Rigged Wiki:Players of the week

November 2012

Wednesday 21st November

	Putin   CF
	Height: 189cm Weight: 82kg Skillcards: S01, S05, S06
	Влади́мир Влади́мирович Пу́тин is the gold player, captain, and all-time leading goalscorer of /int/. He enjoyed moderate early success with the board as they finished in fourth place in the 2012 Spring Cup. While the team had no manager for the following Summer Cup, his hegemonic authority over his side (and most opposition defences) led them to the final of the cup, and the Golden Boot with a spectacular twelve goals in six games. His prolific form earned him a place in the Summer Cup All Stars side, where he scored another three goals. Putin will be hoping to replicate his past form and go one step further in the coming Winter Cup by bringing /int/ their first trophy.

Wednesday 28th November

	Nigramarines   CB
	Height: 205cm Weight: 124kg Skillcards: P06
	Standing at a mighty 205cm tall and weighing 124kg, the imposing Nigramarines is the starting centre back and captain of /tg/. Present even before the board all fa/tg/uys call home even existed, he assisted in the righteous defence of /b/ from the accursed furry invasion. The pool was emphatically closed as Wednesday became Warhammer Wednesday. Nigramarines has been a staple of the /tg/ squad since its inception, acting as the solid anchor of the back line as one of two bronze players. While he is yet to taste true success, the team has been on promising runs in the 2012 Winter and Summer Cups. Nigramarines will be looking forward to the upcoming FLGS Cup with great fervour, hoping to redeem himself after /tg/ let five goals by in the match that started it all.

December 2012

Wednesday 5th December

	I Like Trains   CF
	Height: 190cm Weight: 76kg Cards: S05, P18, P12
	From the dark days of benchwarming before the Spring, I Like Trains took /n/ by the balls and went on a meteoric rise to become the team's gold player. Feared by defences across 4chan, he has scored in just over 60% of /n/'s matches - a total of 17 goals in 18 - made all the more impressive by his role as an attacking midfielder rather than the out-and-out forward role he has just recently inherited. I Like Trains plays as the dynamo of /n/, with his card selection allowing him to influence play across the length and breadth of the pitch. After /n/ qualified from the Babby Cup at the first attempt in Spring, he played a vital role in the Summer Cup campaign, scoring in all but one of his matches. After consecutive Quarter Final defeats, I Like Trains will be pulling /n/ harder than ever before to break that barrier in the Winter.

Wednesday 12th December

	Woody   CF
	Height: 200cm Weight: 80kg Cards: S01, S02, S06
	While his off-field antics may leave much to be desired, on the field Woody is the mercurial gold striker of /toy/. This enterprising buckaroo has scored a stunning twenty goals in eighteen appearances for /toy/, making him one of the deadliest finishers in the game. His card setup is all about goalscoring, with S01 providing the deft touch needed in the final third, while S02 and S06 allow for the deadliest of strikes. When his midfield supply chain of Matty, Optimus Prime and Madoka Titus are in form, goals are an inevitability. Woody's most successful moments to date are a victory on penalties against /cgl/ in the knockout stage of the Spring Babby Cup, in which he scored a hattrick, and a demolition of /n/ at the quarter final stage of the Summer Cup where he scored another four goals. With Tinker/toy/ !KKNPpJRADo no longer around to keep Woody on the right track, the question remains whether incumbent therookie562 !!zCyzwImHm2h has what it takes to extract the maximum from his star player.

Wednesday 19th December

	Autism   CF
	Height: 181cm Weight: 80kg Cards: S05
	Autism is the silver striker of /jp/. As the cyanoacrylate glue that holds us together, in a comedic twist of fate this highly sought-after player ended up representing the board that hates us so, so much. Autism has been part of /jp/ since its formation at the beginning of the year and has maintained a healthy scoring rate with two braces to his name against /o/ and /ck/. With a dazzling spectrum of skills Autism acts as the foil to Get out of /jp/, using Speed Merchant to pressure the opposition defence as his strike partner reaps the rewards. He will be feeling the pressure with the dawn of 2013, as /jp/'s survival as a top-tier team will hang in the balance when the Winter Cup begins in February. A mere consolation goal to his name against /f/ in /jp/'s recent friendly defeat may have done little to ease his jangling nerves. Keep an eye out for 4chan's most popular buzzword in the upcoming Weeabowl as /jp/ face /cgl/ in their opening round.

Wednesday 26th December

	Christmas Cake   CB
	Height: 187cm Weight: 83kg Cards: None.
	Christmas Cake. Sweet. Delicious. But do you really want it after the 25th? Didn't think so. In Nihon the same goes for women. If you're not married by a certain age then no self-respecting man gonna want you. Formerly a defensive midfielder and early recruit for the side, /h/'s Christmas Cake is a starting center back, partnering the diminutive Clementine and bronze NTR. Professionally Evolved Soccer turned out to be the perfect outlet for this woman's romantic and sexual frustrations, as she has forced her way into the starting eleven. This player has been known to blow a fuse at the most subtle questioning of her enduring singledom, so all opposition beware, and spare a thought this Christmas for those less fortunate.

January 2013

Wednesday 2nd January

	Spacebat   CF
	Height: 186cm Weight: 86kg Cards: S05, S16, S20
	The brave little flying mammal who longed to reach the stars, Spacebat is the team captain, gold player and star striker of /an/. He was brought back from low-earth orbit to compete for the side and exploded onto the 4chan Cup scene, scoring four goals in his debut match against /po/ in the Spring Babby Cup. Spacebat has a taste for the spectacular, sporting the Jumping Volley and Double Touch skillcards, while Speed Merchant leaves most defenders in his wake. In recent months this winged wonder's performances have entered a slight lull with only a single goal to his name in the Autumn Babby Cup. Some have questioned whether the striker could live up to his reputation in PES 2013, but he went some way towards proving the doubters wrong with a quickfire double against /g/ in their recent friendly.

