Summary
Matchday 1
A match dominated offensively by /wg/, but with some great counter-goals by /ck/'s well-supported forwards that highlighted the differences between a team-based offense with much passing and styling and a player-based offense where one or two speedy fuckers break through the defensive line and beat the goalie. /ck/ took an early lead with the cheese-stained shoes of Nachos, but Cunt Destroyer proved that he was still capable of destroying cunts by immediately equalizing and seizing the lead. The match would go back and forth through the second half, with impressive goals by Space Cat and Perfect Coffee as /ck/'s defense fell apart and >Tipping proved he didn't deserve any tips after all. Still, a 3-3 tie game seemed like the final result, until Boss Nigger scored a one-in-a-million goal at 91' with three minutes to go, and /wg/ shutting down /ck/'s attempts to equalize. A well-fought match between two very strong teams.
/vr/ seemed like it would be a challenge to play against, taking the first goal of the game and keeping up strong offensive pressure through the first half. Unfortunately, their poor conditioning told in the second half as Couchsurfer Rapist ran right through their defense and took the first hat trick and double brace of the cup. /vr/ had a few good scoring chances spoiled by posts and Darien Gap, while 7000 Skeletons proved that you shouldn't send an undead to do a man's job. A complete defeat on the part of /vr/, it's hard to see /ck/ overcoming /trv/ in their matchup.
Matchday 2
Once a cup champion, /wg/ has found itself struggling for quite some time. And in this match, against a /trv/ that has been climbing up the ranks, they were found wanting. /wg/ forwards Cunt Destroyer and Desktop Thread made some early shots in the first half, but found themselves stopped by the impassable reaches of Darien Gap. A complete blowout of this once-storied team was led by Superpornowat Farangabang at 24', when Couchsurfer Rapist managed to get a thruball to the newhalf striker. Throughout the game, /wg/ found itself struggling for possession of the ball and /wg/'s only decent goalie, Bliss, in Blue conditioning, could do nothing to stop /trv/'s shots. /wg/ survives thank to their last-minute victory over /ck/ last week, and could return to the Round of 16 if /ck/ loses to /trv/ next week, a victory which seems sure to happen.
Two teams took to the field with a field of blues, greens, and purple, with shit conditions limiting the ability of both /ck/ and /vr/, but moreso on /ck/, to sub their players and alter their strategy. A sleepy first half, accompanied by a sleepy commentator, ended with /ck/ captain Nachos styling around 4 defenders and scoring a last-minute goal in injury time after being denied by /vr/'s half-Red defensive line earlier in the game. Fellow /ck/ forward Pink Himalayan Salt would get another goal for /ck/ at 59'. While /vr/ would answer with their own point midway through the second half, /ck/'s Perfect Coffee sealed their fate with a third goal for /ck/.
Matchday 3
Though there was a sliver of possibility that /trv/ could be knocked out of the sky, it was highly unlikely that /ck/ with a Red Darien Gap in the goal. Still, a terrible misstep by /ck/ saw a Purple Cast Iron Skillet sit in and give up a goal, prompting an immediate sub for Fatty McAutism despite the poor conditioning of Couchsurfer Rapist. With that goal essentially handed to /trv/, Sex Tourist's exploitation of a trollposting rebound and a panicking Fatty put /trv/ two up at the half. Darien Gap proved impassable to Pink Himalayan Salt, Nachos, and Perfect Coffee through the first half, but finally saw their efforts pay off as Perfect Coffee's caffeine content finally energized /ck/. Pink Himalayan Salt tied the game with twenty-five minutes to go, but the stimulation wasn't enough, and /trv/'s domination of Group G would be confirmed. This tie threw /vr/ out of contention, but /ck/'s fates would rest on /vr/'s victory.
A forced restart by a crashing PES2014 led to a complete scrambling of conditions that would lead to a major advantage for /wg/. With new conditions, /wg/ dominates a game they were expected to dominate, and knock /ck/ out of the Cup with their victory.
