Server maintenance/downtime still planned during the offseason pending f4r getting some time to actually do it.
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We are those dedicated to maintaining the small, drifting playerbases of (sometimes obscure, sometimes dead) engineering-related games by pouring them into a single general.
Then arguing about what the hell is meant by 'engineering' in this context.
Have you been blessed by the presence of CLANG today?
History
In The Beginning...
When first formed in VGL 8, the team was entirely Eggman because there were no other aesthetics and we dropped out after a mediocre qualifying group performance. With little remaining interest, we lowered it into the grave.
VGL 12 to 15 - Rebirth & The Curse
The will of The Omnissiah compelled us to try again many years later, and a resurrected /egg/ (now with actual models) managed to autopilot all the way through to 7th place in VGL 12 with the power of broken physics.
What followed was a rollercoaster ride of results with a dramatic fall to 40th place in VGL 13 after a horrible group stage, riding a meme train of 17 CBs all the way back up to joint 7th with /domg/ for VGL 14, then failing to leave the group stage with 2 losses once again in VGL 15. The team had gained the curse (...or blessing, maybe?) of a cycle between failure and success, even going as far as identical results: exiting the group stage on odd-numbered leagues, followed by only losing to the champions in quarterfinals - even as far as drawing & winning the same number of matches during even leagues. However...
VGL 16 to 18 - The Curse Wavers
VGL 16's /akg/ match weakened the cycle with the team losing earlier than usual to one that did not survive the final game. The eggs were no longer balanced. VGL 17 continued to buck the trend by letting us escape the clutches of Group D for a rematch (note: unsuccessful) against /drg/. VGL 18 finally ended the cycle - an even league with the literal worst group showing we'd ever had.
VGL 19 onwards - The Heresy Arc
VGL 19's horrific spaghetti performance cemented the Omnissiah's abandonment of /egg/.
It was time... to make our own tactics.
In the VGL X-2 Qualifiers, the managing began. Poorly. The game against /bag/ failed miserably, then got even worse against /uma/. Suddenly, an Anon in the thread revealed that he had actually played PES before. Some timely advice on his end turned things around so fast that /wtg/ suffered a surprise defeat, preventing total humiliation on our end. Someone who's played the game before knows how it works? Shocking, I know.
Sadly, this wasn't enough to keep us in the running for that league.
VGL 21 started off strong and finally dragged us off the bottom of the pile, but sadly some tactical jokery and medal-benching tomfoolery couldn't get us out of groups (especially against /vgt/, good lord they wiped the floor with everyone) so we had to settle for King of the Qualies.
Info
REMOVE MANAGER remove manager you are worst manager. you are the manager idiot you are the manager smell.
We management now.
- Possum
POI as of VGL 22 here
Match recordings here
Roster
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Meet The Starters
The big boys up front, forging a path forwards of scientific discovery. Very slowly. They're not actually trying to, they just want to blow things up faster.
Eggman |
Mechanically Engineered Autism |
CLANG |
Chaos Engine |
Thomasformer |
Landing Gear On Rotors On Pistons |
The Chad Stormworks Player |
>Physician |
Jebediah "Motherfucking" Kerman |
SPIDERTRON |
FAILURE | ||||||||||
#1 (Captain) | #21 | #23 | #19 | #20 | #22 | #5 | #6 | #10 | #11 | #12 | ||||||||||
He has an announcement to make. |
It looks like incomprehensible spaghetti (even to its creator) but runs at 100% efficiency and any changes you make will probably break it so, please, don't touch it. |
You are building your ship, when you hear the distant sound of metal on metal. |
Yep, it's a flaming ball attached to some sawblades. |
All the way from the Isle of Sodor, the brainchild of a madman and a bangin' battlehorn by the Vengaboys, give it up for ya boi MOTHERFUCKING THOMASFORMERRRRRRRRRRR |
Shaking hands with danger to achieve strange goals during the construction of mining vehicles. Combinations of moving parts that are questionably safe at best and deadly at worst. |
Look at this motherfucker. He can make a plane with less material than the average Ikea cabinet that somehow takes off with the acceleration of a rocket booster. |
"Dude I don't want to do physics and maths to play this shit, I'm not a fucking physician, I just want to fucking play lego robots. |
The Madman of Kerbin himself. |
God damn look at those legs |
The remains of some poor schmuck who was unwittingly placed in a position they were clearly not qualified for. |
Meet The Benchwarmers
Just as good (usually) as the main lads, but they do feel a bit underappreciated sometimes.