Wednesday 9th January

	Messi   CF
	Height: 169cm Weight: 63kg Cards: S01, S05, P18
	Lionel Andrés "Leo" Messi is /sp/'s talismanic gold center forward. What Messi lacks in stature he makes up for in class with unparalleled close control of the football and excellent mobility thanks to a low center of gravity. Messi has scored at least once in all but one of /sp/'s official tournament matches since the 2012 Winter Cup. Since the same tournament, his goals-per-game ratio in tournaments stands at 1.46 goals per game - a ratio more fruitful than some entire teams have recorded. The omnipresent S01 and S05 skillcards provide gold players with an extra edge, while P18 helps Messi capitalise on his all-round strength across the pitch. His greatest moment is a hattrick versus /int/ in the 2012 Summer Cup final (a certain comeback versus /d/ is a close second place). Messi's unceremonious ditching from the first team in place of bitter rival Who /a/ here? was perhaps his lowest point, but he wasted no time in re-establishing himself as /sp/'s star in time for the 2013 Winter Cup.

Wednesday 16th January

	Maya   RWF
	Height: 182cm Weight: 72kg Cards: S01, P04
	Autodesk Maya is /3/'s silver player. Spending his earlier days as a second striker, Maya's role is now to play as a right wing forward, entrusted with the task of terrorising opposition left backs and supplying pinpoint passes to gold striker 3DS Max. Equipped with P04, he makes easy work of slower defenders and S01 allows for quick transfer of the ball to the center of the pitch (or back of the net). Maya didn't take long in finding his scoring boots, with five goals in five matches during /3/'s debut tournament and helping the team finish second to /m/. Unusually, Maya appears most score-happy in friendlies, with a double brace, hat-trick and two braces in four previous friendlies. A goalless Autumn Babby Cup last year likely failed to meet his expectations, so Spring will be a key opportunity for redemption.

Wednesday 23rd January

	Consentacles   GK
	Height: 191cm Weight: 68kg Cards: S26
	Consentacles is /d/'s starting goalkeeper and the team captain. While a polite and gentle soul with a delicate touch, he isn't afraid to defend his board's honour. Equipped with S26, he can use his many appendages to amazing effect with increased range on throws. Although on the end of the occasional thrashing in friendlies, Consentacles leaves his best work for tournaments. Letting only three goals by in the 2012 Spring Babby Cup group stage was enough to see /d/ through to the knockout stage, where an excellent clean sheet versus /toy/ guaranteed a place in the semi-finals where they only lost out to the indomitable /m/. Consentacles' opening match in the following Summer Cup was one to forget, but he bounced back with a clean sheet against /o/ in the following match and the team did enough to make it to the knockout stage, with yet another clean sheet coming against /pol/ in a 1-0 win. After a long wait Consentacles will be squirming to get back into official tournament action next month.

Wednesday 30th January

	The Flash   CF
	Height: 196cm Weight: 70kg Cards: S01, S05, P18
	The Flash is /co/'s gold striker and team captain. Wasting no time on his debut, he scored late on in a 3-2 victory against /o/ then bagged a hat-trick against /tg/ in their memorable ten-goal clash. After a barren spell, Flash lost his place in the starting line-up to Donald, but after series of frustrating performances from the pretender to the throne in the Summer, Flash was able to reclaim his gold standard. Outfitted with the common S01/S05 card combination for gold players, the emphasis is on speed and skill, while P18 allows a player to influence play across the pitch. True to his reputation, Flash is developing an uncanny penchant for scoring early, evidenced in the FLGS Cup and in their recent friendly versus /sp/. /co/'s Winter Cup hopes will depend on The Flash maintaining his deadly form and using relentless pace to consign rivals to the Babby Cup.

February 2013

Wednesday 5th February

	Stormfront   AMF
	Height: 175cm Weight: 77kg Cards: S05, P06, P14
	Stormfront is /pol/'s gold player. Backed up by the unlikely midfield partnership of Hitler and Jews, he is the central component of /pol/'s attack. As the spine of the side Stormfront uses his boundless powers of bigotry to overpower the opposition. One of his most famous moments was a four-goal demolition (in thirty minutes, no less) of /mlp/ in the Spring Babby Cup. Some Ponis still hear Erika in their sleep and are undergoing long-term therapy. The P06 card allows Stormfront to deliver highly-accurate passes to forwards, namely silver striker Doompaul, from range while P14 lets him take control with the ball and bear down on goal alone. The recent World Series invitational was a good warm-up for Stormfront who scored four times in the competition. Winter doesn't bring any easy matches but Stormfront will be placing his faith in the strength of White Pride to pull himself and /pol/ through to the knockout stage.

Wednesday 13th February

	Jeff Mangum   AMF
	Height: 205cm Weight: 90kg Cards: S01, S05, P08
	Jeff Mangum is /mu/'s gold player and captain. No longer fully active on the music scene, he spends his free time leading his team, deploying the power of our Holy Messiah to smite enemy defenders. /mu/'s recent match against Winter Cup-holders /k/ turned the tournament on its head, and the attacking midfielder played a massive role in rewriting the record books for himself and the team. He scored the fastest ever five-goal haul, dispatching all of them in the space of fifty-four minutes, and lifted /mu/ to the (temporarily) greatest ever victory in 4chan Cup history. Mangum is equipped with the commonplace S01 and S05 cards for gold players, and is also run with P08, imbuing him with the desire to influence play from one end of the pitch to the other. A likely Round of 16 berth awaits for /mu/ in the Winter Cup, and while it remains to be seen whether Mangum can lead them to glory, recent form suggests it is a real possibility.

Wednesday 20th February

	Trollpost
	Height: 244cm Width: 732cm Cards: SXX, PXX
	You see this? It's your reckoning. Your dream maker and heartbreaker. Trollpost is the arbiter of your fate. Taking the form of an inanimate metal frame measuring 8 yards wide by 8 feet high, it doesn't care whether your favourite team scores that sudden death penalty, or that injury time free kick, or that title-clinching goal. Its only job is to deflect, a role Trollpost has unflinchingly performed since the inception of the 4chan Cup. Trollpost has intervened far too many times to count this Winter, having a significant and irreversible effect on the outcome of the tournament. It will intervene again. It is waiting. Has it already denied your favourite team a goal? It doesn't matter. Trollpost will do it again when the time comes without a second thought. Prepare for the rebound.

