/egg/

/egg/
Praise CLANG!
/egg/ - Engineering Games General
Founded May 5th, 2017 Manager Kovarex Owner Wube Software Ltd. IRL manager PossumT !!jPvacTJAMhh Team colors Chat color C11200 Blood! Blood for the CLANG God! Ranking 51 ( 6) Highest rank 10th (June 13th, 2021) Lowest rank 51st (December 18th, 2022) Top scorer CLANG (32) Top assister CLANG (17) Captain Eggman Website /egg/ - Engineering Games General Nickname Formerly /svgg/
Historic performance
W D L TOTAL EFFICIENCY 14 5 17 36 38.89%
GF GA GD 73 75 -2
Biggest win /egg/  5–0  /gbfg/ June 4th, 2021 (prev. 5-0  /feg/, 2019/06/05) Biggest defeat /egg/  1–7  /@/ December 9th, 2022 First match /egg/  0–1  /pg/ June 2nd, 2017
/vg/ League Appearances 10 (First in /vg/ League 8 Qualifiers) Best result 7th, /vg/ League 12 & /vg/ League 14
Team music
Anthem Hymn to Breaking Strain Victory Anthem E.G.G.M.A.N. Goal horn Dinosauroid
Kits

We are those dedicated to maintaining the small, drifting playerbases of (sometimes obscure, sometimes dead) engineering-related games by pouring them into a single general.
Then arguing about what the hell is meant by 'engineering' in this context.

Have you been blessed by the presence of CLANG today?

History

In The Beginning...

When first formed in VGL 8, the team was entirely Eggman because there were no other aesthetics and we dropped out after a mediocre qualifying group performance. With little remaining interest, we lowered it into the grave.

VGL 12 to 15 - Rebirth & The Curse

The will of The Omnissiah compelled us to try again many years later, and a resurrected /egg/ (now with actual models) managed to autopilot all the way through to 7th place in VGL 12 with the power of broken physics.
What followed was a rollercoaster ride of results with a dramatic fall to 40th place in VGL 13 after a horrible group stage, riding a meme train of 17 CBs all the way back up to joint 7th with /domg/ for VGL 14, then failing to leave the group stage with 2 losses once again in VGL 15. The team had gained the curse (...or blessing, maybe?) of a cycle between failure and success, even going as far as identical results: exiting the group stage on odd-numbered leagues, followed by only losing to the champions in quarterfinals - even as far as drawing & winning the same number of matches during even leagues. However...

VGL 16 to 18 - The Curse Wavers

VGL 16's /akg/ match weakened the cycle with the team losing earlier than usual to one that did not survive the final game. The eggs were no longer balanced. VGL 17 continued to buck the trend by letting us escape the clutches of Group D for a rematch (note: unsuccessful) against /drg/. VGL 18 finally ended the cycle - an even league with the literal worst group showing we'd ever had.

VGL 19 to X-2 - The Heresy Arc

Something happened. VGL 19's horrific spaghetti performance cemented the Omnissiah's abandonment of /egg/.
It was time... to make our own tactics.

In the VGL X-2 Qualifiers, the managing began. Poorly. The game against /bag/ failed miserably, then got even worse against /uma/. Suddenly, an Anon in the thread revealed that he had actually played PES before. Some timely advice on his end turned things around so fast that /wtg/ suffered a surprise defeat, preventing total humiliation on our end. Someone who's played the game before knows how it works? Shocking, I know.

Sadly, this wasn't enough to keep us in the running for that league. For now, we have to look to the future, where Mankind no longer need pray to the Machine Spirit to survive. Starting with VGL 21.