EARLY ACCESS SANDBOX GAME |
Icarus |
aeiou? |
Square-chan (formerly Robokek) |
>Structural Integrity |
Boiling Water |
BLUE, HURT |
Satisfactory |
Godforsaken Astronaut |
Anataeus Vaya |
Turrents |
DAKKA | |||||||||||
#2 | #3 | #4 | #7 | #8 | #9 | #13 | #14 | #15 | #16 | #17 | #Ayteen | |||||||||||
Alright, so you're making a game. You've got the physics. The blocks, the items and the player models. The multiplayer might even function! It's time to put it on the store to let people have an early look at your dream child. |
Employee of a mysterious galaxy-spanning conglomerate, this mech WILL steal your sun's energy output and there's nothing those stupid robots can do about it |
Football! |
The poster girl for meta-shitpost shipbuilding, renamed for herself rather than the long-dead game she represents. Arguably BobdaBiscuit's most famous child before Thomasformer (yes, the madman made both). |
We appreciate the sentiment, but it's more of an afterthought when you're going for efficiency. |
Coal. Nuclear. Even fusion, when we get around to it. |
It's a robot that uses artificial neurons to simulate pain. |
Not optimised enough for megabases, but enough to ruin the landscape with industrial monstrosities. |
A representative for all the poor bastards lost to unscheduled re-entries and the void of space. |
The autistic alchemist. He just wants to make compounds in peace, kindly stop bothering him and let him continue with his work. |
The unsung hero of xenophobic expansionism. Remember to keep the ammo topped up! |
Dis greenboi's gotta lotta gunz, and 'e's not afraid ta use 'em. EVERYFIN needs more dakka ya filfy grot. |
Graveyard
The players voted out for various reasons - not relevant any more, not quite popular enough, or just plain dumb.
Marek Rosa |
John Madden |
RIP SERB |
SHINY AND CHROME |
M1 Bradley |
Lemonhulk |
KEEEEEEEEN |
BLANEDS | |||||||
Gallery
Full page here (in early access) - ingame shots of the players as they do their thing.
Match History
All (recorded) matches can be seen here.
Official Matches
Competition | Date | Opponent | Result | Scorers | ||
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/vg/ League 8 Qualifiers B |
2017, June 2nd | /pg/ | 0 - 1 | John Madden 76' | ||
2017, June 3rd | /agdg/ | 1 - 3 | Smug Marek 22' | |||
2017, June 4th | /civ4xg/ | 1 - 0 | KEEEEEEEEN 73' | |||
/vg/ League 12 Group I |
2019, June 9th | /agdg/ | 2 - 2 | CLANG 16', Mechanically Engineered Autism 78' | ||
2019, June 15th | /feg/ | 5 - 0 | Thomasformer 15', 56', EARLY ACCESS. 42', Mechanically. 59', CLANG 70' | |||
2019, June 21st | /vitagen/ | 2 - 0 | CLANG 75', Chaos Engine 84' | |||
Round of 16 | 2019, June 29th | /gfg/ | 4 - 2 | Thomasformer 20', CLANG 45+2' (pen.), 50', 75' (the first of many hat tricks) | ||
Quarterfinals | 2019, June 30th | /dbg/ | 0 - 1 | >Physician 36' | ||
/vg/ League 13 Group B |
2019, November 22nd | /drg/ | 2 - 3 | Landing Gear on Rotors on Pistons 19', CLANG 52' | ||
2019, December 1st | /vrg/ | 3 - 4 | Mechanically. 11', CLANG 27', Thomasformer 72' | FUCKING AEIOU 81' | ||
2019, December 7th | /alg/ | 1 - 1 | Mechanically Engineered Autism 89' | |||
/vg/ League 14 Group K |
2020, June 7th | /mcg/ | 4 - 2 | CLANG 4', 24', Landing Gear on Rotors on Pistons 38', 90+8' | ||
2020, June 13th | /nepgen/ | 4 - 1 | CLANG 6', 53', 55', Landing Gear on Rotors on Pistons 15' | |||
2020, June 19th | /mggg/ | 2 - 2 | CLANG 25', 90+1' | |||
Round of 16 | 2020, June 27th | /d2g/ | 1 - 1 | Mechanically Engineered Autism 76' | Penalties: 4 - 1 (CLANG , Thomas. , Mechanically. , Landing. | |
Quarterfinals | 2020, June 28th | /ssbg/ | 1 - 3 | CLANG 35' | ||