Sunday 24th February (Special Germanbro Edition)

	Germanbro
	Also known by aliases including GB, NewTurkeybro, Portugalbro, rigbro, rigmaster, big rigger and le happy merchant, Germanbro is the founder of the 4chan Cup. Raised on the mean, sewage-ridden streets of /v/, he had a dream in which the boards of 4chan were united in the spirit of competition, where the highest bidder would claim glory in a highly elaborate and profitable money-making scheme. Hosting all but one major cup to date, not even he could have envisioned the way it capitvated the minds of thousands of people who have come to watch competitions ever since. Aside from hosting action-packed streams, making flawlessly accurate tactical changes with his state-of-the-art game controllers on reliable German internet, he entertained us with vidya, making abominable creatures in Spore, death rockets in Kerbal Space Program and sailing the seven seas in Sid Meier's Pirates in a scarily accurate facsimile of his real-life exploits - plundering innocent 4channers' wallets of all their gold. Let us also not forget Germanbro, forever immortalised as the striker of /ro11/, unashamedly using unfair advantage to humiliate all hard-working boards regardless of creed or colour. Most of all, let us not forget all the excellent moments we've shared with Germanbro as host, gamer, ruseman, and person who made the 4chan Cup possible. His flight to Brazil is booked. His suitcase is packed and his boundless riches have been transferred to an offshore bank account. He rigged it his way, and we are thankful.

March 2013

Wednesday 13th March

	Takashi Natsume   CB
	Height: 189cm Weight: 85kg Cards: None
	Takashi Natsume is a center-back representing /cm/. Having been a mainstay of the side from its early days, those that dared cross his path risked having every bone in their body broken via a disgraceful and poorly-timed challenge. The Autumn Babby Cup was a rollercoaster ride for Natsume and everyone who witnessed his displays. 15 minutes into /cm/'s campaign, he gave away a penalty to /an/ and earned himself a booking with a poor challenge in the box. Thankfully Date Masamune made the same to keep his side level. Two matches later he made another lazy challenge to get a straight red in the dying moments of the match against /y/, leaving his team with a selection headache going into the knockout stage. Doing all he could to sabotage /cm/'s efforts, it's a wonder Natsume is still on the /cm/ roster at all. His performances provoked an angry reaction from manager KageyamasGhost !Amorw9dlQ2, and he was dropped from the starting line-up after the cup, though we had not seen the last of him. Spectators' heads turned and looked on as fear as Natsume come on in the 83rd minute against /x/ in the group stage of the recent Winter Cup. Thankfuly for everyone involved, no late tackles were thrown, no cards were brandished, and Nastume spared himself any embarrasing moments. He went one better in the quarter finals, starting the match and helping /cm/ to a well-earned clean sheet versus /a/. The path to redemption has been cleared for this firebrand player, but only time will tell whether he makes in-roads back into the starting eleven in time for the Summer.

Wednesday 20th March

	Bearforce   CF
	Height: 192cm Weight: 100kg Cards: S02, S05, S20, P12
	Eyebrows were raised when /hm/ manager Falcon71 dropped all-time top scorer Blonde Fernando Torres, along with a number of other players, for a shipment of new blood before the 2013 Winter Cup. One of those players was center-forward Bearforce. Little was made of /hm/'s chances going into the tournament but Bearforce had designs on taking a firm, hairy grip on proceedings. His first goal came late on against /v/ in /hm/'s second match of the group stage. While the goal was not enough to earn his side any points, it was merely a sign of things to come. After just eight minutes in their final group stage match against /ck/, Bearforce opened the scoring. It was to be his first of five in that match, very nearly six, were it not for Sad Crab saving his one-on-one effort at the death. BEAR. FORCE. ONE. was the chorus echoing throughout the stadium as hundreds of spectators watched on in homoerotically-charged awe. The match may have been somewhat inconsequential but the memory will likely prove to be lasting. With the new regulations now in place for Spring, Bearforce now has four cards. S02, S05 and S20 are handy additions to an already maxed-out repertoire, while P12 provides the predatory instinct required to better defences. While /hm/ may have made an exit from the Winter Cup at the hands of /a/, Bearforce left on a high by netting another goal in that match, and he will be hoping for more success come Summer having helped cement his side's top-tier status.

April 2013

Wednesday 17th April

	Noobius Expedia   GK
	Height: 198cm Weight: 109kg Cards: None
	Noobius Expedia is a goalkeeper for /trv/. While not officially a member of the starting lineup he has traded places with Darien Gap regularly to get his fair share of tournament experience. His full tournament debut in the Autumn Babby Cup was a good one, keeping a clean sheet against (the slightly rigged) /cgl/. He gave way to Darien Gap for the following match but was back in goal for the final group stage game. Expedia had the very rare honour of scoring a free kick for his side against /sci/, curving the ball over the wall and into the top right corner from some 25 yards. He was back in goal for the next match, a Round of 16 showdown against /hm/. Unfortunately the match ended in a 3-0 defeat but the team had done enough to secure their top-tier status in the Winter, and Expedia had earned himself a spot in the Autumn's all-stars team. Come Winter he struggled to force his way into the starting lineup as Darien Gap started the first two matches of the group stage in the Winter Cup. He finally got his chance against /wg/ but disappointed as he conceded twice from three on-target shots to confirm /trv/'s drop back to Babby Cup level.

Wednesday 24th April

	Zyzz   GK
	Height: 189cm Weight: 82kg Cards: S01, S05, P12, P16
	Zyzz is /fit/'s talismanic gold center forward. A member of the squad since its formation in Summer 2011, the sculpted Zyzz has played a key role for /fit/ in tournaments ever since, helping the team to maintain Elite status, having never been relegated from the top tier of competition. Including his pre-resurrection appearances under the name Dead Zyzz, he has amassed a respectable total of 15 career goals. A hatrick versus /vg/ in the group stage of the 2013 Winter Cup was enough to earn Zyzz a man of the match award, and overall the striker totalled five goals and two assists in four matches during the tournament. Outfitted with two skillcards and two playstyle cards, S01 and S05 are near-enough standard for any gold player, while P12 and P16 turn Zyzz into a predatory striker ready to pounce on any opportunity. Often scoring in tandem with strike partner Tinytrip, the latter's promotion from silver to gold will hopefully lead to an even more fruitful goalscoring partnership. The goals show no sign of drying up after Zyzz netted as recently as this Spring's friendlies against /h/ and the forward will have sights on motivating /fit/ to make history and earn their first trophy come the Summer.

