Summary
Matchday 1
It wouldn't be the 4chan Cup without some spaghetti, and this game had spaghetti aplenty. From the endless rigging by the managers, especially former /a/ manager Bittenfeld, to Colossal Titan's colossal choking and the lack of any goals until the last 10 minutes of the game, this match was characterized by frustration, laughter, and utter disbelief. Accelerator proved himself a worthy contender for the Golden Glove, stopping seemingly impossible shots by /h/ that proved that Bittenfeld hadn't lost his drunken magic, and Cowboy Bebop proved that age hadn't dulled his leadership skills. /h/'s cheeky equalizer by team favorite Kneesocks ensured that this match would remain a source of frustration and anxiety long after it was over.
A shocking blowout by /tv/ and the biggest victory in /po/'s history, /po/ has truly shown that power rankings mean little in PES 2013. Paper Cut led the way with a hat trick, one of which came after /po/ manager PaperPlane decided to change tactics as /po/ lead /tv/ 4-0. Taking the X-Acto knife in hand and twisting it, he pushed /po/ into a super-offensive posture and cemented /tv/'s fall with a fifth goal in the 88th minute.
Matchday 2
SHEEEEEET-slinging politician Stringer Bell and WHAT A TWEEST screenwriter Steven Moffat were no match for a team of mostly blue-conditioned anime aces, as /a/ forced ball after ball past a sleepy /tv/ defense. All hope of /tv/ maintaining a shred of dignity was wiped out as colossal choker Colossal Titan pulled off his first goal of the tournament at the 91st minute of injury time, sealing /tv/'s death with yet another 5-0 blowout.
In the first scoreless draw of the Cup, which started with much rigging by a drunken Bittenfeld and ended with much rigging by a smashed Bittenfeld, saw /po/'s paper-sharp offense stopped by Garterbelt and /h/'s defense at every turn, while /h/'s star players were turned dizzy by their manager's drunken rigging magic and proved incapable of breaking the paper-armored defense of /po/. In the end, drunken magic saved /h/ from their own adaptation of /tv/'s rape by /po/, but it seems like /a/ and /po/ will be advancing to the knockouts.
Matchday 3
With the DEP rigging disabled, /tv/ was finally able to put themselves on the board. Among other thrilling moments, YIFY's first goal was an impressive header assisted by Stannis The Mannis, and Asuka's amazingly lucky lobbed answer set up viewers for a fun, brain-bleaching match. Titty Monster's blooter free kick and RHB's first and last goal of the cup, combined with horrible, horrible rigging by DrBorisG's fuck-up gave us an amusing, enjoyable end to our game. /tv/ fell, but /h/ still had stakes in the /po/-/a/ game, leaving fans on the edge of our seats as the tournament entered the end of Group B.