Table
Team
|
Pld
|
W
|
D
|
L
|
GF
|
GA
|
GD
|
Pts
|
/trv/ |
3 |
2 |
1 |
0 |
9 |
3 |
6 |
7
|
/wg/ |
3 |
2 |
0 |
1 |
6 |
6 |
0 |
6
|
/ck/ |
3 |
1 |
1 |
1 |
8 |
7 |
1 |
4
|
/vr/ |
3 |
0 |
0 |
3 |
2 |
9 |
-7 |
0
|
/wg/ v /ck/
Stadium: El Monumental
|
15 February 2014, 19:40 UTC
|
Attendance: 742
|
Cunt Destroyer 32', 53' Spacecat 71' Boss Nigger 90+1'
|
|
29' Nachos 59' /ck/ Challenge 81' Perfect Coffee
|
|
Assists
|
|
Rainmeter 32' Spacecat 53', 90+1' Cunt Destroyer 71'
|
|
29', 81' Pink Himalayan Salt
|
|
|
Kit:
|
|
|
Dolla Dolla Bill Y'all |
|
|
|
|
|
Fuckscapes |
67' |
|
|
|
|
Dark Side of the Moon |
67' |
|
|
|
|
Minimalistic |
|
|
|
|
|
Rainmeter |
67' |
|
|
|
|
Boss Nigger |
|
|
|
|
|
Desktop Thread |
|
|
|
|
|
Headphone Girl |
|
|
|
|
|
Descartes |
|
|
|
|
|
Cunt Destroyer |
|
|
|
|
|
Spacecat |
|
|
|
Substitutions:
|
|
|
GRAHHHNBBBLAHAH |
67' |
|
|
|
|
Ronald Raygun |
67' |
|
|
|
|
Once There Was A Tree |
67' |
|
|
Manager:
|
StoneyDucky !!DYDlR77coGn
|
|
|
|
Kit:
|
|
|
>tipping |
|
|
|
|
|
Vertical Recipes |
|
|
|
|
|
Al/ck/oholic |
|
|
|
|
|
Milksteak |
|
|
|
|
|
Alton Brown |
67' |
|
|
|
|
Sriracha |
|
|
|
|
|
Perfect Coffee |
35' |
|
|
|
|
/ck/ Challenge |
|
|
|
|
|
Cooking With Dog |
|
|
|
|
|
Pink Himalayan Salt |
|
|
|
|
|
Nachos |
|
|
|
Substitutions:
|
|
|
Masaokis |
67' |
|
|
Manager:
|
AntacidCanada !!bxgf5+DXvbZ
|
|
Man of the Match:
Cunt Destroyer (/wg/)
|
Match Stats
|
Possession (%)
|
57
|
|
43
|
Shots (on target)
|
12
|
|
4
|
(10)
|
|
(3)
|
Fouls (offside)
|
3
|
|
1
|
(3)
|
|
(0)
|
Corner Kicks
|
2
|
|
1
|
Free Kicks
|
1
|
|
3
|
Passes completed (%)
|
85
|
|
88
|
Crosses
|
4
|
|
1
|
Interceptions
|
7
|
|
7
|
Tackles
|
5
|
|
2
|
Saves
|
0
|
|
4
|
|
/trv/ v /vr/
Stadium: Estadio Urbano Caldeira
|
15 February 2014, 20:20 UTC
|
Attendance: 726
|
Couchsurfer Rapist 8', 58', 85', 90+2'
|
|
5' >filters
|
|
Assists
|
|
Sex Tourist 90+2'
|
|
5' Kacho Arino
|
|
|
Kit:
|
|
|
Noobius Expedia |
|
|
|
|
|
Sickof Murrica |
|
|
|
|
|
Nigel Roppongi |
73' |
|
|
|
|
James Vagabond |
|
|
|
|
|
Boris Transsiberyan |
|
|
|
|
|
Squat Toilet |
73' |
|
|
|
|
Karl Pilkington |
|
|
|
|
|
Luke Skyscanner |
73' |
|
|
|