May 2013

Wednesday 1st May

	Haunter   LMF
	Height: 187cm Weight: 77kg Cards: P07, P08
	Perhaps the most handsome, definitely the most smug, Haunter is /soc/'s first-choice left midfielder. Haunter was an addition to the /soc/ squad in late Summer 2012 and made his full tournament debut at the Autumn Babby Cup of that year. It was there he experienced what was probably his most memorable moment, [scoring the goal] which gave /soc/ the lead in a thrilling 5-3 win against /gif/ during the group stage. /soc/ managed to advance to the Winter Cup, where Haunter again got on the scoresheet in a 5-2 defeat to /toy/ and again in a 7-0 demolition of /h/. With the new regulations he has been promoted to silver standard and now has a new card setup. P08 ensures Haunter is always there when /soc/ need him, covering the entirety of the pitch and never being afraid to make a tackle from deep. When going forward, P07 allows him to whip in crosses at will and catch the opposition defence off guard. Overall Haunter now has the makings of a standout player for /soc/, and time will tell whether he has what it takes to help /soc/ back to the top tier over the coming few weekends.

Wednesday 8th May

	Uguu~   DMF
	Height: 180cm Weight: 85kg Cards: P02, P08
	Ayu Tsukimiya, known by her moniker Uguu~, is a starting defensive midfielder for /c/. Beginning her career as a silver attacking midfielder, Uguu~ was a goalscoring threat early on in /c/'s history and has scored 3 of /c/'s 14 goals in official matches to date. Lacking communication skills on the pitch did not act to the detriment of her performance against /u/ last Autumn when she scored a brace, making her /c/'s top goalscorer for the tournament. A tactical overhaul in Spring 2013 saw Uguu~ move to the current defensive mifield position where she is now run with the P02 and P06 cards, though she is now just a default player having taken a demotion from silver. P02 gives the player the duty of playing in front of the back line as an additional line of defence, while P06 lets Uguu~ carve out attacking chances from deep within her own half. Spring has started well for /c/, and while Uguu~ made way for team mate Hanako midway through the second half in the first group stage match against /b/, she was still part of a confident 4-1 win. The following two matches will be make or break for /c/, and Uguu~ will likely play a central role in her side's fortunes against /fa/ and /co/.

Wednesday 22nd May

	Pyramid Head   CF
	Height: 204cm Weight: 90kg Cards: S01, S05, S06, P12
	Pyramid Head is a gold center forward for /x/. Now an established and intimidating player for the team, Pyramid Head began life on the fringes. His tournament debut in Winter 2013 was low-key as he earned only a single cap, versus /sp/, and was subbed off after only fifty-five minutes. /x/'s performance at the cup was underwhelming and they would return in three months to fight to regain their elite status in Spring. Pyramid Head returned also - resplendent in rust and, true to his name, sporting a giant polygonal head. Now pushed to the head of the starting lineup as a gold player, his performances were integral to /x/'s success, scoring the goal versus /diy/ which secured the team's promotion to the Summer Cup. His work was by no means done as he scored once versus /po/ in the Round of 16, bagging a hat-trick versus /ck/ in the quarters and scoring again in a semi-final defeat to /mlp/. Pyramid Head finished joint second in the goalscorer rankings with eight goals. This is a player set up to be a goalscoring machine, playing at the center of an attack with S01, S05, S06 and P12, and measuring over two meters tall to create an aerial threat. Pyramid Head struck fear into his opponents this Spring but whether the Summer elite will fall foul to his prowess is another matter altogether.

June 2013

Wednesday 5th June

	Nipaa   CF
	Height: 179cm Weight: 75kg Cards: S05 P06, P12
	Nipaa is a center forward for /f/. Nipaa began /f/ life on the sidelines but took her chance when chosen to start versus /gif/ in 2012's Autumn friendlies by scoring a first-half brace. She was soon bumped into the infamous five-man forward line of the team's 2012 Autumn Babby Cup campaign, though further goals were not forthcoming and that tournament was a fruitless one for the striker. In the long gap from Autumn to Spring, Nipaa scored once in each of /f/'s friendlies leading up to their next tournament outing, versus /jp/, /vp/, and bitter rivals /mlp/. Spring saw Nipaa head the /f/ attack as a lone striker. To help her on, she was promoted to silver and given three cards. S05, P06 and P12 are standard fare for any striker but give an important edge against 77-rated defences. /f/ were unable to advance from the group stage with only three points, but Nipaa made a good effort to bag goals against /ck/ and /sci/ before the side made their exit. An surprise turn of events saw /f/ advance to the Summer Cup in unusual circumstances. Fortuitous the circumstances may be, but /f/ will now get the chance to Nipaa against some of the best the 4chan Cup has to offer in August. Before then, Nipaa will do battle versus Uguu~ of /c/ in the battle of moonspeak gibberish in the Summer Cup friendlies.

July 2013

Friday 12th July

	Cunt Destroyer   CF
	Height: 188cm Weight: 79kg Cards: S01, S05, S09, P16
	Cunt Destroyer is a gold center forward for /wg/. He has been with the team since the beginning, and has earned his spot as the team's most identifiable face. In /wg/'s third game ever in the 2012 Summer Cup Friendlies, he scored a goal in the 8th minute against /jp/. Though /wg/ lost that game, it would begin Cunt Destroyer's distinguished career of destroying the defenses of /wg/'s opponents. /wg/ would then obliterate /sci/ 7-1 in the Autumn Friendlies with Cunt Destroyer leading with an astounding four goals, and even then it seems that he was only warming up. As /wg/ swept the Autumn Babby Cup, it was Cunt Destroyer at the front with 13 goals in total for the cup. He would also secure 6 goals during the 2013 Winter Cup, as well as /wg/'s status as an elite team. /wg/ returns for another shot at a main cup this summer, and make no mistake: Cunt Destroyer is no underdog.