Two teams who blew out /tv/ fought, and one walked away. /a/ absolutely destroyed /po/ with a 5-0 scoreline. Colossal Titan finally proved his worth, scoring two goals alongside old favorites Mugi and Cowboy Bebop, while Inferno Cop scored his own first goal. Truly, with 8man in the goal and Inferno Cop and colossal Titan putting in goals, this was a game for /a/'s rookies to shine.
Standings
| Team
|
Pld
|
W
|
D
|
L
|
GF
|
GA
|
GD
|
Pts
|
 /a/ |
3 |
2 |
1 |
0 |
11 |
1 |
10 |
7
|
 /h/ |
3 |
1 |
2 |
0 |
4 |
3 |
1 |
5
|
 /po/ |
3 |
1 |
1 |
1 |
5 |
5 |
0 |
4
|
 /tv/ |
3 |
0 |
0 |
3 |
2 |
13 |
-11 |
0
|
/a/ v /h/
| Stadium: Konami Stadium
|
16 August 2013, 18:00 UTC
|
Attendance: 1212
|
Cowboy Bebop  81'
|
|
86' Kneesocks
|
|
|
| GK |
5 |
Accelerator
|
| RB |
11 |
Eru Erufu
|
| CB |
3 |
Kenshiro |
|
 68'
|
| CB |
16 |
Horahorahora
|
| LB |
6 |
Boku no Pico
|
| DM |
14 |
Best Girl Thread |
|
 35' |
68'
|
| DM |
15 |
Monokuma |
|
68'
|
| AM |
9 |
Inferno Cop
|
| CM |
1 |
Mugi
|
| SS |
10 |
Cowboy Bebop
|
| CF |
60 |
Colossal Titan
|
| Substitutions:
|
| DM |
83 |
Yamakan |
|
68'
|
| CB |
4 |
Johj |
|
68'
|
| DM |
13 |
Tomoko |
|
68'
|
| Manager:
|
FiroBrochainezo !!uRlVQO2Akkq
Tottori !!sRN5AxsnGLL
|
|
|
|
|
| GK |
10 |
Sad Panda
|
| RB |
18 |
La Blue Girl
|
| CB |
6 |
Ahegao
|
| CB |
5 |
Slut Girl |
|
68'
|
| LB |
15 |
Secret Plot
|
| DM |
9 |
POMF-chan |
|
68'
|
| DM |
16 |
Step-sister
|
| DM |
47 |
Angel Blade |
|
45'
|
| AM |
11 |
Kneesocks
|
| CF |
2 |
Asuka Langley Soryu
|
| CF |
88 |
Titty Monster
|
| Substitutions:
|
| DM |
4 |
Bible Black |
|
45'
|
| CB |
17 |
Ino Yamanaka |
|
68'
|
| DM |
13 |
Incest |
|
68'
|
| Manager:
|
| bittenfeld !!YN/c61bWcAz
|
|
|
Man of the Match:
Cowboy Bebop (/a/)
|
|
|
Match Stats
|
|
| 1 (1)
|
Shots (On Target)
|
10 (4)
|
| 3 (0)
|
Fouls (Offside)
|
1 (1)
|
| 1
|
Free Kicks
|
3
|
| 0
|
Free Kicks scored
|
0
|
| 1
|
Corner Kicks
|
4
|
| 16
|
Interceptions
|
23
|
| 49%
|
Possession
|
51%
|
| 78%
|
Passes Completed
|
86%
|
| 10
|
Tackles Won
|
8
|
| 4
|
Saves
|
0
|
/tv/ v /po/
| Stadium: Benito Villamarin
|
16 August 2013, 18:30 UTC
|
Attendance: 1184
|
|
|
| GK |
10 |
High Ground
|
| RB |
11 |
Stannis the Mannis
|
| CB |
7 |
/cel/
|
| CB |
22 |
Zimbabwe
|
| LB |
19 |
L O S T
|
| DM |
23 |
Don Draper
|
| RM |
1 |
Poor Little White Guy
|
| CM |
13 |
Heat Legend
|
| LM |
20 |
Problem Child 2
|
| SS |
18 |
FOR YOU
|
| CF |
15 |
Real Human Being
|
| Substitutions:
|
| None
|
| Manager:
|
| SB !!m94on6l+3S3
|
|
|
|
|
| GK |
36 |
Pepakura
|
| RB |
10 |
Fretwork T-Rex
|
| CB |
3 |
Tacky Glue
|
| LB |
4 |
Big Head Mode
|
| DM |
5 |
Broken Printer
|
| RM |
8 |
Moneygami |
|
66'
|
| CM |
17 |
Paper Plane
|
| LM |
34 |
Template
|
| AM |
29 |
Chapsy
|
| CF |
28 |
Papercut
|
| CF |
22 |
Paper Goat
|
| Substitutions:
|
| None
|
| Manager:
|
Crafty/po/ster !!LbVTjNXXan6
PaperPlane !!g7i5VWxBJeX
|
|
|
Man of the Match:
Papercut (/po/)
|
|
|
Match Stats
|
|
| 8 (3)