Info

REMOVE MANAGER remove manager you are worst manager. you are the manager idiot you are the manager smell.
Note from the caretaker: This team is eternally on autopilot because none of us understand divegrass, so if anyone wants to take the reins for tactics then look for me in Discord (or just yell in the thread).
I'd try them myself but >implying I play PES, and trusting an """AI""" fits our theme

We management now. X-2 Friendlies and Qualifiers (pre-/wtg/) were a mass hallucination and do not reflect our future endeavours.
- Possum

Current latest POI (as of VGL 19) here
Match recordings here

Roster

No. Position Player 1   GK Eggman 2   CB EARLY ACCESS SANDBOX GAME 3   CB Gas The Marek 4   CB aeiou 5   DMF The Chad Stormworks Player 6   CMF >Physician 19   LMF Chaos Engine 20   AMF Thomasformer 22   RMF Landing Gear on Rotors on Pistons 21   SS Mechanically Engineered Autism 23   CF CLANG

No. Position Player 7   GK Square-chan 8   LB >Structural Integrity 9   CB John Madden 10   CB Jebediah Kerman 11   CB SPIDERTRON 12   RB FAILURE 13   DMF BLUE, HURT 14   DMF Nick "Unification" Smart 15   CMF Godforsaken Astronaut 16   CMF Anataeus Vaya 17   LMF Turrents 18   RMF DAKKA

Meet The Starters

The big boys up front, forging a path forwards of scientific discovery. Very slowly. They're not actually trying to, they just want to blow things up faster.

Eggman Sonic The Hedgehog franchise	#1 (Captain)
	"I've come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, he took his hedgehog fucking quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife and he said his dick was "this big" and I said "that's disgusting". So I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com: Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick, its the size of this walnut except way smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like. That's right baby, all point, no quills, no pillows, look at that it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife so guess what? I'm gonna fuck the Earth. That's right this is what you get, MY SUPER LASER PISS. Except I'm not pissing on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher, I'M PISSING ON THE MOON. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT OBAMA, I PISSED ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drop-el-ets hit the fucking Earth, now get out of my fucking sight, before I piss on you too."

Mechanically Engineered Autism Most /egg/s	#21
	It may look like incomprehensible spaghetti to you (...and its creator) but it runs at 100% efficiency and any changes you make will probably make it stop working so, please, don't touch it.

CLANG H̸͕̮E͕̗̱̠ͅ ̛͓̫͙̖C͖̪̪̣̼O̞͟M̭̥̻͚̘Ḛ͖̼͍́S̨̹̰̫̮͖͚͇	#23
	You are building your ship, when you hear the distant sound of metal on metal. As the sound creeps closer, you cry, for you know what will come. All you can do is pray that he does not take you.

Chaos Engine Besiege	#19
	The nearest thing to >harnessing CLANG that's ever existed. A highly unsafe device born during the height of /v/'s foray into the mechanics of Besiege, it consists of a flaming ball attached to multiple sawblades. This baby can produce enough torque to tear apart any vehicle.

Thomasformer Machinecraft	#20
	All the way from the Isle of Sodor, the brainchild of a madman and a bangin' battlehorn by the Vengaboys, give it up for ya boi MOTHERFUCKING THOMASFORMERRRRRRRRRRR

The Chad Stormworks Player Stormworks	#5
	Look at this motherfucker. He can make a plane with less material than the average Ikea cabinet that somehow takes off with the acceleration of a rocket booster. Suck it Elon you Apartheid faggot THIS guy's gonna be the first to Mars, and he won't even be using a fucking spacesuit

>Physician Robocraft	#6
	"Dude I don't want to do physics and maths to play this shit, I'm not a fucking physician, I just want to fucking play lego robots. Fuck off with your boring school crap." - Lost child, /rcg/ c. 2014

Jebediah "Motherfucking" Kerman Kerbal Space Program	#10
	The madman of Kerbin himself. On loan from  /kspg/ while they decide if they're alive or not, this guy has no sense of fear and an addiction for adrenaline. For most KSP players he's dead by their third mission.

SPIDERTRON Factorio	#11
	God damn look at those legs

FAILURE Infinifactory	#12
	The remains of some poor schmuck who was unwittingly placed in a position they were clearly not qualified for.

Landing Gear On Rotors On Pistons Space Engineers	#22
	Shaking hands with danger to achieve strange goals during the construction of mining vehicles. Combinations of moving parts that are questionably safe at best and deadly at worst.

Meet The Benchwarmers

Just as good (usually) as the main lads, but they do feel a bit underappreciated sometimes.

EARLY ACCESS SANDBOX GAME Steam Early Access	#2
	Alright, so you're making a game. You've got the physics down. The blocks, items and player models are all up and running. You think the multiplayer might even function! It's time to put it on the store to let people have an early look at your dream child. ...content? What the fuck is 'content'?