Wednesday 24th July

	Accelerator   GK
	Height: 189cm Weight: 82kg Cards: None
	As long as there's been a 4chan Cup, Accelerator has tended goal for /a/. His mastery of vectors has secured him a spot in the starting roster since day one, and proved himself early on as a vital part of the team as /a/ won the inaugural 2011 Summer Cup. Fatigue, however, takes its toll even on psychotic anti-heroes, and Accelerator has struggled with fellow goalkeepers Korbo and Genzo Wakabayashi to be the final bulwark for /a/ with varying degrees of success. While /a/ has yet to capture a second title, the team has managed to avoid relegation to the babbies in every major cup since by utilizing a one-two punch of heavy offense and great defense from Accelerator, often resulting in large goal deficits in /a/'s favor. Accelerator has most recently displayed a commanding performance in the 2013 Summer Friendlies, pulling 5 impressive saves against /h/ and then 3 against /fit/ the following day. If Accelerator keeps up this performance in the upcoming Summer Cup, goals against /a/ are sure to be few and far between.

Wednesday 31st July

	Sauce   SS
	Height: 189cm Weight: 82kg Cards: S05, S06, P03
	Want to know who that woman with the fantastic jiggling booty is? Sauce! Want something more extensive to fap to than the same 14 second loop you've watched for the eighty-third time? Sauce! You want to score goals and get your lube in a giffy? Then your best bet is Sauce! Sauce is the gooey paste which unites all of /gif/, both the board and the team, and is the team's Captain and and recently-anointed Second Striker. Sauce and his completely unique co-player, Source, form the spearhead of /gif/'s offense. Though the team is is not a fan-favorite, Sauce, historically a Center Forward, has displayed several performances worthy of cheer. He scored all four of /gif/'s opening game against /g/ in the 2012 Spring Friendlies. He also fought hard against a dominant /soc/ in the Autumn Babby Cup, scoring a hat-trick against /soc/'s five goals. Sauce and /gif/ will return this Autumn under new management and a new desire to lube some goals through their opponents' net.

August 2013

Wednesday 7th August

	Protoman   CB
	Height: 186cm Weight: 79kg Cards: S19, S24, P06
	Protoman is a center back for /v/. The Blue Bomber's brother was added to the team's ever-fluent roster around the Summer of 2012 to stand ready at the second line of defense. He is not your typical defender, for he is a silver player equipped with an arsenal of cards. Lunging Tackle puts his massive boots to the most effective use possible when sliding, while Weighted Pass and Pinpoint Pass allow him to get the ball to faraway teammates with grace and precision. In /v/'s most recent game against /tg/, Protoman took advantage of a corner, heading the ball for /v/'s third goal in the dying minutes of the game. So be careful, opponents of /v/, for Protoman proves there are still heroes left in this team.

Wednesday 14th August

	Moist Nugget   CMF
	Height: 190cm Weight: 90kg Cards: S02, S06, S19, P02
	Affordable. Reliable. Deadly. Also known by his real name of Mosin-Nagant, Moist Nugget is /k/'s golden center midfielder. Historically he was a silver player who spent most of his time in the midfield enforcing /k/'s defenses. Even then Moist Nugget was a player with higher aspirations, as he broke from the midfield and scored two goals during the 2012 Autumn Friendlies. The first of these was a literal last-minute goal against /gif/, and then a 37th minute goal against /pol/ the following game. Now a gold under GGSS, Moist Nugget has been reequipped with with a set of cards more suited to make him well-rounded instead of just a defender. Lunging Tackle and Anchor Man carry on his defensive tradition while Weighted Pass and Long Range Drive makes him an expert at blooting the ball towards either a teammate or the goal, depending on which he sees fit. It seems that /k/'s glory days are behind it now, but fortunes can always change in the 4chan Cup, especially considering /k/'s new management which will debut this Autumn. If we're to see improvement in the team, Moist Nugget will surely play a key role.

Wednesday 21st August

	Install Gentoo   CF
	Height: 186cm Weight: 76kg Cards: S01, S02, S06, P02
	Install Gentoo is a center forward for /g/. In the past he was a standard starting AMF with only a single Long Range Drive card in his name. /g/'s score history is uniquely diverse and distributed amongst its roster, and Install Gentoo got a piece of this action against /mu/ during the 2012 Autumn Friendlies. Though /g/ lay dead and dormant in more recent times, they were still given a second chance in the Summer Cup thanks to Dragongate, and a new manager with new changes came along with it. Install Gentoo was promoted to team captain, a gold player, and to the position of CF in one fell swoop. /g/ was drawn into the decisively difficult Group E an unfortunately got relegated, but Install Gentoo went down swinging. The game against /m/ would prove fruitless, but Install Gentoo did slip one goal past /jp/. In the historic third match, /sp/ would fulfil the bare minimum requirements to avoid relegation, but in another universe /g/ could have easily locked /sp/ out as Install Gentoo repeatedly hammered away at the goal with only DA BURRS's wall-like defense saving the whole team. We will see Install Gentoo again in Autumn, where only a little bit further tweaking could make him and the the rest of /g/ a dangerous force.

September 2013

Wednesday 25th September

Nachos   CF Height: 190cm Weight: 75kg Cards: S05, S06, S20, P12

Every team of the 4chan Cup boasts a star player whose face can represent the entire team. Few teams, however, have players that capture the essence of the entire cup, but /ck/ is one of those teams with their front-man Nachos. Center forward, captain, and dependable like a dear friend, Nachos is among the most veteran players for both /ck/ and the entire 4chan Cup. With 32 recorded career goals, be it in good times or bad, he is the herald of /ck/'s upbeat bistro goalhorn which gets all present spectators humming. Long-time manager TunaMerchant has retired and been replaced by rookie AntacidCanada. Nachos welcomed the new management in /ck/'s most recent Friendly against /adv/ by cooking up a two-goal casserole. The win is a promising start, and we shall see where AntacidCanada will take /ck/ from here on out. Wherever it is, Nachos will certainly be there, playing his hardest as always.

October 2013

Wednesday 2nd October

Cheapass   LMF Height: 177cm Weight: 71kg Cards: S05, P07, P09

Cheapass is a left midfielder for /diy/. The personification of /diy/'s self-reliant spirit, Cheapass aims to play games in the most economical way possible. While teammates Dumpster Diver and Macgyver are the tip of /diy/'s offense, their points are only made possible from support from players like Cheapass. He uses the Speed Merchant card to sway past defense, and combines it with Incisive Run and Early Cross to deliver the ball to the strikers at the most opportune times. Its with the help of his efforts that /diy/ is amongst the most promising looking former Dragonfag teams coming out of the Autumn Friendlies. Cheapass can often be seen after games washing his jersey with a stolen bar of soap in the locker room showers.