|
Superpornowat Farangbang |
|
|
|
|
|
Couchsurfer Rapist |
|
|
|
|
|
Sex Tourist |
|
|
|
Substitutions:
|
|
|
Billy Bogan |
73' |
|
|
|
|
Neckbeard Teefle |
73' |
|
|
|
|
Desperate Weeaboo |
73' |
|
|
Manager:
|
MauledByTheTigers !!jawkONBJmdi
|
|
|
|
Kit:
|
|
|
7000 Skeletons |
|
|
|
|
|
Greedy Reseller |
|
|
|
|
|
Mame |
|
|
|
|
|
Osamu Sato |
|
|
|
|
|
Cockroaches |
|
|
|
|
|
Exploding Knees |
|
|
|
|
|
Pat Lawlor |
73' |
|
|
|
|
Vile |
|
|
|
|
|
>filters |
|
|
|
|
|
Kacho Arino |
|
|
|
|
|
Doomguy |
|
|
|
Substitutions:
|
|
|
My Dad |
73' |
|
|
Manager:
|
Skywelker !!HCdeiPpkdHl
|
|
Man of the Match:
Couchsurfer Rapist (/trv/)
|
Match Stats
|
Possession (%)
|
45
|
|
55
|
Shots (on target)
|
8
|
|
6
|
(7)
|
|
(2)
|
Fouls (offside)
|
0
|
|
1
|
(0)
|
|
(0)
|
Corner Kicks
|
3
|
|
0
|
Free Kicks
|
1
|
|
0
|
Passes completed (%)
|
78
|
|
88
|
Crosses
|
3
|
|
1
|
Interceptions
|
6
|
|
13
|
Tackles
|
7
|
|
5
|
Saves
|
1
|
|
4
|
|
/wg/ v /trv/
Stadium: Estadio Urbano Caldeira
|
21 February 2014, 19:40 UTC
|
Attendance: 576
|
|
|
25' Superpornowat 45+2' Sex Tourist 72' Couchsurfer Rapist
|
|
Assists
|
|
|
|
25', 45+2' Couchsurfer Rapist 72' Sex Tourist
|
|
|
Kit:
|
|
|
Bliss |
|
|
|
|
|
GRAHHHNBBBLAHAH |
|
|
|
|
|
Astroswag |
|
|
|
|
|
Keep Calm |
72' |
|
|
|
|
Rainmeter |
|
|
|
|
|
Boss Nigger |
|
|
|
|
|
Desktop Thread |
72' |
|
|
|
|
Headphone Girl |
|
|
|
|
|
Descartes |
|
|
|
|
|
Cunt Destroyer |
|
|
|
|
|
Spacecat |
|
|
|
Substitutions:
|
|
|
Ronald Raygun |
72' |
|
|
|
|
Original Content |
72' |
|
|
Manager:
|
StoneyDucky !!DYDlR77coGn
|
|
|
|
Kit:
|
|
|
Darien Gap |
|
|
|
|
|
Sickof Murrica |
|
|
|
|
|
Itsa Slowboard |
|
|
|
|
|
Billy Bogan |
|
|
|
|
|
Boris Transsiberyan |
|
|
|
|
|
Amsterdam Stonerbro |
78' |
|
|
|
|
Karl Pilkington |
|
|
|
|
|
Sven Scandiboo |
78' |
|
|
|
|
Superpornowat Farangbang |
|
|
|
|
|
Couchsurfer Rapist |
|
|
|
|
|
Sex Tourist |
|
|
|
Substitutions:
|
|
|
Desperate Weeaboo |
78' |
|
|
|
|
Neckbeard Teefle |
78' |
|
|
Manager:
|
MauledByTheTigers !!jawkONBJmdi
|
|
Man of the Match:
Couchsurfer Rapist (/trv/)
|
Match Stats
|
Possession (%)
|
49
|
|
51
|
Shots (on target)
|
4
|
|
5
|