Gas The Marek Keen Code House	#3
	The smug-faced bastard at the root of all (most of?) the stupid decisions behind the clunky mess that is Space Engineers, and other failed experiments like Medieval Engineers and Keen's AI bullshit. Development? Nah, spend the budget on a fucking mansion. Either a bumbling idiot or a genius exit scammer.

aeiou aeiou?	#4
	aeiou!

Square-chan Robocraft	#7
	Formerly known as Robokek, it was decided that the poster girl for meta- shitpost-shipbuilding should be named for herself rather than the long-dead game she originally represented. Arguably BobdaBiscuit's most famous creation before Thomasformer (yes, the madman made both).

>Structural Integrity Highly subjective	#8
	We appreciate the sentiment, but it's more of an afterthought when you're going for efficiency.

John Madden John Madden Football (video game series)	#nine nine nine, nine n
	Football!

BLUE, HURT An insane Finnish man	#13
	It's a robot that uses artificial neurons to simulate pain. Of course it was made by a Finn.

Nick "Unification" Smart From The Depths	#14
	Clearly, the best way to improve a game is to remove mechanics by mashing them together into something easier for the plebs to comprehend. What a smart dev.

Godforsaken Astronaut Randy Regier	#15
	A representative for all the poor bastards lost to unscheduled re-entries and the void of space.

Anataeus Vaya Opus Magnum	#16
	The autistic alchemist. He just wants to make compounds in peace, kindly stop bothering him and let him continue with his work.

Turrents Factorio	#17
	The unsung hero of xenophobic expansionism. Remember to keep the ammo topped up! Yes that's how it's spelled, stop asking.

DAKKA WAAAGH	#Ayteen
	Dis greenboi's gotta lotta gunz, and 'e's not afraid ta use 'em. EVERYFIN needs more dakka ya filfy grot.

Meet The Rejects

The players voted out for various reasons - not relevant any more, not quite popular enough, or just plain dumb.

RIP SERB Space Engineers	-7st
	The utterance of every player when a server finally decides it can't handle the strain of whatever batshit, CPU-consuming monstrosities are being built within its confines. Survived the last roster poll for a fleeting second, until we were reminded that Eggman is always on the team so we'd miscounted the slots. Subsequently, the Omnissiah said "lolno" and pushed him off the bottom of the list.

SHINY AND CHROME WITNESS MEEEE	-6rd
	The warcry of all those who wish to be WITNESSED as their mortal bodies succumb to the forces of high-speed shenanigans.

M1 Bradley Pentagon Wars	-5st
	The unfortunate bastard child of higher-ups meddling with the design of what was ostensibly a troop carrier - now an amphibious masterpiece of an over 10-foot-high scout vehicle with infantry weapon portholes, an AA cannon, anti-tank missiles, a budget of $14 billion, over a decade of development... and no room for carrying troops. At least, that's if you believe Col. James Burton. He's a bit of a fibber.

Satisfactory ...Satisfactory	-4rd
	Voted in as /egg/ enough for a new player yet voted out in the final poll for not being good enough. Kind of like the game, really.

Lemonhulk Space Engineers	-3st
	"Space hulk". A term describing a vast, asymmetrical spaceship created from the remains of smaller, derelict ships (functioning or otherwise) grafted onto one another. Ugly, yet strangely beautiful. Created back when /seg/ and /svgg/-posters still flew the Warbros banner, her form was purely for function in raids against the unwitting Argentinian denizens of some public server they descended on to colonise for their own. The lemon-coated creation was tragically from an era before any of us considered saving her as a blueprint for future generations. As such, her glorious yellow figure was never able to be truly represented on the pitch. Rest In Peace, Space Princess.

KEEEEEEEEN Keen Code House	-2st
	The exasperated call of an engie suffering from the shitty Keencode in a game that could have been so much more. For correct enunciation, think Kirk.

BLANEDS Space Engineers	-1rdn't
	Planets got added after years of delays, and they were as mediocre as people should have expected. Got the least votes by far in popularity polls. Shit mechanic, dead meme.