|
Shots (On Target)
|
12 (6)
|
| 3 (1)
|
Fouls (Offside)
|
2 (0)
|
| 2
|
Free Kicks
|
3
|
| 0
|
Free Kicks scored
|
0
|
| 3
|
Corner Kicks
|
3
|
| 17
|
Interceptions
|
22
|
| 49%
|
Possession
|
51%
|
| 80%
|
Passes Completed
|
79%
|
| 10
|
Tackles Won
|
9
|
| 2
|
Saves
|
3
|
/a/ v /tv/
| Stadium: Konami Stadium
|
18 August 2013, 18:00 UTC
|
Attendance: 1698
|
Cowboy Bebop 13', 44', 46', 71'
Colossal Titan 90+'
|
|
|
|
|
| GK |
5 |
Accelerator
|
| RB |
2 |
Anno
|
| CB |
3 |
Kenshiro |
|
 66'
|
| CM |
4 |
Johj
|
| LB |
55 |
King of Gets
|
| DM |
14 |
Best Girl Thread |
|
66'
|
| DM |
15 |
Monokuma |
|
66'
|
| AM |
9 |
Inferno Cop
|
| AM |
1 |
Mugi
|
| SS |
10 |
Cowboy Bebop
|
| CF |
60 |
Colossal Titan
|
| Substitutions:
|
| CB |
9 |
Jojo |
|
66'
|
| DM |
19 |
Yamakan |
|
66'
|
| DM |
13 |
Tomoko |
|
66' |
|
83'
|
| Manager:
|
FiroBrochainezo !!uRlVQO2Akkq
Tottori !!sRN5AxsnGLL
|
|
|
|
|
| GK |
4 |
Sheeeeeeeet |
|
66'
|
| RB |
11 |
Stannis the Mannis
|
| CB |
7 |
/cel/ |
|
46' |
|
66'
|
| CM |
22 |
Zimbabwe
|
| LB |
19 |
L O S T
|
| RM |
1 |
Poor Little White Guy
|
| CM |
23 |
Don Draper |
|
66'
|
| LM |
16 |
Box Office Flop
|
| AM |
20 |
Problem Child 2
|
| SS |
18 |
FOR YOU
|
| CF |
15 |
Real Human Being
|
| Substitutions:
|
| GK |
8 |
Moffat |
|
66'
|
| CM |
21 |
Malick |
|
66'
|
| CB |
6 |
Fucken Dropped |
|
66'
|
| Manager:
|
| SB !!m94on6l+3S3
|
|
|
Man of the Match:
Cowboy Bebop (/a/)
|
|
|
Match Stats
|
|
| 10 (6)
|
Shots (On Target)
|
4 (2)
|
| 3 (0)
|
Fouls (Offside)
|
2 (1)
|
| 2
|
Free Kicks
|
3
|
| 1
|
Free Kicks scored
|
0
|
| 1
|
Corner Kicks
|
2
|
| 19
|
Interceptions
|
20
|
| 49%
|
Possession
|
51%
|
| 75%
|
Passes Completed
|
86%
|
| 14
|
Tackles Won
|
2
|
| 1
|
Saves
|
2
|
/h/ v /po/
| Stadium: Wembley Stadium
|
18 August 2013, 18:30 UTC
|
Attendance: 1621
|
|
|
| GK |
23 |
Garterbelt
|
| RB |
28 |
Mezzo Forte
|
| CB |
6 |
Ahegao
|
| CB |
17 |
Ino Yamanaka
|
| LB |
50 |
Fap Gauntlet
|
| DM |
11 |
Kneesocks |
|
31'
|
| RM |
1 |
Endless Ejaculation |
|
84'
|
| CM |
9 |
POMF-chan |
|
62'
|
| LM |
4 |
Bible Black
|
| SS |
88 |
Titty Monster |
|
71'
|
| CF |
2 |
Asuka Langley Soryu
|
| Substitutions:
|
| CM |
47 |
Angel Blade |
|
62'
|
| RM |
13 |
Incest |
|
84'
|
| Manager:
|
| bittenfeld !!YN/c61bWcAz
|
|
|
|
|
| GK |
11 |
Cutting Mat
|
| RB |
3 |
Tacky Glue
|
| CB |
10 |
Fretwork T-Rex
|
| LB |
4 |
Big Head Mode
|
| RM |
2 |
Craftwell
|
| CM |
6 |
Failed Project |
|
63' |
|
84'
|
| LM |
34 |
Template
|
| AM |
29 |
Chapsy
|
| AM |
17 |
Paper Plane
|
| CF |
28 |
Papercut
|
| CF |
22 |
Paper Goat
|
| Substitutions:
|
| CM |
7 |
Cubecraft |
|
84'
|
| Manager:
|
Crafty/po/ster !!LbVTjNXXan6
PaperPlane !!g7i5VWxBJeX
|
|
|
Man of the Match:
Paper Plane (/po/)
|
|
|
Match Stats
|
|
| 6 (2)
|
Shots (On Target)
|
12 (10)
|
| 5 (0)
|
Fouls (Offside)
|
1 (0)
|
| 1
|
Free Kicks
|
5
|
| 0
|
Free Kicks scored