(2)
|
|
(4)
|
Fouls (offside)
|
2
|
|
0
|
(2)
|
|
(0)
|
Corner Kicks
|
1
|
|
0
|
Free Kicks
|
0
|
|
2
|
Passes completed (%)
|
83
|
|
89
|
Crosses
|
2
|
|
0
|
Interceptions
|
2
|
|
8
|
Tackles
|
6
|
|
2
|
Saves
|
1
|
|
2
|
|
/ck/ v /vr/
Stadium: Stade de France
|
21 February 2014, 20:20 UTC
|
Attendance: 553
|
Nachos 45+2' Pink Himalayan Salt 60' Perfect Coffee 79'
|
|
66' Vile
|
|
Assists
|
|
Sriracha 79'
|
|
66' Kacho Arino
|
|
|
Kit:
|
|
|
Cast Iron Skillet |
|
|
|
|
|
Ramen Poorfag |
|
|
|
|
|
Al/ck/oholic |
|
|
|
|
|
>beans in chili |
|
|
|
|
|
Weber Cooks |
70' |
|
|
|
|
Alton Brown |
70' |
|
|
|
|
Fridge Ketchup |
70' |
|
|
|
|
Perfect Coffee |
|
|
|
|
|
/ck/ Challenge |
|
|
|
|
|
Pink Himalayan Salt |
|
|
|
|
|
Nachos |
|
|
|
Substitutions:
|
|
|
Sriracha |
70' |
|
|
|
|
Gordon Ramsey |
70' |
|
|
|
|
Masaokis |
70' |
|
|
Manager:
|
AntacidCanada !!bxgf5+DXvbZ
|
|
|
|
Kit:
|
|
|
Powerglove |
|
|
|
|
|
Osamu Sato |
|
|
|
|
|
Kirby |
|
|
|
|
|
Vectrex |
|
|
|
|
|
Mame |
|
|
|
|
|
Cockroaches |
|
|
|
|
|
>filters |
45' |
|
|
|
|
Not Retro |
|
|
|
|
|
Vile |
|
|
|
|
|
Kacho Arino |
|
|
|
|
|
Doomguy |
|
|
|
Substitutions:
|
|
|
My Dad |
45' |
|
|
Manager:
|
GoldenComrade !IPeDo/xYlk!!Gmegt/8rzZc
|
|
Man of the Match:
Pink Himalayan Salt (/ck/)
|
Match Stats
|
Possession (%)
|
50
|
|
50
|
Shots (on target)
|
7
|
|
6
|
(4)
|
|
(3)
|
Fouls (offside)
|
1
|
|
1
|
(1)
|
|
(0)
|
Corner Kicks
|
0
|
|
2
|
Free Kicks
|
1
|
|
1
|
Passes completed (%)
|
83
|
|
82
|
Crosses
|
3
|
|
2
|
Interceptions
|
10
|
|
6
|
Tackles
|
3
|
|
1
|
Saves
|
1
|
|
0
|
|
/trv/ v /ck/
Stadium: Estadio Urbano Caldeira
|
23 February 2014, 19:00 UTC
|
Attendance: 782
|
Couchsurfer Rapist 16' Sex Tourist 43'
|
|
51' Perfect Coffee 65' Pink Himalayan Salt
|
|
Assists
|
|
|
|
51', 65' Nachos
|
|
|
Kit:
|
|
|
Darien Gap |
|
|
|
|
|
Sickof Murrica |
|
|
|
|
|
James Vagabond |
|
|
|
|
|
Nigel Roppongi |
82' |
|
|
|
|
Boris Transsiberyan |
82' |
|
|
|
|
Neckbeard Teefle |
|
|
|
|
|
Karl Pilkington |
|
|
|
|
|
Luke Skyscanner |
82' |
|
|
|
|
Superpornowat Farangbang |
|
|
|
|
|
Couchsurfer Rapist |
|
|
|
|
|
Sex Tourist |
|
|
|
Substitutions:
|
|
|