Gallery

Full page here (in early access) - ingame shots of the players as they do their thing.

Match History

All (recorded) matches can be seen here.

Official Matches

Competition	Date	Opponent	Result	Scorers
/vg/ League 8 Qualifiers B	2017, June 2nd	/pg/	0 - 1		John Madden  76'
	2017, June 3rd	/agdg/	1 - 3	Smug Marek  22'
	2017, June 4th	/civ4xg/	1 - 0	KEEEEEEEEN  73'
/vg/ League 12 Group I	2019, June 9th	/agdg/	2 - 2	CLANG  16', Mechanically Engineered Autism  78'
	2019, June 15th	/feg/	5 - 0	Thomasformer  15', 56', EARLY ACCESS.  42', Mechanically.  59', CLANG  70'
	2019, June 21st	/vitagen/	2 - 0	CLANG  75', Chaos Engine  84'
Round of 16	2019, June 29th	/gfg/	4 - 2	Thomasformer  20', CLANG  45+2' (pen.), 50', 75' (the first of many hat tricks)
Quarterfinals	2019, June 30th	/dbg/	0 - 1		>Physician  36'
/vg/ League 13 Group B	2019, November 22nd	/drg/	2 - 3	Landing Gear on Rotors on Pistons  19', CLANG  52'
	2019, December 1st	/vrg/	3 - 4	Mechanically.  11', CLANG  27', Thomasformer  72'	FUCKING AEIOU  81'
	2019, December 7th	/alg/	1 - 1	Mechanically Engineered Autism  89'
/vg/ League 14 Group K	2020, June 7th	/mcg/	4 - 2	CLANG  4', 24', Landing Gear on Rotors on Pistons  38', 90+8'
	2020, June 13th	/nepgen/	4 - 1	CLANG  6', 53', 55', Landing Gear on Rotors on Pistons  15'
	2020, June 19th	/mggg/	2 - 2	CLANG  25', 90+1'
Round of 16	2020, June 27th	/d2g/	1 - 1	Mechanically Engineered Autism  76'	Penalties: 4 - 1 (CLANG , Thomas. , Mechanically. , Landing.
Quarterfinals	2020, June 28th	/ssbg/	1 - 3	CLANG  35'
/vg/ League 15 Group E	2020, November 21st	/hgg2d/	1 - 4	Thomasformer  26'	...we just couldn't Alice.
	2020, November 27th	/2hug/	5 - 2	CLANG  16', Landing Gear.  31', Thomasformer  43', 86', Mechanically.  74'
	2020, December 6th	/drag/	2 - 3	Thomasformer  26', CLANG  36'
/vg/ League 16 Group L	2021, May 23rd	/eftg/	4 - 1	Mechanically Engineered Autism  21', 35', 56', CLANG  75'
	2021, May 29th	/fg/	1 - 0	CLANG  7'
	2021, June 4th	/gbfg/	5 - 0	CLANG  24', 45+2', 90+0', Mechanically.  65', 84'	CLANG with the 9.0!
Round of 16	2021, June 12th	/akg/	3 - 3	Mechanically Engineered Autism  59', CLANG  85', 90+3'	Early Access.  78'	Penalties: 0 - 2 (FOUR MISSES)
/vg/ League 17 Group D	2021, November 26th	/wtg/	4 - 3	Thomasformer  7', Mechanically Engineered Autism  70', 80', Turrents  90+1'
	2021, December 5th	/dng/	1 - 5	CLANG  69'	>Physician  45+0'
	2021, December 11th	/utg/	4 - 2	Thomasformer  10', CLANG  37', 86', Mechanically Engineered Autism  55'
Survival Round	2021, December 17th	/drg/	1 - 2	Thomasformer  43'
/vg/ League 18 Group D	2022, June 17th	/ggg/	1 - 1	CLANG  59'	Non-canon eggsdra dime ended in a 1 - 3 loss
	2022, June 26th	/vn/	1 - 2	CLANG  39'
	2022, July 2nd	/twg/	0 - 2		6 damn saves from Eggman, with nothing to back them up
/vg/ League 19 Group L	2022, November 27th	/indie/	0 - 1		Complete fukken spaghetti-fest if I do say so myself
	2022, December 3rd	/きらら/	2 - 2	Mechanically Engineered Autism  26', CLANG  56'
	2022, December 9th	/@/	1 - 7	CLANG  9'	The Chad  33'	thi̺̜͗sͪ is the la̤ͤͤst s̑͝t́raẘ̸̢͜ gǫ͉̜̻̺̅̀̐̀͋̀̈̊̚d͓̜̮̤̈́͑ͩ̋̍ͩ͋͌ͩ͢ d̦͉ͩ̾am̵̛̹̬͂ͭ̒̑ͪ͟n̸̛͔̦ͭͣ͟͠ iͦt͉͟
/vg/ League X-2 Qualifiers B	2023, June 2nd	/bag/	1 - 3	Landing Gear on Rotors on Pistons  45 + 0'	Landing Gear.  21'	The tictacs begin... poorly
	2023, June 3rd	/uma/	0 - 5			Well that soiled it
	2023, June 4th	/wtg/	3 - 1	Mechanically Engineered Autism  48, 68, 74' (and an 8.5!)	>Physician  53'	Timely PES knowledge from anon
/vg/ League 21 Qualifiers A	2023, November 17th	/tf2g/	2 - 1	Mechanically Legendary Autism  15, 60'
	2023, November 18th	/assg/	1 - 0	Mechanically Legendary Autism  45'
	2023, November 19th	/ink/	3 - 2	Epically Engineered Autism  31', Landing Gear on Rares on Pistons  53', RARE CLANG  64'		WE'RE BACK BABYYYYY
Group J	2023, November 26th	/vgt/	-
	2023, December 2nd	/nikg/	-
	2023, December 8th	/gbpen/	-

