/shorks/

/shorks/
There's always next year!*
/shorks/ - San Jose Sharks
Founded 1991 Manager Bob Boughner Owner Hasso Plattner IRL manager XEon8x !!zIlZPeUu7xI Team colors Chat color 006D75 Deep Pacific teal Top scorer Jumbo Joe (8) Top assister Cooch (4) Captain Cooch Website /shorks/ - San Jose Sharks Nickname Team Teal, Sharkies
Historic performance
W D L TOTAL EFFICIENCY 3 0 3 6 50%
GF GA GD 14 13 +1
Biggest win /shorks/  3–0  /mdck/ November 14, 2019 Biggest defeat /avs/  3–0  /shorks/ November 21, 2019 First match /shorks/  3–0  /mdck/ November 14, 2019
Team music
Anthem Seek & Destroy Victory Anthem Rock and Roll All Nite Goal horn Get Ready for This
Kits

Roster

No. Position Player 31   GK Martin "Soft Goals" Jones 12   LB St. Patrick Marleau 44   CB Pickles 9   CB Chimpout Kane 62   RB Straight To Da Banc 45   DMF REFS PLEASE HELP US 65   CMF >8 x 11.5 88   CMF Burnsie 48   AMF Teenage Mutant Ninja Hertl 39   SS Cooch 19   CF Jumbo Joe

No. Position Player 20   GK Nabby Says No 11   CB Owen Nolan's Called Shot 92   CB S.J. Sharkie 71   CB 71 Losses 24   CB Wilson OUT 28   LB It's Timo Time 20   LB Marcus Scorensen 22   RB Dan Boyle's OT Special 94   RB The Great Red Wing Upset of '94 30   DMF >IT WAS 3-0 89   DMF Presidents' Trophy Choke Job of '09 16   DMF The Unchoking of 2016 (almost)

Match history

Date	Opponent	Competition	Result	Scorers
November 14, 2019	/mdck/	/hoc/ League 2019	3-0 W	27', 34', 80' Jumbo Joe
November 21, 2019	/avs/	/hoc/ League 2019	0-3 L
November 28, 2019	/oilels/	/hoc/ League 2019	4-1 W	12', 77' Cooch  28', 86' Teenage Mutant Ninja Hertl
December 5, 2019	/laffs/	/hoc/ League 2019	1-2 (a.e.t.) L	85' Jumbo Joe
December 12, 2019	/stors/	/hoc/ League 2019	4-1 L	28' Jumbo Joe
December 19, 2019	/cantpucks/	/hoc/ League 2019	3-5 W	7', 24', 56' Jumbo Joe  60' Burnsie  70' Teenage Mutant Ninja Hertl

Statistical leaders

Skaters

Player	Goals	Assists	Points
Jumbo Joe	8	3	11
Cooch	2	4	6
Teenage Mutant Ninja Hertl	3	3	6
Burnsie	1	0	1
It's Timo Time	0	1	1
St. Patrick Marleau	0	1	1

Goalies

Player	GP	MIN	W	Saves	GA	GAA	SO
Martin "Soft Goals" Jones	5	463	2	11	12	2.33	1
Nabby Says No	1	90	1	4	1	1.00	0

Team awards

• 

  /hoc/ League 2019
  Pacific Division Champions

Exports

/hoc/ League 2019

• Tactical Export: Don't choke on these -- please take small bites and chew thoroughly
• Pastebin: How to perform the Heimlich maneuver
• Aesthetics Export: Here
• Audio Export::Boomer:

* "Next year" never fucking comes.