Wednesday 9th October

Nikola Tesla   SS Height: 188cm Weight: 85kg Cards: S01, S02, P16

/sci/ is a team almost notorious for being known by a single face, to the point that it's been jokingly called “Bill Nye and 10 other guys who don't deserve to be on the same field as Bill Nye.” This is grossly untrue, for /sci/ has at least one unsung hero in the form of celibate scientist Nikola Tesla. This silver second striker is always found supporting Bill, or even outshining him. He has scored 5 career goals - always against challenging teams such as /co/, /ck/, and /fit/, and it's also interesting to note in all but one of these goals Bill was not able to match him for those particular games. It's simply shocking that Tesla has not been given more credit up until this point! /sci/ returns to the field for the Autumn Babby Cup, and though he and Bill will work together for the good of the team, they shall continue to compete to see who is the better scientist and scorer.

Wednesday 16th October

Huge Orson Welles   CB Height: 205cm Weight: 110kg Cards: S24

At the peak of his career, he was among the biggest stars in Hollywood. In the waning days of his career, he was among the biggest men in Hollywood. Today, he is known as Huge Orson Welles and plays as a center back for lit/. Orson is a no-nonsense personality who views any attacks on /lit/'s side of the field as a petty nuisance almost beneath his grandeur. Almost. Huge Orson Welles is a master of the Lunging Tackle, throwing his immense girth towards his opponent to stop any goal drives in their tracks. Expect yellow cards, if not broken ankles, when this happens. When asked about concerns if he should be playing professional divegrass given his weight, Huge Orson Welles proceeded to laugh uproariously at the journalist, and then called him a faggot.

Wednesday 30th October

Stacy's Mom   AMF Height: 180cm Weight: 80kg Cards: S01, S05, P04

The woman who would become /s/'s newest starting AMF spent her early days on the bench with the simple moniker of MILF. With the Autumn Qualifiers she brought her identity out from the shadows and is now called Stacy's Mom, and ladies & gentlemen, she has got it going on. Don't let her age fool you, because this cougar is as spry as any player half her age. Passing, shooting, and even raw speed-running, she can do it all. Always on the hunt for ball possession, and subsequent goals, Stacy's Mom utilizes Darting Run to charge forward in a blitz. She most recently scored 2 goals against /vp/ in the qualifiers, and though that game was a loss, she ultimately proved essential to advancing /s/ into the Autumn Babby Cup by scoring one winning goal in the vital game against /asp/. Now in the Babby Cup, it may be advised for /s/'s opponents to keep an eye on Stacy's Mom, but be warned, for she already has her eye on you too. And on him. And him...

November 2013

Wednesday 6th November

Loomis   CF Height: 205cm Weight: 79kg Cards: S02, P04, P05, P10

As the guiding light of his board, /ic/ captain Loomis has much to live up to. To some extent he has fulfilled expectations for the minnows - /ic/ have never lost a match in which their esteemed striker and captain has scored. Loomis had to wait some time for his maiden goal after playing second fiddle to the aptly-named Main Dude in 2012's Summer friendlies. His moment finally arrived the coming season as he scored early on against /diy/ to help them on to a 2-1 friendly victory. /ic/'s tournament debut was one to forget, though Loomis was able to leave with a single goal to his name in a victory against promotees /h/. After a listless Winter /ic/ held firm in their reputation as draw masters in the most recent Spring Babby Cup. In spite of his three-goal contribution, for all their efforts /ic/ again failed to advance to the big time with a meagre two points to their name. Following the new height regulations after the Summer Cup, Loomis held on to his imposing 205cm stature making him an important target man. With a card set betraying his size, Loomis is equipped for deft touches and mazy runs and is never shy to attempt a shot on goal from any range. Autumn 2013 represented the most important time in their short history, fighting for a chance to remain a Babby and possibly remain a living team at all. While manager Pato struggled to make it to the dugout, Loomis put /ic/ on his back as they earned 2-2 draws against resolute /gd/ and their fellow provisionals, eager /e/. With three goals and two man of the match awards, Loomis' importance to the side were clear to see. Autumn spelled a seasonal rematch against /diy/, though this one held much more importance than the last. Another goal in another draw ended Loomis' tournament with four goals in as many matches though his side would not advance with only three points. Loomis must reflect during a second quiet Winter, bring things back to basics, and teach /ic/ how to move beyond their sketchy past.

Wednesday 27th November

Taylor Swift   CF Height: 195cm Weight: 66kg Cards: S01, S02, S06, P12

Here comes trouble! Taylor Swift has been a center forward for /hr/ since its conception just before the 2012 Autumn Babby Cup. Her full potential was not realized at that time, given mere Bronze status under infamous founding-manger DeAndre's era of >gold defender. Taylor's performance would be non-existent for eight games until /hr/ was left abandoned in time for the 2013 Spring Friendlies where she scored her debut goal against /y/. New management and the GGSS system would arrive for the Spring Babby Cup to give Taylor and the rest of /hr/ a massive upgrade, where goals from her and offensive partner Emma Watson grew far more common. In the 2013 Autumn Babby Cup, Taylor Swift has demonstrated she can be an outright menace. She scored one of two comeback goals against /s/, one goal against /gif/, and most notably carried her team with two goals against /tv/, including a miracle last-second shot which won /hr/ that game. Now as /hr/ finds themselves in the knockout rounds for the first time in team history, they will depend on Taylor more than ever. Let us see if she can be as vicious with her feet as she is with her lyrics.

December 2013

Wednesday 4th December

Young Stalin   SS Height: 189cm Weight: 82kg Cards: S01, S05, S06, P13

Young Stalin, in addition to being best-dressed young Georgian bolshevik you'll ever meet, is also a second striker for /fa/. A staple of the team roster since its early days, he effectively breaches opponents defenses like he breaches the Czar's walls. During the recent Autumn Babby Cup, /fa/ demonstrated to be a team whose strength was in their defense, but you can't win a game on defense alone, and that's where Young Stalin came in. With four goals to his name, he helped give his team an impressive showing in the group stages with two wins and a draw. His steady offense continued in the knockout rounds with a goal each respectively against /c/ and /hr/, bringing his team to the championship match. While /fa/ took only took 2nd place, /fa/ returns for the Winter Cup. Just be wary, this Winter Young Stalin shall feel most at home for they are well acquainted with the cold in Mother Russia.