Unofficial Matches

Competition	Date	Opponent	Result	Scorers
'13 Friendlies	2019, September 29th	/dfg/ - The Lever Room Bowl	0 - 2
	2019, October 4th	/kspg/ - The Space Bowl	0 - 1	huehuehu we stole jeb after this
'14 Friendlies	2020, March 22	/tf2g/ - The Engie Bowl	1 - 2	Mechanically Engineered Autism  66'
	2020, March 27	/digi/ - The Forsaken Autopilot Final	3 - 4	CLANG  15', 21', 86'	Mechanically.  74', Landing Gear.  82'
'15 Friendlies	2020, September 25th	/r6g/ - The B owlsiege	1 - 2	CLANG  90 + 1'	KEEEEEEEEN  15'
'16 Friendlies	2021, March 27th	/indie/ - The Early Accessb Owl	2 - 3	Mechanically Engineered Autism  61', CLANG  90 + 2'
'17 Friendlies	2021, October 3rd	/ssbg/ - The VGL14 Grudgem Atch	3 - 2	Chaos Engine  34', CLANG  42', Mechanically.  68'	Landing Gear.  77'
'19 Friendlies	2022, September 16th	/ss13g/ - The 2022 Cargonian War of Independence	3 - 0	Landing Gear.  6', Mechanically.  21', Thomasformer  35'
	2022, September 23rd	/d2g/ - The Micromanagement Bowl	1 - 2	CLANG  71'
X-2 Friendlies	2023, March 25th	/akg/ - The Mobile City Bowl	2 - 4	Landing Gear.  4', Mechanically.  45+0'
	2023, March 26th	/aceg/ - The Aircraft & Artillery Bowl	6 - 2	Mechanically.  15', CLANG  69'
	2023, April 2nd	/mmg/ - The Stand (Man or Machine)	2 - 3	Note: this is hearsay because the match wasn't recorded

Music

Every good team needs some bangers to listen to while figuring out how to automate the next science tier.