Dougie Canuckflag |
82' |
|
|
|
|
Itsa Slowboard |
82' |
|
|
|
|
Desperate Weeaboo |
82' |
|
|
Manager:
|
MauledByTheTigers !!jawkONBJmdi
|
|
|
|
Kit:
|
|
|
Cast Iron Skillet |
16' |
|
|
|
|
Vertical Recipes |
|
|
|
|
|
Roadkill Thread |
82' |
|
|
|
|
>beans in chili |
|
|
|
|
|
Alton Brown |
82' |
|
|
|
|
Gordon Ramsey |
|
|
|
|
|
Sriracha |
|
|
|
|
|
Perfect Coffee |
|
|
|
|
|
/ck/ Challenge |
|
|
|
|
|
Pink Himalayan Salt |
|
|
|
|
|
Nachos |
|
|
|
Substitutions:
|
|
|
Fatty McAutism |
16' |
|
|
|
|
Masaokis |
82' |
|
|
|
|
Milksteak |
82' |
|
|
Manager:
|
AntacidCanada !!bxgf5+DXvbZ
|
|
Man of the Match:
Couchsurfer Rapist (/trv/)
|
Match Stats
|
Possession (%)
|
46
|
|
54
|
Shots (on target)
|
5
|
|
6
|
(5)
|
|
(4)
|
Fouls (offside)
|
1
|
|
0
|
(0)
|
|
(0)
|
Corner Kicks
|
2
|
|
2
|
Free Kicks
|
0
|
|
1
|
Passes completed (%)
|
79
|
|
82
|
Crosses
|
2
|
|
3
|
Interceptions
|
8
|
|
10
|
Tackles
|
2
|
|
4
|
Saves
|
2
|
|
3
|
|
/vr/ v /wg/
Stadium: Estadio da Luz
|
23 February 2014, 19:30 UTC
|
Attendance: 762
|
|
|
16' Spacecat 59' Headphone Girl
|
|
Assists
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Kit:
|
|
|
Powerglove |
|
|
|
|
|
Kirby |
|
|
|
|
|
Mame |
|
|
|
|
|
Greedy Reseller |
|
|
|
|
|
Vectrex |
|
|
|
|
|
Nwabudike Morgan |
|
|
|
|
|
Kinaman88 |
|
|
|
|
|
Vile |
|
|
|
|
|
Doomguy |
|
|
|
|
|
Kacho Arino |
|
|
|
|
|
>filters |
|
|
|
Manager:
|
GoldenComrade !IPeDo/xYlk!!Gmegt/8rzZc
|
|
|
|
Kit:
|
|
|
Dolla Dolla Bill Y'all |
|
|
|
|
|
GRAHHHNBBBLAHAH |
|
|
|
|
|
Dark Side of the Moon |
|
|
|
|
|
Minimalistic |
|
|
|
|
|
Rainmeter |
|
|
|
|
|
Headphone Girl |
|
|
|
|
|
Boss Nigger |
|
|
|
|
|
Colorsplash |
66' |
|
|
|
|
Descartes |
|
|
|
|
|
Spacecat |
|
|
|
|
|
Cunt Destroyer |
|
|
|
Substitutions:
|
|
|
Original Content |
66' |
|
|
Manager:
|
StoneyDucky !!DYDlR77coGn
|
|
Man of the Match:
Spacecat (/wg/)
|
Match Stats
|
Possession (%)
|
51
|
|
49
|
Shots (on target)
|
4
|
|
6
|
(3)
|
|
(4)
|
Fouls (offside)
|
1
|
|
1
|
(0)
|
|
(1)
|
Corner Kicks
|
0
|
|
1
|
Free Kicks
|
1
|
|
1
|
Passes completed (%)
|
86
|
|
85
|
Crosses
|
1
|
|
4
|
Interceptions
|
4
|
|
9
|
Tackles
|
0
|
|
2
|
Saves
|
2
|
|
2
|
|