness +1, Crit Draw, and Focus to the table with slots to spare? I didn't think so.	—
CB	Fishing Room		Only /mhg/ has the stones to stare down the challenge of a G-rank fishing quest.	—
CB	Gem It In			—a
CB	READ THE PASTEBIN		Committed to the defense of the /mhg/ side of the pitch against anyone who's asking that fucking question for the thousandth fucking time, READ THE PASTEBIN promises that at least the passes that get through will be the ones that know the basics.	—
RB	Dalamadur Tail		The other half of /mhg/'s largest player, placed on the opposite side of the field so he could be a bit more comfortable. Oddly capable of functioning alone on the pitch while the head terrorises nearby food sales.	—
RB	Daimyo Hermitaur is cute!			—

Midfield

Pos.	Name	Picture	Description	Card(s)
DMF	BULLSHIT HITBOXES		While some opponents have questioned whether this player really belongs on the pitch after he intercepted a pass with his hip from ten metres away without any visible movement, /mhg/ management's official policy is that they just need to get good.	—
DMF	Relic Grinding			—
DMF	Assblasted Congalala			—
DMF	>61 Qurupecos		Some people have all the luck. Some people don't.	—
CMF	BLACKLISTED		An /mhg/ veteran tasked with making sure that the team's talent is up to snuff. The entire team lives under the watchful eye of BLACKLISTED, who stands ready to ban anyone and everyone who holds the team back. None too fond of fellow CMF Carried Shitter.	—
CMF	Surprise Pickle		Easy-looking expedition? Deviljho runs out of the forest and eats you. Farming weak monsters for cash? Deviljho bursts out of the ground and eats you. Fighting Deviljho? Another Deviljho comes at you from behind and eats you. Turn off your 3DS because you're sick of fucking Deviljho ambushes? Deviljho under your chair eats you. Ready for bed? Enjoy brushing your teeth with black/red dragon mist because there's a Deviljho in your bathroom. You will never escape. They are everywhere, and they are hungry.	—
AMF	GOTCHA BITCH		Fresh off the satisfaction of nailing the tail at just the right moment, this player promises to bring their expert timing to their shots and passes on the pitch.	—
AMF	Carried Shitter		While a close friend of many team members, there's doubts about this player's ability to come through on his own. However, he's confident that he knows a guy who can help him get some pretty good equipment, so he thinks he can handle whatever it is that you guys are doing... as soon as you help him pick up some Diablos parts. Please?	—
DMF	Shigeru Magala			—

Offense

Pos.	Name	Picture	Description	Card(s)
SS	Sharpness +1			—
SS	Guildmarm			—
CF	hot monkey dick		turgid super saiyan dongs	—

Match History

Date	Opponent	Competition	Result	Scorers
December 5, 2015	/feg/	/vg/ League 5	2-1 W	10', 76' hot monkey dick
December 11, 2015	/kspg/	/vg/ League 5	0-2 L
December 13, 2015	/twg/	/vg/ League 5	0-2 L
June 3, 2016	/rsg/	/vg/ League 6	0-3 L
June 5, 2016	/ffg/	/vg/ League 6	0-1 L
June 11, 2016	/5N@F/	/vg/ League 6	2-2 D	27' Gotcha Bitch  54' BLACKLISTED
December 3, 2016	/ffg/	/vg/ League 7	3-8 W	27', 59', 80' Surprise Pickle  40' hot monkey dick  49' Shigeru Magala  53' Blacklisted  69', 82' Gotcha Bitch
December 9, 2016	/fgog/	/vg/ League 7	6-0 W	12', 42', 45+2', 86' Surprise Pickle  33' Blacklisted  83' hot monkey dick

Player Stats

Player	Goals	Assists
Surprise Pickle	7	0
hot monkey dick	4	0
Gotcha Bitch	3	0
Blacklisted	3	0
Shigeru Magala	1	0
Guildmarm	0	1