Main Themes	Goalhorns	Chants
Team Anthem - Hymn To Breaking Strain File:EggAnthem (Hymn to Breaking Strain).mp3 Victory Anthem - E.G.G.M.A.N. File:EggVictory (E.G.G.M.A.N.).mp3 Clean Sheet Victory - Moonbase Alpha File:EggClean (Moonbase Alpha).mp3	Main Goalhorn - Dinosauroid File:EggHorn Default.mp3 CLANG - Metal Machine Music File:EggHorn CLANG.mp3 Mechanically Engineered - Create Machines File:EggHorn Mechanically.mp3 Thomas - THOMAS THE PARTY LELGINE File:EggHorn Thomas.mp3 Jeb - Everybody Wants To Be An Astronaut File:EggHorn Jeb.mp3 aeiou & John Madden - Azumadden Daeiou File:EggHorn aeiou.mp3 Own Goal - Trust Me, I'm An Engineer! File:EggHorn Own.mp3	The Announcement File:EggChant ANNOUNCEMENT.mp3 Shadow's dick File:EggChant Shadow.mp3 Another Chinese earthquake File:EggChant Chinese.mp3 CBT patriots File:EggChant CBT.mp3 Moon comrades File:EggChant Moon Comrades.mp3 Gmod metal collisions File:EggChant GMod.mp3 MAKE PEEENIS INTO ROBOT File:EggChant MAKE PEEENIS.mp3 Jonathon Coulton - The Future Soon File:EggChant Future.mp3 Trust me, I'm an engineer! File:EggChant Trust.mp3 Pentagon Wars Adventures in bureaucracy ...fourteen. File:EggChant Pent Fourteen.mp3 Portholes. File:EggChant Pent Portholes.mp3 A scout? File:EggChant Pent Scout.mp3 What are "sheep specs"?! File:EggChant Pent Sheep.mp3 The Bradley File:EggChant Pent Bradley.mp3

Player Autistics

Stats as of: End of VGL X2

Player	Goals	Assists	MotMs
CLANG	32	17	10
Mechanically Engineered Autism	19	12	4
Thomasformer	11	8	1
Landing Gear On Rotors On Pistons	6	13	0
Chaos Engine	1	3	0
Gas The Marek	1	1	0
Turrents	1	1	0
EARLY ACCESS SANDBOX GAME	1	0	0
KEEEEEEEEN	1	0	0
The Chad Stormworks Player	0	1	0
Nick "Unification" Smart	0	1	0

Saves

Keeper	Saves
Eggman	75
Nick "Unification" Smart	3
Early Access Sandbox Game	2
Square-chan	1

Eggman is our pride and joy, so we made him captain then stuck him in goal. Don't worry, we definitely know what we're doing.

Records

Player	Date	Match	Record
Landing Gear On Rotors On Pistons	2020 June 7th	VGL 14  /mcg/	Latest goal in a regulation length match, scoring at 90+8' (beating the previous record by one second!)
CLANG	2021 June 4th	VGL 16  /gbfg/	The first official VGL 9.0 player rating! P̮̞̲̼̰͞R̞̳̯̹͙ͅA̲I̩̣̝̙͍͢S҉͉̱̰͓̦̩̪E̵̱̹͔ͅ ҉C̩͖͍L̝̞̹̮̠̘A̭̘N̼̫̬͖̫͓G̜̝͈͓!̜̲̹̬̺̼

Team Awards

Award	League
Best Anthem - Hymn To Breaking Strain	VGL 17

Physicians

Player	Date	Match	Retard moment
aeiou	2019 December 21st	VGL 13  /vrg/	/egg/'s first own goal. Bounced directly off his ass, and lost us the match. Good job, son.

Exports

If something's fucked, I swear it's CLANG's doing

League	Main	Friendly
VGL 21 (PES 19)	Aesthetic, Music, Tactic	--
VGL X-2 (PES 19)	Aesthetic, Music, Tactic	Aesthetic, Music, Tactic
VGL 19 (PES 21)	Aesthetic, Music, Auto	Aesthetic, Music, Auto
VGL 18 (PES 21)	Aesthetic, Music, Auto	--
VGL 17 (PES 19)	Aesthetic, Music, Auto	Aesthetic, Music, Auto
VGL 16 (PES 21)	Aesthetic, Music, Auto	--
VGL 15 (PES 21)	Aesthetic, Music, Auto	Aesthetic, Music, Auto
VGL 14 (PES 16)	Aesthetic, Music, Auto	Aes. lost lmao, Music, Auto
VGL 13 (PES 16)	Aes., Prof., Music, Auto	Aes., Prof., Music, Auto
VGL 12 (PES 16)	Aes., Prof., Music, Auto	--