|
0
|
| 0
|
Corner Kicks
|
3
|
| 22
|
Interceptions
|
20
|
| 50%
|
Possession
|
50%
|
| 77%
|
Passes Completed
|
76%
|
| 6
|
Tackles Won
|
10
|
| 7
|
Saves
|
1
|
/tv/ v /h/
| Stadium: Benito Villamarin
|
24 August 2013, 18:00 UTC
|
Attendance: 1180
|
|
|
| GK |
10 |
High Ground
|
| RB |
11 |
Stannis the Mannis |
|
73'
|
| CB |
22 |
Zimbabwe
|
| CB |
7 |
/cel/
|
| LB |
19 |
L O S T |
|
63'
|
| DM |
23 |
Don Draper |
|
63'
|
| RM |
1 |
Poor Little White Guy |
|
73'
|
| CM |
12 |
Yify
|
| LM |
20 |
Problem Child 2
|
| SS |
18 |
FOR YOU
|
| CF |
15 |
Real Human Being
|
| Substitutions:
|
| DM |
5 |
Plinkett |
|
63'
|
| LB |
9 |
Vietnam Fucking Shits |
|
63'
|
| RB |
17 |
[REVVING INTENSIFIES] |
|
73'
|
| Manager:
|
| SB !!m94on6l+3S3
|
|
|
|
|
| GK |
23 |
Garterbelt
|
| RB |
18 |
La Blue Girl |
|
73'
|
| CB |
25 |
Christmas Cake
|
| CB |
5 |
Slut Girl
|
| LB |
15 |
Secret Plot |
|
60'
|
| CM |
16 |
Step Sister
|
| DM |
9 |
POMF-chan
|
| LM |
11 |
Kneesocks
|
| AM |
4 |
Bible Black
|
| SS |
88 |
Titty Monster
|
| CF |
2 |
Asuka Langley Soryu
|
| Substitutions:
|
| LB |
50 |
Fap Gauntlet |
|
60'
|
| RB |
3 |
Umemaro 3D |
|
73'
|
| Manager:
|
| bittenfeld !!YN/c61bWcAz
|
|
|
Man of the Match:
Asuka Langley Soryu (/h/)
|
|
|
Match Stats
|
|
| 6 (4)
|
Shots (On Target)
|
9 (4)
|
| 2 (0)
|
Fouls (Offside)
|
3 (0)
|
| 3
|
Free Kicks
|
2
|
| 0
|
Free Kicks scored
|
1
|
| 1
|
Corner Kicks
|
4
|
| 17
|
Interceptions
|
13
|
| 50%
|
Possession
|
50%
|
| 86%
|
Passes Completed
|
82%
|
| 12
|
Tackles Won
|
12
|
| 4
|
Saves
|
3
|
/po/ v /a/
| Stadium: Wembley Stadium
|
24 August 2013, 18:30 UTC
|
Attendance: 1273
|
|
|
| GK |
36 |
Pepakura
|
| RB |
26 |
Automata
|
| CB |
4 |
Big Head Mode
|
| LB |
15 |
Pop Up
|
| RM |
37 |
Graphig |
|
71'
|
| DM |
18 |
Sketch Up
|
| LM |
9 |
PDO |
|
71'
|
| AM |
29 |
Chapsy
|
| AM |
17 |
Paper Plane
|
| CF |
28 |
Papercut
|
| CF |
22 |
Paper Goat
|
| Substitutions:
|
| RM |
8 |
Moneygami |
|
71'
|
| LM |
34 |
Template |
|
71'
|
| Manager:
|
Crafty/po/ster !!LbVTjNXXan6
PaperPlane !!g7i5VWxBJeX
|
|
|
|
|
| GK |
8 |
8man
|
| RB |
11 |
Eru Erufu |
|
62'
|
| CB |
19 |
Jojo
|
| CB |
16 |
Horahorahora |
|
71'
|
| LB |
55 |
King of Gets
|
| DM |
15 |
Monokuma
|
| RM |
14 |
Best Girl Thread |
|
71'
|
| LM |
1 |
Mugi
|
| AM |
9 |
Inferno Cop
|
| SS |
10 |
Cowboy Bebop
|
| CF |
60 |
Colossal Titan
|
| Substitutions:
|
| RB |
2 |
Anno |
|
62'
|
| CB |
4 |
Johj |
|
71'
|
| RM |
13 |
Tomoko |
|
71'
|
| Manager:
|
FiroBrochainezo !!uRlVQO2Akkq
Tottori !!sRN5AxsnGLL
|
|
|
Man of the Match:
Colossal Titan (/a/)
|
|
|
Match Stats
|
|
| 4 (1)
|
Shots (On Target)
|
11 (8)
|
| 3 (0)
|
Fouls (Offside)
|
1 (1)
|
| 1
|
Free Kicks
|
3
|
| 0
|
Free Kicks scored
|
0
|
| 1
|
Corner Kicks
|
2
|
| 21
|
Interceptions
|
17
|
| 53%
|
Possession
|
47%
|
| 84%
|
Passes Completed
|
76%
|
| 6
|
Tackles Won
|
12
|
| 3
|
Saves
|
1
|