/vg/ League 15 Group E |
2020, November 21st | /hgg2d/ | 1 - 4 | Thomasformer 26' | ...we just couldn't Alice. | |
2020, November 27th | /2hug/ | 5 - 2 | CLANG 16', Landing Gear. 31', Thomasformer 43', 86', Mechanically. 74' | |||
2020, December 6th | /drag/ | 2 - 3 | Thomasformer 26', CLANG 36' | |||
/vg/ League 16 Group L |
2021, May 23rd | /eftg/ | 4 - 1 | Mechanically Engineered Autism 21', 35', 56', CLANG 75' | ||
2021, May 29th | /fg/ | 1 - 0 | CLANG 7' | |||
2021, June 4th | /gbfg/ | 5 - 0 | CLANG 24', 45+2', 90+0', Mechanically. 65', 84' | CLANG with the 9.0! First ever in the VGL, in fact! | ||
Round of 16 | 2021, June 12th | /akg/ | 3 - 3 | Mechanically Engineered Autism 59', CLANG 85', 90+3' | Early Access. 78' | Penalties: 0 - 2 (FOUR MISSES) |
/vg/ League 17 Group D |
2021, November 26th | /wtg/ | 4 - 3 | Thomasformer 7', Mechanically Engineered Autism 70', 80', Turrents 90+1' | ||
2021, December 5th | /dng/ | 1 - 5 | CLANG 69' | >Physician 45+0' | ||
2021, December 11th | /utg/ | 4 - 2 | Thomasformer 10', CLANG 37', 86', Mechanically Engineered Autism 55' | |||
Survival Round | 2021, December 17th | /drg/ | 1 - 2 | Thomasformer 43' | ||
/vg/ League 18 Group D |
2022, June 17th | /ggg/ | 1 - 1 | CLANG 59' | Non-canon eggsdra dime ended in a 1 - 3 loss | |
2022, June 26th | /vn/ | 1 - 2 | CLANG 39' | |||
2022, July 2nd | /twg/ | 0 - 2 | 6 damn saves from Eggman, with nothing to back them up | |||
/vg/ League 19 Group L |
2022, November 27th | /indie/ | 0 - 1 | Complete fukken spaghetti-fest if I do say so myself | ||
2022, December 3rd | /きらら/ | 2 - 2 | Mechanically Engineered Autism 26', CLANG 56' | |||
2022, December 9th | /@/ | 1 - 7 | CLANG 9' | The Chad 33' | thi̺̜͗sͪ is the la̤ͤͤst s̑͝t́raẘ̸̢͜ gǫ͉̜̻̺̅̀̐̀͋̀̈̊̚d͓̜̮̤̈́͑ͩ̋̍ͩ͋͌ͩ͢ d̦͉ͩ̾am̵̛̹̬͂ͭ̒̑ͪ͟n̸̛͔̦ͭͣ͟͠ iͦt͉͟ | |
/vg/ League X-2 Qualifiers B |
2023, June 2nd | /bag/ | 1 - 3 | Landing Gear on Rotors on Pistons 45 + 0' | Landing Gear. 21' | The tictacs begin... poorly |
2023, June 3rd | /uma/ | 0 - 5 | Well that soiled it | |||
2023, June 4th | /wtg/ | 3 - 1 | Mechanically Engineered Autism 48, 68, 74' (and an 8.5!) | >Physician 53' | Timely PES knowledge from anon | |
/vg/ League 21 Qualifiers A |
2023, November 17th | /tf2g/ | 2 - 1 | Mechanically Legendary Autism 15, 60' | ||
2023, November 18th | /assg/ | 1 - 0 | Mechanically Legendary Autism 45' | |||
2023, November 19th | /ink/ | 3 - 2 | Epically Engineered Autism 31', Landing Gear on Rares on Pistons 53', RARE CLANG 64' | WE'RE BACK BABYYYYY | ||
Group J | 2023, November 26th | /vgt/ | 2 - 5 | Mechanically Legendary Autism 14, 32' | ||
2023, December 2nd | /nikg/ | 2 - 2 | COMMON CLANG 17', Legendary on Rotors on Pistons 89' | |||
2023, December 8th | /gbpen/ | 3 - 3 | RARE CLANG 14, 36, 45+1' | Common Engine 84' | It was alright. | |
/vg/ League 22 Group K |
2024, June 9th | /psg/ | 3 - 2 | CLANG 45+1', Mechanically Engineered Autism 50', 72' | New on the pitch: Icarus, Boiling Water | |
2024, June 15th | /gbpen/ | 3 - 0 | uh oh | New on the pitch: Satisfactory | ||
2024, June 21st | /lcg/ | 1 - 1 | Mechanically Engineered Autism 88' | Curses, out on GD | Satisfactory -> Amazon Warehouse Wagie | |
Unofficial Matches
Competition | Date | Opponent | Result | Scorers | ||
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'13 Friendlies | 2019, September 29th | /dfg/ - The Lever Room Bowl | 0 - 2 | |||
2019, October 4th | /kspg/ - The Space Bowl | 0 - 1 | huehuehu we stole jeb after this | |||
'14 Friendlies | 2020, March 22 | /tf2g/ - The Engie Bowl | 1 - 2 | Mechanically Engineered Autism 66' | ||