Wednesday 18th December

Pixyteri   RMF Height: 179cm Weight: 75kg Cards: S01

She's thin, beautiful, financially stable, mentally sound, desired by all men, and plays right midfield for /cgl/ - only one of the previous statements is true. Pixyteri indeed is a silver RMF for the astoundingly long-lived team of cosplaying drama queens. While being notorious off the field for thinking the world revolves around her, she is actually quite generous in sharing the ball with her teammates. Skilled at quick, one-touch passing, her ability to rocket throughballs to star striker Dramu has been the key to any success /cgl/ has seen for most of its tenure. Pixyteri has still been known to occasionally steal the spotlight with 3 career goals, including one goal during the shocking upset against /pol/ this last Autumn Babby Cup which put her team through to the knockouts despite their managerless status. Against all odds, /cgl/ climbs up the rungs to play again this Winter, where Pixyteri is sure to buy a dozen new uniforms in preparation.

January 2014

Wednesday 1st January

Dusty Height: 25cm Weight: 5kg Cards: P02, P16, S01

You think you know him, but you're wrong. Dusty is a fervent cheerleader and unofficial mascot of the 4chan Cup. He is also a cat. While he appears as nothing more than an adorable ball of fluff, he is in actuality the power behind the throne. Dusty is a ruthless and cunning talent agent of unparallelled skill. Sometime in early 2012, before the 4chan Cup had even heard of DrBorisG, Dusty negotiated a contract of ownership with the future commissioner, where Dusty received a lifetime supply of food, water, and shelter in exchange for purrs and nuzzles. When Boris discovered the 4chan Cup near the beginning of 2013, Dusty saw a chance to seize power and went for it, instructing his “owner” to take up management of any team he was able (in this case, /hr/) and to also run his unofficial friendlies to show off his technical abilities. Meanwhile, Dusty also contacted Gracen Ivorinne (via email to not expose his feline nature) in negotiations to make DrBorisG the new commissioner. The busy Gracen was impressed and quickly agreed to hand control over, and the rest, as we say, is history. So just remember as you hear Dusty's mews in the background during games that everything is going according to his diabolical plan.

Wednesday 15th January

Yaranaika Height: 186cm Weight: 77kg Player Skills: C07, S06, S08, S10, S19 Playing Style: Extra Frontman

Ladies and gentlemen, your new >gold defender. Yaranaika is a long-serving member of /y/, protecting the team's rear line as a Center Back. In the recent 2013 Autumn Babby Cup he helped hold back the pressure from teams such as /cm/ and the offensive juggernaut /lgbt/, allowing /y/'s promotion into Winter. It would seem his performance has impressed /y/ management because in the move to the 2014 seasons he's just received the largest promotion possible, rocketing up from a standard starter to a gold-ranked captain. The results? In their first friendly of the year against /gd/, Yaranaika scored a goal despite his defender status, but alternatively 3 goals were also scored against /y/. Was Yaranaika too busy trying to score goals to defend? Was /gd/'s offense just that good? PES 14 is new territory and its still too early to say. When asked about his performance in the Friendly, Yaranaika simply closed his eyes and gave an expression that implied pure ecstasy.

Wednesday 22nd January

Chie Satonaka Height: 182cm Weight: 80kg Player Skills: C06 Playing Style: Box-to-Box

A tomboy who often dwells at Yasogami High School, Chie Satonaka also plays as a left midfielder for /vg/. Her Box-to-Box style of play means she applies her youthful energy to cover the whole field for the duration of the game. Chie is a great team player and will always look for an opportune time to cross the ball to her teammates for goals, or just a chance to get the ball up the field. She is also, however, not a starter, and sits most games out on the bench, but perhaps a recent contribution will change that. /vg/ is a team fallen on desperately hard times, going a full year without a win. In their recent friendly against /s4s/ Chie was on the receiving end of a cross, threading herself through /s4s/'s tight defense and scoring the one goal which finally broke /vg/'s winless streak. /vg/ will play again this Spring in the 2014 4chan Spring Babby Cup Qualifiers qualifying rounds where, perhaps, Chie can help once again and pull her team up into the Babbies.

Wednesday 29th January

Madokami Height: 184cm Weight: 90kg Player Skills: None Playing Style: N/A

What would you do if you were a God? Grant miracles? Smite the unfaithful? Block some blooters? The latter option is the case for /u/'s own Madokami. The ultimate magical girl plays goalkeeper for the Cup's purest team, where through either an invisible tangle of fabric and wings or just sheer skill she acts as the vanguard of /u/'s net. /u/ has seen about the most remarkable turnaround of any team with the help of Madokami. They were ranked nearly dead last circle the 2013 Spring Babby Cup, but were granted entry into Summer as a result of Dragongate. There she staved off attacks from /int/ and /fit/ allowing them to avoid relegation. Evidently she she has honed her skills further, and in /u/'s two Winter friendlies Madokami gave her team two clean sheets against /adv/ and /wg/, the very same team which knocked /u/ out in Summer. Madokami returns to the Pitch for the 2014 Winter Cup where it is certain she will play with uttermost beauty and grace.

February 2014

Wednesday 5th February

>tfw no gf Height: 200cm Weight: 73kg Player Skills: C01, S18, S19 Playing Style: The Destroyer

Though now captain of the team and Chief of the Feels, >tfw no gf is a relative newcomer to /r9k/ who saw his first games in the 2013 Winter Cup. Unlike most captains, he does not play a striker role, and instead concentrates on a mix of defense and attacking as a CMF. While ROBOT9001 stands at the team's top scorer, >tfw no gf still has five career goals of his own to boast. It is noteworthy that he does not currently live up to the full potential of a gold-ranked player, using only two out of the four allotted cards, perhaps setting himself as a role-model captain who sacrifices for the good of the team. Under his leadership /r9k/ has picked itself up from a battered state where, although they failed to advance from Autumn 2013, they did give us some exciting games. Hopefully he will bring us more of them when /r9k/ returns for the 2014 Spring Babby Cup.

Wednesday 19th February

Krispen Wah   CB Height: 180cm Weight: 76kg Player Skills: None Playing Style: N/A
THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN REDACTED BY WORLD WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT, INC.

Wednesday 26th February

Jackie Chan Tulpa   GK Height: 180cm Weight: 80kg Player Skills: None Playing Style: Offensive Goalkeeper

Your dad works at Nintendo? Big deal, my best friend was the star of Shanghai Noon! Jackie Chan Tulpa, unquestionably the most famous and righteous tulpas of the entire 4chan Cup, is a long-serving member of /mlp/. Initially he experienced all the team's ups and downs as a center back. /mlp/ management felt age was finally catching up to JCT and downgraded him from a starter to a back-up goalkeeper. At first it seemed management was right when JCT was fielded against /asp/ and allowed for the surprising 0-3 loss despite five saves. He would then quite literally get his game together in the second, vital group stage game against /m/. The mech warriors would play with a thunderous assault, showing a commanding possession and passing advantage, but Jackie Chan Tulpa held firm with six saves while his team sneaked in a 3-0 clean sheet win of their own. Now /mlp/ is in the knockout rounds. Derpy Hooves has been too tired to make an appearance yet on the pitch, and The Burdened is constantly carrying /mlp/'s sins, so it may very will be up to JCT to carry his team to victory.

March 2014

Wednesday 12th March

Rule 34   RB Height: 180cm Weight: 76kg Player Skills: C05 Playing Style: Offensive Fullback

There is an unwritten rule of the internet that states that “If it exists, there's a virtual divegrass player of it.” Of course this holds true for Rule 34, a celebrity known net-wide and plays right back for /b/. It's rumored that, to build his own confidence, Rule 34 often imagines everyone else on the pitch naked. What's more than a rumor is his playing style as an offensive fullback, who will often run up the wings to join the /b/ attack. Combine this with his Longball Expert card and there's always potential for either incredible ranged crosses or even cheeky sideline blooters. Despite Rule 34's efforts, /b/ trolled themselves out of the 2014 Winter Cup. /b/ however does not look at relegation as a setback, but rather extra opportunities to bring the lulz this Spring. See you then!

Wednesday 19th March

RX-93 "Nu" Gundam   LWF Height: 180cm Weight: 86kg Player Skills: C04, P04, P08, P09 Playing Style: Prolific Winger

Do you remember that one time when shit fucking blew up everywhere forever? Chances are RX-93 “Nu” Gundam, usually simply called 'Gundam' was at the forefront of that! He is often considered one of the most feared strikers in the cup. While Gundam has historically played other front line positions, this gold-ranked player currently plays left wing forward for /m/. Don't let his bulky metallic frame fool you, for his cards reflect the fact he is built for agility and nimbleness. In the past Gundam was the classic RX-78-2 model, but for Summer 2013 received an upgrade to his current form as a part of the /m/ Vengeance campaign. Cumulatively, both forms have scored an astounding 45 career goals. In his off-time, Gundam is often seen promoting the Arrogance line of cologne.

April 2014

Wednesday 2nd April

Paper Plane   CMF Height: 194cm Weight: 76kg Player Skills: C05, P06, P09, P10 Playing Style: Box-to-Box

A gold CMF for /po/, Paper Plane is always ready to spread his wings and help glide his team to victory. Paper Plane achieved notoriety early in the team's history during the 2012 Summer Friendlies with a debut goal against /wg/, one of his 10 career goals. Eventually he earned himself team captaincy and status as possibly the most famous player for /po/. /po/ would spend its first year with only mixed success and as one of the least cheered teams of the Cup, but during 2013 Spring Babby Cup, Paper Plane would help contribute to the team's most successful season to date with a crucial goal against /tv/ resulting in a 2-1 win. /po/ moved on to an Elite cup for the first time in team history where Paper Plane once again scored against /tv/ in an undeniable blowout, but ultimately the team got relegated. After that point, the team was left unmanaged and remained as such for two seasons. But now /po/ is under new management, and though he no longer is /po/ captain, Paper Plane will return to the field for the first time in 2014, ready to prove he won't fold under pressure.

Wednesday 9th April

Exit Level   GK Height: 185cm Weight: 83kg Player Skills: None Playing Style: Offensive Goalkeeper

Brought into the /lit/ squad in the Summer of 2012 to help provide a permanent solution to /lit/'s temporary and depressing lack of wins, Exit Level had a quiet career before finding his true calling as a goalkeeper. If he couldn't cause the opposition midfield or defense to kill themselves, so the /lit/ management thought, he could at least frustrate their strikers. And so it was decided, in Autumn, that Finnegan's Wake should take his final bow and Exit Level would take a more hands on approach. It wasn't until the 2014 Spring Babby Cup that Exit Level would make his debut, and it was an opportunity that he would grab with both hands. Despite /lit/'s disappointing 1-0 loss to /co/, Exit Level was able to rack up a full 8 saves, more saves than any other /lit/ keeper has ever made in a single match. This match would prove to be no fluke, as his next performance was a no-less impressive one in a 2-0 win over /k/, adding another five saves to his tally and scoring his first clean sheet. With 13 saves in only two games, Exit Level has his eyes set firmly on Celeb Threads' 21 save record from Autumn. Other goalkeepers, consider suicide.

Wednesday 16th April

Blacksmith   SS Height: 197cm Weight: 86kg Player Skills: C03, P06, P07 Playing Style: Hole Player

While MacGyver has garnered much attention for /diy/ by becoming a contender for the Golden Boot, it would seem there's a battle of playing styles happening within the team. Let's be honest, any yokel can make a hammer out of a broomstick, silly putty, and a can of freon, and then pound away at the opponent's net with said hammer until the goalie relents, but that lacks finesse. This Spring brought a newcomer to /diy/ capable of more careful and finely-crafted goals, and he's known as Blacksmith! With an eye for meticulous detail, Blacksmith is skilled in scanning the ball from a distance and then sending it straight into the net. This is already been demonstrated against /po/ when he masterfully popped a lobbed cross past the goalkeeper in the 39th minute. He also showed he can come in like a hot poker when when he came out of the gate with a 4th minute goal against /n/. /diy/ still has two games to play, so we shall see if Blacksmith's careful planning can ultimately beat out MacGyver's on-your-feet thinking!