2020, March 27 | /digi/ - The Forsaken Autopilot Final | 3 - 4 | CLANG 15', 21', 86' | Mechanically. 74', Landing Gear. 82' | ||
'15 Friendlies | 2020, September 25th | /r6g/ - The B owlsiege | 1 - 2 | CLANG 90 + 1' | KEEEEEEEEN 15' | |
'16 Friendlies | 2021, March 27th | /indie/ - The Early Accessb Owl | 2 - 3 | Mechanically Engineered Autism 61', CLANG 90 + 2' | ||
'17 Friendlies | 2021, October 3rd | /ssbg/ - The VGL14 Grudgem Atch | 3 - 2 | Chaos Engine 34', CLANG 42', Mechanically. 68' | Landing Gear. 77' | |
'19 Friendlies | 2022, September 16th | /ss13g/ - The 2022 Cargonian War of Independence | 3 - 0 | Landing Gear. 6', Mechanically. 21', Thomasformer 35' | ||
2022, September 23rd | /d2g/ - The Micromanagement Bowl | 1 - 2 | CLANG 71' | |||
X-2 Friendlies | 2023, March 25th | /akg/ - The Mobile City Bowl | 2 - 4 | Landing Gear. 4', Mechanically. 45+0' | ||
2023, March 26th | /aceg/ - The Aircraft & Artillery Bowl | 6 - 2 | Mechanically. 15', CLANG 69' | |||
2023, April 2nd | /mmg/ - The Stand (Man or Machine) | 2 - 3 | Note: this is hearsay because the match wasn't recorded | |||
Music
Every good team needs some bangers to listen to while figuring out how to automate the next science tier.
Main Themes | Goalhorns | Chants | ||
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Team Anthem - Hymn To Breaking Strain File:EggAnthem (Hymn to Breaking Strain).mp3 |
Main Goalhorn - Dinosauroid File:EggHorn Default.mp3 |
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Player Autistics
Stats as of VGL 21 end
Player | Goals | Assists | MotMs |
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CLANG | 37 | 21 | 12 |
Mechanically Engineered Autism | 25 | 14 | 6 |
Thomasformer | 11 | 9 | 1 |
Landing Gear on Rotors on Pistons | 6 | 16 | 0 |
Chaos Engine | 1 | 3 | 0 |
Turrents | 1 | 1 | 0 |
Early Access Sandbox Game | 1 | 0 | 0 |
The Chad Stormworks Player | 0 | 1 | 0 |
Gas The Marek | 1 | 1 | 0 |
KEEEEEEEEN | 1 | 0 | 0 |
Nick "Unification" Smart | 0 | 1 | 0 |
Saves
Keeper | Saves |
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Eggman | 89 |
Early Access Sandbox Game | 2 |
Square-chan | 1 |
Nick "Unification" Smart | 3 |
Eggman is our pride and joy, so we made him captain then stuck him in goal. Don't worry, we definitely know what we're doing.
Records
Player | Date | Match | Record |
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Landing Gear on Rotors on Pistons | 2020 June 7th | VGL 14 /mcg/ | Latest goal in a regulation length match, scoring at 90+8' (beating the previous record by one second!) |
CLANG | 2021 June 4th | VGL 16 /gbfg/ | The first official VGL 9.0 player rating! P̮̞̲̼̰͞R̞̳̯̹͙ͅA̲I̩̣̝̙͍͢S҉͉̱̰͓̦̩̪E̵̱̹͔ͅ ҉C̩͖͍L̝̞̹̮̠̘A̭̘N̼̫̬͖̫͓G̜̝͈͓!̜̲̹̬̺̼ |
Team Awards
League | Award |
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VGL 17 | Best Anthem - Hymn To Breaking Strain |
Physicians
Player | Date | Match | Retard moment |
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aeiou | 2019 December 21st | VGL 13 /vrg/ | /egg/'s first own goal. Bounced directly off his ass, and lost us the match. Good job, son. |
Exports
If something's fucked, I swear it's CLANG's doing
League | Main | Friendly |
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VGL 22 |
-- | |
VGL 21 |
-- | |
VGL X-2 |
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VGL 19 |
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VGL 18 |
-- | |
VGL 17 |
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VGL 16 |
-- | |
VGL 15 |
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VGL 14 |
Aes. lost lmao, | |
VGL 13 |
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VGL 12 |
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